Entmoot Election 2010 - Announce your candidacy here! Campaign Managers For Sale

[Jonathan]

Speaking of nothing in particular, which one of you mods are in control of the Entmoot Ballot Box account?

Tessar maybe...?

[hectorberlioz]

Originally Posted by Eärniel

Well, clearly that rules out us mods, because we are super-coordinated in pulling off sca- oh wait, this is going to sound incriminating either way.

Move along, nothing to see here.

You were going to say "scatological" weren't you

Originally Posted by Jonathan

Speaking of nothing in particular, which one of you mods are in control of the Entmoot Ballot Box account?

Tessar maybe...?

That would be Her Royal Chocolateness

[Jonathan]

Phew!

Because it if was Tessar... o.O
and he is X Perry Mint... O.o
Ack!

[The last sane person]

*roling of ze eyz*

[Midge]

Oh, no! It's taking over!

[Coffeehouse]

Originally Posted by Midge

I am not paranoid, nor am I anything like tyrannical.

Only a paranoid person would say that

Originally Posted by Midge

I will not be "raking" anyone's spine (ouch!) or pulling up any roots (except those of weeds, aka spam, etc.)

Well that's rather vague... weeds. Dear voters, when push comes to shove, and the dictatorial Imp in Midge takes hold, what are we to believe constitute a weed? When do you know whether your views or even your very existence is of a non-weed nature?

Entmootians, when the crack of the whip is directed towards 'unwanted elements' and 'weeds' of Entmoot, how do you know you are not one of them?

How do any of us know we're not next if we happen to come at odds with the gardening aims of candidate Midge?

Originally Posted by Eärniel

Move along, nothing to see here.

Entmootians, the Entmoot Freedom Party is equally disturbed by the occasional hinting by the administrators and moderators in here on what appears to be some type of election fraud. Also the rapidly developing scandal of the identity of X Perry Mint (though he yet stands innocent until actual, damning evidence can be presented), yet at this time we know very little.

But we encourage all of you to use your vote and create a change for the better! Let's fight for our freedom to be creative and to steer this Moot towards ever greater heights

The parole of our campaign is 'Find the Magic in You' because we, unlike the other candidates, believe in You. We will put Your needs and Your happiness first, before any fascist gardening or any scandalous corrupt dictatorship.

Let's give Entmoot it's proper Tolkienesque atmosphere - and Welcome the approaching Hobbit-movies with a good spirit

Vote Coffee, Insidious & Noble - Find the Magic in You

[Gwaimir Windgem]

Originally Posted by Coffeehouse

Also the rapidly developing scandal of the identity of X Perry Mint (though he yet stands innocent until actual, damning evidence can be presented), yet at this time we know very little.

Oh ho! All your pretty talk about fighting oppression and the corrupt power structures reveals itself to be so much chasing after the wind. Why the patriarchal assumption that X Perry Mint is a male? Why should X Perry Mint not be a female? Or indeed, why do we need to fit X Perry Mint into (antiquated?) gender categories at all? Better to leave such questions indeterminate until X Perry Mint chooses to clarify them! How can you claim to oppose the oppression of the mods and admins, while at the same time implicitly endorsing and perpetuating the oppressive assumptions of a male-dominated society? For shame!

My fellower Mootlings, we dare not let Hector enter any sort of public office, even if only that of VP. Midge's corruption is clear, from her attempts to buy votes with doughnuts (delicious chocolatey ones, no less!). And Now, Coffehouse's hypocrisy has at last been laid bare, as freedom and equality laden rhetoric melts into ugly oppression. I think it clear that none of these candidates are acceptable to the good people of the Moot.

Two options, then, remain to honest folk of good heart: We may vote for X Perry Mint (salvation comes from an unknown quarter), or we may vote No, and abolish the corrupted political offices altogether!

[Coffeehouse]

Originally Posted by Gwaimir Windgem

How can you claim to oppose the oppression of the mods and admins, while at the same time implicitly endorsing and perpetuating the oppressive assumptions of a male-dominated society?

Dear Gwaimir, and all Entmooters, we of course oppose the oppression by mods and admins. Every Entmooter should live free and not in tyranny!

Rest assured, voting the Coffeehouse-ticket into office means not business-as-usual or any sort of ruling government. With my presidency comes as small government as Entmoot needs - and our duty would be to caretake and safeguard the interests of every Mooter, and act as the balancing antidote to the corruptive forces that be.

Originally Posted by Gwaimir Windgem

My fellower Mootlings, we dare not let Hector enter any sort of public office, even if only that of VP. Midge's corruption is clear, from her attempts to buy votes with doughnuts

And on this we agree

We are guilty of rhetoric, that much is true, but rhetoric only as the means of conveying a message, and we believe our message to be important to every Mooter: No oppression, no persecution, no Hectorian jails or Midgian gardening.

Dear Mooters, on the matter of X Perry Mint: There are no easy fixes in life, and whatever promises this unknown candidate has given, be aware of false prophets. Obscurity is not the same thing as security, and we hope that when you cast your vote into the Entmoot Election Box that you do so to give back the power to yourselves and not to a corrupting government, and be it a he or she, not a shadow government with a candidate that refuses to reveal his/herself.

We find it suspicious - a healthy caretaker-role should be transparent from the start, and we're not comfortbed by X Perry Mint's showing so far.

And we promise - true to our name - to be the only Entmoot Freedom Party - liberty to the individual and protection of every post and thread that furthers the world of Tolkien

[Midge]

Originally Posted by Coffeehouse

Only a paranoid person would say that

No, a paranoid person would obsess over why you thought I was paranoid, and probably would have ignored the comment about being tyrannical. Not paranoid, not tyrannical. Thank you. Want a donut?

Well that's rather vague... weeds. Dear voters, when push comes to shove, and the dictatorial Imp in Midge takes hold, what are we to believe constitute a weed? When do you know whether your views or even your very existence is of a non-weed nature?

Entmootians, when the crack of the whip is directed towards 'unwanted elements' and 'weeds' of Entmoot, how do you know you are not one of them?

How do any of us know we're not next if we happen to come at odds with the gardening aims of candidate Midge?

Varna and I stand together in saying that never will any human/literally alive member of Entmoot become a victim of "weeding", as we've chosen to describe it.

Originally Posted by Gwaimir Wingdem

Oh ho! All your pretty talk about fighting oppression and the corrupt power structures reveals itself to be so much chasing after the wind. Why the patriarchal assumption that X Perry Mint is a male? Why should X Perry Mint not be a female? Or indeed, why do we need to fit X Perry Mint into (antiquated?) gender categories at all? Better to leave such questions indeterminate until X Perry Mint chooses to clarify them! How can you claim to oppose the oppression of the mods and admins, while at the same time implicitly endorsing and perpetuating the oppressive assumptions of a male-dominated society? For shame!

On this note, for a very long time, it was unclear that I was female and I had to tell several people, "I'm a SHE!" (it was once a part of my signature). Then, once I emerged from my Quote-Game hidey-hole, I actually tried to start a thread that would help clear this issue up for those who wanted to participate, but due to some lies and spam, the thread, sadly, was closed. Gender is an issue on this board and I can definitely identify with those who having problems!

Midge's corruption is clear, from her attempts to buy votes with doughnuts (delicious chocolatey ones, no less!).

That means you tried them! [joking][a la Legolas]You owe me your allegiance![/Legolas][/joking] Were they really good?

[inked]

"The parole of our campaign is 'Find the Magic in You' because we, unlike the other candidates, believe in You."

Dis sentens maks no sens in de English Kofehawz uss. Kan du belev in a kandidat dat kanot us languag?

Kafehawz sayz, "With my presidency comes as small government as Entmoot needs - and our duty would be to caretake and safeguard the interests of every Mooter, and act as the balancing antidote to the corruptive forces that be."

Du dink dat Kafehawz vil "caretake and safeguard the interests of every Mooter"? Du vant ein kartakr who haz hiz own agenda of vat kar iz? Haz du any idea vat de Kafehawz dinks is taking kar? Kan du trust dat hiz "safeguards" ar fur anyon except Kafehawz? Und he vantz to akt as de antidot to coruptiv forcs dat be? Unlez de be bezoars lik in de Hary Potr novls, most antidots are toxic or ar asosiatd mit radr unplezant sid efekts. Du dink dat emetiks are fun? Du dink dat charcoal und magnesium citrate und de konsequent defekatun are fun? Du dink dat intramuskular injektuns of sequestring agentz are fun?

Du had betr dink agan!!!!!

Behind de mask of de Kofehawz kandidacy liz de kul und kalkulating hand of Saruman undr de banful influenc of Sauron! Go bak und red agan de "rhetoric" deployd by de Kafehawz. Du kan find many dings in de vordz dat you kan now undrstand.

De sli alegatunz aganst de fair Midg ar disingenuouz at best and dezignd to undrmin her kandidacy by subtlty. De Kafehawz iz ein mastr propagandist plying hiz kraft und kraftinez.!!!!

I bin varning du tim und tim und tim agan! Bevar! De Kafehawz iz de hop und chang Obanimation of de EntMut!



Und in responz, de Midg haz unveld her radikal feminizm! She is playing de gendr kard. She iz drowing arownd de big vords lik "Gender is an issue on this board and I can definitely identify with those who having problems!" Vat?
She taks de nam of an insekt und Komplans dat nobody knowz de gendr of de nomen? Vat kind of silinez is dat?

But skariest of al iz her protest of de alegatunz abowt veding! "Varna and I stand together in saying that never will any human/literally alive member of Entmoot become a victim of "weeding", as we've chosen to describe it."

"any human/literally alive member of Entmoot" und dey vud be vat, des humans? Und vat ia "literally alive member"? Iz dat somon who haz de hartbet or de respiratuns or de branvavz on de EEG machin? Or iz der som sekret definitun of aliv dat vil be aplid?

She alredy dinks dat she getz to mak de definitun of de "weeding" - she iz so bold as to say "as we've chosen to describe it"!!! Vat iz de definitun of a ved akording to Midg? Haz she told anyon vat is a ved? On man's ved is anoder man's vegetabl! Iz al veez kreatd equal or iz som vedz mor equal dan oderz? Tomatos vaz konsiderd vedz und poisonus fur a long tim. Iz Midg aganst de tomatos of de vorld?



Du shud dink on des dings very karfuly.

Den vot fur de Hektor und Acaly tiket to tru EntMutian valhala und paradis und Vestern Landz!

[hectorberlioz]

*MOOTHUG*

[Midge]

Originally Posted by inked

De sli alegatunz aganst de fair Midg ar disingenuouz at best and dezignd to undrmin her kandidacy by subtlty. De Kafehawz iz ein mastr propagandist plying hiz kraft und kraftinez.!!!!

I bin varning du tim und tim und tim agan! Bevar! De Kafehawz iz de hop und chang Obanimation of de EntMut!

Thank you for the compliment. It's not everyday I'm called "de fair" anything!

Und in responz, de Midg haz unveld her radikal feminizm! She is playing de gendr kard. She iz drowing arownd de big vords lik "Gender is an issue on this board and I can definitely identify with those who having problems!" Vat?
She taks de nam of an insekt und Komplans dat nobody knowz de gendr of de nomen? Vat kind of silinez is dat?

Okay, this is just ridiculous. I'm nothing like a feminist and it's not going to be part of my platform. The only "gender issue" I was referring to was that of being referred to by an inapplicable pronoun - something I've personally experienced.

But skariest of al iz her protest of de alegatunz abowt veding! "Varna and I stand together in saying that never will any human/literally alive member of Entmoot become a victim of "weeding", as we've chosen to describe it."

"any human/literally alive member of Entmoot" und dey vud be vat, des humans? Und vat ia "literally alive member"? Iz dat somon who haz de hartbet or de respiratuns or de branvavz on de EEG machin? Or iz der som sekret definitun of aliv dat vil be aplid?

If I had said, "any human member of Entmoot", I would have gotten SOME smartie-pants word-twister asking, "What about Elves or Dwarves? Are you discriminating against non-humans?" I was trying to be politically correct, and at the same time exclude bots who become members of Entmoot so as to spam threads.

She alredy dinks dat she getz to mak de definitun of de "weeding" - she iz so bold as to say "as we've chosen to describe it"!!! Vat iz de definitun of a ved akording to Midg? Haz she told anyon vat is a ved? On man's ved is anoder man's vegetabl! Iz al veez kreatd equal or iz som vedz mor equal dan oderz? Tomatos vaz konsiderd vedz und poisonus fur a long tim. Iz Midg aganst de tomatos of de vorld?

When I said "we've" I meant in the discussion Coffeehouse and I were having. He's taken the word "weeding" and used it to mean some kind of negative agenda I might have. When applied to Entmoot members, that sounds rather ... bad. *ugh* Between you and Coffeehouse, I'm getting really tired of explaining myself so clearly!

Also - I happen to love tomatos! And if I'm not sure what a plant is, I will always ask everyone before I pull it! And we're not even talking about plants!

I will say this: You have to take everything said with a grain of salt. First, in your post, you called me fair, then you called me a feminist, a liar, and a deceitful dictionary! Talk about duplicity.

[hectorberlioz]

I really have to admire Midge's persistence in explaining herself so clearly in the face of such obviously silly attacks. If I were president I would jail anyone who called Midge a liar. And that includes myself!

As Vice President, I will recommend the above to my boss, Acalewia.

[Midge]

Well. Thank you. I have a terrible time doing what Coffeehouse does. After all, "Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; A stranger, and not your own lips." Prov. 27:2 And I don't have a strange, Euro-English supporter the way you (and indirectly through you, Acally) do. So I must use what I have and logic my way out of ridiculous "alegatunz".

OH, for President? I accept!

... in 9 more seconds, I mean.

[Tessar]

We went undercover to find out what mooters from the Shire to Mordor REALLY think about this election season! Check out our fascinating poll!

Brutal Campaigns and Slanderous Intentions!
Who are our candidates? Who knows about their lives? Who is attacking those lives?! These are the burning questions that only more propaganda and blathering can answer!

Is this the most brutal election season that we’ve seen thus far? “I definitely think so,” reported one sexy young ‘mooter. “I mean between Jonathan being thrown in prison, and then a bunch of other stuff happening, and then the weird stuff going on with the English Language, I think we could definitely say that this is one of the most brutal elections ever.”

“I don’t think so,” replies another person. “I feel like it’s all a lot of fluff and propaganda. I mean maybe someone was thrown in jail, but what’s all this now about Euro-English? Seems alright to me. I mean, I can read it. Doesn’t seem that brutal. Can you really commit an act of brutality against an idea? I thought that had more to do with people.”

Finding The Magic Within You...

“It’s definitely a load of crap,” report the youth of today. “I don’t really believe in magic, and if anything were inside of me I think the doctor would have found it at my last physical.”

“I think it’s more of a metaphor. You know, about finding the magic within you? I mean maybe it’s like Midge says, about being young and gay and heartless. In fact, I’ll tell you something—I had a gay friend and he was VERY heartless. He stole my favorite scarf and never gave it back, even when I asked for it for that one really important date. Gay people are definitely heartless, and which is probably why they have magic in them,” writes a news correspondent for the Shire Daily. “Sorry, did that not make much sense?” she continues, “I meant it metaphorically. You know.”

“People who have found the magic inside of themselves are already administrators,” explains Tessar, who may or may not be working under the alias of X Perry Mint because he is totally a super hero even though he does not realize it because of his mild-mannered alter ego, “so I mean if everyone went around finding the magic inside of themselves then they would be administrators.... do you see what I mean?” he finishes cryptically. “Well anyways, that’s how I feel about it. Wait, what? Oh... sorry... you meant Coffeehouse. Well I think finding magic inside of yourself is splendid... saves you the cost of running down to the market for it. Wait... that’s not what you meant either? I’m confused,” at which point he began singing very loudly because he was obviously not sure what else to do.

“I will absolutely be voting for coffeehouse,” reports one anonymous mooter from the Entertainment forum. “I think three people is like having three times the power. You could definitely find some magic inside of yourself if you had three governmental figures there to guide you towards it.”

Can Hector win it again? Only as VICE-president?

“I don’t think so,” one person replied. “I mean maybe. He could. But probably not. Although you never know. That’s definitely how I’m feeling about it.”

Who is the mysterious X Perry Mint?!

“Who now?” Tessar answers, pausing to take a breath between arias. “I’ve never heard of X Perry Mint, and you probably haven’t either. But he, she, it, or whatever will probably win everything.”



That’s it, folks!!! Come back next week for more exciting election news!

[hectorberlioz]

MOOTER MAG

Statistics Show That Candidates Are Running For President
In a stunning show of candidate viability, the current crop of presidential candidates have all been shown to be running for president. Statistics gathered by the Entmoot Government Polling Branch last month show that 100% of the candidates currently running for president are running for president. "This is absolutely incredible," said an anonymous government official known only as "Deep Throat."

Mooter Mag went out on the campaign trail and asked mooters of all ages who they liked as candidates.

One old geezer described the candidates this way: "Weeeellll, the way I see it is we've got two corruptocrats runnin' fer reelection, two know-nothin's trying to gain power, and one mysterious doodad trying to pull a fast one over us. It's all goin' up in hell's flames! But I'm votin' for Coffee at the end of the day. At least that's still cheap."

People who were middle-aged and just coming out of a middle-age crisis responded differently. One woman said, "I think John McC---er, Coffeehouse is the best choice for president because he has the most hopeful message. Also, he is the first American candidate from Sweden to ever run, and I want to be part of that." A construction worker from Lower Fangorn said, "Moy woyf and oiy haeve bean layving hear fur twenny yeers, end wee hayv neyver seen sech a beyad cropp of candydates. Butt obveeusly the beyst pearson to vowt fowr is Miydge and Vernafandy. At leayst they offur sum howppe of chocolate, end thayt is a mayjor ishoo."

Younger voters were more decisive in choosing their candidates, and most simply said: "Acally und Hektor!"

[Gwaimir Windgem]

Originally Posted by Tessar

“It’s definitely a load of crap,” report the youth of today. “I don’t really believe in magic, and if anything were inside of me I think the doctor would have found it at my last physical.”

Ahem. Can I just say: "LOL!"

Also, everyone vote No.

[Jonathan]

In some constituencies, questions have been raised concerning a certain candidate's right to run for president. We asked experts in constitutional law at Fangorn University School of Law to give us their input.

First, let's have a recapitulation of the rules of this election, as laid forth by the admins:

1. Candidates have until April the 15th to declare candidacy. Naturally, they will be allowed to create a thread for campaigning and debate.
2. Everyone who has registered before the 1st of March 2010 and who has a 100 posts or more on the day the ballot box opens will be able to vote.
3. One vote per person only, so no cheating. Cheaters will be sent to the slave-pits of Mordor, and you wouldn't want that. You're also allowed to vote blank if you do not like any of the candidates.
4. To cast one's vote, voters must send a PM with the name of their chosen candidate to the Entmoot Election account which serves as ballot box. All votes cast before or after the ballot box is officially open are disqualified.
5. We will need 15 qualified votes for this election to be valid. But naturally we want to get as much votes in as possible!

Voting will take place from the 1st until the 7th of May. The ballot box will therefore only be opened on the 1st, and closed at the end of the 7th of May.


The first rule should provide no difficulties. "X Perry Mint announced his... er, hers?... candidacy well ahead of time" says Lex Court, an aged scholar. "However there are doubts about the exact date of candidate Coffeehouse's announcement. Most professors here at the university believe he did indeed join the presidential race before the 15th of April. Still, there is a fairly large number of law students who strongly argue that due to daylight savings and other reasons, Coffeehouse's announcement came too late and that he is in fact, ineligible as president."

We called an associate justice of the Entmoot Supreme Court and asked him whether the court was likely to take an interest in the case of Coffeehouse's candidacy. "Let the man run for president, for heaven's sake! Besides, I never liked daylight savings anyway."

It is, however, the second rule of election that proves to be the most interesting. Mr Court explains: "While no-one questions the fact that X Perry Mint was a registered member prior to the 1st of March this year, there are concerns about the candidate's post count. Seemingly, as for voting, X Perry Mint has the required number of a 100 posts. Or well, that's what his... her... post count of 104 suggests."

As most mooters are surely aware, post counts on Entmoot are highly unreliable. In the past, threads have vanished, reappeared, multiplied and been stashed away where the sun doesn't shine - all this with a tremendous effect on the members' post counts. In addition, the admins and mods are known for their notorious habit of raising their own post counts to sky-high levels. There has also been frequent reports of them fiddling with the post counts of ordinary mooters.

Mr Court continues: "Some of our students (with too much time on their hands, in my mind) actually set out to count the number of X Perry Mint's posts manually. And after counting and recounting, they came to the conclusion that the candidate has only written a total number of four posts - two of which are almost identical."

It is well-known that X Perry Mint has very strong ties to the mod Tessar. Could this explain the post count? "Of course," Mr Court replies, "Tessar has the necessary tools and assets to conjure up the 100 feigned posts that X Perry Mint needs for his... her... campaign. But as most of us experts interpret the rules, it is the number of genuine posts, not the post count, that determine whether you can vote - and possibly also run for president"

The obvious question on everyone's lips is this - is X Perry Mint eligible at all?

"Well, the rules state that to vote, a hundred posts is needed only when the ballot box opens on the 1st of May. In theory, X Perry Mint could amass the remaining 96 posts in the few days that are left. Whether having 100 posts is also obligatory to run in this election, well that's really up to the Supreme Court to decide."

It remains to be seen whether the Supreme Court will consider this, but time is running out and it is unlikely there will be a decision on the matter until after the voting is over. Consequently, if X Perry Mint proceeds to win the election, there is a substantial risk of a government crisis.
And many questions are left unanswered: Is Tessar's alleged altering of X Perry Mint's post count even legal? Should a candidate with such strong ties to a mod, be eligible in the first place? Do Tessar and X Perry Mint have one vote each and would that be appropriate?


No matter how it all turns out in the end, there are few who disagree that this election might become the most scandalous in Entmoot history.

[Earniel]

Dude, I'm getting some really bad flash-backs concerning RL politics here...

Must be the first election that sees the sudden rise in Entmoot media, though. I have never seen so many interviews, editions and papers.

At least no one has brought up representative voting circles yet.

[Jonathan]

Originally Posted by Eärniel

Dude, I'm getting some really bad flash-backs concerning RL politics here...

Coming from a Belgian, this must be bad