Age differences in dating

[Arandir]

Originally posted by Eoca
The age issue has never really come up for me, but I agree that once once people are adults they really can guide themselves! (Even though huge age gaps may feel strange to people outside the relationship.)

I noticed noone has mentioned this so far, so I'm going to mention that the classic formula for 'appropriateness' in a relationship, at least in terms of how much younger than the guy the girl 'can' be, is half his age plus seven. So if he is 28, she should be no younger than 21.

Now all I need to do is find a nice, understanding (and breathing) woman no younger than 5,031 years old. This will be easy.

[Nerdanel]

I brought this back from a page veeery far beyond time.. (January 2004 )

.. just to say that my sister (23) now has a boyfriend who is 46 years old. Maybe this thread should be closed.

[Ruinel]

Originally posted by Arandir
Now all I need to do is find a nice, understanding (and breathing) woman no younger than 5,031 years old. This will be easy.

cool. I'm over 10,000 years old. Let's boogie

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

1) I have no problem with age gaps - my sister (20) is dating someone older than our dad (dad=37, sis b/f=39)

2) people will always try to find something wrong in your life, it is best to ignore bigoted fools

3) once you reach 16, and move out of your folks home, leave school etc, it is entirely up to you what you do

[Arandir]

To each their own. Since I'm about to turn 48 in the real world, I will offer my own view on this odd subject. Well, then again, maybe not, since I don't date at all and therefore have no relevant opinion, aside from the fact that most people my age who date significantly younger people are usually in some form of age denial. I've never seen one of these relationships end happily, but as with anything there are bound to be exceptions. Usually, unfortunately, one half the couple is being seriously used and winds up discarded rather quickly. I know of two cases of older "gentleman" (both older than I am in fact). One was an expert manipulator of underage or nearly underage girls with self-esteem problems. Of course his special treatment did nothing to improve that self-esteem. He just made them totally dependent on his "will and personality." The other was just a sad case of age denial. He felt younger if his girfriend was just out of high school. Of course the obvious keeps happening to him. The young lady soon discovers that old fat men aren't nearly as sexy as buffed up young studs and they dump him. Then he gets depressed and feels old again. Then he finds another young one to make him feel young and etc.

This is much too serious now. I'll shut up.

[Count Comfect]

I think that at teen years in MS/HS (say 13-18), about a year difference is probably the functional max to be a a similar mental state (which I would say keys a relationship). I know it works at that difference, at any rate, and I can't really see much larger. Once you get older even a couple years older (18-20 say), people don't change their mental state as quickly, so larger age gaps become more workable.
Of course, there are exceptions.

[Andúril]

As long as the gap between emotional and intellectual maturity isn't that huge, I don't care about age differences.

Still, everyone I have ever dated has been one year younger than me.

[Lizra]

I think Arandir speaks the truth in many cases. I like MEN of all ages, (no boys please! ) but really young ones would probably be just physical "pleasure models" I would never manipulate a young person for sexual gratification though. How pathetic! The sign of a real LOSER in my book!
If two people are hungry....go ahead and feast! A meeting of minds is so incredibly exciting, but rare, I would put no age limits on it. But I would be surprised to have a person 20 years younger than me intrigue me intellectually, for any length of time. There would be this huge "experience gap"... and experience makes up much of who you are.

[Sminty_Smeagol]

I don't think age difference should matter TOO much. But age differences are more pronounced in teenagers because we're constantly maturing and changing, so a 13 year old and an 18 year old would probably have a good deal of maturation between them. I am 15 and I personally think that I would only date another teenager... when someone is primarily interested in dating people of a big age difference, it could show something about their motivations (think anna nicole smith).

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

think also, gary glitter

[Andúril]

Originally posted by Lizra
I would never manipulate a young person for sexual gratification though

*Disappointed*

[Lizra]

You need no manipulation! I'm hungry Anduril.......

Gary Glitter!! Oh there's a real ICK!

[Nerdanel]

Originally posted by Count Comfect
I think that at teen years in MS/HS (say 13-18), about a year difference is probably the functional max to be a a similar mental state (which I would say keys a relationship).

I agree. Earlier my sister was with a man who was 14 years older than she. They started dating when she was like 14 and he was 28 (I was the one to 'reveal' their relationship, 'cos I had read her diary evil me ). She broke up with him when she was 22, 'cos she had matured and he had not. So it really is the mental maturity that matters, IMO.

Originally posted by Andúril
*Disappointed*

Mad man

[Insidious Rex]

Originally posted by Arandir
most people my age who date significantly younger people are usually in some form of age denial. I've never seen one of these relationships end happily

have you ever seen any relationship end happily? one person dies... I would be careful about preaching against age differences in relationships. Theres so much more going on then just how much younger/older one person is then another. thats a terribly one dimensional way to view a relationship.

[Ragnarok]

I don't think age is that big of a deal... time on earth doesn't mean you grow in mind.

[Lizra]

Originally posted by Ragnarok
I don't think age is that big of a deal... time on earth doesn't mean you grow in mind.

It did for me!

[Menelvagor]

One of my friends dated a guy who was 35 when she was 14. They were quite happy together, but the FBI got involved. No one got in real trouble, but they couldn't talk anymore. No lasting damage, I think. I guess if it works...

[Elvengirl]

I think the personality and beingness are more important than age, but I personally don't think I would ever date much older guy or a much younger guy. We would be at different stages in life and I want to be with someone, whom I can grow and experience life with.
It does surprise me to hear of such a huge difference between ages, but I wouldn't say much against it. If the couple are happy and stay together, then what's the problem?