'popularity' 'coolness' 'loser'-your thoughts

[Sminty_Smeagol]

I hope there isn't already a thread on this... This thread is meant to pertain to school-age (middle, high, and college) 'popularity'. So probably mostly applicable to 12-20 ish

It seems like there are 2 different types of popular....
a-Someone who is just generally well liked in a broad spectrum of peers for whatever reasons
b- someone who tries to be well liked among the 'pretty people' and the people who tend to have more respect... the group of people who tries to go with trends and fashions and hobbies and such that will have them accepted by the 'cool group' so many kids aspire to. Superficial popularity...

I know when I was in Middle-School, going to a christian school, 'popular' was used for category B, although they usually have far less friends and are liked less than category A. Or maybe all of the 'less fortunate' peers look up to them for their fashion and looks and money (which is a pity... when even the lower-social-order kids adapt to the superficiality).

I think one of the biggest divides, that superficially divides the people in to 'cool' and 'popular' (atleast at first until people grow up and get over the labels) from the 'losers' is looks. Humans are visual creatures and it has been proven in studies that attractive people generally make more money and are more likely to get jobs than less attractive people (If you want I can dig up the resource). Not neccessarily that the interviewer and people promoting them are entirely at fault for being 'unfair'... I think people who are not as blessed with physical attraction as other people tend to be les comfortable with themselves and less confident socially, and may not be able to display themselves as well at interviews and such, socially, as 'pretty people'.

Post if your interested. If you have anything to contribute or discuss, please do

[Sister Golden Hair]

Well, i don't fall into the age group here, but I was a teenager once, and it really wasn't any different then, than it is today. All teens want to be cool, and popular in view of their closer friends. It's almost like a competition. I have found though, now that I am older and wiser, that the fewer friends you have, the more meaningful the friendships are and the longer lasting. Being popular means you are well liked by many people that befriend you, but they seem to be more aquaintances than friends. Also, the pretty people are more popular. That tells me that it isn't about friendship and threfore the popularity is misplaced. Friendship is important. Looks are not. If I had chose not to be friends with people because they were not attractive, life would have been a lonely thing for me. So, although popularity is important in youth, to impress people, it changes later in life. Popularity breeds friends, but many times not lasting ones. Does this make sense to you or am I way off base here?

[Sminty_Smeagol]

oh yeah I really agree all the way. It's like, 'popularity' is a means of boosting self-esteem and self-value by making ourselves into what we value in others (typically in this example superficial things) and being accepted by people with those traits. It's not about having friends, it's a selfish way to feel better about yourself.

[Wayfarer]

When I was in school, I went to great lengths to be cool.

Boy, did I covet that spot closest to the air conditioner. ]:-D

[Nerdanel]

I totally agree with you, SGH. And back then I was one of those, who tried to be cool. I have never had the looks, so it didn't really work... But despite that, my friends never gave up on me. Now that I'm older, I sometimes think I was stupid when I tried to be cool and look good to other people. But I have now understood, that that stage was very important; it made me the person I am today. That is confident, loving and loved.

Good luck to all young people!! Remember, there is always someone who loves you.

[Elfmaster XK]

Originally posted by Sminty_Smeagol
I think one of the biggest divides, that superficially divides the people in to 'cool' and 'popular' (atleast at first until people grow up and get over the labels) from the 'losers' is looks. Humans are visual creatures and it has been proven in studies that attractive people generally make more money and are more likely to get jobs than less attractive people (If you want I can dig up the resource). Not neccessarily that the interviewer and people promoting them are entirely at fault for being 'unfair'... I think people who are not as blessed with physical attraction as other people tend to be les comfortable with themselves and less confident socially, and may not be able to display themselves as well at interviews and such, socially, as 'pretty people'.

Hi Sminty! Hope things are cool with you.

I think that when it comes to popularity there are a lot of factors involved. The one you bring up I agree is important. When I was at school the 'cool' people were all very superficial, and they were all from wealthy families. They were the ones who followed the trends, liked the music that was supposedly cool at the time, and had cars their daddy bought for them. Despite this fact, that they were popular, and viewed so amongst each other, in a way they weren't because everyone else saw them as the 'A' group and so though they knew them they wouldn't continue to speak to them when we all left.

I agree with what SGH said.

So, although popularity is important in youth, to impress people, it changes later in life. Popularity breeds friends, but many times not lasting ones.

Although I disagree that popularity is important. I don't think it is because IMO the only reason people aspire to be popular is to boost their own feeling of self-worth. As bleak an outlook as it is ( ) my view is that in the end people will die, and they know that, so popularity is the way they can feel like they are worth something.

As for the issue of 'coolness,' things that are cool are simply things that were once unusual that became mainstream, and therefore not unusual.

[Lizra]

Popular people seemed rather generic in my day. Being popular was an already made niche that an endless stream of "in the know" guys and gals fit into (for whatever reasons of the time). Life was a bit of a "feel good" party for the popular crowd, but it really seemed meaningless once you got past the hall passing and lunchroom chit chat.

Now coolness was a little different, I don't think the two (popularity and coolness) neccesarily go hand and hand. Many "popular" kids might have thought they were "cool", especially within their little group of back slappers.....but "unpopular" types could attain coolness, if they were naturally cool! Hey...cool is cool, what can I say...there is no denying it sometimes. (example: HOBBIT )

Loser? I think this label is meaningless in high school.....everyone's just a bunch of kids! You'd be surprised what types of changes occur as people grow up and mature.

As far as looks...coolness has more to do with style to me. Not caring what other people think is a natural starting point. Anyone who is "trying too hard" is automatically NOT cool, no matter what they look like! I vote more for confidence on the coolness factor, not looks. But I went to a public school, where there really weren't "wealthy" people. At that time (early 70's) coolness actually meant you weren't "popular". Popular people were rather dorky (IMO ) remnants of the jock/cheerleader cycle.
I know you didn't want old people's opinions, SS but i couldn't resist a blab. sorry.

Wayfarer...too bad it didn't work.

[Hemel]

Popular? At school it meant the people who called themselves this, the group of 'popular people'.

The idea behind it was division. It was almost like a gang thing. the popular people were the people who tried to lay the criteria of what you were supposed to aim for - but it was all superficial. For the girls it meant usually things like being blonde, shopping in the trendy shops for short things in pink, wearing thongs ... the general idea being it was what the boys wanted. That was the basic aim, to get a boyfriend, because that was status. It also, for both sexes, involved a fair bit of nastiness and name-calling if you weren't one of them, and, though under the legal age, they thought it cool to drink alcohol and smoke, and talk in detail about what they'd done with the guys/girls they'd been with. Some of them, more the boys this time, did drugs. I don't know what happened to most of them after school .... though one I know got into big trouble with the law - and eventually ended up at university!

[Anglorfin]

It's the same everywhere. Though in my school I didn't really notice a huge gap. There were of course, divisions of people based on interest. It just so happens that some people were interested in looking great. Others were skaters or musicians. People stuck together based on initial interests (bands, activities) than looks. (There were quite a lot of hot females in my group as well as many not-so-attractive ones) Anway it was never a division by looks really, we just talked to whoever held our same interests.

But by the end of four years it didn't matter who was "popular". By that time everybody knew everybody and we were all generally on good terms with each other. In my experience, the real popularity strife thing only lasted 2 or maybe three years. That's not to say the formed groups dissolved, we were still great friends mainly within that group, but everyone came to understand each other.


Lizra, I totally agree with the coolness thing. Coolness was an attitude, it wasn't anything you could strive for. People saw you as cool because you were. That was just part of your personality.

[Arien the Maia]

I agree with most of you....I went to Catholic school all my life till I graduated from high school 5 years ago. In Middle school, you were popular if you had the "right" fashion and had a boyfriend blah blah blah...of course I was the smart one in the class so I was never popular!!! I guess I was considered a dork but not officially if that makes sense My eighth grade year was the worst in my life, mainly b/c alot of my friends left to go to other schools and the only girls left were the popular girls

In High School you were popular if you were rich and pretty, although there were a number of "regular joes" who were smart who were popular. Everyone had a group or clique that you belonged to....I was never with any one group but had friends in several....Also it helped to be popular if you were blonde and wore the right perfume (which back then was Tommy Girl)

collage is completely different for me...well I go to an extension of Indiana University so I'm not really getting the "full" collage experience I suppose. no one cares what you look like here...you're here because you want to be...usually I go to class in my lounge pants and a sweatshirt! COMFORT!!!!!!

[Anglorfin]

Originally posted by Arien the Maia

collage is completely different for me...well I go to an extension of Indiana University so I'm not really getting the "full" collage experience I suppose. no one cares what you look like here...you're here because you want to be...usually I go to class in my lounge pants and a sweatshirt! COMFORT!!!!!!

Aye hooray for college. In fact, if it weren't for my parents wanting me to look nice for school I probably would have gone to high school in my pajamas too.

[Arien the Maia]

Originally posted by Anglorfin
Aye hooray for college. In fact, if it weren't for my parents wanting me to look nice for school I probably would have gone to high school in my pajamas too.

If I didn't have to wear a uniform back then I would have too!

[Sminty_Smeagol]

Originally posted by Lizra
I know you didn't want old people's opinions, SS but i couldn't resist a blab. sorry.

It's not that I didn't want 'old people' posting it's that I thought maybe the concept would be more relevant and important in the minds of the younger People who have gone thru a lot, but they've all been clustered together by most of the teenagers who disregard it all, unfortunately. Today 'cool' is much the same thing, not being popular. Punk is the new main thing. individuality and being 'different'... abused so that it's mainstream and expressed in the same style.

I have a broad group of friends... including anime kids (who tend not to be too respected) and 'losers' and such... and people give me odd looks because I guess I don't look like the typical chick/person who socializes with them... but aren't they just individuals? Aren't they just different? Isn't that cool?

originally posted by Arien the Maia
I agree with most of you....I went to Catholic school all my life till I graduated from high school 5 years ago. In Middle school, you were popular if you had the "right" fashion and had a boyfriend blah blah blah...of course I was the smart one in the class so I was never popular!!! I guess I was considered a dork but not officially if that makes sense My eighth grade year was the worst in my life, mainly b/c alot of my friends left to go to other schools and the only girls left were the popular girls

In High School you were popular if you were rich and pretty, although there were a number of "regular joes" who were smart who were popular. Everyone had a group or clique that you belonged to....I was never with any one group but had friends in several....Also it helped to be popular if you were blonde and wore the right perfume (which back then was Tommy Girl)

By saying you were smart do you mean the kid who gets good grades? I have a whole rant on the word 'smart' being abused... there's a difference between 'smart' and 'motivated/gives a **** about their life'.

My place in highschool is currently, I'd say, being a freshman:
a- the quirky one who talks about weird stuff when she does talk,
b- acts weird no matter if she's talkative or the usual broodyness
c- talks to a wide range of people (including a wide range of ages)
d- doesn't have any real friends
e-no real enemies either
f- the artistic one
g- the one nobody follows because she talks about weird 'smart' stuff and uses 'big words' (even for dual enrollment students )
h-everyone who doesn't know her thinks shes gothic but she hates the gothic trend
i- other weird people think they can associate with her because she's kinda freaky too but it turns out they can't really.

That's an in-depth look at my role right now. I dunno if I'm popular or 'a loser', some prissy chicks think im weird, blah blah... I'm just 'the other one who doesn't really go into a little group'....

heh. Nobody really cares but I feel like posting it. My mom once said that teenagers do more self-analyzing than any other age group

[Bombadillo]

Originally posted by Elfmaster XK
Hi Sminty! Hope things are cool with you.

I think that when it comes to popularity there are a lot of factors involved. The one you bring up I agree is important. When I was at school the 'cool' people were all very superficial, and they were all from wealthy families. They were the ones who followed the trends, liked the music that was supposedly cool at the time, and had cars their daddy bought for them. Despite this fact, that they were popular, and viewed so amongst each other, in a way they weren't because everyone else saw them as the 'A' group and so though they knew them they wouldn't continue to speak to them when we all left.

I agree with what SGH said.

Yes. In grade school, we had a ridiculously tiny class, and so noone was really left out. So there was no jealousy, at least in me, but there was that division. And everybody else just viewed the 'glamourous A-type' as ditsy and artificial. I still think I was right to; they're looking for love in all the wrong places.

[Arien the Maia]

Originally posted by Sminty_Smeagol
My mom once said that teenagers do more self-analyzing than any other age group

isn't that the truth!!!! I certainly did ( and still do as a matter of fact !)

I mean smart as in I got good grades....I wasn't outspoken or anything like that So I wasn't considered a "smart a$$"

[Millane]

wooooo i love threads like this...
i belong to a group of friends who are not the "popular" group but we werent considered losers because we wouldnt take being belittled by the "popular" group, and they always chose their "losers" from the poor individuals who wont/cant stick up for themselves... my friends or group and the people considered to be losers, are made up of just normal individuals we wear clothes because their comfortable, a couple of people do drugs for their own reasons, wear our hair however it is because we're deadshits who cant be bothered trying to make it look pretty for the girls, have our own tastes in movies and music, pursue our own passions because we enjoy them... the "populars" are probably the exact opposite, if any do drugs they do it at parties were there are plenty of people to see how tough they are and basically bottle up their own ambitions to follow the herd to Jockdom, and it disgusts me
it effects girls mostly and i dont know why, there are a handful of girls that i would enjoy talking to, the rest either are in there own popular little world or are trying their ****ing hearts out to get their, i think its a waste of fun time...
their was a good book i read called Idiot's Pride by Matt Zurbo all about kids going to school in Melbourne the pretty set is a group in the book who are exactly what i hate about the populars.
this probably should have gone into the vent thread but it seems relevant to me
all of the coolest people were geeks and losers - Marilyn Manson and Tarantino especially

[Anglorfin]

Originally posted by Sminty_Smeagol


My place in highschool is currently, I'd say, being a freshman:
a- the quirky one who talks about weird stuff when she does talk,
b- acts weird no matter if she's talkative or the usual broodyness
c- talks to a wide range of people (including a wide range of ages)
d- doesn't have any real friends
e-no real enemies either
f- the artistic one
g- the one nobody follows because she talks about weird 'smart' stuff and uses 'big words' (even for dual enrollment students )
h-everyone who doesn't know her thinks shes gothic but she hates the gothic trend
i- other weird people think they can associate with her because she's kinda freaky too but it turns out they can't really.

Sminty that's a great place to be. And if you're looking for real close friends don't worry they will come. You have an attitude that I like, probably because this reminds me so much of myself.

[Hemel]

Don't know if this is a trend or not, but what I began to notice was that the people who weren't quite in the 'popular' group but wanted to be or thought they should be started up something else. Like they said they were depressed, or they'd start cutting themselves, or they needed counselling, or they were going to kill themselves.

It struck me that rather than actually being clinically depressed these people were using what they were saying as, if you like, a kind of fashion or attention-getting statement. Rather like some people say, 'hey, I'm a lesbian' as a fashion statement.

Anyone else noticed that kind of thing? Or is it just me?


Disclaimer! I don't want huge panning about lesbianism or about clinical depression - I'm in the position of knowing about both. Which is why I think that these particular people were rather more using these things than actually truly being these things

[Sminty_Smeagol]

Yeah. The kids who would make a big deal about it and cut themselves because somebody didn't like them or their bf of 2 weeks broke up with them

I used to cut myself, and it certainly wasn't to get attention. I would just get in a mindset you know? And it was my solution to stuff going on in my brain.... I mean I was absolutely miserable and furstrated and violent with myself mentally...I mean at first I kept the cutting thing totally to myself but people started finding out one way or another and it got to the point to like wtf ok... so I gave up and if people asked me about it I would talk about it... but I didn't go around wearing shorts to show off my cuts or anything... I did the wrist thing once or twice but I don't think anybody at my school knows or anything... Sometimes I would talk about the cutting thing to close friends but only because it was such a big issue for me. I mean it didn't make me tough or weird or anything in my mind, but it was like, it used up so much of my emotion and stuff...

...I didn't like when people would pity me or feel sorry for me and try to comfort me and help me because that just pissed me off. It was more like, okay you wanna know well yeah I do it now piss off

I hate it when people hear that I did that/do that and think they can automatically associate with me... like they want to talk about it all the time and they're all little pretty girls who do it for the dumbest reasons... they have no real problems so they cut themselves to get people to take them seriously when their daddy won't buy them a new car...
I don't think EVERYONE cuts themselves for attention as a trend, but a lot do, unfortunately....

[Anglorfin]

If it's not an attention getter then I'd just call it releasing tension. It's a good thing to do and everybody has their own way of doing it. I can't bash one way or the other because it's a personal thing, but I don't see how cutting releases the tension. Does it build up adrenalin and let the anger out when the adrenalin does down like a physical activity might do? Or is it punishment for yourself?