06-21-2006, 06:40 PM | #1 | |
Ring-smith
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Either walking across Rohan or riding through Fangorn forest
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Trying a mystery/comidy story
Okay, in another thread here I nodiced that nobody here makes mystery storys so here I go, it uses somewhat genaric (If I'm useing the term correctly) caricters.
I'm also includeing some comic elements as I don't think I could keep a dramadic thing. And it's in more of a script form. Here I go... __________________ (Seting:Interior, the parlor, night. The butler, the maid and the cook are there, the cook is eating potato chips) Cook:Anyone want some chips? Butler:I'm too nervous. Maid:Me too. (The maid has a rushen actcent) Butler:Mr. John is late, Decectives shouldn't be late... (The decective (Mr. John) and a police officer come in) Decective:Hello, my name is Decective John J. John- Maid:We know that! Why are we here?!? (The decective looks annoyed) Decective:...And this is officer Smith. Officer Smith:Hello! (Officer Smith waves, The decective looks annoyed) Decective:And we are here becaulse... (Lightning strikes) Decective:The Duke of Argule has been murdered! (Lightning strikes again) Decective:But the murderer was clever and we must figure out how and were he was murdered! (Lightning strikes yet again) Cook:Yay! It's like a game of clue! (The decective looks annoyed) Decective:First we must examine the body! Officer? (Officer Smith rolls a little cart with a body on it) Decective:Were is the wound? Officer Smith:On his head. Decective:Okay... Let's look at it. (They uncover the head and it's got bullet hole in it) Decective:What do you subose killed him? Officer Smith:Well we found this at the crime sceen. (Officer Smith holds up a very dirty gun) Decective:Hmm... It seems to have blood on it... (The cook looks sick) Decective:Now to figure out were he was murdered! Officer Smith:Well we found him in the librery. Decective:On we go! (They all go to the librery) Officer Smith:Here's were we found him. (Officer Smith points to a chalk outline and an icky stain) Cook:Ew... Decective:Useing my awesome powers of deduction I deduct that this is were he was killed! (Everyone aplades) Officer Smith:How does he do it? Decective:Now to figure out who killed him! (Lightning strikes yet another time) Decective:Now the reson why you're here! (The decective points at the Butler, the cook, and the maid.) Maid:But shurely you don't think I did it! Decective:Back to the body! Cook:But I gotta go to the bathroom! Decective:Okay, but meet us at the body! (Later, they're all in the parlor) Butler:How did the cook beat us here? Decective:That, my friend is a mystery for another day... now officer, do you have the cloaths the duke of Argule was wereing when he was killed? Officer Smith:They're still on him. Decective:Oh. (They uncover the body, the duke is wereing a nice suit) Decective:Look! A white thread! Now all we have to do it figure out who's wereing white! (He looks up, the butler, the maid, and the cook are all wereing white) Officer Smith:I just thought of something, the gun was stained, and all the suspects are wereing white so wouldn't the person have stained cloathing? Decective:Hmmm... (The cook's wereing stained cloathing) Decective:Aha! You did it! Cook:But I handle raw meat all the time! Decective:And yet you were so grossed out by the blood! Cook:Allright you cought me! Decective:Another case solved by Decective John J. John! Butler:And the butler didn't even do it! The End. __________________ P.S. You can post coments now, they would be very welcome
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Thread killer Ring smith Merry Christmas! They'd never say that (Part 2) What happened to the dragon? Last edited by me9996 : 08-03-2006 at 12:26 AM. Reason: P.S. |
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09-23-2006, 11:22 PM | #2 |
Fenway Ranger, Lord of Red Sox Nation
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*chuckle*
That was a pretty good one. I like the closing line.
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09-24-2006, 05:02 AM | #3 | ||
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I enjoyed it too, especially the lightning striking at dramatic moments, and the end. The script format kept it very fast-paced as well.
I took the liberty of running it through a spell-check for you. (Seting: Interior, the parlor, night. The butler, the maid and the cook are there, the cook is eating potato chips) Cook: Anyone want some chips? Butler: I'm too nervous. Maid: Me too. (The maid has a Russian accent) Butler: Mr. John is late, Detectives shouldn't be late... (The detective (Mr. John) and a police officer come in) Detective: Hello, my name is Detective John J. John- Maid: We know that! Why are we here?!? (The detective looks annoyed) Detective: ...And this is officer Smith. Officer Smith: Hello! (Officer Smith waves, The detective looks annoyed) Detective: And we are here because... (Lightning strikes) Detective: The Duke of Argule has been murdered! (Lightning strikes again) Detective: But the murderer was clever and we must figure out how and were he was murdered! (Lightning strikes yet again) Cook: Yay! It's like a game of clue! (The detective looks annoyed) Detective: First we must examine the body! Officer? (Officer Smith rolls a little cart with a body on it) Detective: Were is the wound? Officer Smith: On his head. Detective: Okay... Let's look at it. (They uncover the head and it's got bullet hole in it) Detective: What do you suppose killed him? Officer Smith: Well we found this at the crime scene. (Officer Smith holds up a very dirty gun) Detective: Hmm... It seems to have blood on it... (The cook looks sick) Detective: Now to figure out were he was murdered! Officer Smith: Well we found him in the library. Detective: On we go! (They all go to the library) Officer Smith: Here's were we found him. (Officer Smith points to a chalk outline and an icky stain) Cook: Ew... Detective: Using my awesome powers of deduction I deduct that this is were he was killed! (Everyone applauds) Officer Smith: How does he do it? Detective: Now to figure out who killed him! (Lightning strikes yet another time) Detective: Now the reason why you're here! (The detective points at the Butler, the cook, and the maid.) Maid: But surely you don't think I did it! Detective: Back to the body! Cook: But I gotta go to the bathroom! Detective: Okay, but meet us at the body! (Later, they're all in the parlor) Butler: How did the cook beat us here? Detective: That, my friend is a mystery for another day... now officer, do you have the clothes the duke of Argule was wearing when he was killed? Officer Smith: They're still on him. Detective: Oh. (They uncover the body, the duke is wearing a nice suit) Detective: Look! A white thread! Now all we have to do it figure out who's wearing white! (He looks up, the butler, the maid, and the cook are all wearing white) Officer Smith: I just thought of something, the gun was stained, and all the suspects are wearing white so wouldn't the person have stained clothing? Detective: Hmmm... (The cook's wearing stained clothing) Detective: Aha! You did it! Cook: But I handle raw meat all the time! Detective: And yet you were so grossed out by the blood! Cook: Alright you caught me! Detective: Another case solved by Detective John J. John! Butler: And the butler didn't even do it! The End. Took five minutes.
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09-24-2006, 07:10 PM | #4 |
Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot
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The closing line is priceless!
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09-25-2006, 02:49 PM | #5 |
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I approve of the final line.
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09-25-2006, 06:10 PM | #6 |
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Ditto, those poor butlers get accused of everything under the sun...
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04-21-2007, 11:11 PM | #7 |
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I really liked it me9996. You should write a sequel.
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04-22-2007, 12:38 AM | #8 | |
Ring-smith
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I... Did, it's right here: Linky
I was going to make a third but I couldn't think of another genaric mystery setting and charictar set.
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Thread killer Ring smith Merry Christmas! They'd never say that (Part 2) What happened to the dragon? |
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