Divorce

[Arien the Maia]

Originally Posted by The Gaffer

Arien, I am sorry to read that you were affected by your parents' split. I think the timing was particularly unfortunate; 14 is not a good age to have to go through that. I was "lucky" in that my son was only 2, so he wasn't caught in the middle so much. However, I think it's usually inevitable that children of divorced parents will be affected by it to some extent, e.g. by geographical distance.

By now he's 13, and although there are still challenges for all of us, he has three (half-) brothers that he adores (and the feeling's mutual), another one on the way, about 20 cousins and step-cousins, with whom he has a riot, and FOUR sets of grandparents to spoil him rotten. He has also formed close friendships with lots of my and his mum's friends. That's a wonderful diversity of humanity.

* Puts About a Boy on the DVD *

I agree that splitting up when the kdis are younger (or WAY older like adults) is probably less stressful. It's hard for me now b/c of holidays and such. What a hassle! I look forward to the day when hubby and me are older and our kids are older and we don't ahev to worry about going to everyone's house on the holidays!

[The Gaffer]

Aren't wee ones the perfect excuse to sit at home and let everyone come to you?

[sisterandcousinandaunt]

Originally Posted by The Gaffer

Aren't wee ones the perfect excuse to sit at home and let everyone come to you?

Only child, Gaffer? Most families I know have the big family holidays by seniority. Any member, or any 6 members, of a generation might be having children at the same time. Whose reproductive schedule gets priority? People gather at the family home, which presumably has room and oven space, and hopefully everyone is adult enough that arrangements are made for swapping off with families of spouses. Like "Grammy gets everyone for Thanksgiving, but Nana Johnson insists on Christmas Eve, and Mrs. Henderson wants Easter Supper."

Particularly with long distances (and the U.S. is FULL of those, lol) you don't plan a day long drive for your Elders. 'tain't proper.

[brownjenkins]

We use to always go to my parent's place, and my wife's parent's place... but now that we've got four kids, if they want to see them (and they do ), they are coming to us.

[The Gaffer]

You tell em.

Mine was more wishful thinking, or a negotiating position, than actual policy.

But really, how much UNlike a holiday do they want it to be??

[sisterandcousinandaunt]

Originally Posted by brownjenkins

We use to always go to my parent's place, and my wife's parent's place... but now that we've got four kids, if they want to see them (and they do ), they are coming to us.

You host family holidays? Sibs and cousins come to your house for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Mother's Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day and Labor Day? Anyone cross state lines for that?

[Lief Erikson]

Originally Posted by brownjenkins

Are you willing to admit that at least sometimes, even if it is only one in one hundred, that divorce can lead to a better life for everyone involved, or is that simply impossible given your worldview?

That may be possible. I've never seen it, but I don't claim to have seen everything . If that kind of situation is possible, however, I believe that it would be an incredibly small minority of cases.

[brownjenkins]

Originally Posted by sisterandcousinandaunt

You host family holidays? Sibs and cousins come to your house for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Mother's Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day and Labor Day? Anyone cross state lines for that?

They come to us most of the time, though we do travel to the parent's house or the brother's for Thanksgiving sometimes. My parents are in Connecticut and we are near Boston (about a two hour trip), and they probably visit 10-15 times a year compared to 1-2 for us. Not because we don't like to visit. Just because four kids in the car can be a real adventure for just a one or two-day trip.

[brownjenkins]

Originally Posted by Lief Erikson

That may be possible. I've never seen it, but I don't claim to have seen everything . If that kind of situation is possible, however, I believe that it would be an incredibly small minority of cases.

Well, that's something to work with at least.

[sisterandcousinandaunt]

Originally Posted by brownjenkins

They come to us most of the time, though we do travel to the parent's house or the brother's for Thanksgiving sometimes. My parents are in Connecticut and we are near Boston (about a two hour trip), and they probably visit 10-15 times a year compared to 1-2 for us. Not because we don't like to visit. Just because four kids in the car can be a real adventure for just a one or two-day trip.

Everyone's families are so young.

I'm glad your parents are so healthy that they've got 20-30 hours of commuting in them annually. May that continue for many happy years. Grandparents aren't what they used to be, maybe.

[Rían]

Originally Posted by The Gaffer

Aren't wee ones the perfect excuse to sit at home and let everyone come to you?

That only works if you're the only one with small kids. In our family, there's multiple small-kid families. We just kinda left it open every year and worked out whatever seemed best, although infants trumped everything, and space was important, too (easier to get together in a house with a large gathering room and multiple bedrooms than a two-room very small house). But once kids are a few months old, they really travel pretty good in a car or plane. The worst time, for us, was right after they were potty trained Really, diapers aren't bad!

[sisterandcousinandaunt]

Originally Posted by RÃ*an

The worst time, for us, was right after they were potty trained Really, diapers aren't bad!

ROTFL. Oh, the power to stop at every MickeyD's.

[brownjenkins]

Originally Posted by sisterandcousinandaunt

Everyone's families are so young.

I'm glad your parents are so healthy that they've got 20-30 hours of commuting in them annually. May that continue for many happy years. Grandparents aren't what they used to be, maybe.

All they do now is travel.

They are in their early-60s.

[sisterandcousinandaunt]

Originally Posted by brownjenkins

They are in their early-60s.

*shakes head and reaches for cane*

[Rían]

Originally Posted by sisterandcousinandaunt

ROTFL. Oh, the power to stop at every MickeyD's.

[shudder]Those were the days ... [/shudder]

[The Gaffer]

Gah! Don't say that... we're just about to start toilet training the bairn.

* is very afraid *

[Snowdog]

Originally Posted by Arien the Maia

What is everyone's opinion about Divorce? Do you think it should never happen or only in certain circumstances? I have been affected by it and I hate it with a passion.

Yeah, I been affected by it too. Once in 1983 (I divorced), and once in 2007 (I was divorced). I'm ok with it.

[brownjenkins]

I don't think anyone likes divorce, but I've seen many people go through it and come out better in the long run.

[Mari]

Originally Posted by Snowdog

Yeah, I been affected by it too. Once in 1983 (I divorced), and once in 2007 (I was divorced). I'm ok with it.

What's the difference between divorcing and being divorced? The person who asks for it?

[Snowdog]

Yep. In 1983 I filed for divorce, and in 2007 I had divorce papers served to me.