05-15-2007, 09:03 PM | #1 |
The Lovely Hobbit-Lass
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Discussion for 'Demaethor and Amariel'
The thread is called 'Aw, heck, this has no name,' and was (is being) posted by me. At the time that I started posting the story contained in it, I had no title for the story. But since I have been calling it--as sort of a 'working title,' if you will--"Demaethor and Amariel." It is the story of two people at the time of Akallabêth, the Downfall of Numenor as told in the Silmarillion. I've been writing the story for almost two years now, after it was abandoned as an RPG. It became quite bigger and longer than I originally intended, I have to say.
But I am nearly finished with the story. It's been very hard to get the final chapters out, especially as I have had very little feed-back from anyone--here and in RL it's been kind of difficult to get readers, or at least commentors. I'm not asking for praise or anything by starting this thread: it's for feed-back and discussion on the story, the writing, the characters etc. My biggest reason for soliciting discussion and comments is because I'm nervous about wrapping the story up. I need some ideas on where to end it, how to end it.. So, yeah. If anyone wants to discuss with me, please feel free. Thanks for your time.
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It's New Years Day, just like the day before; Same old skies of grey, same empty bottles on the floor. Another year's gone by, and I was thinking once again, How can I take this losing hand and somehow win? Just give me One Good Year To get my feet back on the ground. I've been chasing grace; Grace ain't so easily found One bad hand can devil a man, chase him and carry him down. I've got to get out of here, just give me One Good Year! Last edited by Rosie Gamgee : 05-18-2007 at 02:05 PM. |
05-15-2007, 09:12 PM | #2 |
High King at Annuminas Administrator
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GREAT story!!!
PS: I can change the story title, if you like.
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My Fanfic: Letters of Firiel Tales of Nolduryon Visitors Come to Court Ñ á ë ?* ó ú é ä ï ö Ö ñ É Þ ð ß ® ™ [Xurl=Xhttp://entmoot.tolkientrail.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=ABCXYZ#postABCXYZ]text[/Xurl] Splitting Threads is SUCH Hard Work!! Last edited by Valandil : 05-15-2007 at 09:13 PM. |
05-16-2007, 01:33 PM | #3 |
The Lovely Hobbit-Lass
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And introducing the above poster, my credited co-story-teller, the amazing Valandil! Yeah, Val, it is a good story.
And could you really change the title? That would be awesome of you.
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It's New Years Day, just like the day before; Same old skies of grey, same empty bottles on the floor. Another year's gone by, and I was thinking once again, How can I take this losing hand and somehow win? Just give me One Good Year To get my feet back on the ground. I've been chasing grace; Grace ain't so easily found One bad hand can devil a man, chase him and carry him down. I've got to get out of here, just give me One Good Year! |
05-16-2007, 03:07 PM | #4 |
The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator
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Title changed. (That is, you did want 'Demaethor and Amariel' as title, right?)
If you're looking for inspiration when to end the story, I think the departure of the Nine boats of Elendil, or the destruction of Númenor may be a good final act.
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05-16-2007, 04:11 PM | #5 |
The Lovely Hobbit-Lass
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Thanks!
I am thinking of 'ending' the story at the actual 'Downfall,' but as that's a little dour... I'd like to end it with a happier note. But you see, almost as soon as the exiles get to Middle-Earth, they discover Sauron's followed them, and there's the whole Last Alliance-first overthrow of Mordor thing... so the whole time-frame doesn't level out to a time of peace until about 130ish years later... at which time Dem and Am might still be alive, but it's kind of far to go in a story. I was thinking of ending the main story with the 'Fall', and doing a sort of epilogue afterward.
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It's New Years Day, just like the day before; Same old skies of grey, same empty bottles on the floor. Another year's gone by, and I was thinking once again, How can I take this losing hand and somehow win? Just give me One Good Year To get my feet back on the ground. I've been chasing grace; Grace ain't so easily found One bad hand can devil a man, chase him and carry him down. I've got to get out of here, just give me One Good Year! |
05-16-2007, 04:39 PM | #6 |
Advocatus Diaboli
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Sounds cool!
You have a link to the story, or did you post it already?
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05-17-2007, 06:40 AM | #7 | ||
The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator
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Quote:
Quote:
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05-17-2007, 06:48 AM | #8 | |
High King at Annuminas Administrator
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Quote:
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My Fanfic: Letters of Firiel Tales of Nolduryon Visitors Come to Court Ñ á ë ?* ó ú é ä ï ö Ö ñ É Þ ð ß ® ™ [Xurl=Xhttp://entmoot.tolkientrail.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=ABCXYZ#postABCXYZ]text[/Xurl] Splitting Threads is SUCH Hard Work!! |
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05-17-2007, 06:49 AM | #9 | |
High King at Annuminas Administrator
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Quote:
The story concept was yours from the start though, and you did a great job carrying it on.
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My Fanfic: Letters of Firiel Tales of Nolduryon Visitors Come to Court Ñ á ë ?* ó ú é ä ï ö Ö ñ É Þ ð ß ® ™ [Xurl=Xhttp://entmoot.tolkientrail.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=ABCXYZ#postABCXYZ]text[/Xurl] Splitting Threads is SUCH Hard Work!! |
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05-17-2007, 01:30 PM | #10 | |
The Lovely Hobbit-Lass
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And I think I do still have that message. I'd been saving it for the RPG, and then after I began writing the story, I saved most of the stuff we had collaborated on for ideas. And speaking of collaboration, yes, BEOR should definitely be credited again! As to the story 'concept' being mine.. I had an entirely different story in mind when I started the RPG (which was, incidentally, complete rubbish, especially compared with the story Val and Beor came up with).
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It's New Years Day, just like the day before; Same old skies of grey, same empty bottles on the floor. Another year's gone by, and I was thinking once again, How can I take this losing hand and somehow win? Just give me One Good Year To get my feet back on the ground. I've been chasing grace; Grace ain't so easily found One bad hand can devil a man, chase him and carry him down. I've got to get out of here, just give me One Good Year! |
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05-17-2007, 04:38 PM | #11 | |
Advocatus Diaboli
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Quote:
That's quite a long one, will have to read it at home instead of slacking at work. Looking forward to it.
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Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash and I'm delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever. |
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05-18-2007, 02:03 PM | #12 |
The Lovely Hobbit-Lass
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Thanks, mate!
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It's New Years Day, just like the day before; Same old skies of grey, same empty bottles on the floor. Another year's gone by, and I was thinking once again, How can I take this losing hand and somehow win? Just give me One Good Year To get my feet back on the ground. I've been chasing grace; Grace ain't so easily found One bad hand can devil a man, chase him and carry him down. I've got to get out of here, just give me One Good Year! |
05-22-2007, 09:25 PM | #13 | |
High King at Annuminas Administrator
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Quote:
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My Fanfic: Letters of Firiel Tales of Nolduryon Visitors Come to Court Ñ á ë ?* ó ú é ä ï ö Ö ñ É Þ ð ß ® ™ [Xurl=Xhttp://entmoot.tolkientrail.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=ABCXYZ#postABCXYZ]text[/Xurl] Splitting Threads is SUCH Hard Work!! |
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05-23-2007, 10:08 AM | #14 |
The Lovely Hobbit-Lass
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Yeah, but we'll never live as long as the Numenorians did...
I thought it was less that 100 years.. Must look that up again.
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It's New Years Day, just like the day before; Same old skies of grey, same empty bottles on the floor. Another year's gone by, and I was thinking once again, How can I take this losing hand and somehow win? Just give me One Good Year To get my feet back on the ground. I've been chasing grace; Grace ain't so easily found One bad hand can devil a man, chase him and carry him down. I've got to get out of here, just give me One Good Year! |
06-14-2007, 01:45 PM | #15 |
Elf Lord
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I finished the first ten chapters. It kept me reading, even though I don't like reading on the computer. I enjoyed it a lot, it had suspense, romance, adventure, tragedy. Thanks Rosie! I really want to read the end. I don't really have any suggestions on how to end it, other than that Demaethor and Amariel have to end up together. (which at this point seems pretty obvious.)
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Don't be hasty! Thanks so much to Last Child of Ungoliant, Twista, and BeardofPants for my avatar! |
06-14-2007, 04:49 PM | #16 |
The Lovely Hobbit-Lass
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Thanks SO MUCH for reading, and for the comments!!
Anyway, second-to-last chapter is now up... I'm not sure I'm entirely pleased with it, but.. Tell me what y'all think.
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It's New Years Day, just like the day before; Same old skies of grey, same empty bottles on the floor. Another year's gone by, and I was thinking once again, How can I take this losing hand and somehow win? Just give me One Good Year To get my feet back on the ground. I've been chasing grace; Grace ain't so easily found One bad hand can devil a man, chase him and carry him down. I've got to get out of here, just give me One Good Year! |
06-14-2007, 08:35 PM | #17 |
Elf Lord
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Oh yes, I did have one suggestion. At the beginning of chapter 4:
“Damnable circumstance!” he shouted, looking about them for cover. None was to be found save for a rocky hillock nigh. Unable to do better, Demaethor spurred his horse toward it. “Ride!” he cried. “They’ve marked us by now; ride! Ride for the hill!” “Dismount!” he cried, swinging down from his own saddle before his steed had halted. “Haste, haste; make a spear-line!” Forthon, Berihien, Galdûreth and Esteldûr all sprang down from their own mounts. The sound of thundering hoof-beats was growing. “Haste!” This was confusing to me for some reason. To me it seemed like he was telling them to ride, but then the next second to dismount. So maybe if you put something like: he cried when they reached the hill, swinging down from... Maybe this didn't confuse anyone else, and I did get it after I went back and read it again. Also, I like the new chapter so far.
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Don't be hasty! Thanks so much to Last Child of Ungoliant, Twista, and BeardofPants for my avatar! |
06-15-2007, 03:32 AM | #18 | |
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06-15-2007, 10:11 AM | #19 | ||
The Lovely Hobbit-Lass
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Quote:
Quote:
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It's New Years Day, just like the day before; Same old skies of grey, same empty bottles on the floor. Another year's gone by, and I was thinking once again, How can I take this losing hand and somehow win? Just give me One Good Year To get my feet back on the ground. I've been chasing grace; Grace ain't so easily found One bad hand can devil a man, chase him and carry him down. I've got to get out of here, just give me One Good Year! |
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11-13-2007, 09:10 PM | #20 |
The Lovely Hobbit-Lass
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Posted an ending. I intend to follow up with an epilogue... And I'm not exactly pleased with the ending as it is. I don't know. I've just been toying with it for six months, trying to figure out what to do with it, and I feel some obligation to just get it over with and finish the story... so there it is. Tell me what you think.
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It's New Years Day, just like the day before; Same old skies of grey, same empty bottles on the floor. Another year's gone by, and I was thinking once again, How can I take this losing hand and somehow win? Just give me One Good Year To get my feet back on the ground. I've been chasing grace; Grace ain't so easily found One bad hand can devil a man, chase him and carry him down. I've got to get out of here, just give me One Good Year! |
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