My apologies

[Sister Golden Hair]

I have created this thread because I would like to extend my apologies for my recent behavior these past few days. Although understandable perhaps, quite unbecoming and inappropriate for a staff member. I would like to extend a seprate apology to Lin and Artanis for being so very abrupt with them in Instant Messages. I hope they understand that I felt somewhat betrayed and disappointed.

Now, I will share with you what currently is being done concerning this permanent ban issue. I and the rest of the staff after conferring on the ban and what led up to it, will take a vote to either leave the permanent ban in place or to lift it at some point. That is pretty much all I can say until the final decision is made.

What have I learned? - Well, I think I have learned that its hard to moderate and also be friends with the folks you are moderating. And although I have made several friends here at Entmoot, I have decided that on the board I am no one's friend. Private messages, Instant messages, Emails, and in some cases phone calls are the only place for friendship between the members and myself. As an administrator/moderator, I am here to help you with all aspects of the board. I am here to keep the board running smoothly. I am here to enforce the boards rules and if necessary deal out punishment to those that violate those rules, and although punishment may not be pleasant, or agreeable to the actor or to some members of the community, it is what it is. A decision made for the good of the board and its members. You do not have to agree with it, you do not have to like it. You do however, have to accept it, and if you don't, then take the proper channels to change it.

That said: you may feel free to discuss. However, we will not discuss the Ruinel situation. I think at this point in time, and until a final decision is made, that subject is best left in the moderator forum.

Again: my apologies.

[Finrod Felagund]

Y'know, I can really identify with you. As someone who works a lot with kids, as a camp counsellor etc. it is very difficult to maintain the balance of being the kids' leader and being their friend. If you don't lay down the law, they'll treat you like one of their friends and won't respect you. But at the same time, you have to be fun and hang out with them etc. because if they hate you, it sucks.
Much the same as moderating I think.
There's a fine line, and for the most part, SGH has stayed on it.
SGH, I think I speak for everyone when I say, I would love to remain your friend.




(and husband )

[Artanis]

Originally posted by Sister Golden Hair
I would like to extend a seprate apology to Lin and Artanis for being so very abrupt with them in Instant Messages. I hope they understand that I felt somewhat betrayed and disappointed.

Wow SGH, this is so good of you. Thank you ever so much, but you didn't have to apologize to me you know. Given the circumstances I think we had a fair conversation.

[Fat middle]

Originally posted by Sister Golden Hair
I have created this thread because I would like to extend my apologies for my recent behavior these past few days. Although understandable perhaps, quite unbecoming and inappropriate for a staff member. I would like to extend a seprate apology to Lin and Artanis for being so very abrupt with them in Instant Messages. I hope they understand that I felt somewhat betrayed and disappointed.

Now, I will share with you what currently is being done concerning this permanent ban issue. I and the rest of the staff after conferring on the ban and what led up to it, will take a vote to either leave the permanent ban in place or to lift it at some point. That is pretty much all I can say until the final decision is made.

What have I learned? - Well, I think I have learned that its hard to moderate and also be friends with the folks you are moderating. And although I have made several friends here at Entmoot, I have decided that on the board I am no one's friend. Private messages, Instant messages, Emails, and in some cases phone calls are the only place for friendship between the members and myself. As an administrator/moderator, I am here to help you with all aspects of the board. I am here to keep the board running smoothly. I am here to enforce the boards rules and if necessary deal out punishment to those that violate those rules, and although punishment may not be pleasant, or agreeable to the actor or to some members of the community, it is what it is. A decision made for the good of the board and its members. You do not have to agree with it, you do not have to like it. You do however, have to except it, and if you don't, then take the proper channels to change it.

That said: you may feel free to discuss. However, we will not discuss the Ruinel situation. I think at this point in time, and until a final decision is made, that subject is best left in the moderator forum.

Again: my apologies.

A very professional post and also uncommonly humble.

And with no rolleyes!

Thank you very much for taking so many cares for the good of Entmoot.

[Tessar]

I would give you huggles, but then you'd have to be my friend on the board!

But seriously, very good of you to post this SGH.

[Lalaith_Elf]

Originally posted by Fat middle
Thank you very much for taking so many cares for the good of Entmoot.

Yes, thank you! Entmoot wouldn't be the same without our very own SGH looking after us all!

[Beruthiel's cat]

Your most humble appology is accepted, SGH.

I'm generally a pretty mellow poster and rarely get into the thick of things when it comes to heated debate on topics on the board, but I was really getting upset with the situation that was developing (and I said so...)

Moderators have the right and responsiblity to enforce rules. If a member is flaunting the rules or outright defying them, punishment should be meted out. I think the moderators here do a good job not letting personalities get in the way and keeping unpleasant situations private between those involved and not involving other members.

I, too, have supervised people at work and will have that responsibility again when I start my new job. It's hard to do a balancing act, and believe me, I know when I'm in the middle of an argument, I don't always know when to quit and call a truce. (ask my boyfriend...) So I can appriciate the difficulties involved here.

I think the mods (Crickhollow, I think, did the closing) did the right thing in closing down the thread that was causing the problem and now everyone can start fresh and debate among the staff how next to proceed. A very mature and good decision, IMO.

I'm glad that this is winding down and hopefully the incident will soon be forgotton so we can go back to more productive and interesting discussions.

[Beor]

I understand the friend thing, man, as most of the men under my control are my friends, and it really sucks to try to argue with them all the time.

Good apology, and very professional. Now, I expect to be moderated immeadealtly!

[Rían]

Ditto, ditto, ditto, ..... and thanks so much for doing this thankless job so well.

[Elvengirl]

Yes what they said I do appreciate what you so for us SGH!

[Lefty Scaevola]

Conflict + internet too often leads to such. The distance and immunity provided by the net presents much temptation to dispose of social convention and inhibitions. Also, in addition to self control, it takes some skill and training to maintain the desired local charactor in different enviroments. I travel between php forums with widely varying standards on trolling and flaming. I crush perosnalities and obliterate opponents on those forums where it is the accepted custom, and maintain decorum on those where that is required. It takes some mental juggling to "do as the Romans do", but it is doable. The site owner sets the rules for what is the owners domain, behave as if you were a guest in the owners home. If a member does not like the standards of a site, there will are many other sites more suited to his taste. One of the original member on a games site forum that grew from 25 member to 47,000 (largely high hormoned teenage males) in less than 4 years, I also get to see how standards evolve (and have to evolve, to keep any fuctionality) as site does. I went for the chief flamer, troll, and satarist (all allowed then) among a small group of buddies, to the super moderator and defender of order on a game site with some of the most restrictive policies on trolling, flaming, and response to moderters. From one allowing an most of anything not violating the law forum, to one one that would have issued about a dozen or so restricting to posters in the recent infamous thread (but such thread would not have been allowed to remain open).

[hectorberlioz]

SGH, *blows hug and smooch since he cant make direct contact or be friends with SGH on board*

[Valandil]

Like many have already said, moderating us folks around here must be a pretty tough job - and you do great at it. If you feel you have something to apologize for - I appreciate that you did so. But hey, none of us is perfect, and enough stress would crack about any of us.

It's maybe a bit of a shame if you cannot truly look to us for friendship. It would be one thing if your's was a paid position - in which case that approach makes total sense. However, it isn't. You can do it for the "prestige" or the self-satisfaction of helping others learn more about Tolkien... but I expect those motivations would wear thin over time.

So... I just hope that you will continue to find SOME measure of friendship and enjoyment around here.

[BeardofPants]

What Valandil, and a lot of others have said. It has been a difficult situation over these past few days, and I'm glad to say that we've all come through it in one piece. Your apology is accepted, and I can only hope that those who acted childishly can also come forward and apologise. I want to extend my thanks for your tireless, relentless hard work in moderating us, and keeping us in line - a thankless task it must seem sometimes! Keep up the good work, and let's all hope that a fair conclusion can be reached with the Ruinel situation.

[Nerdanel]

Thank you, SGH, for doing this. It feels like we have a fresh start here!
Thank you also for all the energy you've put into this; helping us and keeping the 'Moot a nice place to be in.
Arguing is a vital part of a friendship.

[Hemel]

I don't know every single detail of what went on - of course. But my reaction here is that SGH doesn't need to apologise. She made a mod decision and then seems to have got a lot of upset for it. I think it's worth remembering that no one HAS to post on these boards - you don't like the way they're run, then go somwhere else - and that posting is a privilege, not a right. Also, moderating takes up someone's spare time and is done for no reward, save perhaps a satisfaction, and we here get the benefits of having a board that is moderated. Which I happen to think is far better.

I've been on various places in the past, and also been in the position of modding. It was quite a surprise to me how much just being in that position made me a target. And that was even though I tried very hard to make sure things were okay and that decisions were fair ones. I can very much understand the policy of a few places around - where mod decisions are final, and a ban means a ban. And if any poster attempts to intercede on behalf of the banned person then that poster will also end up with a ban. It saves a lot of problems - and HOURS in communications too.

On the other hand, I've been in places that are hardly moderated at all - though the mods are there. This also has worked well, but ONLY because the people who post there have a certain element of maturity (no matter how old or young they are) and effectively moderate themselves.

Which I think is probably the best answer - you don't like the way the modding is done? Then put the mod out of a job.

Behave sensibly!

[Linaewen]

Originally posted by Sister Golden Hair
I would like to extend a seprate apology to Lin and Artanis for being so very abrupt with them in Instant Messages. I hope they understand that I felt somewhat betrayed and disappointed.

I would also like to thank you for apologising, that's very brave of you. But I was never really mad at you anyway; more upset than anything, and I of course understood what made you react that way.

[Twista]

Posted by SGH
....and in some cases phone calls

Do you often speak to people on the phone? If so, who, if you dont mind me asking?

[Starr Polish]

Even though I wasn't involved in any of the drama of the past few days (thanks to a cabin trip), I did read the threads that are related to it, and I think it is very professional and civil of you to apologize. I obviously didn't know everything that was going on, but from what I read, it looked like many, many people where taking things out of control.

Also, regarding being a moderator and a friend: I empathize, I do. Not so much from a moderator's standpoint (I was one on a very unfrequented board for a short time), but from a supervisor. It is extremely hard to be friends yet also "be in charge" of enforcing rules and punishments. I think thus far you've actually done a very good job at a very hard job.

[Sister Golden Hair]

Thanks everyone and I'm glad things have setteled down. Entmoot is a good board with a good community, so, times like these are never easy.