06-20-2003, 09:37 PM | #1 |
Hoplite Nomad
Join Date: Sep 2001
Posts: 3,931
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Rules for Writing a Fantasy Novel
Rules for Writing a Fantasy Novel
1. The heroes will lose every battle, but win the war. 2. It will only rain when the heroes are exhausted and running out of food. 3. The heroes will only have horses if they are going to climb a mountain, where they won't be able to ride the horses anyway. 4. The enemies will be killed by the slightest mishap, but the heroes will live through anything. 5. The hero and heroine will fall in love on the last three pages. 6. Magic (if available) will be used intelligently by the heroes, but will be wasted by the enemies. 7. You will annoy the reader by placing numerous re-hashings of prior events in the first four chapters of the second and following books of a series. 8. Start off occasional chapters with a description of one of the main characters engaged in some activity, without using their name. The reader will feel exceptionally smart when they figure out who it is before you reveal it. 9. Racial prejudices will be ignored by the heroes, but will be a factor in the downfall of the enemy. 10. The enemy will be able to predict all of the heroes actions, but will be powerless to stop them; the heroes will foil all of the enemies plans through sheer dumb luck. 11. The heroes will be able to survive for weeks without feeling the call of nature, unless they are in a cell. 12. Should the heroes be captured, the enemy will gloat and reveal all of their plans. 13. Should the heroes be captured, they will be kept in a small cell with a bit of straw but no windows, and will only be fed bread and water at irregular intervals. Despite this, they will be able to tell how much time has passed. 14. Magic swords do not glow except when the heroes have no other source of light, or if it is dark, and they need to be captured for the plot to advance properly. 15. The heroes, after making a noise when trying to remain silent, will stand perfectly still for several minutes. The enemy will not, however, have heard it. (Alternate scenario: the enemy will hear it and search the area immediately (rather than guessing the action of the heroes, and waiting for them to move again, thereby giving themselves away). The heroes will quickly hide, their sounds masked by the noise of the enemy's search.) 16. Only describe a monster you have created once; call it by name any other time it appears, even if the character it is spotted by did not see it the first time or have it described since. 17. At least one of the heroes will be the second best in the world at something. The only person better will be one of the enemy, but they will nonetheless be defeated by the hero at the climax. 18. Everyone in a position of power is corrupt, and is subject to bribes. 19. Rulers of any large territory (eg. Kings, Emporers, etc.) are either terminally stupid or insane, and could not suppress a rebellion if their life depended on it (which it usually does). Additional Rules for TSR Writers 1. Only under exceptional circumstances will you be allowed to write the sequel to any novel you write. 2. Use the name of the spell the character casts, rather than describing its effects. Everyone who might read the book has played AD&D, and will understand this much better. 3. Whenever possible, arrange your plot so that it fits a work of art we have already used, so that new art will not have to be commissioned. 4. You will not create any new locations; instead, use the Atlas of The Forgotten Realms or Krynn as a source (Douglas Niles excepted). 5. Be prepared to translate your novel into an adventure module, complete with rule modifications so that what you describe can actually happen. (Douglas Niles: this means you.) 6. Ignore all of the rules for creating a new character found in the Players Handbook. You can hardly expect a new character to survive anything exciting. All characters will be of at least 12th level, even if they are only 16 years old. 7. All books will be between 300 and 320 pages.
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About Eowyn, Does anyone know what her alias Dernhelm means? She was kown as dernhelm because of her exclaimation when she realized that the rider's headgear was heavy and obscured her sight. 'Dern Helm" Culled from Entmoot From Kirinski 57 and Wayfarer. |
06-20-2003, 09:51 PM | #2 |
Dread Mothy Lord and Halfwitted Apprentice Loremaster
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Thanks, I'll remember these. Though thankfully I don't plan to do TSR.
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Crux fidelis, inter omnes arbor una nobilis. Nulla talem silva profert, fronde, flore, germine. Dulce lignum, dulce clavo, dulce pondus sustinens. 'With a melon?' - Eric Idle |
06-21-2003, 12:40 PM | #3 |
A'mael Dalharen Eldarele
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Norway
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LOL! A lot of fun reading that, and actually so very very true I'll keep them in mind while writing!
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Atharon, where heroes are born. A constantly evolving forum rpg created by Lief Erikson, Falathion and its players. |
06-23-2003, 12:22 AM | #4 | ||||||||||
Elf Lord
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Fountain Valley, CA
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Those were hilarious, Afro-elf! Thanks for posting them . Some of them are very true- and a bit embarress me when I think about my own novel .
Sorry, I really like this, so I want to respond to all these different points individually. Quote:
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Sometimes, but usually I think they realize their love a lot quicker than that. Quote:
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06-23-2003, 12:24 AM | #5 | |||||||||
Elf Lord
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Fountain Valley, CA
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06-23-2003, 12:25 PM | #6 | |||
Lady of Legends
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Missing. Reward if found.
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Great thread. And almost all of them are always true
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The end justifies the means, thought Aziraphale. And the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.* *This is not actually true. The road to Hell is paved with frozen door to door salesmen. On weekends many of the younger demons go ice-skating down it. ~Good Omens |
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06-23-2003, 03:22 PM | #7 | |
Dread Mothy Lord and Halfwitted Apprentice Loremaster
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Quote:
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Crux fidelis, inter omnes arbor una nobilis. Nulla talem silva profert, fronde, flore, germine. Dulce lignum, dulce clavo, dulce pondus sustinens. 'With a melon?' - Eric Idle |
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06-23-2003, 05:46 PM | #8 | |
Lurker
Join Date: Feb 2002
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Quote:
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There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium... |
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06-24-2003, 05:17 PM | #9 |
Frodo's lil sis HP LotR fan
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: in a tree reading Harry P. and LotR
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wow, so many rules, I never follow rules, I just write as it comes, if my storys don't conform to the rules, I'm very sorry and if they don't if I ever post any here, you will not be forced to read them, you can just watch for the titles
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AB Adrian Baggins wizard, elf, mortal, hobbit Owner of the 3 unknown rings I LIKE HIEI!! LOOK AT MY AVITAR IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS!! H. Hysterically cold I. Insanely unhuman E. Effortlessly mocking I. Irresistabely hott "You're a team player, a save-the-day superhero *pause* I hate people like you." ~Hiei |
06-24-2003, 05:37 PM | #10 |
Dread Mothy Lord and Halfwitted Apprentice Loremaster
Join Date: Dec 2002
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Adrian, this is a joke. It is poking fun at the way a lot of fantasy authors do much of this.
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Crux fidelis, inter omnes arbor una nobilis. Nulla talem silva profert, fronde, flore, germine. Dulce lignum, dulce clavo, dulce pondus sustinens. 'With a melon?' - Eric Idle |
06-24-2003, 06:05 PM | #11 |
Elven Warrior
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in la la land, you know, the place you go during math class
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What does TSR stand for?
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LOOK A WEBSITE!!! LETS CLICK ON IT!!!!!! --------------------------------------------- AND FGF'S MOST GORGEOUS MAN ALIVE AT THE MOMENT'S AWARD GOES TO......... BRANDON BOYD (yes once again) !!!!! WOOOO!!! ---------------------------------------------- Hottness has no count for age.... thats why I'm merrying a forty year old who goes by the name of JOHNNY DEPP!!!! ----------------------------------------------- Fortune cookies tell all, so when i got the cookie telling me to date my love i became a stalker to Johnny Depp, and when i find him my excuse will be "the cookie made me do it" ------------------------------------------------ I'm not stupid, I'm special ------------------------------------------------ "But why is the rum gone?" "Captian, Catian Jack Sparrow" "pa-pa-pa parsnip, parla, --" "Just don't do anything... stupid" "WELL IT BLOODY IS NOW!" ~Captian Jack Sparrow ------------------------------------------------ Read my FP.net story!!! |
06-24-2003, 06:53 PM | #12 |
Dread Mothy Lord and Halfwitted Apprentice Loremaster
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I'm actually not sure...It has to do with DND fanfiction, I believe.
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Crux fidelis, inter omnes arbor una nobilis. Nulla talem silva profert, fronde, flore, germine. Dulce lignum, dulce clavo, dulce pondus sustinens. 'With a melon?' - Eric Idle |
07-01-2003, 05:00 PM | #13 |
A'mael Dalharen Eldarele
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Norway
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Yeh, should it not be TFR, not TSR? As in The Forgotten Realms?
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Atharon, where heroes are born. A constantly evolving forum rpg created by Lief Erikson, Falathion and its players. |
07-01-2003, 05:09 PM | #14 | |
The Buddy Rabbit
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Trapped in the headlights..
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A-Elf you couldn't have been more spot-on..........fantasy fiction (published) is very formulaic, shame really. |
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07-08-2003, 12:33 PM | #15 |
Dúnedain Ranger of the North
Join Date: Aug 2000
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This is a funny read. of course I enjoy breaking the rules....
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"I am an outlaw, I was born an outlaw's son. The highway is my legacy, on the highway I will run." |
08-06-2003, 07:53 PM | #16 | |
Elven Warrior
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: a castle made of clouds
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You're right, in books 4 and 5, there's only occasional rehashing to refresh our memory.
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Human kind cannot bear very much reality. dreamflower - for all things Lady Galadriel |
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08-07-2003, 10:44 AM | #17 |
Sapling
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Australia
Posts: 7
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Very interesting read and quite true and amusing at the same time. Just thought i'd add in one I'm not sure if alot of people have this or maybe it's just my dumb luck
Make at least one of any series of books near impossible to find and making it very difficult to build a complete set and read the whole thing without doing much footwork to find said book. |
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