Monty Python and the Crack of Doom?

Coconut Ent · 03-25-2002, 10:32 AM

There was a thread on the "Tolkien and Inklings" forum which got Tolkien characters spouting Monty Python. So, anyone want to start?

Legolas: "Ai! Ai !! a rabbit is come!!"

"So tell us Gandalf, how you fared against the Rabbit of Moria."
"Nay, name him not!! Well, errr.... the artist died..."

Mouth of Sauron (at the Morannon):
"You don't frighten us, Gondorian pig-dogs! ---Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Aragorn-king, you and all your silly Gondorian knnnniggets. Thppppt!"
..............................................

and one more:

Aragorn: How do you do, good lady. I am Aragorn, King of the Dunedain. Who's castle is that?

IORETH: King of the who?

Aragorn: The Dunedain.

IORETH: Who are the Dunedain?

Aragorn: Well, we all are. we're all Duneadin and I am your king.

IORETH: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.

DENNIS: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. ..... A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--

Aragorn: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!

Ioreth: Order, eh -- who does he think he is?

Aragorn: I am your king!

Ioreth: Well, I didn't vote for you.

Aragorn: You don't vote for kings.

Ioreth: Well, 'ow did you become king then?

Aragorn: The Lady of the Lake, [angels sing] her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Anduril from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Aragorn, was to carry Anduril. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!

DENNIS: Listen -- strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

afro-elf · 03-25-2002, 12:03 PM

Gimli and Legolas over Boromir

Legolas " he's dead."

gimli " he's not dead he's sleeping"

Earenya · 03-25-2002, 01:57 PM

heheh, imagine a parody of the 'knights of the round table' song:

"we're the knights of the 9 rings...."

afro-elf · 03-25-2002, 03:27 PM

the lumberjack song could be deadly in fangorn

I'm a lumberjack and i'm ok.... smash as treebread stumps him

markedel · 03-25-2002, 05:17 PM

Heh heh

I just imagine all the elf-smiths of Eregion singing "Every Ring is special, every ring is great. When a Ring gets wasted Sauron gets quite irate"

Nazgûl Queen · 03-25-2002, 05:35 PM

Have you guys seen this? Its from www.tolkientrail.com

Quote:

Orcs of the Land of Mordor
by Daniel Rodriguez (The One Ring)
Parody of: "Knights of the Round Table" from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Frodo and Sam look up at the high tower of Cirith Ungol, high above them, when suddenly.....

*ba-dum, ba-dum bum bum*

We're orcs of the land of Mordor,
We dance along the corridor
We do routines, and cut out spleens,
And attack the good guys' border
We dine here in Cirith Ungol
We eat bread with mold quite fungal.

*dum dum dum dum dum dum da, dum dum da, dum dum da, dum dum dum dum dum dum da, dum dum dum dum daaaa*

We're orcs of the land of Mordor,
We kill when we're given the order
But many times, we're given rhymes,
That are to sing quite poor(der)
We guard here at Cirith Ungol,
And we never, ever, bungle.

*orcs tap-dance along the corridors, play tunes on each other's helmets, etc.*

All are tough and sure ter
Chop up your wife and dorter,
We kill the elves, and men themselves,
Despite the fact we're shorter,
We have fun in the land of Mordor

*an extremely fat orc gets up and sings*

I'm very rarely bored(ur)

*dum dum dum dum dum da-da, dum da-da da-dum, daaaaaa!*

Frodo: No, on second thought, let us not go to Mordor. It is a silly place.

Earenya · 03-25-2002, 06:18 PM

That is awesome!!

Coconut Ent · 03-26-2002, 01:25 AM

Rohirrim:
Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!

Aragorn:
Who are you?

Eomer:
We are the Knights Who Say... 'Ni'!

Rohirrim:
Ni!

Aragorn:
No! Not the Knights Who Say 'Ni'!

Eomer:
The same!

Gimli:
Who are they?

Eomer:
We are the keepers of the sacred words: 'Ni', 'Peng', and 'Neee-wom'!

Rohirrim:
Neee-wom!

Aragorn:
Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale.

Aragorn:
Well, what is it you want?

Eomer:
We want... A SHRUBBERY!

Xivigg · 03-26-2002, 04:49 PM

The companie slowly enter Moria...

Interlude

The companie exit the other side of the montain and Gadalf is no longer with them.

Kwijibo · 03-28-2002, 04:05 PM

Big Army - Who approatheth the Bridge of Death must answer us these questions three, 'ere the other side he see.

Sauron - Ask me the questions big army, I am not afraid.

Big Army - What is your name?

Sauron - Sauron of Mordor.

Big Army - What is your quest?

Sauron - I seek the One Ring.

Big Army - What is your favourite colour?

Sauron - Red.

Big Army - Right, off you go.

Kwijibo · 03-28-2002, 04:19 PM

Witch-King - That's easy!

Big Army - Stop! Who approatheth the Bridge of Death must anwer us these question three, 'ere the other side he see.

Witch-King - Ask me the questions Big Army, I'm not afraid.

Big Army - What is your name?

Witch-King - The Witch-King of Angmar

Big Army - What is your quest?

Witch-King - I seek the One Ring

Big Army - What is the capital of Assyria?

Witch-King - I don't know that! Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgggghhh!

Kwijibo · 03-28-2002, 04:24 PM

Gandalf - Who approacheth the Bridge of Khazad-Dum must answer me these questions three, 'ere the other side he see.

Balrog - Ask me the questions, Gandalf, I am not afraid

Gandalf - What is your name?

Balrog - the Balrog of Moria

Gandalf - What is your quest?

Balrog - To eat you

Gandalf - What is the air speed velocity of an unladened swallow?

Balrog - What do you mean? An African or a European swallow?

Gandalf - I don't know that! Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgh!

Orc - How do you know so much about swallows?

Balrog - You have to know these things when you're a demon you know.

Imladris · 04-04-2002, 04:24 PM

If you wish to read a very humourous thing which is too long to right here about a cross between Monty Python and LOTR send an e-mail to rbc_uk@msn.com trust me its funny!!

03-25-2002, 10:32 AM	#1
Coconut Ent Sapling Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 7	Monty Python and the Crack of Doom? There was a thread on the "Tolkien and Inklings" forum which got Tolkien characters spouting Monty Python. So, anyone want to start? Legolas: "Ai! Ai !! a rabbit is come!!" "So tell us Gandalf, how you fared against the Rabbit of Moria." "Nay, name him not!! Well, errr.... the artist died..." Mouth of Sauron (at the Morannon): "You don't frighten us, Gondorian pig-dogs! ---Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Aragorn-king, you and all your silly Gondorian knnnniggets. Thppppt!" .............................................. and one more: Aragorn: How do you do, good lady. I am Aragorn, King of the Dunedain. Who's castle is that? IORETH: King of the who? Aragorn: The Dunedain. IORETH: Who are the Dunedain? Aragorn: Well, we all are. we're all Duneadin and I am your king. IORETH: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective. DENNIS: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. ..... A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes-- Aragorn: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet! Ioreth: Order, eh -- who does he think he is? Aragorn: I am your king! Ioreth: Well, I didn't vote for you. Aragorn: You don't vote for kings. Ioreth: Well, 'ow did you become king then? Aragorn: The Lady of the Lake, [angels sing] her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Anduril from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Aragorn, was to carry Anduril. [singing stops] That is why I am your king! DENNIS: Listen -- strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

03-25-2002, 12:03 PM	#2
afro-elf Hoplite Nomad Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 3,931	Gimli and Legolas over Boromir Legolas " he's dead." gimli " he's not dead he's sleeping" __________________ About Eowyn, Does anyone know what her alias Dernhelm means? She was kown as dernhelm because of her exclaimation when she realized that the rider's headgear was heavy and obscured her sight. 'Dern Helm" Culled from Entmoot From Kirinski 57 and Wayfarer.

03-25-2002, 01:57 PM	#3
Earenya Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Pinnath Gelin, formerly in Angaron... Posts: 228	heheh, imagine a parody of the 'knights of the round table' song: "we're the knights of the 9 rings...." __________________ O mor henion i dhu Ely siriar, el sila Ai! Aniron.... Tiro! El eria e mor I 'lir en el luitha 'uren Ai! Aniron... FRODO LIVES!

03-25-2002, 03:27 PM	#4
afro-elf Hoplite Nomad Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 3,931	the lumberjack song could be deadly in fangorn I'm a lumberjack and i'm ok.... smash as treebread stumps him __________________ About Eowyn, Does anyone know what her alias Dernhelm means? She was kown as dernhelm because of her exclaimation when she realized that the rider's headgear was heavy and obscured her sight. 'Dern Helm" Culled from Entmoot From Kirinski 57 and Wayfarer.

03-25-2002, 05:17 PM	#5
markedel 'Sober' Mullet Frosh Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Queen's Posts: 1,245	Heh heh I just imagine all the elf-smiths of Eregion singing "Every Ring is special, every ring is great. When a Ring gets wasted Sauron gets quite irate" __________________ "Earnur was a man like his father in valour, but not in wisdom"

03-25-2002, 06:18 PM	#7
Earenya Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Pinnath Gelin, formerly in Angaron... Posts: 228	That is awesome!! __________________ O mor henion i dhu Ely siriar, el sila Ai! Aniron.... Tiro! El eria e mor I 'lir en el luitha 'uren Ai! Aniron... FRODO LIVES!

03-26-2002, 01:25 AM	#8
Coconut Ent Sapling Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 7	Rohirrim: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Aragorn: Who are you? Eomer: We are the Knights Who Say... 'Ni'! Rohirrim: Ni! Aragorn: No! Not the Knights Who Say 'Ni'! Eomer: The same! Gimli: Who are they? Eomer: We are the keepers of the sacred words: 'Ni', 'Peng', and 'Neee-wom'! Rohirrim: Neee-wom! Aragorn: Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale. Aragorn: Well, what is it you want? Eomer: We want... A SHRUBBERY!

03-26-2002, 04:49 PM	#9
Xivigg Elven Warrior Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Earth Posts: 495	The companie slowly enter Moria... Interlude The companie exit the other side of the montain and Gadalf is no longer with them. __________________ Thinking before acting is alway's a good idea.

03-28-2002, 04:05 PM	#10
Kwijibo Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Lothlorien (actually Wales, but let's not talk about that) Posts: 117	Big Army - Who approatheth the Bridge of Death must answer us these questions three, 'ere the other side he see. Sauron - Ask me the questions big army, I am not afraid. Big Army - What is your name? Sauron - Sauron of Mordor. Big Army - What is your quest? Sauron - I seek the One Ring. Big Army - What is your favourite colour? Sauron - Red. Big Army - Right, off you go. __________________ 'So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All you can decide is what to do with the time that is given to you,' - Gandalf the Grey 'I left my body to science, but I'm afraid they've turned it down' - In memory of Graham Chapman 'Rubin sits like Buddah in a 10 foot cell, An innocent man in a living hell,' - From 'Hurricane' by Bob Dylan, the only innocent Hurricane protest song, written stressing the innocence of Rubin 'Hurricane' Carter, a black, middle-weight boxer imprisoned for 19 for a triple murder which he did not commit.

03-28-2002, 04:19 PM	#11
Kwijibo Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Lothlorien (actually Wales, but let's not talk about that) Posts: 117	Witch-King - That's easy! Big Army - Stop! Who approatheth the Bridge of Death must anwer us these question three, 'ere the other side he see. Witch-King - Ask me the questions Big Army, I'm not afraid. Big Army - What is your name? Witch-King - The Witch-King of Angmar Big Army - What is your quest? Witch-King - I seek the One Ring Big Army - What is the capital of Assyria? Witch-King - I don't know that! Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgggghhh! __________________ 'So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All you can decide is what to do with the time that is given to you,' - Gandalf the Grey 'I left my body to science, but I'm afraid they've turned it down' - In memory of Graham Chapman 'Rubin sits like Buddah in a 10 foot cell, An innocent man in a living hell,' - From 'Hurricane' by Bob Dylan, the only innocent Hurricane protest song, written stressing the innocence of Rubin 'Hurricane' Carter, a black, middle-weight boxer imprisoned for 19 for a triple murder which he did not commit.

03-28-2002, 04:24 PM	#12
Kwijibo Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Lothlorien (actually Wales, but let's not talk about that) Posts: 117	Gandalf - Who approacheth the Bridge of Khazad-Dum must answer me these questions three, 'ere the other side he see. Balrog - Ask me the questions, Gandalf, I am not afraid Gandalf - What is your name? Balrog - the Balrog of Moria Gandalf - What is your quest? Balrog - To eat you Gandalf - What is the air speed velocity of an unladened swallow? Balrog - What do you mean? An African or a European swallow? Gandalf - I don't know that! Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgh! Orc - How do you know so much about swallows? Balrog - You have to know these things when you're a demon you know. __________________ 'So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All you can decide is what to do with the time that is given to you,' - Gandalf the Grey 'I left my body to science, but I'm afraid they've turned it down' - In memory of Graham Chapman 'Rubin sits like Buddah in a 10 foot cell, An innocent man in a living hell,' - From 'Hurricane' by Bob Dylan, the only innocent Hurricane protest song, written stressing the innocence of Rubin 'Hurricane' Carter, a black, middle-weight boxer imprisoned for 19 for a triple murder which he did not commit.

04-04-2002, 04:24 PM	#13
Imladris Elven Warrior Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Manchester, UK Posts: 146	If you wish to read a very humourous thing which is too long to right here about a cross between Monty Python and LOTR send an e-mail to rbc_uk@msn.com trust me its funny!! __________________ "A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent."