Character Interpositioning

[Nibs]

I thought this would be interesting. Just use an excerpt from one of the books and replace the names and corresponding objects, persons, etc. with other things. Here's mine:

There as the sun westered on the sixth day, and the shadow on the dry earth grew dark, Farmer Cotton fell from exhaustion, and all the farming Hobbits were collapsed about him in a heap; and ants hewed their own path around them and left them as a mound of stuff in the sunset.
Last of all Farmer Maggot stood alone. Then he cast aside his gloves, and wielded a hoe two-handed; and it is said that the hoe bent in the entrenched roots of the weeds until it withered, and each time he stroke Maggot cried: "Niene Entuluva! Rain shall come again!" Seventy times he uttered that cry, but they took him at last alive for the plants grappled him with their leaves, which clung to him still though he hewed their stems; and ever their numbers were renewed, until at last he fell buried beneath them.

Don't even tell me I have too much time on my hands... I know it.

[afro-elf]

you my friend i have double respect for

a though we disagree on thiesm i found your response to be more reasonable than most

but this goes with a general respect for intelligence in general

you're like a nice version of wayfarer

a young bropous

or a serious arathorn

that is a great idea and your example was quite witty

hope to see more

[Khadrane]

That's funny!

[Wayfarer]

Originally posted by afro-elf
you're like a nice version of wayfarer

I hate to tell you, man, but that is just not possible. ]: )

[emplynx]

Originally posted by afro-elf
you're like a nice version of wayfarer

a young bropous

or a serious arathorn

What about a better smelling form of emplynx? PLEASE!!!!! I need to feel important.

[Nibs]

Really? I thank you for your kind words, afro-elf (They were kind weren't they? When Wayfarer's involved, I can never be sure ) . I do notice that I'm far more stern and careful in the theism threads as to what I say, and it's nice to know someone appreciated that effort.

I thought of this idea while I was hoing myself (that means I was hoing the ground, not as in myself, or my own body, you know... honestly, you people have tweaked minds ) ... Hurin's stand has become my one of my favorite excerpts and I was working and thought "hey, I'm wielding this hoe two-handed". I'll try another soon, but I can't promise it will be as good.

[Nibs]

I found another good excerpt. For some reason the Silmarillion has the best ones because of the epic writing style, being trivialized by yours truly :

Then he fled from them like the wind, and they were amazed, wondering what madness had seized him; and they followed after him. But Herman far outran them; and he came to the Green Dragon, and heard the roaring of the patrons, and saw that all the drunkards fell sere from the chairs, as though a round 'on the house' had come. There he drew forth his flagon, that now alone remained to him of all his possessions, and he said: "Hail Obreith! No lord or loyalty dost thou know, save the hand that wieldeth thee. From no barrel wilt thou drink. Wilt thou therefore take Herman, wilt thou take my soberness swiftly?"
And the chalice rang a cold voice in answer: "Yea, I will inebriate thee gladly, so that I may forget the merriness of times past, and evenings spent unjustly. I will plaster thee swiftly."
Then Herman set the edge to his lips and cast the contents into his gullet, and the dark fluid took his consciousness. But Marvin and the hobbits came and looked on the shape of the bartender shaking his head, and upon the body of Herman, and they grieved.

Herman and Marvin are meant to be hobbits, if you couldn't tell.

Is anyone else going to do one of these? They are kind of tough, but it's quite fun!

[Menelvagor]

Those are funny Nibs!

Here's my attempt at this (the Shire really seems to lend itself to these):
Now news came to Hobbiton that Bree was overthrown, and that the tables of the Prancing Pony were overturned. Then The Old Took beheld (as it seemed to him) the utter ruin of the ale houses, and the end beyond redress of all their beer; and filled with wrath and wiskey he mounted upon Pinky his little pony and rode forth alone, and none might restrain him. He passed over the Woody End like an orc amid the elves, and all that beheld his onset fled in amaze, thinking that Pippin himself was come: for a great drunkeness was upon him, so that his foot-hairs curled like that of the Westmarch. Thus he came alone to Bombadil's doors, and he pulled his beard, and smote once more upon the oaken doors, and challenged Tom to come forth to a drinking contest. And Tom came.

[afro-elf]

this is really a great thread

[galadriel]

these are great

[Nibs]

I've bowdlerized this excerpt marginally and interjected a nearby sentence... forgive me .

"And so it is told of Gollum that he, being in ecstasy and delight, cast himself into a gaping chasm filled with fire, and so ended; and the ring that he bore was taken into the bosom of the earth. And thereafter he wandered ever upon the plains of the east, singing in pain and regret beside the craters. For Gollum was mighty among the singers of old; but he came never back among the people of the new realm."

Actually, I guess I shouldn't put quotation marks around these... kinda defeats the purpose...

[markedel]

This actually requires talent, hmmm

[Nibs]

Just try to imagine Gollum singing... it's SO funny...

Actually, I just read until something pops into my head. "Replacing that word with this would make it great" or just trying to locate two similar passages works pretty well.

[Andúril]

So great was the horror of his approach that Eru leapt aside. Then Samwise leapt upon Morgoth; and he swooned before the menace of the fell spirit in his eyes and the foul vapour of his breath.

====

But no wizardry nor spell, neither fang nor venom, nor devil's art nor beast strength, could overthrow Samwise of the Void; and he took his foe by the throat and pinned him down. Then Iluvatar shifted shape, from wolf to squirrel, and from alien to his own accustomed form; but he could not elude the grip of Samwise without forsaking his body utterly.

[Menelvagor]

Yay! Another interposioner! You mooters should really try this, it's fun!

But some there were that saw him from afar, and the great pumpkin that he bore; and they went in haste to Hobbiton. But Samwise climbed the green hill of Bree and found it bare; and he entered into the streets of Staddle, and they were empty; and his heart was heavy, for he feared that some evil had come to the agriculural fair and he would never, now, win 'largest pumpkin.' He walked in the deserted ways of Bree and the dust upon his raiment and his shoes was a dust of sunflower seeds, and he ate and spat as he wandered the streets. And he called aloud in all the tougues he knew, both of elves and men, but there was none to answer him. Therefore he turned back at last towards his home; but even as he took the homeward road one stood up upon the hill and called to him in a great voice, crying:
'Hail Samwise, of gardeners most reknowned, the looked for that cometh unawares, the longed for that cometh beyond hope! Hail Sam, bearer of the spade before the hoe and rake! Splendor of the taters in the patch, carrot in field, pea on vine, radient in the orchard!'

[Nibs]

Oh, my precious, precious thread... I leave for a whle and you become neglected and forgotten... you're still good... and wanted, yes...

BUMP!

Refresh with another, though short:

"'Come forth!' they cried. 'Let the Lord of Twinkies come forth! Justice shall be done upon him. For wrongfully he has made war upon Gondor and wrested its leanness. Therefore the King of Gondor demands that he should atone for his evils, and depart then forever. Come forth!'"

[Menelvagor]

Hey! Nibs is back!

I missed this thread. (I'd post something, but I'm way too tierd )