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06-16-2004, 05:32 PM
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#1 |
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the dumb stoner canuck
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: canada
Posts: 2,542
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because i am a man
Saw this on another website and thought it was pretty funny.
Because I'm a man Because I'm a Man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Because I'm a Man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer. Because I'm a Man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem. Because I'm a Man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. But never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. Because I'm a Man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator). Because I'm a Man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going? Because I'm a Man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or sports. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't. Because I'm a Man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay, I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too. Because I'm a Man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't. Because I'm a Man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it- looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now? Because I'm a Man, and this is, after all, the year 2004, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. This has been a public service message for women, to better understand men.
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-"Down with the system"-Serj tankian of system of a down -“Humans have been on the earth for millions of years, yet we don’t believe man began thinking until he started building walls. And what good have these walls ever done us?”-Serj tankian of soad -"stupid people do stupid things"-Serj tankian of soad "Trying is the first step to failure" Homer Simpson "It isn't going to be easy"-jerseydevil "only the good die young" I AM CANADIAN If the people lead, the leaders will follow. |
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06-16-2004, 05:48 PM
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#2 |
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I am Freddie/UNDERCOVER/ Founder of The Great Continent of Entmoot
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Plainsboro, NJ
Posts: 9,431
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The remote control one is very true.
 I need the remote by me. Do you know how long it takes to change channels on a Digital Cable system WITHOUT the remote?
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Come back! Come back! To Mordor we will take you! "The only thing better than a great plan is implementing a great plan" - JerseyDevil "If everyone agreed with me all the time, everything would be just fine"- JerseyDevil AboutNewJersey.com New Jersey MessageBoard Another Tolkien Forum Memorial to the Twin Towers New Jersey Map Fellowship of the Messageboard Legend of the Jersey Devil Support New Jersey's Liberty Tower Peacefire.org AboutNewJersey.com - New Jersey Travel and Tourism Guide |
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06-16-2004, 06:03 PM
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#3 |
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Queen of Nargothrond
Administrator 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Akron, Ohio - USA
Posts: 7,121
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That's why women like the simple things in life; MEN!
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"Whither go you?" she said. "North away." he said: "to the swords, and the siege, and the walls of defence - that yet for a while in Beleriand rivers may run clean, leaves spring, and birds build their nests, ere Night comes." AboutNewJersey.com - New Jersey Travel and Tourism Guide |
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06-16-2004, 06:08 PM
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#4 | |
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the dumb stoner canuck
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: canada
Posts: 2,542
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Quote:
whenever we lose the remote ym dad starts freaking out like it is the most essential thing for him, even though he doesnt watch much t.v. but golf. we spend so much damn time looking for it too. 
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-"Down with the system"-Serj tankian of system of a down -“Humans have been on the earth for millions of years, yet we don’t believe man began thinking until he started building walls. And what good have these walls ever done us?”-Serj tankian of soad -"stupid people do stupid things"-Serj tankian of soad "Trying is the first step to failure" Homer Simpson "It isn't going to be easy"-jerseydevil "only the good die young" I AM CANADIAN If the people lead, the leaders will follow. |
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06-16-2004, 09:36 PM
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#5 |
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Quasi Evil
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Maryland, US
Posts: 4,634
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oh. i thought this was a Muddy Waters thread.
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"People's political beliefs don't stem from the factual information they've acquired. Far more the facts people choose to believe are the product of their political beliefs." "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." |
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06-16-2004, 10:58 PM
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#6 | |
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Domesticated Swing Babe
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Reality
Posts: 5,340
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Quote:
Yeah....they're cute, aren't they! |
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06-16-2004, 11:06 PM
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#7 |
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Cardboard Harp of Gondor 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: IM IN UR POSTZ, EDITIN' UR WURDZ
Posts: 6,433
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*waits for Beruthial to post*
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06-17-2004, 03:10 PM
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#8 | |
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mystical divinity of Unashamed Felinity
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: New York's beautiful North Coast -- we're all mad here!!!
Posts: 635
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Re: because i am a man
Quote:
What?? This is news??? Have I missed something??? BTW -- my boyfriend went to visit his mother (400 miles away) and he took an older VCR to her because hers doesn't work. He just called me at work to ask me to send him the remote. He forgot to pack it before he left.  (happy now, Tessar???)
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 "Never try to out-stubborn a cat!" -- R. Heinlein ~~~~~~~~~ "But I don't want to be among mad people, " Alice remarked. "Oh, but you can't help that," said the Cat; "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here." ~~ Lewis Carroll ~~~~~~~~~~~ Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana... Last edited by Beruthiel's cat : 06-17-2004 at 03:11 PM. |
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06-17-2004, 03:30 PM
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#9 | |
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Elven Maiden
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,309
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I'm not a man, but I do need the remote for my stereo. Actually, te volume knob is sort of broken. I'll spend way more time looking for the remote than it would take to do it myself assuming the knob worked. All joking aside, a lot of times you actually need the clicker, because there are some things you just can't do without it, especially if you have satalite.
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06-17-2004, 07:36 PM
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#10 |
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Half-Elven Princess of Rabbit Trails and Harp-Wielding Administrator (beware the Rubber Chicken of Doom!)
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Not where I want to be ...
Posts: 15,254
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Funny!!
*loves men anyway*
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. I should be doing the laundry, but this is MUCH more fun! Ñá ë?* óú éä ïöü Öñ É Þ ð ß ® ç å ™ æ ♪ ?*"How lovely are Thy dwelling places, O Lord of hosts! ... For a day in Thy courts is better than a thousand outside." (from Psalm 84) * * * God rocks! Entmoot : Veni, vidi, velcro - I came, I saw, I got hooked! Ego numquam pronunciare mendacium, sed ego sum homo indomitus! Run the earth and watch the sky ... Auta i lómë! Aurë entuluva! |
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06-17-2004, 09:09 PM
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#11 |
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Elf Lord
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: 2nd star to the left.....
Posts: 566
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Funny! and certainly describes alot of men I know.
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06-18-2004, 08:24 AM
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#12 |
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Woolly Jumper
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: In my field of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby
Posts: 1,200
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*giggles at how silly the male species are!*
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:: there's nothing comforting in change:: Why dont sheep shrink in the rain?? |
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06-18-2004, 09:21 AM
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#13 |
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Elf Lord
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: In me taters
Posts: 3,288
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OK, if we're doing the men/women thing...
Someone sent me this recently:
GIRL'S DIARY: Sunday 11 May 2004 Saw Dave in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I went shopping in the afternoon with the girls and bought some really special clothes and make-up - thought it would make a good impression. I did turn up a bit late so I thought it might be that, but he never complained. The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to be closer together and talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere else for something nice to eat. All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong. He was silent in the car and when he dropped me back home I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated but followed. I asked him again if something was the matter but he just turned his head and put the television on. After about 10 minutes of silence I said I was going upstairs to bed. Despairingly, I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up immediately, but later he did. I was surprised when he turned towards me in bed and we made love. Afterwards he still seemed distant and a bit cold. I started to worry and began to think that he may leave me, and that he had found someone else. I cried myself to sleep and had terrible nightmares about losing the man I love. BOYS' DIARY Sunday 11 May 2004 Leeds were relegated today. Gutted. Got a shag though. |
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06-18-2004, 09:26 AM
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#14 |
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mystical divinity of Unashamed Felinity
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: New York's beautiful North Coast -- we're all mad here!!!
Posts: 635
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Hmmmph!!
Just goes to show -- men can't multi-task but they do prioritize.
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"Never try to out-stubborn a cat!" -- R. Heinlein ~~~~~~~~~ "But I don't want to be among mad people, " Alice remarked. "Oh, but you can't help that," said the Cat; "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here." ~~ Lewis Carroll ~~~~~~~~~~~ Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana... |
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06-18-2004, 01:12 PM
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#15 |
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Cardboard Harp of Gondor
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: IM IN UR POSTZ, EDITIN' UR WURDZ
Posts: 6,433
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Hehehe, except Jackie Chan apparently
. From what I've heard he's quite the multi-tasker  . |
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06-18-2004, 02:34 PM
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#16 |
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the Shrike
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: San Francisco, CA <3
Posts: 10,647
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Weeeell, if you include the ability to look silly and swing a ladder at the same time, then sure, Jackie Chan multitasks.
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"Binary solo! 0000001! 00000011! 0000001! 00000011!" ~ The Humans are Dead, Flight of the Conchords |
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06-18-2004, 02:38 PM
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#17 | |
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Elven Warrior
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: uk
Posts: 134
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Re: OK, if we're doing the men/women thing...
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07-12-2004, 08:18 PM
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#18 | |
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The Intermittent One
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: here and there
Posts: 4,671
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Re: OK, if we're doing the men/women thing...
Quote:
would be even funnier if leeds were a good team (j/k, i really can't stand football!!) |
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