This is Hilarious!

hectorberlioz · 01-23-2007, 02:18 PM

Upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0
source unknown

Tech Support Request

Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the
new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of
space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was
included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs
itself into all other programs and launches during system
initialization where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Pokernight 10.3 and Beerbash 2.5 no longer run,
crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife
1.0 from my system. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0
but un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me?

- Jonathan Powell

Dear Jonathan Powell-
This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to
a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to
Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES &
ENTERTAINMENT" program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run
everything. WARNING DO NOT TRY TO: un-install, delete, or purge the
program from the system once installed. Trying to un-install Wife
1.0 can be disastrous. Doing so may destroy your hard and/or
floppy drive. Trying to un-install or remove Wife 1.0 will destroy
valuable system resources. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0
because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to
install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than
the original system. Look in your manual under Warnings-
Alimony/Child Support. Others have tried to run Girlfriend 1.0 in the
background, while Wife 1.0 is running. Eventually Wife 1.0 detects
Girlfriend 1.0 and a system conflict occurs, this can lead to a non-
recoverable system crash. Some users have tried to download similar
products such as Fling and 1NiteStand. Often their systems have
become infected with a virus. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and
just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the
entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must
assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur.
The best course of action will be to push apologize button then reset
button as soon as lock-up occurs. System will run smooth as long as
you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is
very high maintenance.

Suggestions for improved operation of Wife 1.0
-Monthly use utilities such as TLC and FTD
-Frequently use Communicator 5.0

-Tech Support

***Rían*** · 01-23-2007, 02:59 PM

That's hilarious, hector!

jammi567 · 01-23-2007, 03:39 PM

Totally.

hectorberlioz · 01-23-2007, 04:31 PM

I love that little tag-on in the end: "Frequently us Communicator. 5.0"

Rosie Gamgee · 01-23-2007, 04:58 PM

That is very funny!!

..I want to see the Boyfriend 1.0 to Husband 1.0 version!

The last sane person · 01-23-2007, 04:59 PM

Hahahah, good one Hec. I needed the laugh.

hectorberlioz · 01-23-2007, 04:59 PM

Can't help you there...I didn't write this bugger

.

The last sane person · 01-23-2007, 05:02 PM

Well, just by posting it you gave me the much needed laugh, so the credit is yours.

Whether you deserve it or not....

hectorberlioz · 01-23-2007, 05:03 PM

I don't doubt that I could write a decent Boyfriend 1.0 to Husband 1.0 though

I have a little time, maybe I'll try...

hectorberlioz · 01-23-2007, 05:18 PM

Okay...here's a load of moan and groans...

Tech Support Request.

Dear Tech Support
I recently installed Husband 1.0 and it has gone beserk on me. I had not planned on dealing with such a stupid program! The package says that Husband 1.0 is designed to protect and shield me against all adversity. It fell far short of the mark. Not only does Husband 1.0 not work, it works far less than Boyfriend 1.0! Please Help.
~Jenny Barr Barian

Dear Jenny. I assure you that Husband 1.0 will work just fine, and if you’ve read the manual under section MANIPULATION 101, you might find that it advises a daily reboot or lecture to Husband 1.0. If you really must, remind Husband 1.0 of its constant failures.
DO NOT under any circumstances try to re-activate Husband 1.0. All of the program’s memory will be completely lost. Husband 1.0 takes a long time to adjust, but if you beat it enough it will learn.
If indeed you cannot successfully run the program, or if the program tries to trick you into a co-equal running operation, I strongly advise a fast ditching of the program, and you MUST LEAVE the vicinity or even the state.

-Tech Support

The last sane person · 01-23-2007, 05:32 PM

Instead of 'kicking' subsititue 'rebooting' and insteada of 'do not re-boot' put in 'do not de-activate' Should sound a little better.

hectorberlioz · 01-23-2007, 05:45 PM

Good idea, thanks Sane...

***Earniel*** · 01-23-2007, 06:03 PM

Quote:

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM

Oh god, how I laughed.

That was genius.

hectorberlioz · 01-23-2007, 06:08 PM

Thats why I'm here, to make sure you guys are laughing...

(Even when it's me you laugh at...)

durinsbane2244 · 01-23-2007, 06:12 PM

ah, humor at it's finest....

**Mari** · 01-24-2007, 10:29 AM

It's funny

Thanks for sharing it

01-23-2007, 02:18 PM	#1
hectorberlioz Master of Orchestration President Emeritus of Entmoot 2004-2008 Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Lost in the Opera House Posts: 9,328	This is Hilarious! Upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 source unknown Tech Support Request Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3 and Beerbash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me? - Jonathan Powell Dear Jonathan Powell- This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. WARNING DO NOT TRY TO: un-install, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed. Trying to un-install Wife 1.0 can be disastrous. Doing so may destroy your hard and/or floppy drive. Trying to un-install or remove Wife 1.0 will destroy valuable system resources. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under Warnings- Alimony/Child Support. Others have tried to run Girlfriend 1.0 in the background, while Wife 1.0 is running. Eventually Wife 1.0 detects Girlfriend 1.0 and a system conflict occurs, this can lead to a non- recoverable system crash. Some users have tried to download similar products such as Fling and 1NiteStand. Often their systems have become infected with a virus. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best course of action will be to push apologize button then reset button as soon as lock-up occurs. System will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very high maintenance. Suggestions for improved operation of Wife 1.0 -Monthly use utilities such as TLC and FTD -Frequently use Communicator 5.0 -Tech Support __________________ ACALEWIA- President of Entmoot hectorberlioz- Vice President of Entmoot Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life! Join the discussion at Entmoot Election 2010. "Stupidissimo!"~Toscanini The Da CINDY Code The Epic Poem Of The Balrog of Entmoot: Here ~NEW! ~ Thinking of summer vacation? AboutNewJersey.com - NJ Travel & Tourism Guide

01-23-2007, 02:59 PM	#2
*Rían* Half-Elven Princess of Rabbit Trails and Harp-Wielding Administrator (beware the Rubber Chicken of Doom!) Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Not where I want to be ... Posts: 15,254	That's hilarious, hector! __________________ . I should be doing the laundry, but this is MUCH more fun! Ñá ë?* óú éä ïöü Öñ É Þ ð ß ® ç å ™ æ ♪ ?* "How lovely are Thy dwelling places, O Lord of hosts! ... For a day in Thy courts is better than a thousand outside." (from Psalm 84) * * * God rocks! Entmoot : Veni, vidi, velcro - I came, I saw, I got hooked! Ego numquam pronunciare mendacium, sed ego sum homo indomitus! Run the earth and watch the sky ... Auta i lómë! Aurë entuluva!

01-23-2007, 03:39 PM	#3
jammi567 I'm Eru, and lord of Arda. Join Date: May 2006 Location: southampton, hampshire Posts: 2,609	Totally. __________________ Vote for me, Jammi567, in the 2008 Entmoot elections, and you will get many of the things we need: free, unbiased, newspapers; a strong alliance with many countries, so that war doesn't start over someone breaking their nose on a doorframe; etc, etc This forum is lonely. It's new and confused, and doesn't have many friends yet. Help today by joining for free, posting, and posting this message and link in your sig. So please, join and help make it feel welcomed and loved.

01-23-2007, 04:31 PM	#4
hectorberlioz Master of Orchestration President Emeritus of Entmoot 2004-2008 Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Lost in the Opera House Posts: 9,328	I love that little tag-on in the end: "Frequently us Communicator. 5.0" __________________ ACALEWIA- President of Entmoot hectorberlioz- Vice President of Entmoot Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life! Join the discussion at Entmoot Election 2010. "Stupidissimo!"~Toscanini The Da CINDY Code The Epic Poem Of The Balrog of Entmoot: Here ~NEW! ~ Thinking of summer vacation? AboutNewJersey.com - NJ Travel & Tourism Guide

01-23-2007, 04:58 PM	#5
Rosie Gamgee The Lovely Hobbit-Lass Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Bounded in a nut-shell Posts: 1,593	That is very funny!! ..I want to see the Boyfriend 1.0 to Husband 1.0 version! __________________ It's New Years Day, just like the day before; Same old skies of grey, same empty bottles on the floor. Another year's gone by, and I was thinking once again, How can I take this losing hand and somehow win? Just give me One Good Year To get my feet back on the ground. I've been chasing grace; Grace ain't so easily found One bad hand can devil a man, chase him and carry him down. I've got to get out of here, just give me One Good Year!

01-23-2007, 04:59 PM	#6
The last sane person The Black Númenórean Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 6,773	Hahahah, good one Hec. I needed the laugh. __________________ Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

01-23-2007, 05:02 PM	#8
The last sane person The Black Númenórean Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 6,773	Well, just by posting it you gave me the much needed laugh, so the credit is yours. Whether you deserve it or not.... __________________ Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

01-23-2007, 05:03 PM	#9
hectorberlioz Master of Orchestration President Emeritus of Entmoot 2004-2008 Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Lost in the Opera House Posts: 9,328	I don't doubt that I could write a decent Boyfriend 1.0 to Husband 1.0 though I have a little time, maybe I'll try... __________________ ACALEWIA- President of Entmoot hectorberlioz- Vice President of Entmoot Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life! Join the discussion at Entmoot Election 2010. "Stupidissimo!"~Toscanini The Da CINDY Code The Epic Poem Of The Balrog of Entmoot: Here ~NEW! ~ Thinking of summer vacation? AboutNewJersey.com - NJ Travel & Tourism Guide

01-23-2007, 05:18 PM	#10
hectorberlioz Master of Orchestration President Emeritus of Entmoot 2004-2008 Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Lost in the Opera House Posts: 9,328	Okay...here's a load of moan and groans... Tech Support Request. Dear Tech Support I recently installed Husband 1.0 and it has gone beserk on me. I had not planned on dealing with such a stupid program! The package says that Husband 1.0 is designed to protect and shield me against all adversity. It fell far short of the mark. Not only does Husband 1.0 not work, it works far less than Boyfriend 1.0! Please Help. ~Jenny Barr Barian Dear Jenny. I assure you that Husband 1.0 will work just fine, and if you’ve read the manual under section MANIPULATION 101, you might find that it advises a daily reboot or lecture to Husband 1.0. If you really must, remind Husband 1.0 of its constant failures. DO NOT under any circumstances try to re-activate Husband 1.0. All of the program’s memory will be completely lost. Husband 1.0 takes a long time to adjust, but if you beat it enough it will learn. If indeed you cannot successfully run the program, or if the program tries to trick you into a co-equal running operation, I strongly advise a fast ditching of the program, and you MUST LEAVE the vicinity or even the state. -Tech Support __________________ ACALEWIA- President of Entmoot hectorberlioz- Vice President of Entmoot Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life! Join the discussion at Entmoot Election 2010. "Stupidissimo!"~Toscanini The Da CINDY Code The Epic Poem Of The Balrog of Entmoot: Here ~NEW! ~ Thinking of summer vacation? AboutNewJersey.com - NJ Travel & Tourism Guide Last edited by hectorberlioz : 01-23-2007 at 05:46 PM.

01-23-2007, 05:32 PM	#11
The last sane person The Black Númenórean Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 6,773	Instead of 'kicking' subsititue 'rebooting' and insteada of 'do not re-boot' put in 'do not de-activate' Should sound a little better. __________________ Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

01-23-2007, 05:45 PM	#12
hectorberlioz Master of Orchestration President Emeritus of Entmoot 2004-2008 Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Lost in the Opera House Posts: 9,328	Good idea, thanks Sane... __________________ ACALEWIA- President of Entmoot hectorberlioz- Vice President of Entmoot Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life! Join the discussion at Entmoot Election 2010. "Stupidissimo!"~Toscanini The Da CINDY Code The Epic Poem Of The Balrog of Entmoot: Here ~NEW! ~ Thinking of summer vacation? AboutNewJersey.com - NJ Travel & Tourism Guide

01-23-2007, 06:08 PM	#14
hectorberlioz Master of Orchestration President Emeritus of Entmoot 2004-2008 Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Lost in the Opera House Posts: 9,328	Thats why I'm here, to make sure you guys are laughing... (Even when it's me you laugh at...) __________________ ACALEWIA- President of Entmoot hectorberlioz- Vice President of Entmoot Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life! Join the discussion at Entmoot Election 2010. "Stupidissimo!"~Toscanini The Da CINDY Code The Epic Poem Of The Balrog of Entmoot: Here ~NEW! ~ Thinking of summer vacation? AboutNewJersey.com - NJ Travel & Tourism Guide Last edited by hectorberlioz : 01-23-2007 at 06:11 PM.

01-23-2007, 06:12 PM	#15
durinsbane2244 Dreamweaver Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: The Misty Mountains, where the spirits go... Posts: 3,560	ah, humor at it's finest.... __________________ Lord, what fools these mortals be! ---------------- We are the music-makers, And we are the dreamers of dreams, Wandering by lone sea-breakers, And sitting by desolate streams; World-losers and world-forsakers, On whom the pale moon gleams: Yet we are the movers and shakers Of the world for ever, it seems. ---------------- Shanti, shanti, shantih...

01-24-2007, 10:29 AM	#16
Mari Elf Lady Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: In the lands where mountains are but a fairytale Posts: 8,588	It's funny Thanks for sharing it __________________ Love always, deeply and true ★ Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer. ★ Friendship is sharing openly, laughing often, trusting always, caring deeply. ...The Earth laughs in flowers ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Hamatreya"...

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