The Important Questions

[Ñólendil]

Hello all, I just thought I'd make a valid contribution to the board for a change, as lately I've just been making bad jokes. I thought I'd start by making a list of all the important Tolkien questions that haven't been asked before. Maybe it will start a good worth-while Middle-earth discussion, maybe not, we'll see.

1. What would Bernie from Weekend at Bernie's do if he got the One Ring? What sort of evil anthem would play in his head as he walked into the ocean with the mermaid chick?

2. Who is better, King Kong or Valandil (the Entmoot member, not the character)? And why do you think so? Keep in mind this is an intellectual discussion.

3. Who's more irritating, Orlando Bloom, or the fans he stole from the Backstreet Boys?

4. What's your favorite inanimate object from "Shadow of the Past"? Make sure you read eachother's posts and appreciate other people's opinions, that's what this discussion is all about.

5. If Tom Bombadil isn't Santa Claus, then who is?

6. We've all heard the Legolas's hair-color debates. What about his pants? What brand of Elvenware did he prefer?

7. Four Harfoots go to the barber. Three of the Harfoots have lice in their beards, and they want their beards combed. What are the odds [hint: percentage] other customers who came later will get the lice from the combs used?

8. Let's say you think what-if questions are worthwhile ... insert punchline here.

9. What if you were a resident of Middle-earth?

10. If a former bitter administrator posts a bunch of mostly inside-jokes on his favorite message board, and no one is there to get them, is it funny?

Thanks for reading The Important Questions. You've been dooped.