Moral Dilemmas

The Gaffer · 10-10-2005, 04:22 PM

Or should that be "dilemmae"

Anyway, I wondered if it would be good to have a thread to post these and get all sorts of ridiculous advice and comedy, life-ruining suggestions from fellow Mooters.

And I've got one so here goes.

A friend of mine is getting married. His wife-to-be is a nightmare. And when I say "nightmare" I mean unbelievably rude, totally ignorant and utterly self-centred. I find it almost impossible to be in her company for more than 5 minutes without getting totally enraged. Obviously, I have said nothing to him.

However, he has recently expressed doubts to me about getting hitched. Should I tell him he is about to marry a gorgon?

***Rían*** · 10-10-2005, 04:31 PM

Is there a wedding date set? (just gathering info... that's a tough one!)

The Gaffer · 10-10-2005, 04:35 PM

In 3 weeks (guess who's the best man?)

Insidious Rex · 10-10-2005, 04:50 PM

Ask him if theres a lot of money in it for him or something.

The Gaffer · 10-10-2005, 04:53 PM

Heh. I'm pretty confident there's not. All he seems to get out of it is someone who tolerates him playing his computer games. There has been a slight suggestion that time is ticking away and it might not be possible to do any better.

rohirrim TR · 10-10-2005, 04:53 PM

gorgon?? do you mean vogon

Linaewen · 10-10-2005, 04:53 PM

He hasn't at all realised he's engaged to a 'gorgon'? Or he has, and that's the reason he's having doubts?

***Rían*** · 10-10-2005, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Gaffer

In 3 weeks (guess who's the best man?)

*smacks self on head*

GTG out for a few - backson, as Christopher Robin says ...

Telcontar_Dunedain · 10-10-2005, 05:02 PM

If you think that it will make him unhappy then I suggest you tell him what you think. But if you think that he will be happy I suggest you stick with him, and if it doesn't end well then help him. But in the end it his choice, and you may need to stick with him, even if you think h made the wrong choice.

The Gaffer · 10-10-2005, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rohirrim TR

gorgon?? do you mean vogon

She does not have the aesthetic appreciation of Vogons.

Don't know whether he knows, and hence the jitters, or whether they're just generic pre-nuptual jitters. Well, he doesn't think she's a gorgon, anyway.

TD, sound stuff. That, of course, is exactly what I intend to do. Thinking about the consequences, it is hard to imagine a good one. I don't think it's likely he'd change his mind.

Got to check me taters, thanks for that.

inked · 10-10-2005, 05:20 PM

Dear Gaffer,

I suspected that your name came from being in tight spots rather than one to commit social faux pas! Now we have proof in your tender concern for the mate who is apparently giving in to realism (that age remark).

If this gent is as well read as yourself, may I suggest the gift to him of a brightly polished shield, a sword, an invisibility cap, and - if you can manage it - a pair of winged sandals. If that doesn't communicate the true nature of events to him, then let what must turn to stone do so!

Should the above fail, or you do not have time to procure all the arcana, may I suggest that you offer to arrange a one-way ticket to out-of-here should he have any last minute qualms. My best man did so offer and, while from the vantage point of now I should have taken him up on the offer, I was not at the time in the least offended! Love, as you will have heard is blind (not to meantion deaf, mute, and dumb!).

Wishing I knew then what I know now!

***Rían*** · 10-10-2005, 07:01 PM

I was going to suggest handing her a mirror and hoping she turned into stone ...

Failing that - whew! That's a hard call. I wish I knew a few more details.

If this is a last-minute wedding, then I think it's somewhat more appropriate for you to take him aside and say, "you know, this is really hard, but I'd hate myself if I didn't do it because I wouldn't be acting as a true friend. I really have concerns about this woman in the following areas (list areas). For example, when this happened, she did this. And when this happened, she said this. Tell me to bug off if you want to, but because I'm your friend, I just had to tell you this. It's your decision, but I want to make sure you have all the information you can."

If it's NOT a last-minute wedding (IOW, if you've known you'll be best man for about 4 months now), it's a little trickier, but you could preface it with "I know I should have spoken waaay sooner, but it's so hard to be the one to bring unpleasant topics up...."

It just depends on how well you think you know him, and a lot of other things. But I think TD's advice is pretty good. There's NO good answer to this, unfortunately.

The Gaffer · 10-11-2005, 04:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by inked

Should the above fail, or you do not have time to procure all the arcana, may I suggest that you offer to arrange a one-way ticket to out-of-here should he have any last minute qualms. My best man did so offer and, while from the vantage point of now I should have taken him up on the offer, I was not at the time in the least offended! Love, as you will have heard is blind (not to meantion deaf, mute, and dumb!).

Wishing I knew then what I know now!

Don't we all. Though in my case if someone had done this, I too would have ignored it. Love indeed hath total sensory deprivation at times.

The other thing that's holding me back is the thought that maybe they're actually quite well suited to each other and if he wants to get married he won't find anyone else.

Not a last-minute thing, Rian, though I have only really got to know the extent of the horror in recent weeks.

I think I will keep mum but it is a good idea to be on standby in case of last-minute epiphany.

Failing that, I will wait until the bloke goes "If anyone knows any reason why this man and this woman should not be joined in marriage..." and then scream hysterically "DON'T DO IT! SHE IS EVIL, CAN YOU NOT SEE?"

Spock · 10-11-2005, 07:24 AM

THIS IS SILLY, TOO SILLY, NOT NEEDED, SHOULD BE CLOSED OR RAMBLING ON IN THE TEACUP CAFE

sun-star · 10-11-2005, 09:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Gaffer

The other thing that's holding me back is the thought that maybe they're actually quite well suited to each other

I thought this guy was your friend!

If he's as bad as that then they belong together and you're doing the rest of humanity a favour by keeping them from marrying other people...

But otherwise, how long have they been together? Perhaps he knows about her bad qualities, has got used to them and thinks he can put up with them.

inked · 10-11-2005, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spock

THIS IS SILLY, TOO SILLY, NOT NEEDED, SHOULD BE CLOSED OR RAMBLING ON IN THE TEACUP CAFE

Well, perhaps not! I do think the heading moral dilemna a bit overblown in the scale of cosmic diversity however

. I mean isn't the chap an individual capable of making his own decisions for which he then bears the responsibility in both cases - that of the bloke getting hitched and the best man who has misgivings? Is this in fact a miniature of the nature of choice in an idividualistic society and forebearance required of individuals when other individuals are cutting off their noses to spite their faces or what? (Then again if they have two noses, it may not be a bad idea unless one is kowtowing to the social definition of beauty rather than appreciating what diversity must entail.)

This thread is deeper than it first appears, Spock. It's not logical, perhaps, but it is quintessentially human.

The Gaffer · 10-11-2005, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sun-star

I thought this guy was your friend!

If he's as bad as that then they belong together and you're doing the rest of humanity a favour by keeping them from marrying other people...

You haven't seen him. Then you'd understand.

However, he likes to spend all of his free time on the computer, she likes to veg out in front of Judge Judy type programmes with the volume turned up. (Including when there are guests.)

It's hard to imagine a combination where each would get that level of indulgence of an antisocial habit from a partner. It has occured to me that maybe they are perfectly matched even if for this reason alone.

Inked, thanks for your understanding and defence against the forces of big brother which would consign this thread to the bin.

The idea was generally for somewhere to post about the trivial, yet taxing condundra we all face. I am impressed at the quality of the advice given so far, I must say.

brownjenkins · 10-11-2005, 10:56 AM

i'd tell him to not get married... i've said it to friends before... "live together for a while and see if you can really stand each other" and all that

though it may be a bit late for that, with plans so close and all any change would be taken the wrong way

but it's not like marriage has to be forever these days

Spock · 10-11-2005, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by inked

This thread is deeper than it first appears, Spock. It's not logical, perhaps, but it is quintessentially human.

Yeah, it's deep alright, in what I'm not prepared to say.
goes looking for his mucker boots

The Gaffer · 10-11-2005, 12:02 PM

Originally Posted by inked
This thread is deeper than it first appears, Spock. It's not logical, perhaps, but it is quintessentially human.

If it is, it came in on your feet.

10-10-2005, 04:22 PM	#1
The Gaffer Elf Lord Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: In me taters Posts: 3,288	Moral Dilemmas Or should that be "dilemmae" Anyway, I wondered if it would be good to have a thread to post these and get all sorts of ridiculous advice and comedy, life-ruining suggestions from fellow Mooters. And I've got one so here goes. A friend of mine is getting married. His wife-to-be is a nightmare. And when I say "nightmare" I mean unbelievably rude, totally ignorant and utterly self-centred. I find it almost impossible to be in her company for more than 5 minutes without getting totally enraged. Obviously, I have said nothing to him. However, he has recently expressed doubts to me about getting hitched. Should I tell him he is about to marry a gorgon?

10-10-2005, 04:31 PM	#2
*Rían* Half-Elven Princess of Rabbit Trails and Harp-Wielding Administrator (beware the Rubber Chicken of Doom!) Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Not where I want to be ... Posts: 15,254	Is there a wedding date set? (just gathering info... that's a tough one!) __________________ . I should be doing the laundry, but this is MUCH more fun! Ñá ë?* óú éä ïöü Öñ É Þ ð ß ® ç å ™ æ ♪ ?* "How lovely are Thy dwelling places, O Lord of hosts! ... For a day in Thy courts is better than a thousand outside." (from Psalm 84) * * * God rocks! Entmoot : Veni, vidi, velcro - I came, I saw, I got hooked! Ego numquam pronunciare mendacium, sed ego sum homo indomitus! Run the earth and watch the sky ... Auta i lómë! Aurë entuluva!

10-10-2005, 04:50 PM	#4
Insidious Rex Quasi Evil Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Maryland, US Posts: 4,634	Ask him if theres a lot of money in it for him or something. __________________ "People's political beliefs don't stem from the factual information they've acquired. Far more the facts people choose to believe are the product of their political beliefs." "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

10-10-2005, 05:02 PM	#9
Telcontar_Dunedain Warrior of the House of Hador Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 4,651	If you think that it will make him unhappy then I suggest you tell him what you think. But if you think that he will be happy I suggest you stick with him, and if it doesn't end well then help him. But in the end it his choice, and you may need to stick with him, even if you think h made the wrong choice. __________________ Then Huor spoke and said: "Yet if it stands but a little while, then out of your house shall come the hope of Elves and Men. This I say to you, lord, with the eyes of death: though we part here for ever, and I shall not look on your white walls again, from you and me a new star shall arise. Farewell!" The Silmarillion, Nirnaeth Arnoediad, Page 230

10-10-2005, 05:20 PM	#11
inked Elf Lord Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: sikeston, MO, usa, earth, sol Posts: 3,114	Dear Gaffer, I suspected that your name came from being in tight spots rather than one to commit social faux pas! Now we have proof in your tender concern for the mate who is apparently giving in to realism (that age remark). If this gent is as well read as yourself, may I suggest the gift to him of a brightly polished shield, a sword, an invisibility cap, and - if you can manage it - a pair of winged sandals. If that doesn't communicate the true nature of events to him, then let what must turn to stone do so! Should the above fail, or you do not have time to procure all the arcana, may I suggest that you offer to arrange a one-way ticket to out-of-here should he have any last minute qualms. My best man did so offer and, while from the vantage point of now I should have taken him up on the offer, I was not at the time in the least offended! Love, as you will have heard is blind (not to meantion deaf, mute, and dumb!). Wishing I knew then what I know now! __________________ Inked "Aslan is not a tame lion." CSL/LWW "The new school [acts] as if it required...courage to say a blasphemy. There is only one thing that requires real courage to say, and that is a truism." GK Chesterton "And there is always the danger of allowing people to suppose that our modern times are so wholly unlike any other times that the fundamental facts about man's nature have wholly changed with changing circumstances." Dorothy L. Sayers, 1 Sept. 1941

10-10-2005, 04:35 PM	#3
The Gaffer Elf Lord Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: In me taters Posts: 3,288	In 3 weeks (guess who's the best man?)

10-10-2005, 04:53 PM	#5
The Gaffer Elf Lord Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: In me taters Posts: 3,288	Heh. I'm pretty confident there's not. All he seems to get out of it is someone who tolerates him playing his computer games. There has been a slight suggestion that time is ticking away and it might not be possible to do any better.

10-10-2005, 04:53 PM	#7
Linaewen Fair Dinkum Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 2,319	He hasn't at all realised he's engaged to a 'gorgon'? Or he has, and that's the reason he's having doubts?

10-10-2005, 07:01 PM	#12
*Rían* Half-Elven Princess of Rabbit Trails and Harp-Wielding Administrator (beware the Rubber Chicken of Doom!) Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Not where I want to be ... Posts: 15,254	I was going to suggest handing her a mirror and hoping she turned into stone ... Failing that - whew! That's a hard call. I wish I knew a few more details. If this is a last-minute wedding, then I think it's somewhat more appropriate for you to take him aside and say, "you know, this is really hard, but I'd hate myself if I didn't do it because I wouldn't be acting as a true friend. I really have concerns about this woman in the following areas (list areas). For example, when this happened, she did this. And when this happened, she said this. Tell me to bug off if you want to, but because I'm your friend, I just had to tell you this. It's your decision, but I want to make sure you have all the information you can." If it's NOT a last-minute wedding (IOW, if you've known you'll be best man for about 4 months now), it's a little trickier, but you could preface it with "I know I should have spoken waaay sooner, but it's so hard to be the one to bring unpleasant topics up...." It just depends on how well you think you know him, and a lot of other things. But I think TD's advice is pretty good. There's NO good answer to this, unfortunately. __________________ . I should be doing the laundry, but this is MUCH more fun! Ñá ë?* óú éä ïöü Öñ É Þ ð ß ® ç å ™ æ ♪ ?* "How lovely are Thy dwelling places, O Lord of hosts! ... For a day in Thy courts is better than a thousand outside." (from Psalm 84) * * * God rocks! Entmoot : Veni, vidi, velcro - I came, I saw, I got hooked! Ego numquam pronunciare mendacium, sed ego sum homo indomitus! Run the earth and watch the sky ... Auta i lómë! Aurë entuluva!

10-11-2005, 07:24 AM	#14
Spock An enigma in a conundrum Join Date: Oct 1999 Posts: 6,476	In The Spirit Of Monty Python THIS IS SILLY, TOO SILLY, NOT NEEDED, SHOULD BE CLOSED OR RAMBLING ON IN THE TEACUP CAFE __________________ Vizzini: "HE DIDN'T FALL?! INCONCEIVABLE!!" Inigo: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

10-11-2005, 10:56 AM	#18
brownjenkins Advocatus Diaboli Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Reality Posts: 3,767	i'd tell him to not get married... i've said it to friends before... "live together for a while and see if you can really stand each other" and all that though it may be a bit late for that, with plans so close and all any change would be taken the wrong way but it's not like marriage has to be forever these days __________________ Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash and I'm delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever.

10-11-2005, 12:02 PM	#20
The Gaffer Elf Lord Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: In me taters Posts: 3,288	Originally Posted by inked This thread is deeper than it first appears, Spock. It's not logical, perhaps, but it is quintessentially human. If it is, it came in on your feet. Last edited by Spock : 10-11-2005 at 12:12 PM.

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