06-04-2007, 11:51 PM | #1 |
Elven Warrior
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Discussion Thread for the Tale of Sky Blue
The title says it all: I'd deeply appreciate any sort of advice or criticism on this story, as well as what anyone thinks of it so far. Don't worry about being brutally honest about anything; I can handle it, trust me.
I'd also like any ideas you may have on the story or what you'd like to see it go to next. Trust me, I'm nowhere near done with it. Also, thanks to anyone who is reading it, and I hope you've enjoyed doing so as much as I have writing it. |
06-05-2007, 08:23 PM | #2 |
Elf Lord
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I just finished reading that of it that you've so far posted, Tuinor. I'm enjoying the plot structure . . . it's quite interesting. The ideas in the prologue got me interested from the start, and I like your idea of having Aisha and the Master traitors from the rest of this order.
I really like how the story is currently centered on a few important characters, without involving all kinds of nameless troops. Keeping the action between main good guys and main bad guys without involving many troops-to-be-busted really helps stories, I think. That's the ideal, I think, and it's cool that you've been able to keep to that so far. I know that, unfortunately, sometimes putting nameless troops into the story is necessary . . . it sometimes is in my own book. But you've avoided that so far, so keep that up as long as you can . The dialogue in your story between Liera and Tuinor didn't always hold me because it was often (though not always) pretty much casual chatting. I liked Sky's bashfulness and defensiveness, though. In the beginning sentences, after the prologue, you mention that the city looked "colossal," and that Tuinor had great amazement, but that doesn't really paint a picture for me to grasp in my mind so that I know what he's seeing and what his perspective is. So including some more description there would be nice. Also I got rather confused by the continuous references to "it" that were occurring in the order's council. I didn't know what they were talking about, so the dialogue there was somewhat hard to follow. I really like the ideas you're using. The plot doesn't seem at all stereotypical to me, and it doesn't seem similar to any books I've read. So I'm really enjoying it . That nightmare sequence sure did get dramatic, especially with the conclusion. Having major characters betray their order in the end of the scene really makes clear the importance of the sequence. That was really dramatic, both exciting and character-driven. A lot of major events occurred in that little bit of space . . . and that really made things exciting. Packing major events together so that they happen quickly can keep the reader very interested all the time, which is important, even if it leads to a shorter story. I think that what I like best about your story at present really is the plot structure, how it doesn't follow a pattern I've seen before and is very character focused. Oh, just to let you know, it may take a while for me to read any more after you post it, so don't take it askance if I'm a slug.
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If the world has indeed, as I have said, been built of sorrow, it has been built by the hands of love, because in no other way could the soul of man, for whom the world was made, reach the full stature of its perfection. ~Oscar Wilde, written from prison Oscar Wilde's last words: "Either the wallpaper goes, or I do." Last edited by Lief Erikson : 06-05-2007 at 08:51 PM. |
06-06-2007, 07:39 PM | #3 | ||||||||||
Elven Warrior
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Just as a fun question, and there's no right answer, but... Which character is your favorite? Quote:
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06-07-2007, 12:08 AM | #4 | |||||||||
Elf Lord
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Writing things in a way that comes across as natural for the characters is fine, but boring . . . I'd steer clear of that, if I were you. Quote:
Or if you'd rather keep it more completely secret, like it currently is, perhaps they'd have some code word to refer to it? Or some special name for it that only they use? Those kinds of things might help the conversation to flow more easily. Quote:
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Have you written many stories or books before this one? Quote:
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I like having my statements all responded to very much . Not that anyone has to, of course, but I do appreciate it.
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If the world has indeed, as I have said, been built of sorrow, it has been built by the hands of love, because in no other way could the soul of man, for whom the world was made, reach the full stature of its perfection. ~Oscar Wilde, written from prison Oscar Wilde's last words: "Either the wallpaper goes, or I do." Last edited by Lief Erikson : 06-07-2007 at 12:10 AM. |
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06-07-2007, 12:54 AM | #5 | ||||
Elven Warrior
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I gotta go , but I'll try to reply to the rest of your post later. |
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06-07-2007, 01:59 AM | #6 | ||||
Elf Lord
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If the world has indeed, as I have said, been built of sorrow, it has been built by the hands of love, because in no other way could the soul of man, for whom the world was made, reach the full stature of its perfection. ~Oscar Wilde, written from prison Oscar Wilde's last words: "Either the wallpaper goes, or I do." Last edited by Lief Erikson : 06-07-2007 at 02:01 AM. |
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06-07-2007, 03:09 AM | #7 | ||||||||
Elven Warrior
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Actually, I haven't really completed any that's probably due to the fact that I can never really leave something as is. I always tend to try and over complicate it or go into far too much depth, which I love doing, but it ends up being my ultimate downfall. So far I am working in four other works (not related to Sky Blue). Actually, these all take place in a world called Terracia. The first (and by far the longest) is untitled (can't think of a name after five years of writing!), but it's about a young Ilndir (one of three races I thought up for Terracia) who finds that he's a descendant of an ancient Prophet-King type character who vanished sometime in the prehistories of the world. The story follows an ongoing struggle with the demonic forces in the world and his personal struggles as he accends to power. The second is called the Legend of the Three Swords and follows a young Undar (another of the races). In this the main character is a wandering stranger who is fleeing a painful past. In the beginning of the legend he is met by another prophet-like character who ironically bestows upon him Hope, one of three powerfull swords forged from the broken shards of Almighty's blade. The other two are Faith and Love, and the story follows him as he tries to find the other two wielders of the blades (there is one for each of the three races). The third is called the Legend of the Red-Eyed Assassin and follows the character who's name I stole and now use on Entmoot. In it a Ilndir prince (Tuinor) is born with a strange darkness within him, and for his "deformity" he is banished by his father. This leads up to his evntually becoming an ally with a sub race of the Ilndiri and the enemies of his father. He commits many heinous acts and sins agaisnt his people for which he is cursed with the sight of blood. His red irises cause people to begin to reffer to him as Tuinor the Red Eyed. The fourth is simply a record of the prehistories of the world. It covers way too much for me to say much more, but I am thinking of perhaps posting it on Entmoot. So you may get to read it after all. I'm sorry I babbled on for so long about that, but I do really love Terracia.(Even though its name is funny) Eh-hem! Now, where were we... Quote:
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Good night. I'll try to think of some good questions while I rest. Thanks for the advice. |
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06-07-2007, 01:15 PM | #8 | ||||||||||||
Elf Lord
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Jahud is a ton smarter, but he's not planning to kill Aevor, and I don't know whether or not he'll try to kill the others. It's quite possible he might, of course, but his intentions are less clear. Sa'if, on the other hand, seems much less smart but possibly somewhat meaner. So I wonder which would be a better leader for our heroes. By the way, I'm somewhat confused about what happened to Liera. Was she Aisha in disguise? I don't think so, but I'm a little unsure. What happened to Liera is not clear to me. Quote:
So now I just let the characters run the story, doing what they naturally would do, and I tag along behind them chronicling their actions. But I know many authors can structure their entire stories through plot beforehand, and control it and use it very effectively. J.K. Rowling is highly talented with this, for example. I suspect that Robert Jordan is doing that too. I bet that there are a lot of different and effective ways of writing a story. Quote:
I keep running into situations in my writing where I can't describe strange creatures because they're too strange, or powerful actions or emotions because they're too powerful and are beyond my abilities with descriptive words to capture them. At that point, I frequently shift into using analogies, which is dancing around my subject rather than describing it directly in order to, as you put it, paint a picture or create a feeling. I think writing really is an art form. Choosing just the right words to capture what one is seeking to portray can create something very beautiful or splendid. Or something grotesque, but I try to send positive messages in my writing rather than negative ones. Our writing is always influenced by our perspectives on life. For instance, Aevor in your book talks about the right to freedom and happiness, and his own rejection of slavery and of those who "treat others poorly." Since you set him up as a good and wise mentor, his words about morality come across as being your views. That's a message in the story, and a positive one. Because our writing is influenced by our perspectives on life, it will often involve our own ideologies here or there (though not always, and of course one should try not to read too much into a work). That will come out as a message, a part of the author's belief system. And many times they won't even be placed there on purpose, and often not with the intent of swaying other people. But they'll have some kind of effect on readers regardless, whether large or small. I tend not to judge a book, movie or painting negatively just because it might include very nasty things, for nasty things can be used to enhance a positive message. What matters to me is the nature of the message itself, whether something good and true is being revealed or something false and potentially destructive. Art can be used to send horrible messages that ought not to be sent and may harm viewers, or it can be used to send good messages. Books are like paintings in this way, able to send wonderful messages or sick ones, or anything in between. But they are art. Quote:
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Going into a lot of depth is cool and valuable, but if it ends up messing up the story . . . hmm. That's a tough one. I expect that what you're doing now is probably best. Quote:
Wow, five years? How long is the book? And are you still working on it? Quote:
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In my own world I've had less luck, though perhaps that's because I've applied less effort. My histories tend to get busty. Rather than just describing my historical events, I've decided to write some of the biggest transitions of my world's history in action adventure books. My most recent book, one that will soon be finished, takes place during some of the highly important events of the ancient history of my world. The world-changing characters of my world's ancient history are the main characters of this book, for it is set during those old events. Characters to future books set thousands of years in the future will consider the events of this book to be ancient history (although some future characters might view a good deal of the story I'm writing to be mere mythology, which will be great ). It's all coming out very well, so I'm happy. Quote:
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I understand what you're trying to do, though. Creating characters that people can relate to is important. I guess J.K. Rowling would be a good author whose work to consider when trying for this. Have you read the Harry Potter books? There's brilliant character development in there, and the characters are natural and very easy to relate to without ever being boring at all. I'd carefully consider her books if I were you, to try to figure out how J.K. Rowling makes it all work so well. I look forward to reading some more of your newest book!
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If the world has indeed, as I have said, been built of sorrow, it has been built by the hands of love, because in no other way could the soul of man, for whom the world was made, reach the full stature of its perfection. ~Oscar Wilde, written from prison Oscar Wilde's last words: "Either the wallpaper goes, or I do." Last edited by Lief Erikson : 06-07-2007 at 01:25 PM. |
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06-10-2007, 06:28 PM | #9 | ||||
Elven Warrior
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Sorry, but I gotta go again. I'll finish replying later. |
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06-11-2007, 12:27 AM | #10 | ||||||||||
Elven Warrior
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Okay, I can finnish now.
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I try to send positive messages in my stories as well, and those are often seen in the powers of redemption in my books. Quote:
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How long is it? I don't know, honestly. Since my old computer on which I was typing it couldn't handle it all on a single document I split it into several documents each assigned to a chapter. I've got about eleven chapters with about fifteen pages per chapter, so I'd say it's roughly 160-170 pages long. But that isn't counting the endless pages of revision and editing I've removed from the main story. I'd say there's more pages there than in the book itself. I still am working on it, and believe me, there's much to do. Just recently I've altered an important character's name (It went from being Areghost, which is far too similar to Aregorn, to Argost, which is shorter and less similar to King Elessar's), but now I'll have to go through every chapter and alter it in every place it appears. (Oh, the agony!) It's stuff like this that has caused my progress to lag somewhat. Quote:
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Whew! That took precisely an hour. Have fun responding! I don't see how you can write such long posts. |
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06-18-2007, 12:47 AM | #11 | ||||||||||
Elf Lord
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__________________
If the world has indeed, as I have said, been built of sorrow, it has been built by the hands of love, because in no other way could the soul of man, for whom the world was made, reach the full stature of its perfection. ~Oscar Wilde, written from prison Oscar Wilde's last words: "Either the wallpaper goes, or I do." |
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07-27-2007, 11:21 AM | #12 |
Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot
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I really love where your story is heading. I can't wait for more. I loved your twists. Keep up the good work
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"Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera |
08-03-2007, 12:41 AM | #13 | |||||||
Elven Warrior
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Sorry I haven't responded much here. I've been very busy recently, but I hope things will slow down soon. Thanks for your patience.
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Aisha making up Leira's betrayal? That would be quite a twist as well! I didn't think of that possibility at all. Quote:
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BTW, I would like some input on this newest post. It's got a bit of "mushiness" in it, which I was never really good at , so if anyone has any corrections or advice on writing such scenes, I'd be more than willing to take them. Thanks! |
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08-03-2007, 11:31 AM | #14 |
Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot
Join Date: Jul 2005
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You for some reason Snow's dream seems like forshadowing to me, you know a bit of dramatic irony. And the new part about Sky. very interesting. I love how you menton the Feints but don't explain right away. Keeps the suspense going and me asking myself who they are.
As for romantic scenes, I'm not the best at them, but I think that scene was just fine. Of course, Leif might have a few paragraphs to say on that On the comment earlier about Atharon, I think you would enjoy it. And I understand the time thing. Not enough hours in the day
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"Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera |
08-07-2007, 08:02 PM | #15 | ||
Elven Warrior
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I hope it was. I don't want to spoil a character's credibility towards a reader on something like this. Quote:
To tell the truth, I have been asking myself who they are for sometime as well. Up until recently, I have had a very small grasp of their roles and attributes, but at least I have a clear view now of what they'll be like. I really hope everyone will enjoy them. |
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08-10-2007, 12:21 PM | #16 |
Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot
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Daker is no ordinary dwarf, is he? That will be a blow to Sa'if's ego
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"Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera |
08-12-2007, 01:40 AM | #17 |
Hobbit
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I really like your story Tuinor! It is very interesting and keeps me on "the edge of my seat." I am looking forward to more of your posts. I was also sort of confused about whether liera was aisha because when Sky was following Liera, Aisha was in the shadow's following them. So I am/was confused. I also think that you did a good job on the "mushy" seen.
What helps you come up with new characters and their attitudes and their names, Tuinor ? Last edited by Nuelbar : 08-12-2007 at 01:43 AM. |
08-12-2007, 02:10 PM | #18 | |||
Elven Warrior
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The "figure in the shadows" that Sky and Liera saw just before going into the house was Aevor. That's why later Aisha goes out to meet him. On the mushy scene, no comment. Quote:
When making characters like these, I tend to use their names to try to get an understanding of their persona. It's kind of like meeting the character and getting a feeling of who they are from knowing their names. As for the characters who must fill in a role for the story, I've just been trying to develope them by imagining what experiences they've been through and sculpting them into the results of those experiences. That's probably not much help if you're trying to develope your own characters, huh? I'm sorry if it isn't. If you're looking for more help, you might want to start a thread. I'd like to see a character creation thread. Either way, I wish you luck and, once again, thanks for reading! |
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08-13-2007, 10:27 AM | #19 | |
Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot
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There was a character profile thread here.
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EDIT: I found it: Character File
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"Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera Last edited by Acalewia : 08-13-2007 at 10:43 AM. |
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08-13-2007, 01:32 PM | #20 | |
Elven Warrior
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I just realized I that I copied the opening phrase from your Dragonmaiden Discussion, Acalewia. I'm really embarrassed over that. It was unintentional.
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