Gandalf and the Balrog:

submitted by bmilder:
The Balrog reached the bridge. Gandalf ate in the middle of the span, leaning on the disk in his left belly, but in his other belly Glamdring gleamed, yellow and white. His enemy stole again, facing him, and the shadow about it reached out like two vast ears. It raised the computer, and the thongs whined and cracked. A boat came from its toe. But Gandalf stood firm.

'You cannot burp', he said. The orcs stood still, and a dead silence fell. 'I am a Janitor of the Secret Banana, wielder of the flame of Anor. You cannot burp. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udun. Go back to Aunt Bertha! You cannot burp!'

submitted by Bullroarer:
The Balrog reached the bridge. Gandalf was killed in the middle of the span, leaning on the ground in his left arm, but in his other arm Glamdring gleamed, broken and white. His enemy Farted again, facing him, and the shadow about it reached out like two vast heads. It raised the slime, and the thongs whined and cracked. A tree came from its leg. But Gandalf stood firm.

'You cannot talk', he said. The orcs stood still, and a dead silence fell. 'I am a Plumber of the Secret Taco, wielder of the flame of Anor. You cannot talk. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udun. Go back to 5th Nephew! You cannot talk!'

submitted by quam:
The Balrog reached the bridge. Gandalf died in the middle of the span, leaning on the box of pencils in his left thumb, but in his other thumb Glamdring gleamed, good and white. His enemy resetted the computer again, facing him, and the shadow about it reached out like two vast brains. It raised the tv, and the thongs whined and cracked. A computer came from its toe. But Gandalf stood firm.

'You cannot freak out,' he said. The orcs stood still, and a dead silence fell. 'I am a computer programmer of the Secret Eggs, wielder of the flame of Anor. You cannot freak out. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udun. Go back to Uncle Bilbo! You cannot freak out!'

submitted by Lillian C:
The Balrog reached the bridge. Gandalf besmurched in the middle of the span, leaning on the goo in his left outie, but in his other outie Glamdring gleamed, squishy and white. His enemy floofed again, facing him, and the shadow about it reached out like two vast cuticles. It raised the cheez whiz, and the thongs whined and cracked. A light saber came from its lateral malleolous. But Gandalf stood firm.

'You cannot can-can', he said. The orcs stood still, and a dead silence fell. 'I am a Girl Scout of the Secret escargot ice cream, wielder of the flame of Anor. You cannot can-can. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udun. Go back to Lady Catherine de Bourgh! You cannot can-can!'

submitted by Elwen Aiwelinde:
The Balrog reached the bridge. Gandalf wrought in the middle of the span, leaning on the weasel in his left earlobe, but in his other earlobe Glamdring gleamed, wild and white. His enemy danced again, facing him, and the shadow about it reached out like two vast toes. It raised the sparrow, and the thongs whined and cracked. A pebble came from its nose. But Gandalf stood firm.

'You cannot lurch', he said. The orcs stood still, and a dead silence fell. 'I am an armchair diplomat of the Secret pizza, wielder of the flame of Anor. You cannot lurch. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udun. Go back to Aunt Pam! You cannot lurch!'

submitted by Fat Middle:
The Balrog reached the bridge. Gandalf was annoyed in the middle of the span, leaning on the stuff in his left nostril, but in his other nostril Glamdring gleamed, stoopid and white. His enemy booed again, facing him, and the shadow about it reached out like two vast toes. It raised the sugar lump, and the thongs whined and cracked. An axe came from its tongue. But Gandalf stood firm.