Age differences in dating

afro-elf · 12-01-2003, 12:45 AM

What are your general thoughts here?

Do your perceptions changes with the sexes involved?

Ruinel · 12-01-2003, 02:06 PM

I think that it depends. What ages are we talking about? IMO, if it's an adult over the age of 18 yrs and out of their parent's house they can date whomever they please. I think that if the two people have a lot in common, then they'll get along, regardless of age.

However, I think this goes both ways. I don't think that it makes a difference if it's the woman or the man that is older.

My opinion only goes for two people who are attracted to each and have things in common, not to gold diggers looking for a fast buck. And not old farts looking for young tarts as trophy wives. Just wanted to clarify that.

Arien the Maia · 12-01-2003, 02:43 PM

well personally I would never date a younger man!

knowledge is power man! my husband is only 2 years older than me.

***Ben*** · 12-01-2003, 09:03 PM

I think that even before adulthood, age differences aren't too problematic.

My girlfriend is 15 and I'll be 18 this month, but we have a lot in common. Obviously in high school even small age differences tend to be more pronounced, but so far everything is great.

Insidious Rex · 12-01-2003, 09:20 PM

all you need is love. culture is the Great Oppressor. thats all Im gonna say about it.

Dúnedain · 12-01-2003, 09:25 PM

The way I see it is that once you reach the "college age" 18, then everything is fine. It's weird how like in High School if you date someone that is 4 years younger than you, it's weird, but if you do that in college, say someone 22 and someone 18, then it's ok. Personally, I've dated women that were almost 4 years younger than me (in college that is

), but I've also dated older women as well. Last year when I was 24, I was dating a 31 year old woman for a few months...

***gdl96*** · 12-01-2003, 10:09 PM

Wow Ben, way to post!

Anyway, what does one have to say about a senior in high school with two freshmen admirers? One of my friends told to use the situation to finally get some action.

***Khamûl*** · 12-01-2003, 11:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by bmilder
My girlfriend is 15 and I'll be 18 this month, but we have a lot in common. Obviously in high school even small age differences tend to be more pronounced, but so far everything is great.

On Dúnedain's note about the perception of age difference, just think about it Ben: when you're 73, she'll be 70. No big deal.

How mature are your admirers Greg? I had one who was borderline psycho and fortunately for me, as usually happens with that type, she moved on. Actually, to be honest, I think there's a 7th grader in my high school band who "admires" me.

Willow Oran · 12-01-2003, 11:27 PM

I think it depends, personally, I wouldn't want to date someone more than two years older than me, and definitely not someone more than two years younger. But If other people feel differently that's their choice, not mine. One of my distant cousins married someone older than her own father and is apparently fine with it. Though, that example is a little extreme, there was a 30 year age difference between them and her husband was 90 at the time they were married.

***HOBBIT*** · 12-01-2003, 11:38 PM

dont go out with a froshie as a senior

GrayMouser · 12-02-2003, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Willow Oran
I think it depends, personally, I wouldn't want to date someone more than two years older than me, and definitely not someone more than two years younger. But If other people feel differently that's their choice, not mine. One of my distant cousins married someone older than her own father and is apparently fine with it. Though, that example is a little extreme, there was a 30 year age difference between them and her husband was 90 at the time they were married.

Hey, you've got to admire both!!!

AFAIR, the bigest age gap I had was I was 21 and she was 16- that felt a little weird, especially as I could go into bars and she couldn't- high school dances and all.

We went to a friend's house across the border in the States for a weekend- she had to get a note from her Mom!- and the way the Customs guy looked at me, I certainly felt like a perv.

As a teacher, I've had high school girls come on to me- I've never been silly enough to see if it went past the point of flirtation- though the temptation...I think a sense of dignity helps

.

Ruinel · 12-02-2003, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by GrayMouser
...As a teacher, I've had high school girls come on to me- I've never been silly enough to see if it went past the point of flirtation- though the temptation...I think a sense of dignity helps.

ick
I'm glad to hear you haven't reciprocated the flirtation or gone past that. Especially since you are a teacher. eeewwww

afro-elf · 12-02-2003, 07:46 PM

I "dated" someone who was a lot youner than I was.

I mistook physical and mental maturity for emotional maturity.

I have dated older women to. I blew a great relation due to my immaturity.

Now, as being in my mid-30's I think the dating scene for me will be a lot easier because I am more aware of myself .

afro-elf · 12-02-2003, 07:49 PM

Sorrydeleted post

afro-elf · 12-02-2003, 08:14 PM

Originally posted by Ebony at Sf Fandom

I think it's wise that people be in the same 'place' in their lives. For example, if someone has grown children and gets involved with someone who has not yet begun a family, it could be just asking for trouble. I believe that when you have a relationship with someone, you should try to bring as few obstacles with you as possible. People should have as much in common as they can. I think this also applies to different cultures, religions, and values, and I speak particularly when entering a marriage. I believe that couples have a hard enough time getting over the differences they have without throwing extra ones into the pot. When people are young they think love will overcome all. But it doesn't. It gets stale, and the man that used to set your blood boiling just by looking your way suddenly can seem like an obnoxious pain in the tushy, or at the very least, you find you're suddenly living with your brother. So you and your 'brother' had best have as much in common as possible. JHMO.

Interesting post. Though I do know a few people who have not succombed to

quote:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It gets stale, and the man that used to set your blood boiling just by looking your way suddenly can seem like an obnoxious pain in the tushy, or at the very least, you find you're suddenly living with your brother.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maybe it is because they have followed the the advice in the former part her post.

__________________

Snowdog · 12-03-2003, 05:05 PM

Well said Afro-Elf. Common ground is important, and sustained intimacy is needed as well to keep the relationship from becoming 'stale' and living with your brother/sister.

I dated and married a 20 year old woman when I was 20. She was 18 days younger than me. It ended in disaster though a great son came of it. I then dated and married a 26 year old woman when I was 32, and it has been good though communication and intimacy has been declining over the years.

afro-elf · 12-03-2003, 07:27 PM

Thanks for the insight Snowdog.

johnnyrod · 12-03-2003, 11:12 PM

Don't be so judgemental about peoples' ages, it's not the end of the world or anything (see Snowdog after all). I think most people want someone younger, and if it all goes a bit quiet after a while, well, I think most people would say that this happens. Some people would see age difference as an obstacle, but then are they really seeing past the surface?

***HOBBIT*** · 12-04-2003, 12:00 AM

Age difference doesn't matter after you are an adult because you are both (supposedly) mature , CERTAINLY more mature than high school students.

And you all have a high school level education and after college, a college education.

So there isnt that smarter because older and learned more factor AS MUCH as in Middle and High School.

There is a bigger difference between grades than you would think besides about a year (give or take several months) in age difference. There is also a HUGE difference in maturity - emotional mostly.

Middle School relationships are different than high school relationships. Freshmen girls have the mentality of a middle schooler.

Freshmen are DEFINITELY less mature in many areas and less knowledgeable than upper classmen - sophomores to some degree too.

Hope you understand that

***Khamûl*** · 12-04-2003, 01:19 AM

I find it interesting that younger women dating older men is generally accepted up to a point (not like Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall III -- eww). However, younger men going after older women is generally frowned upon (see Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore). At least, that's my general observation -- it's better for a woman to date an older man than for a man to date an older woman. I'm not talking about age differences of 1, 2, or even 5 or 6 years. I mean like 10+ year age differences.

12-01-2003, 12:45 AM	#1
afro-elf Hoplite Nomad Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 3,931	Age differences in dating What are your general thoughts here? Do your perceptions changes with the sexes involved? __________________ About Eowyn, Does anyone know what her alias Dernhelm means? She was kown as dernhelm because of her exclaimation when she realized that the rider's headgear was heavy and obscured her sight. 'Dern Helm" Culled from Entmoot From Kirinski 57 and Wayfarer.

12-01-2003, 02:06 PM	#2
Ruinel Banned Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: I have no idea. Posts: 5,441	I think that it depends. What ages are we talking about? IMO, if it's an adult over the age of 18 yrs and out of their parent's house they can date whomever they please. I think that if the two people have a lot in common, then they'll get along, regardless of age. However, I think this goes both ways. I don't think that it makes a difference if it's the woman or the man that is older. My opinion only goes for two people who are attracted to each and have things in common, not to gold diggers looking for a fast buck. And not old farts looking for young tarts as trophy wives. Just wanted to clarify that. Last edited by Ruinel : 12-01-2003 at 02:59 PM.

12-01-2003, 09:03 PM	#4
*Ben* Retired Ent Join Date: Sep 1999 Posts: 60,631	I think that even before adulthood, age differences aren't too problematic. My girlfriend is 15 and I'll be 18 this month, but we have a lot in common. Obviously in high school even small age differences tend to be more pronounced, but so far everything is great. __________________ ---Ben formerly known in the forums as bmilder Owner of The Tolkien Trail and Entmoot. Buy Entmoot shirts and mugs!

12-01-2003, 09:20 PM	#5
Insidious Rex Quasi Evil Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Maryland, US Posts: 4,634	all you need is love. culture is the Great Oppressor. thats all Im gonna say about it. __________________ "People's political beliefs don't stem from the factual information they've acquired. Far more the facts people choose to believe are the product of their political beliefs." "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

12-01-2003, 09:25 PM	#6
Dúnedain High King of Númenórë Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Númenórë <--United States of America Posts: 1,947	The way I see it is that once you reach the "college age" 18, then everything is fine. It's weird how like in High School if you date someone that is 4 years younger than you, it's weird, but if you do that in college, say someone 22 and someone 18, then it's ok. Personally, I've dated women that were almost 4 years younger than me (in college that is ), but I've also dated older women as well. Last year when I was 24, I was dating a 31 year old woman for a few months... __________________ 'Et Eärello Endorenna utúlien. Sinome maruvan ar Hildinyar tenn' Ambar-metta!' - And those were the words that Elendil spoke when he came up out of the Sea on the wings of the wind: 'Out of the Great Sea to Middle-earth I am come. In this place will I abide, and my heirs, unto the ending of the world.' 'Then Tuor arrayed himself in the hauberk, and set the helm upon his head, and he girt himself with the sword; black were sheath and belt with clasps of silver. Thus armed he went forth from Turgon's hall, and stood upon the high terraces of Taras in the red light of the sun. None were there to see him, as he gazed westward, gleaming in silver and gold, and he knew not that in that hour he appeared as one of the Mighty of the West, and fit to be father of the kings of the Kings of Men beyond the Sea, as it was indeed his doom to be; but in the taking of those arms a change came upon Tuor son of Huor, and his heart grew great within him. And as he stepped down from the doors the swans did him reverence, and plucking each a great feather from their wings they proffered them to him, laying their long necks upon the stone before his feet; and he took the seven feathers and set them in the crest of his helm, and straightway the swans arose and flew north in the sunset, and Tuor saw them no more.' -Of Tuor and his Coming to Gondolin "Oh. Forgive me, fairest of all males of Entmoot...Back down, all ye other wannabe fairest males! Dunedain is the fairest!" --Linaewen

12-01-2003, 02:43 PM	#3
Arien the Maia Fëanáro's Fire Mistress Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Indiana, USA Posts: 1,423	well personally I would never date a younger man! knowledge is power man! my husband is only 2 years older than me.

12-01-2003, 10:09 PM	#7
*gdl96* the greg the admin Join Date: Sep 1999 Location: NJ Posts: 2,101	Wow Ben, way to post! Anyway, what does one have to say about a senior in high school with two freshmen admirers? One of my friends told to use the situation to finally get some action.

12-01-2003, 11:27 PM	#9
Willow Oran Deus Ex Machina Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Seattle Posts: 1,951	I think it depends, personally, I wouldn't want to date someone more than two years older than me, and definitely not someone more than two years younger. But If other people feel differently that's their choice, not mine. One of my distant cousins married someone older than her own father and is apparently fine with it. Though, that example is a little extreme, there was a 30 year age difference between them and her husband was 90 at the time they were married. __________________ "5. Plain Rings with RUNES on the inside. Avoid these like the PLAGUE. -Diana Wynne Jones Tough Guide To FantasyLand ...it's not much of a show if somebody doesn't suffer, and preferably at length. Suffering is beautiful in any case, and so is anguish; but as for loathing, and bitterness... I don't think they belong on the stage at all. - Isabella, I Gelosi

12-01-2003, 11:38 PM	#10
*HOBBIT* Saviour of Entmoot Admiral Join Date: Nov 1999 Location: NC/NJ (no longer Same place as bmilder.) Posts: 61,986	dont go out with a froshie as a senior __________________ President Emeritus (2000-2004) Private message (or email) me if you need any assistance. I am here to help! "I'm up to here with cool, ok? I'm so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis" - Zaphod Beeblebrox Latest Blog Post: Just Quit Facebook? No One Cares!

12-02-2003, 07:46 PM	#13
afro-elf Hoplite Nomad Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 3,931	I "dated" someone who was a lot youner than I was. I mistook physical and mental maturity for emotional maturity. I have dated older women to. I blew a great relation due to my immaturity. Now, as being in my mid-30's I think the dating scene for me will be a lot easier because I am more aware of myself . __________________ About Eowyn, Does anyone know what her alias Dernhelm means? She was kown as dernhelm because of her exclaimation when she realized that the rider's headgear was heavy and obscured her sight. 'Dern Helm" Culled from Entmoot From Kirinski 57 and Wayfarer. Last edited by afro-elf : 12-02-2003 at 07:54 PM.

12-02-2003, 07:49 PM	#14
afro-elf Hoplite Nomad Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 3,931	Sorrydeleted post __________________ About Eowyn, Does anyone know what her alias Dernhelm means? She was kown as dernhelm because of her exclaimation when she realized that the rider's headgear was heavy and obscured her sight. 'Dern Helm" Culled from Entmoot From Kirinski 57 and Wayfarer. Last edited by afro-elf : 12-02-2003 at 07:55 PM.

12-02-2003, 08:14 PM	#15
afro-elf Hoplite Nomad Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 3,931	Originally posted by Ebony at Sf Fandom I think it's wise that people be in the same 'place' in their lives. For example, if someone has grown children and gets involved with someone who has not yet begun a family, it could be just asking for trouble. I believe that when you have a relationship with someone, you should try to bring as few obstacles with you as possible. People should have as much in common as they can. I think this also applies to different cultures, religions, and values, and I speak particularly when entering a marriage. I believe that couples have a hard enough time getting over the differences they have without throwing extra ones into the pot. When people are young they think love will overcome all. But it doesn't. It gets stale, and the man that used to set your blood boiling just by looking your way suddenly can seem like an obnoxious pain in the tushy, or at the very least, you find you're suddenly living with your brother. So you and your 'brother' had best have as much in common as possible. JHMO. Interesting post. Though I do know a few people who have not succombed to quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It gets stale, and the man that used to set your blood boiling just by looking your way suddenly can seem like an obnoxious pain in the tushy, or at the very least, you find you're suddenly living with your brother. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Maybe it is because they have followed the the advice in the former part her post. __________________ __________________ About Eowyn, Does anyone know what her alias Dernhelm means? She was kown as dernhelm because of her exclaimation when she realized that the rider's headgear was heavy and obscured her sight. 'Dern Helm" Culled from Entmoot From Kirinski 57 and Wayfarer.

12-03-2003, 05:05 PM	#16
Snowdog Dúnedain Ranger of the North Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: The Ruins of Arnor Posts: 892	Ages Well said Afro-Elf. Common ground is important, and sustained intimacy is needed as well to keep the relationship from becoming 'stale' and living with your brother/sister. I dated and married a 20 year old woman when I was 20. She was 18 days younger than me. It ended in disaster though a great son came of it. I then dated and married a 26 year old woman when I was 32, and it has been good though communication and intimacy has been declining over the years. __________________ "I am an outlaw, I was born an outlaw's son. The highway is my legacy, on the highway I will run."

12-03-2003, 07:27 PM	#17
afro-elf Hoplite Nomad Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 3,931	Thanks for the insight Snowdog. __________________ About Eowyn, Does anyone know what her alias Dernhelm means? She was kown as dernhelm because of her exclaimation when she realized that the rider's headgear was heavy and obscured her sight. 'Dern Helm" Culled from Entmoot From Kirinski 57 and Wayfarer.

12-03-2003, 11:12 PM	#18
johnnyrod Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Scunthorpe, UK Posts: 166	Don't be so judgemental about peoples' ages, it's not the end of the world or anything (see Snowdog after all). I think most people want someone younger, and if it all goes a bit quiet after a while, well, I think most people would say that this happens. Some people would see age difference as an obstacle, but then are they really seeing past the surface? __________________ Frodo Lives!

12-04-2003, 12:00 AM	#19
*HOBBIT* Saviour of Entmoot Admiral Join Date: Nov 1999 Location: NC/NJ (no longer Same place as bmilder.) Posts: 61,986	Age difference doesn't matter after you are an adult because you are both (supposedly) mature , CERTAINLY more mature than high school students. And you all have a high school level education and after college, a college education. So there isnt that smarter because older and learned more factor AS MUCH as in Middle and High School. There is a bigger difference between grades than you would think besides about a year (give or take several months) in age difference. There is also a HUGE difference in maturity - emotional mostly. Middle School relationships are different than high school relationships. Freshmen girls have the mentality of a middle schooler. Freshmen are DEFINITELY less mature in many areas and less knowledgeable than upper classmen - sophomores to some degree too. Hope you understand that __________________ President Emeritus (2000-2004) Private message (or email) me if you need any assistance. I am here to help! "I'm up to here with cool, ok? I'm so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis" - Zaphod Beeblebrox Latest Blog Post: Just Quit Facebook? No One Cares!

12-04-2003, 01:19 AM	#20
*Khamûl* Slacker Warrior Admin Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Alabama Posts: 2,759	I find it interesting that younger women dating older men is generally accepted up to a point (not like Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall III -- eww). However, younger men going after older women is generally frowned upon (see Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore). At least, that's my general observation -- it's better for a woman to date an older man than for a man to date an older woman. I'm not talking about age differences of 1, 2, or even 5 or 6 years. I mean like 10+ year age differences. __________________ "If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you." Gandalf to Pippin Psalm 107:31

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