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Ring-bearers Anonymous by Margaret Lion
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Welcome! You are NOT alone!

There is a frightening addiction running rampant in Middle-earth. It has consumed our best and brightest, causing them to make unwise decisions that lead to self-aggrandizement, world-wide warfare, and ultimately, death. It is the sinister addiction to the One Ring of Power forged by Sauron so long ago. Those who come into possession of this One Ring are forever changed and obsessed with illusions of power and corruption. They lie, cheat, steal, and fish with their bare hands never washing-up afterwards. Anyone under the power of the addiction to the One Ring cannot think for him/herself and is doomed to forever be under the shadow of this illness.

But fear not. We have the cure for this dreadful addiction. Ring-Bearers Anonymous is a fellowship of all species of Middle-earth joined together for a common bond: to help the still suffering compulsive ring-bearer break the addiction to the One Ring once and for all.

Contents: Questionnaire
The 12 Steps of RBA
Meeting Times and Locations
Annual Convention
RBA Prayers

Questionnaire - Are You a Compulsive Ring-bearer?

This series of questions may help you determine if you are a compulsive ring-bearer. Many members of Ring-Bearers Anonymous have answered yes to these questions.

  1. Do you wear the One Ring when you already have rings on every finger?
  2. Do you wear the One Ring for no apparent reason?
  3. Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after wearing the One Ring?
  4. Do you give too much time and thought to the One Ring?
  5. Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can wear the One Ring, sneak-up on people, and say "Gollum" or "We hates it precious, we hates it forever!" in their ears?
  6. Do you plan your ring-bearing episodes ahead of time?
  7. Do you wear the One Ring while with others?
  8. Do you wear the One Ring while alone?
  9. Is invisibility affecting the way you live your life?
  10. Have you tried to NOT wear the One Ring for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal?
  11. Do you resent others (especially Gandalf) telling you to "use a little willpower" and stop wearing the One Ring?
  12. Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can give up the One Ring "on your own" whenever you wish?
  13. Do you crave to wear the One Ring at a definite time, day or night?
  14. Do you wear the One Ring to escape from worries or trouble or the Sackville-Bagginses?
  15. Have you ever been treated for invisibility or illusions of grandeur?
  16. Does your ring-bearing behavior make you or others unhappy?

If you answered yes to ANY of these questions you are a compulsive ring-bearer. We await your arrival at the next meeting.

The 12 Steps of Recovery for RBA

The below 12 Steps of Recovery have saved the lives of recovering compulsive ring-bearers.*

  1. We admitted were powerless over the One Ring and that our lives had become unmanageable and that we were invisible.
  2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves -- Eru - NOT Sauron -- could restore us to sanity and visibility.
  3. Made a decision to turn our will, our lives, and the One Ring over to the care of Eru for tossing into the fire of Mount Doom and restoring us to visibility.
  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves and our pockets.
  5. Admitted to Eru, to ourselves, and to another human being/ elf/ent/hobbit/orc/dwarf/Valar/Maiar/etc. the exact nature of our wrongs and ring size.
  6. Were entirely ready to have Eru remove all these defects of character and the One Ring from our finger.
  7. Humbly asked Eru to remove our shortcomings and the One Ring.
  8. Made a list of all human beings/elf/ent/hobbit/orc/dwarf/Valar/Maiar/etc. we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
  9. Made direct amends to such human beings/elf/ent/hobbit/orc/dwarf/ Valar/Maiar/etc. wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others or start a war.
  10. Continued to take personal and clothing inventory, checking pockets in particular, and when we were wrong, or were hoarding inappropriate jewelry, promptly admitted it and disposed of said jewelry.
  11. Sought through prayer, meditation, and arduous quests to improve our concious contact with Eru, praying only for our knowledge of Eru's will for us and the power to toss the One Ring into the fire.
  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps we sailed to the Undying Lands in Elven ships, carrying this message to other compulsive ring-bearers and practice these principles in all our affairs.

* These steps are adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous, another program of recovery, from a realm known as Earth.

Meeting Times & Places for Ring-Bearers Anonymous
Council Hall,
6 pm.

Bag End,
Dining Room,

(Note: This is a luncheon meeting so bring food.)

Top of the Tower,
3 pm.

(Note: This is a step meeting.)

Minas Tirith,
House of Healing,
5 pm.
(Note: House of Healing now offers individual and group therapy sessions. Contact Ioreth or Eowyn for more information.)

Annual Convention - Journey to Orodruin

  • Where: Mount Doom in what's left of Mordor
  • When: New Year's Day
  • Special Guest Speaker: Samwise Gamgee "Being A Good Friend to A Ring-Bearer Means Saying "Just Throw It In, Master."

We will once again walk the path up Mouth Doom and hold a meeting at the top next to the fire. We will listen to the inspirational words of Samwise Gamgee, who has travelled all the way from Hobbiton to share his story of success and how to best live with a Ring-Bearer. Give yourself the opportunity to once again commit to being Ring-Free!

Meals Catered by the Ex-Slaves of Nurn.

RBA Prayers

Many species recite these prayers on a daily basis to help rid them of their addiction to the One Ring. We hope that they help you as well.

The Daily Prayer:
One Millennium at a Time

The Serenity Prayer:
Grant me the serenity to accept the rings I cannot change,
The courage to change the rings I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference between magical and plain gold.

The Solidarity Prayer:
I put my hand/paw/claw/branch etc. in yours and together we can do what we could never do alone. No longer is there a sense of Sauron's One Eye watching us. No longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady illusions of world conquest. We are all together now, reaching out our hands/paws/claws/branches etc. for a power and strength greater than ours and the All-Seeing Eye. And as we join hands/paws/claws/branches etc. we find that a coalition of species on Middle-earth is more powerful than Sauron.

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