"Temporary" Venting Thread V

[Gwaimir Windgem]

I hope you're not keeping a smile on your face. It's important to let these feelings out, and not just bottle them up, and, for me at least, the Vent Thread isn't sufficient for getting it out. Express your anger or disapproval a bit. Not this much IRL, naturally, but still, let it show. Wear your emotions on your sleeve, even if just to a limited extent.

[Ingwe]

Originally Posted by Mari

Okay, so let me rewrite that for you



There. How is that?
I like your new sig by the way. It's too funny ^_^

Well, I have a bad way of wording things. Not sure what's funny about my signature, but ok. I'm pretty sure what would be funny about it is that outside looking in, it would be hard to believe that someone as incompetent as me could ever uphold anything. How do I do it? The only way to keep myself in balance is to keep busy. It's on my off hours that I'm most depressed, and hate myself with a passion never known by anyone else who has ever had hatred in their hearts. So to offset all of that, keeping busy is quite important. When people are embarrassed to admit that they know me (which maybe I'm just imagining this), it just seems that there is no rational reason to be alive. In fact, I wouldn't doubt it if on the day I die, that everyone celebrates as if it's some sort of great day in history!

[Mari]

I'm sorry to hear that Tess, but Gwai is right, you shouldn't always force yourself to keep smiling. That attitude will end up hurting yourself, I've been there. Sometimes you really have to tell people from an I-persepctive what they are doing that bothers you.
*hug*

Originally Posted by Ingwe

Well, I have a bad way of wording things. Not sure what's funny about my signature, but ok. I'm pretty sure what would be funny about it is that outside looking in, it would be hard to believe that someone as incompetent as me could ever uphold anything. How do I do it? The only way to keep myself in balance is to keep busy. It's on my off hours that I'm most depressed, and hate myself with a passion never known by anyone else who has ever had hatred in their hearts. So to offset all of that, keeping busy is quite important. When people are embarrassed to admit that they know me (which maybe I'm just imagining this), it just seems that there is no rational reason to be alive. In fact, I wouldn't doubt it if on the day I die, that everyone celebrates as if it's some sort of great day in history!

Okay, firstly: WHACK! >_<
Need I go on actually?
Alright, I'll humour you: I will not celebrate when you die. Nor will your family and friends. The only one who might celebrate is probably you when you find out in that last moment of clarity that no one hates you and that you were wrong all along. But then again, this knowledge may also lead you to tears.
I know you can't believe me anyway, but here it is. Try to have a bit more faith in others and their love for you, Ingwe *hug*

[katya]

You know, about bottling anger up versus letting it out... I think people have a lot of misconceptions about that.

I subbed in a psychology class a couple days ago, and I read the chapter of the textbook that the students were taking their quiz on- it as all about emotions and stress. It confirmed something I had already known, and had heard about elsewhere as well. Venting your anger by doing things like punching pillows, or yelling at people, or plotting revenge, etc. do not "let it out" nor do they serve as a "catharsis". In doing those things, one is only rehearsing their anger. It can feed into the anger and make it worse, and make it more likely to be more angry and violent in the future.

That said, bottling it up, as they say, and hiding your feelings won't solve anything either. In the textbook, they said that the best things to do are:
-let time calm you down. Just wait, and the anger will pass.
-exercise (go for a run or something)
-talk about it. Talk through it, discuss the issues that are bothering you. I think this is what a lot of people do in this thread, which is good, I think.
-do some other activity like music or art

I think the thing that I have realized about anger is that it is and is not like a thermometer. When you get angry, you can make the mercury rise in the thermometer, but there is no top to it that you can reach, at which point the mercury would burst out the top and release the pressure. You'll just keep getting more angry. The only way to release the pressure and bring the mercury back down is to do it slowly, taking little steps backward toward peace, calming yourself down.

I remember someone once said "All anger is self-righteous", in other words, you get angry because you are right and someone else (or something) is wrong. I think this is one of the reasons why people actually feel good when they are angry, and why they try to hold on to the feeling of anger. But I think that looking at a situation with calm and wisdom instead of anger is a much better feeling, and much more healthy for you and those around you. The "good" feeling of anger is not a wholesome sort of good.

I'm not saying that anger is useless or that when you feel yourself becoming angry you should just calm yourself and pretend you were never angry. It's very important to look at what was making you angry and see if there is anything you can do to make the situation better.

Also if anyone thinks I'm completely off-base please let me know what you think. I'm not saying this like I think I have the answers to everything. I'm just sharing some things that have helped me and I think can help other people too.

[Tessar]

Originally Posted by katya

Venting your anger by doing things like punching pillows, or yelling at people, or plotting revenge, etc. do not "let it out" nor do they serve as a "catharsis". In doing those things, one is only rehearsing their anger. It can feed into the anger and make it worse, and make it more likely to be more angry and violent in the future.

That's what I've always heard as well, and it's why I try to keep a smile on my face.

What's the result of me telling people to shut up? Probably nothing, except I'd get a reputation as a rude little divo, and most of them still wouldn't shut up. Plus it's not really my place... the directors/teachers KNOW these people are being loud, and if they don't say anything about it, it would be ungenerous and extremely unprofessional of me to say anything to the other person. You never critique a colleague unless they specifically ask you to do so.


A big part of the problem is that this opera is just too long. Even without stopping for intermissions, and actually skipping two parts, it took us over two and a half hours to get through the opera. So add in stopping/pausing to correct pitch issues/acting instructions/scene shifts... we rehearse for three hours every night... and we'd go longer except that the rehearsal time is from 6-9 and we'd probably rebel if the director kept us longer .

It's a very, very funny opera but it feels like the composer tried to throw in every good idea he had without regard for the fact that it would take us three hours to get through it.

So throw in school work, assignments, work, trying to get ready for the upcoming voice competitions, AND three hours of rehearsal every night.... I know I'm exhausted, and I'm only doing chorus stuff. I'm sure the leads are even more exhausted than I am. I'm also super frustrated because my voice was REALLY improving, and now for several weeks I've been struggling to sing at all because of allergies. It's just an extremely stressful time right now.


Another reason to keep a smile on my face is that regardless of how annoyed I get, or how tired I am... it could be worse. I could still be working at the fast-food place for starters. I can ALWAYS think of someone who has it much worse off than I do.

[katya]

I could write another long post about coping with stress/worry but I haven't really mastered that myself yet either. I think you and me are kind of similar in the way we handle things sometimes. Kind of optimistic, kind of excitable. Maybe.

[Mari]

Originally Posted by Tessar

What's the result of me telling people to shut up? Probably nothing, except I'd get a reputation as a rude little divo, and most of them still wouldn't shut up.
...
Another reason to keep a smile on my face is that regardless of how annoyed I get, or how tired I am... it could be worse. I could still be working at the fast-food place for starters. I can ALWAYS think of someone who has it much worse off than I do.

I lived like this for several years. 2 years ago this nearly broke me.
Someone else having it worse is not the point. You are feeling what you are feeling, it has nothing to do with someone else. Don't deny your feelings because other people have it worse. Don't keep a smile on your face because you think crying or an angry face won't make a difference. Unacknowledged hurting is destructive.
I changed things and started telling people the truth. Yes, people think I'm blunt and arrogant and yes, I probably am, but I am also taking care of myself and I am truthful. People say they value my opinion more because I always speak the truth even when it's hard to have to hear. If people bug me, I will tell them from an I-perspctive (I think, I feel, I want) what I want from them. It is clear and most people will respect it. You won't believe how much people are willing to do if you are just asking them straight out.

Now, I'm not saying you should do what I did, or that you'll end up where I was 2 years ago if you carry on on the current road, but I do want you to be careful and know your limits. Don't ever deny yourself or your feelings.

[/probably unnecessary and slightly embarrassing speech]

[Tessar]

Uuuugh... the rehearsal dreams have begun in full force, and I don't expect them to go away for a while. Blaaargh. This is one of the only things I hate about intense, daily rehearsals: The dreams.

I keep waking myself up at night (I think it was four or five times last night) because I THINK I'm in rehearsal, and I'm trying to listen to the director or do what he's telling me in my dream.

Now we're not rehearsing from 6-9, but from 6-11. It's just exhausting to have 5 hours when you're also doing school and stuff. Of course waking yourself up during the night because you think you're STILL in rehearsal doesn't help that either .

Oh well. I'll manage .

[Tessar]

Grr. There's this organization at my university called the Atheist Agenda, and it's a bunch of angry atheists who try to find ways to insult Christians within the limits of what the school will allow. It's very sad that they feel a need to act out like this.

They do this thing every year that they call 'Smut for Smut' and it's where people bring them bibles, and in return they give them pornography. Very, very sad stuff.

Then of course you have the people who want to go around preaching, "Oh they'll get what they deserve in the end!" Which I think is just as sad. The whole thing is just a cesspool of hatred. I think what they're doing is downright evil, but how can you pass judgment on someone and think you know their heart so well as to say how they'll "end up"? They might change entirely a year from now, but trying to yell them down isn't going to make that happen.

[Mari]

There is only one answer to give to both sides: a haughtily raised eyebrow.
>_<

I dislike when that happens too

[Comic Book Guy]

Ugh, don't you just hate being forced into collaborations for school assignments? It's totally unfair.

[Earniel]

Oi, I was ill for an entire week last month already! Why is my throat hurting again? Not fair.

[Tessar]

Guh, super confused. >.<

My mom called me today to tell me that she thinks I should switch my major to vocal performance and then try to get a job in insurance or real estate... i.e. something that does not require a business degree. She thinks I would be miserable if I switched my degree, and she's afraid that I'll lose sight of my goal to be a performer, which is something my dad has brought up as well.

This was also surprising because my mother has been the one who all along said, "You have to get an education degree if you're going to major in music, because you need a safety net."

There's a part of me that's thinking... you know what? She may be right.

But geeze. I mean how much can you really do in real estate or insurance? I have no idea. I don't want to end up flipping burgers or working in a call center either, and I want to have the option of a stable job if my career options totally tank.

I know WAY too many vocal performance majors who ended up working as waiters once they graduated and they still haven't gotten into any young artist programs or found any sort of stable performance jobs.

I really need to make a decision. At this point there wont be much difference time-wise in getting my degree whichever one I pick, but I do need to go ahead and pick one before next semester. Luckily that gives me the summer to think about it, but AAAAAAARGH.

[Mari]

Good luck Tess. Look at all the possibilities and then choose with your heart

[Varnafindë]

Oughtn't you at least get some kind of degree - wouldn't you need that to be better qualified to get interesting jobs even in those areas?

[Ingwe]

I have one hell of a headache! That's my vent for now!

Remember, venting prevents ex-plos-ion (Simpsons quote)

[Earniel]

Dear CITES, can you be any more spineless?! You failed the corals, you failed the tuna and maybe worst of all, you failed the sharks. I guess we can count ourselves lucky you didn't entirely fail the elephants. For now. No Love.

[Jonathan]

A dazzling display of how national interests outweigh everything. But I understand that at least the US and the EU did what they could.

[Earniel]

National stomachs outweighing everything else, rather. If I still was tempted to eat sushi, I darn well ain't anymore.

The meeting in Doha was a global disgrace all the same. Sometimes I really wonder how we manage to have any species left.

[Jonathan]

Originally Posted by Eärniel

Sometimes I really wonder how we manage to have any species left.

Thanks to inedibleness?