10-01-2004, 07:24 PM | #1 |
Enting
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Somewhere between heaven and hell
Posts: 73
|
Headlines from the year 2029
I recently got a chain e-mail of headlines from the year 2029. I thought of some of my own headlines, and wanted to see what other people could come up with as well. So go ahead and predict the future!
>Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California. > White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language. > Spotted Owl plague threatens northwest United States crops and livestock. > Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped. > Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage. > Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslin dies in the American Territory of the Middle East, formally known as Iran, Afghanistan. > Iraq is still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. > France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica. > Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. > George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. >Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. > 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss. > Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. > Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. > Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. > Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. > Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches. > New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036. > Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts. > IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent. > Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine. And I thought of these. After recovering from his death last month, Bob Barker has announced that he will continue to host The Price is Right for his 58th season running. In order to raise awareness about the high costs of plastic surgery, Michael Jackson has released his newest album entitled “Six Billion Dollar Man.” The Prime Minister of Canada, Arnold Shwarzenegger, has announced that he will continue to impose economic sanction against Uruguay because, "They're girly boys." Scheduled to air this fall on CBS is “Survivor: Manhattan.” The IOC has decided to hold the 2038 Olympics in the Vatican City. New evidence is discovered concerning the OJ Simpson trial.
__________________
Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? I think so Brain, but without ears, we look like weasels. "The next time I lent an ax to a surgeon, I would pick my century." A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court. The Last Alliance of Orcs and Spiders |
10-02-2004, 09:45 PM | #2 |
The Black Númenórean
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 6,773
|
I like the one conserning that last fanatic muslim and the Iraqi one! I broke up laughing!
__________________
Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. |
10-15-2004, 07:31 AM | #3 |
The Intermittent One
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: here and there
Posts: 4,671
|
quite funny - i will have a go
> Britain announces its decision to join the United States of Europe Chancellor Chirac declares that Britons will NOT be treated like second class citizens after joining the union > Bruce Forsyth announces plans for a new tv series, to start on his 120th birthday > King William declares that assasinating Prince Charles in order to get the throne after Elizabeth II was not morally wrong > Switzerland continues to amass weapons of mass destruction - President Lewinsky declares war > central asian confederation announces plans to grant china independence subject to cessation of hostilities with East Asian Warlords |
10-15-2004, 10:45 AM | #4 | |
High King at Annuminas Administrator
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Wyoming - USA
Posts: 10,752
|
Here's one.
Quote:
__________________
My Fanfic: Letters of Firiel Tales of Nolduryon Visitors Come to Court Ñ á ë ?* ó ú é ä ï ö Ö ñ É Þ ð ß ® ™ [Xurl=Xhttp://entmoot.tolkientrail.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=ABCXYZ#postABCXYZ]text[/Xurl] Splitting Threads is SUCH Hard Work!! |
|
10-15-2004, 10:46 AM | #5 |
The Intermittent One
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: here and there
Posts: 4,671
|
Jedi becomes official religion of United Kingdom
|
10-15-2004, 11:22 AM | #6 | |
Enting
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Somewhere between heaven and hell
Posts: 73
|
Quote:
I really like the one about Switzerland LCU.
__________________
Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? I think so Brain, but without ears, we look like weasels. "The next time I lent an ax to a surgeon, I would pick my century." A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court. The Last Alliance of Orcs and Spiders |
|
10-16-2004, 03:12 PM | #7 |
The Black Númenórean
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 6,773
|
how about this?
>"a democrat is elected president!!" >"Rome finally admits the right of women to become priests!" >"The last muslim is blown up in the Province of Afgahnistan." >"A strange wooden,green, leafy object is seen sprouting up from the ground next to the White House; president GMW calls for an immediate air strike, fearing that this is the new mode of weaponfor terrorists."
__________________
Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. |
10-16-2004, 03:17 PM | #8 |
Cardboard Harp of Gondor Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: IM IN UR POSTZ, EDITIN' UR WURDZ
Posts: 6,433
|
Possible link found between McDonalds and obesity problem in America. Ronald says it's "Highly unlikely," and suggests consumers try the new Really-Super-Huge-Size Me value meal!
|
10-16-2004, 05:17 PM | #9 |
The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium)
Posts: 14,363
|
20th aniversary of seal extinction is marked by fishermen claim that ghost seals continue to deplete fish stocks.
sad but true....
__________________
We are not things. |
10-16-2004, 05:33 PM | #10 |
The Insufferable
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 3,333
|
Amazing how many of those are so likely to come true...
__________________
Disgraced he may be, yet is not dethroned, and keeps the rags of lordship once he owned |
10-20-2004, 05:17 PM | #11 | |||
Co-President of Entmoot
Super Moderator Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 8,397
|
Quote:
"They're girly boys." LOL I've got one... University criteria updated You must now take 10 classes per term to qualify as a full time student And in a related article: Students subsist entirely off coffee and caffeine pills Students also have to hold a full time job in addition to their classes because tuition has reached record highs, and government funding is scant.
__________________
"I can add some more, if you'd like it. Calling your Chief Names, Wishing to Punch his Pimply Face, and Thinking you Shirriffs look a lot of Tom-fools." - Sam Gamgee, p. 340, Return of the King Quote:
Quote:
|
|||
10-20-2004, 06:37 PM | #12 | |
Death of Mooters and [Entmoot] Internal Affairs
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Oslo, Norway
Posts: 2,870
|
-The huge statue of Norway's first president, Falagar the Allmighty, is finished; and during the opening cermony declared the ninth wonder of the world.
-Peace-negotiations are for the n'th time put to a halt in the middle-east, as a mad suicidebomber killed a few innocent people and Israel respondes by bombing a few innocent refugees. -The last forest in the world is cut down. Government officials in Brazil are supposedly heard saying: "What, that was the last?!" -Also, the last land-based animals are observed growing gills and migrating into the sea. According to rumour, their last statement was found written on a beach somewhere in Florida: "So long, and thanks for all the fish.". "-and good riddance!" is the general response to this phenomenon. Quote:
-Scientists and theologists argue about the size of Tor's hammer in the upcoming ragnarok. -According to scientists, it is still possible to die of old age. "There may be some defects in the implements, allowing for old-age death. We'll see in a few hundred years." comments leading scientist L. A. Trommi.
__________________
Fëanor - Innocence incarnated Still, Aikanáro 'till the Last battle. Last edited by Falagar : 10-20-2004 at 06:55 PM. |
|
10-20-2004, 09:51 PM | #13 | |
Enting
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Somewhere between heaven and hell
Posts: 73
|
Quote:
__________________
Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? I think so Brain, but without ears, we look like weasels. "The next time I lent an ax to a surgeon, I would pick my century." A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court. The Last Alliance of Orcs and Spiders |
|
10-21-2004, 05:46 AM | #14 | |
The Intermittent One
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: here and there
Posts: 4,671
|
Quote:
and then sets up a new religion based on death to the azgard, and sustenance of the ettins -A meteor impacts on the west coast of america, wiping out california and mexico. Refugees from both states move to the new republic of Texas, where King Bush II tells them to wage war on someone |
|
10-21-2004, 07:03 AM | #15 |
Enting
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 75
|
I think I've seen those first ones before... conservative and evil, matthew no like.
__________________
Nai anar caluva tierelyanna Flame me. Go ahead. Matthew in 2028. One by one we're bringing them back. Vote Nader. Stop the hamster eaters!!!! End global warming! Turn on the AC!!! Gadzooks! Run! |
11-29-2004, 07:27 PM | #16 |
Entmoot Attorney-General,
Equilibrating the Scales of Justice, Administrator ♎ Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Stockholm, Sweden
Posts: 3,891
|
EXTRA: Entwife found!
More top stories - > Microsoft goes bankrupt > Miss Afghanistan wins Miss Universe pageant > Burma junta falls. Aung Sun Suu Kyi elected Prime Minister > US signs Kyoto treaty > Russia joins EU
__________________
An unwritten post is a delightful universe of infinite possibilities. Set down one word, however, and it immediately becomes earthbound. Set down one sentence and it’s halfway to being just like every other bloody entry that’s ever been written. ☻ |
11-29-2004, 07:57 PM | #17 | |
I am Freddie/UNDERCOVER/ Founder of The Great Continent of Entmoot
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Plainsboro, NJ
Posts: 9,431
|
Quote:
__________________
Come back! Come back! To Mordor we will take you! "The only thing better than a great plan is implementing a great plan" - JerseyDevil "If everyone agreed with me all the time, everything would be just fine"- JerseyDevil AboutNewJersey.com New Jersey MessageBoard Another Tolkien Forum Memorial to the Twin Towers New Jersey Map Fellowship of the Messageboard Legend of the Jersey Devil Support New Jersey's Liberty Tower Peacefire.org AboutNewJersey.com - New Jersey Travel and Tourism Guide |
|
11-30-2004, 03:17 AM | #18 |
Entmoot Attorney-General,
Equilibrating the Scales of Justice, Administrator ♎ Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Stockholm, Sweden
Posts: 3,891
|
< JD finally shuts up.
"At long last! We can do without his comments" says Mooter.
__________________
An unwritten post is a delightful universe of infinite possibilities. Set down one word, however, and it immediately becomes earthbound. Set down one sentence and it’s halfway to being just like every other bloody entry that’s ever been written. ☻ |
11-30-2004, 03:43 AM | #19 | |
I am Freddie/UNDERCOVER/ Founder of The Great Continent of Entmoot
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Plainsboro, NJ
Posts: 9,431
|
Quote:
__________________
Come back! Come back! To Mordor we will take you! "The only thing better than a great plan is implementing a great plan" - JerseyDevil "If everyone agreed with me all the time, everything would be just fine"- JerseyDevil AboutNewJersey.com New Jersey MessageBoard Another Tolkien Forum Memorial to the Twin Towers New Jersey Map Fellowship of the Messageboard Legend of the Jersey Devil Support New Jersey's Liberty Tower Peacefire.org AboutNewJersey.com - New Jersey Travel and Tourism Guide |
|
11-30-2004, 05:50 PM | #20 | |
the Shrike
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: San Francisco, CA <3
Posts: 10,647
|
Quote:
__________________
"Binary solo! 0000001! 00000011! 0000001! 00000011!" ~ The Humans are Dead, Flight of the Conchords |
|
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
LoTR Discussion: Appendix D | Forkbeard | LOTR Discussion Project | 7 | 01-11-2008 04:00 PM |
One year aniversary! | jammi567 | General Messages | 21 | 05-25-2007 04:46 PM |
Brace yourselves for an Asteroid Flyby... 2029!! | Valandil | General Messages | 25 | 02-21-2005 03:09 PM |
Recent LOTR/Tolkien news headlines from Xenite.Org | Michael Martinez | Lord of the Rings Movies | 5 | 09-05-2000 12:07 AM |