War For All Of Middle Earth™!

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: After I read this I squeeled with delight and got strange stares from the rest of the class.

[goldiegollum]

Goldiegollum slippes out the door, humming a song she made up. she is about halfway up a tree when she remembers her mission to find good maggie

GG (says to the tree): *sigh* oh poops. how unhappy. can't a person climb a tree anymore without being interupted by missions and alteregos and fake other deminsions and whatnot.
Oh, well, better start thinking...*thinks* humm..... *thinks some more* Ah HA! *comes up with brilliant idea*

Goldie swings down from the tree, and lands crouching on the ground. after walking a few miles, she climbs to the tallest tree she can find, and pulls a silver and red dregonfly clip from her hair. she holds it to her ear, and when she squeezeses it, it squeeks.

clip: squeeka-squeeka-squeak!

gg smiles insanley at the delightful sound, but, knowing what she must do, sadly brings it away from her ear
GG: this should do the trick *holds clip in the air and squeaks it rapidly...*

somewhere else, far away...

human (wherever she is): *perks up ears which are hyper sensative to this one particular sound* could it be? the precious? the squeaky!!!!!!!!?*starts running off in direction of sound*

unfortunatley, Good Maggie, Elrond and Glorfindel are left in the dust and do not follow as planned.

A few days later, human, crazed and hyper, comes running up at hyperspeed to goldie's current camp where she is currently sleeping

Human: *eyes glinting insanley* SQUEEEEEEEAkYYYY!!!!

Goldie:...?

Human:*charges the sleepy Goldie* SPOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!

Goldie: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!*thinking that the plan worked too well perhaps*

human tackles goldie who on second thought abandons plan of giving up the precious squeaky, kicks Human and slips away. Human gives chase and they run screaming and wailing across the grass...

[Earniel]

*still in prison*

Eärniel: Tidadidadidadiduh diiiidadididum! Tidiitiitiiduwwww hahah!

Scaley: Will you stop humming that insane marmotsong!

Eärniel:But I'm bored! What's wrong with the marmotsong?

Poiple: Everything if it's the zillionst time you hum it!

Eärniel: How long do we have to stay here?

Scaley: We've been over this before! Until Goldiegollum finds Good Maggie!

Eärniel: She's been away for so long! Do you think she might have forgotten it?

Entesse:*thinks* That's a possibility .....

Eärniel: Then we'll be here until Eru knows when!

Poiple: Quite possibly.

Eärniel: Tidadidadi....

Entesse: Stop that or I breathe fire!

Eärniel: Can you do that?

Entesse: I might.

Eärniel: Cool. Tidadidadidadiduh....

*The dragons scream with rage*

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

Reference Post

Charactors that people play

Katt:
Katt
Saurooookatt
Sauronkatt
Skaiuk
Penguin#492

Maggie:
Good Maggie
Evil Maggie
Willow
Mahtaliel
(Anyone Else with lines?)

Human: Human & Shadow and Penguins

Eärniel: Eärniel, Scaley, Poiple, Entesse

goldiegollum: goldiegollum

Nazgul Queen: Nazgul Queen and armie

Tano: Tano

Nobody/everybody: Elrond, Glorfindel, Glordifle

Other(don't have lines): Free elves/men

Locations & Doings

Katt & Evil Maggie- Evil Maggie is holding Katt hostage in Imladris
Saurooookatt & armie & Penguins- Waiting to attack Imladris from Isanguard
Sauronkatt & armie- Waiting to attack Imladris from Mordor
Penguin#492 & Tano- Keeping hobbits nicely confuzzled in the Shire
Free elves/men (that haven't been conquored)- massing to attack Isanguard/Mordor from Lorien and Rivendell
Glordifle- Thinking about Katt in Imladris
Elrond & Glorfindel & Good Maggie- Got ditched by Human somewhere in Middle Earth
Nazgul Queen and armie- Waiting to attack Imladris from ???
Human & goldiegollum- Trying to find Elrond & Glorfindel & Good Maggie again somewhere in Middle Earth
Shadow & Skaiuk- Conquoring everyone else and making sure they are confuzzled and/or prepared to attack Imladris
Eärniel, Scaley, Poiple, Entesse- Being held in prision in Imladris
Willow & Mahtaliel- Guarding Eärniel, Scaley, Poiple, Entesse in Imladris

I think I ought to mention that Galadriel and Celeborn are still being held by Evil Maggie in Imladris. I am not sure though.

Teams

Good- Free elves/men, Galadriel and Celeborn

Saurooookatt(because she took over)- Saurooookatt & armie & Penguins, Sauronkatt & armie, Penguin#492 & Tano, Nazgul Queen and armie, Shadow & Skaiuk

Evil Maggie- Evil Maggie, Willow & Mahtaliel, Glordifle

Human- Eärniel, Scaley, Poiple, Entesse, Human & goldiegollum, Elrond & Glorfindel & Good Maggie, Katt

The Odds

Team Saurooookatt seems like the team that will win because it is so big. This is probably not going to be the case. Team Saurooookatt is big, but not that powerfull. Otherwise it would have attacked Imladris already. Team Evil Maggie looks like it has all the advantages. But let's face it, evil never wins. Damn. In the same respect it looks like the Good team will win. May I just say that good doesn't win either? The most likely team that will win is team Human because the weird ones rule!!!

OOC: Edit: I finished the post.

[Willow Oran]

OOC: *snerk* Are you sure those odds are accurate Katt? I'd place my bet on the hidden team that's controling the show.

(Seeing as Human has run off G. Maggie is left alone with the two elves, the three have decided to camp and wait to see if Human returns. Elrond and Glorfindel are setting up the camp while G.Maggie is cooking.)

Elrond: It's just the three of us now.

Glorfindel: Yes, your point?

Elrond: We outnumber her.

Glorfindel(looks over to where Maggie is cooking and then back at Elrond): Do you think we could?

Elrond: We're bigger faster and stronger than she is, there are two of us and one of her. If we can overpower her we can go to Gondor with her as a hostage.

Glorfindel: You think to seek help from the Men?

Elrond: The people of Gondor and Rohan will not wish our world to be taken over by these maniacs, the longer we can keep them divided the longer we have to expel them from Middle Earth.

Glorfindel: How do you suggest we get her? (Elrond answers by lifting a frying pan and grinning.)

Elrond: Poetic justice.

OOC: Time to bring in a few more of the free peoples. For the purposes of the Role play assume that time is really messed up and that the War of the Ring has happnened and Aragron is King.

[Nazgûl Queen]

Meanwhile, back at Angband, NQ and her army of MiniNazgul had been restoring the fortress of Melkor to it's former glory when they recieved a meassage...

Penguin#129: I am here as an emissary of Saurookatt

MiniNazgul#543: What do you want?

P#129: To speak to your mistress.

MN#543: She's somewhat... unavailable... can you call back later?

P#129: This is URGENT!

MN#543: Alright, alright... *mounts it's rabid black mouse and gallops over to where NQ is in the middle of a shower, after having spent all morning polishing the armour and repainting the palace*

NQ: What do you want?

MN#543: An emissary of Saurookatt is here to speak to you, Mistress.

NQ: I'll be right out. *gets out and puts on her most menacing cloak and her glowing red contact lenses* Intimidating enough? I think so... *she walks slowly out and over to where the Penguin stands* You called?

P#129: *gulps* Yes, oh mighty one... i bring a message from my new master.

NQ: What has Saurookatt to say for herself?

P#129: She wants your presence back in Isengard within the week to attack Imladris.

NQ: But we're almost finished... it'll just take us a few more days...

P#129: She will not be happy...

NQ: Tell her I'll be there as soon as I've finished repairing the torture chambers and rounding up my force of Dragons.

P#129: Yes, Mistress *waddles back to Saurookatt*

NQ: MiniNazgul, assemble! This land needs to be finished immediately, and the Dragons must be found! Soon, we ride to war!

MN: Yes, Mistress...

[Willow Oran]

(Meanwhile Elrond and Glorfindel have successfully used the frying pan and have made it to Gondor and been recieved by the King and his family. Maggie has just woken up and is simutaneously being treated for a minor concussion and interogated)

Aragorn(in a very exasperated tone): Look, I don't know what you are or why you people are trying to take over Middle Earth, and I don't think I want to know. All I want you to tell me is how many of you people there are, how to get rid of you all and what you did with the Lord and Lady of Lorien.

Arwen: Esspecially the last one. I'd sort of like my grandparents back.

Maggie(still sort of dizzy, Elrond hit her really hard with that frying pan): Ngh, I dunno how many people we have. I's always changing. Mi' be 3, mi' be fouror...

Arwen: I wonder just what she did to make daddy hit her that hard?

Aragorn(is getting a migraine): Well can you bring Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn back from where-ever you put them.

Maggie: I didn't put them anywhere, Maggie did that.

Aragorn: Er... So you did put them somewhere?

Maggie: No the other Maggie. She's the evil one, I'm the good one.

Aragorn: So you're two different people?

Maggie: No.

Arwen: That doesn't matter, do you have any idea what you/she might have done with them?

Maggie: I can find out. (Takes out a cell phone with a sparkly dark blue cover and dials.) Hello, Maggie?... Yes it's me... No, I'm in Gondor... I need you to tell me what you did with the Lord and Lady... Oh...... You did what?!..... And you don't know when?!.... Or where?!.... Oh stink. (shuts off the cell phone and puts it in her pocket then looks back up at Aragorn.) Uh, sorry. My counterpart is sort of fond of random time travel. She sent them back on a random time jump to the first age and didn't bother to check where they landed. She didn't bother to check when either. We do know they aren't dead though, she's keeping track of that at least. I'll try to get them back as soon as I can though. I know how, it'll just take a bit. And I can't do it with this headache now go away and let me sleep.

[Earniel]

*Meanwhile back in Imladris the dragons managed to persuade Eärniel to give up singing the marmotsong and and to play a game of cards with them. However after a number of 1.255.414 games (and an equal number of losing) Eärniel is fed up.*

Eärniel: *puts down cards* I'm bored....

Entesse: Want a revanche?

Eärniel: I've tried to take revanche like a zillion times already! We've been here for ages!

Poiple: You're an elf! Time has no meaning for you.

Eärniel: I'm an elf with a very short attentionspan and it just ran out. I'm sick of being locked up here! I'm sick of cardgames! I want to get out of here! I'm going to escape!

Scaley: And how are you going to do that?

Eärniel:*smiles disturbing* With this.... *holds a marker*

Entesse: That? But that's a marker. That's not going to work.

Eärniel: Desperate situations demands desperate measures. And it's either that or the marmotsong, take your pick.

All dragons on unison: The marker.

[Tanoliel]

ooc: Frannie, is that you? I didn't know you'd gotten on here!

ic:

Tano and Penguin #492 (ooc: correct the number if I'm wrong) are sitting on a hill overlooking one of the many villages of the Shire. Tano is stretching her wings and Penguin #492 is reading a magazine.
Tano: Are you sure they aren't just going to drop dead from this?
Penguin: Meir.
Tano: Ok. But...geez. They look pretty whacked.
Penguin: Meir, meirmerier!
Tano: Of COURSE I'm a heartless shameless wicked little child! But I also happen to think most of the hobbits down there are pretty cute. Can I keep Sam when we get up there?
Penguin (resignedly): Meir.
Tano: Cool....*begins sharpening her fingernails with a pocket knife*
A random hobbit suddenly shrieks, a noise of pain and despair.
Tano: Oh, bugger. *hops down to the hobbit, who is rocking back and forth, looking terrified*
Hobbit: Reality...reality....NOooo....can't handle reality....
Tano: It's ok. Look here. *holds up a small pebble* This will take you into the world of light and happiness....think happy....think goooooood....*hands the hobbit a full pipe*
Hobbit: Ooooo....*takes a breath and passes out*
Tano: Saurooookatt must have some pretty powerful stuff....cripes.

[Willow Oran]

(Back in Gondor. Maggie has been locked in a room and left alone with instructions to retrive Celeborn and Galadriel from where ever E. Maggie left them.)

Maggie(looks around to make sure that no one is watching and then pulls out her cellphone which is quickly followed by a small blue and gold ring.): Good thing Elrond doesn't realize that I'm the same Maggie who stole Vilya. I hope these things still work.

(She puts Vilya on her finger and picks up the cell phone, she punches some seemingly random buttons in a sequence that ends with the dial button. The phone and ring start glowing and the phone rings loud and long. Suddenly they both stop, a moment later a very annoyed and out of breath Celeborn lands in the middle of the room followed closely by Galadriel who lands on top of him. They both look very, very disgrunteled and ready to kill.)

Maggie: Uh oh....

OOC: Will the lord and lady kill Maggie? Will we find out just where they got sent to? Will these alter egos ever be straightened out? Will the PInk Fluffy Bunnies decide to revolt? Find out next time on War for Middle Earth!

[Masderanoe]

On a high cliff overlooking Gondor a cloaked figure appeared out of a cave entrance. Behind him was an army of big spiders, with smileys as faces. Every thing was in chaos it was his turn to strike.

[Willow Oran]

[Sadly for Masderanoe there are many Maggie's one of which is still unoccupied and aware of him. She has sent her minions.]

(Tika and Chicho hop up behind Masderanoe.)

Masderanoe: Huh? What are you things doing here?

Tika: You are young and inexperienced.

Chicho: Your sister sent us to keep you out of trouble while she deals with everyone else.

Masderanoe(sighs resignedly at this not unexpected news.): What else did she say?

Tika: She says that if you take your spiders into any of the places where she or her alter egos are in control she will hurt you severly.

Chicho: She wants you to go and secur Mirkwood for her. A few more spiders aren't going to matter much there and the elves have already been halfway conquered by your sister's opponents.

Masderanoe: Setting up an easy victory for me. How sweet of her. Very well, off to Mirkwood I go. Does she want me to bust her out of where they're keeping her in Gondor as wel?

Tika(smiles sweetly): You don't have to of course...

Chicho(grins): But it'd be very helpful if you did.

OOC: Mwhahaha!!!! Aren't siblings useful?

[Masderanoe]

Commanding Spider (CS) #56 glares at the two tiny pink things with scary looking teeth below him.

Masderanoe: CS #56 go round up the other spiders and bring them down to the plain. We need to take action fast before other people start looking at Mirkwood. As for Minas Tirith send Fire Spider hoards #4, #5, and #6 to take care of that place. Also send the commanding construction spider up here, I want to speak with him.

Chicho: But you have to go to Minas Tirith yourself.

Masderanoe: Why

Chicho: Because she told you to.

Masderanoe: How can i be in two places at once I don't have a million of me I only have one. Hmm must go with which one is more important. Definatley conquering Mirkwood!

By this time all the spiders have gathered on the plain below, and the construction spider is now at the cliff side.

Construction Spider: You sent for me?

Masderanoe: Yes now listen carefully, once we have conquered Mirkwood we need to establish a city there. You are going to be in charge of it.

Masderanoe yells to the spiders below: It is time, to go to Mirkwood.

Chicho: But what about Maggie?

Masderanoe: I already sent the fire spiders to Minas Tirith, I'll come as soon as Mirkwood is conquered. Tika please let go of my hair.

[Willow Oran]

OOC: Masderanoe is now Grady. There is no way I'm calling him by such a long name.

(Forutnately for Masderanoe's health his Fire spiders had succesfully gotten his sister out of a very sticky situation and were now returning.)

Maggie(coming up beside her brother): It's alright Tika you can let go now. You're lucky Grady, had you left me there bad things would have happened. However, that is beside the point Things are coming to a head and it is time to gather our armies. Take your spiders and go to Mirkwood. I will call you when it is time.

Grady: And what will you do?

Maggie: I think it's time I pulled myself together. Goodbye.

(She picks up Tika and Chicho and dissapears, the three of them reappear a moment later back in the library of Imladris. Evil Maggie's back is to them, Good Maggie walks up and taps her on the shoulder.)

G Maggie: I'm here.

E Maggie: Yes I know, what do you want?

G Maggie: I want you to stop this petty arguing with me right this moment. If you continue Human, and Katt and the others will defeat us.

E Maggie: I may be willing to stop, but it depends, what side are you on?

G Maggie: I'm on my side, and your side, and their side. So are you.

E Maggie(smiles and drops the evil countenance): Very well, I suppose you're right, as always. It was fun though, confusing every one like that.

G Maggie: Yes. Truce then?

E Maggie: Truce.

(The two of them dissapear, almost immediatly they are replaced by one Maggie, she looks almost identical to her alter egos but not quite. While the other two were always at extremes this one looks exceedingly neutral. She picks up Tika and Chicho, (who have turned into stuffed animals,) and places them on a book shelf, then she sits down in the armchair to wait.)

#1 Maggie: I'm back.

[Earniel]

*Meanwhile somewhere in Imladris Eärniel (totally ignorant of what happened with the Maggies) decides it's time to bail out. She walks to one of the walls and begins to draw a door on it with the marker.*

Scaley: That's a very nice door but how is it going to get us out?

Eärniel: Really Scaley, sometimes you can be so dense. It's a door. What do you think it's for?

Scaley: I happen to know what a door is and how it works. But that's a drawing not a real door.

Eärniel: Do dragons get born without any imagination?

Entesse: Do sea elves constantly ask stupid questions?

Eärniel: Okay, okay! I'll apologise. Sorry, okay? Ah there, it's done.

*The four of them look at the drawn door.*

Entesse: I hope Elrond is not going to kick your ass because you've drawn grafiti all over his nice clean walls.

Eärniel: Duh! Elrond has disappeared because of a Maggie, dunno anymore which one. And evil Maggie took over Rivendell. So who's going to complain? *pushes against the drawing which noicelessly slides open, revealing the corridor behind it*

Poiple: I don't believe my eyes....

Eärniel: Then don't but don't just stand there. Quick, before anyone notices.

*The three dragons exit the room after which Eärniel pulls the door shut again. In the corridor nothing even hints the presence of the hidden door. Stealthily the four of them disappear into the maze of the corridors of Rivendell.*

[Masderanoe]

(In Mirkwood)

CS #6: Sir we have destoyed all the wood elf camps around here if any wood elves did not flee then they will soon be found.

Grady: Excellent, continue to search the area once you are sure that no elves are still here get all the commanding spiders here, and get Spikelegs and Tingleclaw. Soon we will make a march through Mirkwood and destroy the elven city. Soon Mirkwood will be ours.

(The spider hurrys off on its 8 giant legs.)

[Willow Oran]

(Maggie is in the library giving orders to her minions and characters.)

Maggie: Alright people, I've been split these past weeks and I've been letting you people slack off. Chicho, go to Mirkwood and keep an eye on Grady for me. He tends to get violent sometimes and I want those elves sent to me alive. (Chicho leaves) Tika, you gather the Bunny Armies together and prepare them for war. (Tika leaves) Willow, the Sea elf and her friends have escaped please make sure they get out of here safely, then go and find Human and Goldie. Bring Human here and see that Goldie and Earniel meet eachother and join.(Willow leaves) Mahtaliel.... What would you like to do?

Mahtaliel: Does it matter?

Maggie: Yes, remember I'm neither evil or good now, if you want to go and help your friends then you may.

Mahtaliel: What would you gain by it?

Maggie: Plenty, Those poor elves have been tormented enough by now and I don't want my opponents getting ahold off them again. Would you go and keep them safe? That would satisfy both of us I believe.

Mahtaliel: Very well then, I shall leave immediately, what are you planning to do with the elves here? They're currently frozen in
time. Are you going to unfreeze them?

Maggie: No, I'll leave them for now. It won't hurt them. They're probably better off not knowing what's going on.

Mahtaliel: Very well. (She leaves)

[Masderanoe]

(Back in Mirkwood)

An army of giant spiders stands in a very large clearing awaiting there orders. In a smaller clearing not so far of were the spider leaders and Grady.

CS #6: There all here Sir all the commanding spiders.

Grady: Where are Tingleclaw and Spikelegs?

Two spiders much larger than the other ones walk up in front of Grady. Spikelegs is in spiked armor and has claws that would work much better than any swords. Tingleclaw looks like any other giant spider except for the fact that his claws are gloing and look poisenous. (For good reason)

Spikelegs: We're right here.

Grady: Excellent, here's what I want you two to do. Spikelegs you will take a quarter of the army and attack the elven city from the southern side. Tingleclaw, you will take another quarter and go find any other elf camps or cities. If you come across any destroy them.

Chicho: And send any prisoners to Maggie.

Grady: What? What are you doing here.

Chicho: Maggie sent me here to tell you to take the elves captive instead of chasing them of.

Grady: What about insinerating them, or eating them?

Chicho: NO! None of that send all the elves to Maggie.

Grady: Oh very well, but I can't stop every spider from eating them.

Chicho: Very well. (Bounces of into the trees.)

(Tingleclaw and Spikelegs stare at the pink thing with a surprise on there faces.)

Grady yells out to the surounding spiders: You will each command a portion of the army. Make sure that as few wood elves as possible are eaten or insinerated. (He stares at the fire spider captain.) Get as many elf prisoners as possible!

The spiders scurry off to there hoards.

Grady: It is time.

OOC: eeks ran out of time to finish typing this
It'll be finished in abit though.

[Masderanoe]

OOC: Now I can finish posting

When Grady walked up to the spider army they were all ready to march. Grady's army was at the top and the largest of the three. Tingleclaw's was at the back left side, and Spikelegs' army was at the back right side. Now the armys marched up through the forest.

Grady: Tingleclaw, take your army to the left here make a sweep through Mirkwood and destroy any wood elf camps or cities. Take any elves you find captive. If you find any more spiders around here convince them to join us, if they refuse insinerate them.

Tingleclaw: Yes Sir (He and his army marches off the path.)

Now the armys continued on there way to the elven city they met very little resistance along the way. By the time they got to the crossroads they had about 20 prisoners. At the crossroads they stopped for a brief rest.

Grady: Spikelegs, take your army down the left fork. I will take my army down the right. When you get to the southern side wait until my army attacks once my army attacks come into the city and assist us.

Spikelegs: This is going to be major overkill.

Grady: Yes it will be, and remember get as many prisoners as possible!

About an hour later the armys continued, Grady's army went down the right path and Spikelegs' went down the left.

By the time the armys were in position to attack it was nearly dark. Grady announced that they would be attacking at nightfall, and held a meeting with the fire spiders.

Grady: When we attack you will send fireballs up into the air to let Spikelegs know that we have attacked. Everyone got it?

Fire Spiders: Yes

Grady:Then lets go it's night and time to attack!

The army of spiders waited at the wooden walls of the elven city until they were commanded to attack. Soon they were.

The army pounded against the great walls, and the fire spiders sent a spray of fire againt them Soon they gave way and the spiders marched into the city. Three fireballs were sent into the sky, and Spikelegs' army got into the city. The elves fired at the spiders with arrows, but the arrows had little affect against the spiders thick hides. Soon the city had been taken over and the population of the city held prisoner and ready to be sent to Maggie. Why she wants them i don't know. Then the construction spiders began to make it into a city for themselves. Where the largest tree stood they put a metal bar on it and a model of a spider with a smiley sace for a head was put on it. The city was nearly complete. It would house all 10,000 of the spider army and a great castle for Grady, Spikelegs, and Tingleclaw. It would also house all the worker spiders, which there were many of. Grady now had a stronghold in Mirkwood and a fast growing army.

[Earniel]

*Eärniel and the dragons, who have just spied on Maggie through a hole in the ceiling, retreat to their hide-out in the attic.*

Entesse: She found out quickly that we had escaped.

Poiple: Perhaps the fridge that Eärniel emptied on the way up here gave it away.

Eärniel: *munching on chocolate* Look, I was hungry, you can't save the world on an empty stomach.

Scaley: So far us saving the world hasn't progressed much. Now there's even a new player in Mirkwood!

Eärniel: I know, I know but what can we do? There is just the four of us and there's plenty of them.

Poiple: Maybe we should get ourselves some allies....

Eärniel: Have you seen these people? You won't find a more backstabby lot anywhere in the universe!

Scaley: Maggie apparantly wants us to join up with Goldiegollum.

Eärniel: Is it a good thing for us to do what Maggie has in store for us? I mean we don't even know this Goldiegollum.

Entesse: Let's stick around here for a while. Maybe we can find out a bit more about Maggie's hidden agenda.

Eärniel: Good point. Where do you think she hid it? I'd say her bedroom would be as good a place as any to hide an agenda.

Scaley: *sighs* We'll see but for now we'll have to avoid being seen by Willow, she'll be looking for us.