Teacup Cafe XXIII

[Mari]

Hehe, there are some pics of me in the picture thread. And yes, I have had glasses since I was four. I tried contacts for a short while when I was 16, but they hurt too much so I gave up on that after 6 months. What can I say? I don't believe in the saying "those who want to be pretty have to suffer".
There are many nice glasses these days, I'm sure you'll find something that suits you ^_^

[sisterandcousinandaunt]

fixed a bit of pm space, all. apologies.

[Nautipus]

The 2007 Darwin Awards

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free rid e. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. T he total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehende d the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arr ived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with your friends and family... unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

*** Remember... They walk among us!!! ***

[Nautipus]

The above was an e-mail my dad sent me, hope you guys enjoyed it.


Here's another one which I also liked:

When in England at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of empire building' by George Bush.


He answered by saying, 'Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return '.



It became very quiet in the room.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Then there was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break one of t he French engineers came back into the room saying: ' Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended
to do, bomb them? '



A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck.. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have? '



Once again, dead silence.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included A dmirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies.
At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, 'whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.' He then asked: 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French? '



Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: ' Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'



You could have heard a pin drop



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



A group of Americans, retired teachers, recently went to France on a tour. Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.



At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on: 'You have been to France before, monsieur???' the customs officer asked sarcastically.



Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
'Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.'



The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it.'



'Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France !!!'



The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained:... 'Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any damn Frenchmen to show it to !'





Outstanding

[Mari]

4 and 6 are hilarious! The story about the retired teacher is also very strong (can you say it like this in English?)
Where does your father get al these stories? All the out of the ordinary emails I get these days are spam, or "send them to 10 friends or you will die" emails.

[Nautipus]

my theory is that he pulls them out of the fabric of time itself. I really dont know where they come from. I hate spam e-mail btw.

[Mari]

Tell me about it. These days I even get spammed by lotteries by post mail... How do they know my address?! I'm not listed! >_<
My theory is... *looks around and gets closer to Nauripus before whispering* My theory is that those lotteries are the government in disguise trying to get you to join the lottery and thus having to pay taxes through gambling...

[Nautipus]

Sounds like something most governments would do.

[Earniel]

I see the anti-french jokes still run strong.

[Nautipus]

I have nothing against the French. It was just a cool e-mail. I mean, look at the one above it. Most of those idiots were American.

[Earniel]

It just struck me, that's all.

And if those are the real Darwin awards than those American idiots are very much real.

Then again, I shouldn't be saying much. I just got duped by a fake documentary about the moonlanding being faked and it took me 15 minutes to start thinking: wait a minute, that so didn't happen, somebody is pulling my leg here...

[Nautipus]

In all honesty i wouldnt be surprised. It's a miracle we havnt all killed each other over here. I dont know what keeps it from happening. It's a sad case, in some ways.

[Tuinor]

Originally Posted by Nautipus

my theory is that he pulls them out of the fabric of time itself. I really dont know where they come from.

Your dad? Are you sure about that?

[klatukatt]

Blarg. I think I'm gonna watch

pr0n

till I have to leave for class in 15 minutes.

Delete me, mods. Go ahead.

[Thain Peregrin Took I]

Originally Posted by Mari

No, not really. All ages have different things I like. You can't have a conversation with a baby and a 12 year old won't present you with a drawing they made for you, but you can't just sing a 7 year old to sleep either. What can I say? I love kids And the elderly too.

That's true. The oldest I've babysat is 9, so I wouldn't really know about 12 year olds, but the nine year old I've babysat will have a conversation with me, and tells his siblings what they can and can't do, and he actually helps solve some problems. One time one of his sisters wanted a cookie, but he wanted the same cookie, and there was only one, and she wouldn't accept half, so he cute up a few cookies and made a "sample plate" of different kinds of cookies, and all we had to do was tell her that it would end up being the same amount, and she was fine.
I love it when kids give me pictures. They're great for scrapbooks. And babies are usually the easiest to put to sleep (unless they won't stop crying), because they can't argue with you about extending their bedtime.

Originally Posted by Nautipus

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free rid e. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. T he total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehende d the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

LOL!!! Loved the last one (about the retired teachers) on your other post, too.

[Meriadoc Brandybuck]

Originally Posted by hectorberlioz

Get this: 37 (WH Harrison unknown) out of 42 men who have been President of the United States have had blue eyes. The men with brown eyes? John Quincy Adams, Andrew Johnson, Chester A Arthur Lyndon B Johnson, and Nixon. *twilight zone music*

You don't think it's creepy that just about EVERY president has had blue eyes? It's pretty darn weird if you ask me!!

And the brown-eyed ones had trouble getting reelected, trying of failing.

So if I were elected president I would get elected twice?

Originally Posted by Mari

No, not really. All ages have different things I like. You can't have a conversation with a baby and a 12 year old won't present you with a drawing they made for you, but you can't just sing a 7 year old to sleep either. What can I say? I love kids And the elderly too.

I've learned a lot about kids thorugh babysitting/teaching music. Very interesting to watch them go through different "stages", if you will.
Speaking of kids... Babysat 1-6 today. The almost-2-year-old had a huge tantrum. He's at that age now. Lucky me. But he's also to the point where I can almost understand what he's saying. Very imaginative. (I babysit him and his older brother 3 times a week.)
As far as the older brother (5) HE WAS ADORABLE TODAY! We played hide and seek (or peekaboo as the 2 year old says), and he kept on hiding in pretty much the same spot with either me, Pip, or his brother.

[sisterandcousinandaunt]

I know someone who watches a baby. The baby talks, but the parents don't recognise that. Makes my friend crazy.

Being able to observe behavior (particularly of children) accurately is a rare skill.

[Valandil]

Hey, what's up?

I've been shut out for nearly 60 hours, and I'm an Admin, and... a 'Merican!


Good to be back!

[The Sasquatch of Fangorn]

Originally Posted by Valandil

Hey, what's up?

I've been shut out for nearly 60 hours, and I'm an Admin, and... a 'Merican!


Good to be back!

So was I!!!

[durinsbane2244]

so, i'm almost well of the disease which made me collapse amidst a pool game on sunday...w00t...