Posting personal messages

[Arian]

Nice lectures Hobbit and Jeresydevil, I was about to fall alseep.(jk.) But u guys are right.

[jerseydevil]

HOBBIT - I agree with a lot of what you said. But a lot of times - a person just wants to vent about a problem. Of course there was the venting thread somewhere out there.

The problem with posting a personal problem on Entmoot is that as soon as you do, it becomes public. If the next day you wake up and go - "I really wish I didn't say that" there is no real way of turning back. It may change the way people on entmoot "look" at you. You may be ashamed of having posted your problem out there for everyone to see. I know I've posted things that I wish I hadn't said - of course most people probably have.

Unless you meet people on Entmoot outside of Entmoot and develop a TRUE friendship - no one really knows each other here. This is only a small subset of anyone's life. At least I think for the majority of people it is. People on the net only let people see the side they want people to see. Also - what you type and say can distort people's view of you.

There are "help" sites out there on the net. Some geared specifially toward teens. If you have a problem - it may be better to get involved with one of those sites for those kind of things. They may be able to help out a lot better than people on Entmoot.

[Laurelyn]

Originally posted by Sister Golden Hair
Are you saying that the people on the forum know you in real life?

As I have said before (anduin, you'll recognize this):
They certainly know me better than a psychiatrist who I've never heard of until I walk into his/her office. I can't talk to people I don't know. With all the time I spend on the Moot, you guys know me better than many of my friends at school. I like you guys, and I trust you. I can understand where personal messages might bug you I guess . . . but can't you understand how much I have to trust you - not trust that you're not stalkers, but trust you as people to not laugh at me.
The reason no one knows me is I don't trust like that often.
I know that my thread is indeed one of the ones you've got a problem with . . . Sorry. If it's that much of a problem, you can go close it.
I'm not making any sense.
I'm tired and ranting . . . not good combo.
I apologize once more for this post, which I will read in a few hours and wonder what I'm doing on Entmoot if I make this little sense. Sorry again.

Later edit:
I think I'm going to stay away from this thread for a while. I'm kind of upset right now, and as Jerseydevil said, I don't wanna say anything I regret.

[Sister Golden Hair]

Originally posted by Laurelyn
[B] With all the time I spend on the Moot, you guys know me better than many of my friends at school. I like you guys, and I trust you. I can understand where personal messages might bug you I guess . . . but can't you understand how much I have to trust you - not trust that you're not stalkers, but trust you as people to not laugh at me.

I think you misunderstand my point. There are almost one thousand people posting to this board. That is a lot of people, you certianly haven't become friends with all of them Ya think? I am not saying there is anything wrong with you or others talking about personal problems. I am saying that the GM forum may not be the best place for doing that. For a few reasons. We have all ready discussed the safety issue and I think solved that, but there is the issue of personal problems just not fitting in with general discussion, and with near one thousand folks on the board, I think it restricts people from replying. Not all, or most can relate to the topic. I realize that even some general topics can not be related to, but that is a less narrow accessability.

The reason no one knows me is I don't trust like that often.
I know that my thread is indeed one of the ones you've got a problem with . . . Sorry. If it's that much of a problem, you can go close it.

This is not just about your thread, or any thread in particular, or just this time. This has happened before, and I don't have a problem with your thread. As a matteroffact, I have followed it very little. I do know enough about it to say that I can't really relate to it, so therefore, I can not reply to it. Why are there different forums for Tolkien's work? You wouldn't post Star Wars stuff in the Tolkien forum, and when things like that happen, they get moved. I am saying that there is not a forum for personal problems. There is a private message funtion, and there is email. Personal problems IMO, don't belong in GMs anymore than they belong in the Tolkien forums.

[anduin]

there is the issue of personal problems just not fitting in with general discussion, and with near one thousand folks on the board, I think it restricts people from replying. Not all, or most can relate to the topic. I realize that even some general topics can not be related to, but that is a less narrow accessability.

Less narrow??? At what percentage then should we draw the line then?

I do not think that you can say since most people can not relate to a topic then it should not be posted in GM. There are plenty of threads in GM that wouldn't even affect 50% of the members here:

vegetarian thread....percentage of vegetarians anywhere is less than 1/2.

any thread on "band".....what maybe 10% of the members here are or have been in band.

Ben's very personal threads about his band experiences, premiers he has attended, when he and his family are leaving his home.....now these are very personal in nature and really only affect him and his family. Do you think those should not be allowed also? What about Greg's thread telling of his grandfather's death?

What I think (and this is only my opinion), is that you simply do not want to hear about other people's problems. Which is completely fine. But I do not think that we should make a rule about it or try to narrow what people can talk about here.

In the past this forum as served as a catch all. We have always told everyone that no topic (within reason) is prohibited. Should we change that for what appears to me (again only my opinion) is a pet peeve of yours? Sorry, I just don't think people are being irresponsible about what info they are posting.

[Tessar]

Hear hear anduin!

[Sister Golden Hair]

Ben's very personal threads about his band experiences, premiers he has attended, when he and his family are leaving his home.....now these are very personal in nature and really only affect him and his family. Do you think those should not be allowed also? What about Greg's thread telling of his grandfather's death?

I never singled out any specific threads as I told Laurelyn. I started this thread to get members opinions about personal messages being posted in the GMs forum, and nothing more.

What I think (and this is only my opinion), is that you simply do not want to hear about other people's problems. Which is completely fine. But I do not think that we should make a rule about it or try to narrow what people can talk about here.

It really doesn't matter to me if people post there personal problems here. It does not effect my life. Iwould not do it for myself though, and the only issue that I was attempting to find out from whomever wished to reply to this thread was, are personal problems really considered to be general discussion. Nothing more. I never at any time in this thread said to make it a rule.

In the past this forum as served as a catch all. We have always told everyone that no topic (within reason) is prohibited. Should we change that for what appears to me (again only my opinion) is a pet peeve of yours? Sorry, I just don't think people are being irresponsible about what info they are posting.

Your opinion is noted, but wrong. I do not have a pet peeve with this. First I had a concern about any young members going so far as to post personal information, as should you. My second issue was to see if others thought that some of these topics qualified as general messages. It is that simple. I never said anyone had posted irresponsibly. I don't know why everyone is so stirred up. I find I have to continueally repeat myself to have others understand my point. I did not start this thread to make havoc or to have to go on the defensive. This has been an issue with others as well. I was just the one that brought it out. Geesh!!!

[Pailan]

I have been following this thread, with holding comment until I could see the whole picture. You know, not being hasty and all that... Generally, I skip over most of personal problem posts and head on out to threads which interest me. I suspect most folk do. I think, SGH has some valid points and a little bit of caution and self edditing could go a long way towards saving one from grief, embarassment, or worse.

We all have bad days and Entmoot may not be the best place to search for consoling. For me there are days this place is a real life saver. I don't air my problems here, well in part, so I can leave them behind and enjoy my time on the moot.

These are my opinions and thanks to SGH for raising this important topic.

[StrawberryIcecream]

While we are on the subject of giving out personal information (well we were last time i looked), you can kind of tell who the carful ones are on that. I have put my name as captain James T Kirk but if anyone wants to know my first anme they can but not my last anme as all of us are related we are so rare. For instance one person has given out there full name address and everything!!! weird!

Oh and on the original topic, how personal is what you mean by personal???

Do you mean "I'm leaving" messages (cos they REALLY pee me off. If they were so desperate to leave then they wouldnt care what people said anyway) and "a quiz about you" thread (fun to do but i can see how it would be calssed as personal in a way) or just things like "My friend called me a ***** today. Anyone else been called that? what should i do bla bla bla bla"?

And my vegetarian thread isnt a 'problem'!!! Vegetarianism is not classified as a personal PROBLEM!!!! *Bretahe, breathe, breathe. Strawberry considers that it was probably not meant to sound like that at all.hmm. yes.. i am being irrational*

And anyway, most of you guys are admins anyway, can't you just shut them down if you think they are too personal or does Bmilder (not, mile - dur OR Mulder (I wish!!!)) not let you?

Oh and HOBBIT? I know a TrisTAN. I like the name also and plan to call my son that. But he wont be my son. I shall adopt as stupid Eve managed to make childbirth painful, stupid farm animal.

Ok now i'm just rambling on... um... thankyou. *strawberry steps down from speaking podium*

[Elfmaster XK]

*claps for strawberry's speech*

I agree with SGH's concerns, that is all they are. She is not having a go at anyone. However, i feel now that if ppl want to discuss this then that is their chioce.

[Sister Golden Hair]

Originally posted by StrawberryIcecream
[B]

Oh and on the original topic, how personal is what you mean by personal???

Do you mean "I'm leaving" messages (cos they REALLY pee me off. If they were so desperate to leave then they wouldnt care what people said anyway) and "a quiz about you" thread (fun to do but i can see how it would be calssed as personal in a way) or just things like "My friend called me a ***** today. Anyone else been called that? what should i do bla bla bla bla"?

Well, I am actually refering to threads that have not been posted, but could be. The existing threads that are personal but vague just inspired me somewhat to create the thread. I am talking about categorizing probably more than anything else. If someone posts something to the effect of (my mom and dad are getting a devorce. Can you help me cope, or lend me your ear) kinda thing. Would that be a general discussion topic? Is the internet a good place to do this? I am not just talking about it at Entmoot. At Entmoot personal topics are posted, but I just never considered them to really fit in with general topics. The "vegetarion" thread is a general topic IMO

And anyway, most of you guys are admins anyway, can't you just shut them down if you think they are too personal or does Bmilder (not, mile - dur OR Mulder (I wish!!!)) not let you?

As anduin stated, anything is allowed within reason.

[StrawberryIcecream]

ok cool. I agree. As long as my vegetarian thread isnt going to be closed down!!!

[Sister Golden Hair]

Originally posted by StrawberryIcecream
ok cool. I agree. As long as my vegetarian thread isnt going to be closed down!!!

I never specified anything about any particular thread. Anduin brought up a few threads as examples of what their accessability was to forum members in her argument to me. That's all. No threads are being closed. No law is being made to change anything that I know of. This topic was not made to critisise any existing threads. I made this topic, and it does not involve the administration. Nor was it made to PO anyone.

[jerseydevil]

I think someone wanting to discuss their parents getting divorced and trying to find out how others coped is fine IMO. I was a junior counselor at a camp and one of the kids I was in charge of - his parents were going through a heated divorce. They'd fight over him through letters and stuff. He'd read a note and run into the cabin and just cry. It's a very hard thing to go through and if someone can find people with similar experiences on the moot - I just can't see what it's hurting. My parents hadn't gotten divorced - so it was hard for me to understand completely. I did everything I could to help him.

People have problems - and sometimes all anyone wants is to see if someone has gone through the same thing and can give them some pointers on how to handle it.

My mother died several years ago unexpectedly. None of my friends had ever gone through that experience. I would have liked to have been able to find someone that could have talked to me. I really needed to find someone at that time that could actually relate to what I was going through.

Entmoot I feel is a community - beyond Tolkien. People should be allowed to discuss things that they are having a hard time with within a thread. In a way it's just like going to a coffee shop and meeting new people. The annonimity makes it easier to discuss problems though I think.

[StrawberryIcecream]

hmm now that raises a good point JD. Maybe instead of a forum there shouls be a thread for personal problems. Not a law against them, but people be encouraged to go on there if they need help or support. I'll start one if everyone agrees.

And i'm not getting at you SGH, I was just making my feelings known! And i was joking about the closing my thread down!

[HOBBIT]

And anyway, most of you guys are admins anyway, can't you just shut them down if you think they are too personal or does Bmilder (not, mile - dur OR Mulder (I wish!!!)) not let you?

Oh and HOBBIT? I know a TrisTAN. I like the name also and plan to call my son that. But he wont be my son. I shall adopt as stupid Eve managed to make childbirth painful, stupid farm animal.

uhh was that a joke? I hope so. You said "not Mile-dur" But that is how it is pronounced! So beens name is "bee-mile-dur" as in the letter b and then the word milder. not so hard its an average, ordinary word used daily!

And you said that you know a TrisTAN. I hate it when people stress the tan. Oh well. Asumming thats a joke (putting in the TAN, not a joke about you knowing one..).. oh well.

I'm just a silly hobbit

[StrawberryIcecream]

See! I knew i'd end up offending someone!!!

I'm reaaalllly sorry TRIStan!!!

It's just I was pointing out the spelling. Not meaning to stress it.

And please tell me how to pronounce you last name!!! I'm so confused!!!!

I though it was mill - der. But obviously not from that post! I swear you said it wasnt Mile-dur!

Anyway. Can I just call you Mulder? Tristan Mulder? Because its easier for me and gives me a slight claim to know an actual Mulder!!!

Its ok if I cant.

And I know what you mean with the annoyance of pronounciation! I have suffered the ultimate mispronounciation!!!

I wont say my last name but lets just say it ended up an Alton Towers form to me as Emma Woodhead!!! My head is not wood!