11-07-2002, 09:58 PM | #1 |
Enting
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 57
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Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy
Okay, I think everyone can remember the Deep Thoughts part of Saturday Night Live well, I think a thread dedicated to the "deep thoughts" would be a good remembrance of them, because for some dumb reason SNL stopped that skit like 5 yrs ago. So Here is a Deep Thought, (Note : the thread "good quotes by famous people" inspired this thread.)
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man. At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw **** you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill. One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late. If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink. I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman. Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaught on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."
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Nothing is as real as a dream. The world can change around you, but your dream will not. Responsibilities need not erase it. Duties need not obscure it. Because the dream is within you, no one can take it away. --Unknown What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. --Ralph Waldo Emerson Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. --Robert Louis Stevenson Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools. --Unknown Love your enemies. It really pisses them off! --Unknown Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age. --Jeanne Moreau, French Actress We are never so helplessly unhappy as when we lose love. --Sigmund Freud |
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