01-16-2003, 12:01 PM | #101 |
Bard of Mangled Songs
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: West of Middle Earth...oh alright...Manila
Posts: 2,679
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I agree with most of you that every being who took part in the quest to destroy the One Ring is a hero.
However, a friend of a friend of a friend wrote the following letter which somehow got forwarded to me. He was so disgusted with the way the Red Book depicted him. He kept quiet until some guy decided to make more money at his expense by making a movie with references to the book (The BLASTED LYING VERSION OF THE WAR OF THE RING!). At the risk of this starting to become an urban legend, here it is on the following post:
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Power attracts the corruptible. Absolute power attracts the absolutely corruptible. -Missionaria Protectiva, Frank Herbert Accio, Ash Nazg! Elennuru s?*la lúmenn' omentielvo (The Death Star shines on the hour of our meeting) - Darth Arathorn Put aside the ranger... Start looking for Mumakil action figures... |
01-16-2003, 12:03 PM | #102 |
Bard of Mangled Songs
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: West of Middle Earth...oh alright...Manila
Posts: 2,679
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Sauron Speaks! (PART I)
ok, finally we hear from the evil lord himself...
Good evening, mortals, I'd like to introduce myself. I'm Sauron,the Lord of the Rings. Caught the title, did you? I should expect so. Most of you idiots might remember the title to the movie with Frodo, Legolas, and/or Aragorn in it. Which is why we're going to have a little conversation. *I* am the Lord of the Rings. Not some midget with hairy feet and blue eyes the size of saucer plates. Not some pretty boy with pointy ears and a blond wig. Not some loser king-turned-ranger-turned-king badly in need of a haircut and a shave. Me. Sauron. The Deceiver. The real honest-to-Tolkien Lord of the Rings. I don't mean to complain. I'm glad you came to see my movie. But you seem to have lost focus. The bloody movie is named after ME!! It's not "Midget Carrying A Ring," or "Cute Elf Boy," or "Sexy Ranger." It's "Lord of the Rings." If it was about one of the above, I'm sure they would hav e renamed it to "The Ringbearer," or some other flowery title. I am *sick* and *tired* of you little fangirls (and a few of the fanboys) going on about how cute Frodo was. Or how hot Legolas was. Or how sexy Aragorn was. Are they the real stars of the movie? No. I am. Without *me*, there would be no movie!! Without a doubt, *I* am the most important character in the movie. Middle Earth depends on me to oppress it and wreak havoc and evil. Do you have any idea how hard it is to corrupt, taint, destroy, and ruin *everything* you touch? It's not easy, let me tell you. It's hard work being an overlord of evil! I have all these evil plans to concoct, and there's a lot of appearances to be made. I hardly get any sleep, what with having to keep an eye out for everything those idiots do to try and thwart me. But do I have any fangirls? Do I have ridiculous girls who collect images of m e, and devote entire shrines to how sexy I am? Do I get any appreciation? No. I am unloved, uncared for, and in the end, I have to die, just to make the heroes look good. Would you even appreciate Frodo completely if it weren't for *my* ring? Would you like Legolas so much if I didn't provide his targets for him to show off with a bow? Would you think Aragorn was so sexy if he never had to draw his sword and fight off my minions? Would you have liked the movie as much if I didn't arrange for the dramatic deaths of at least two characters? If it weren't for me, there'd be no movie. Now, I know I don't have a pretty face and long, blond hair. Or big blue eyes and a sensitive face. Or smoldering green eyes and classic good looks. But a little appreciation would be nice. What about my lidless eye, wreathed in flames, eh? Now that's cool.Does Frodo have a lidless eye wreathed in flames? I think not. Hell, he can barely keep his eyes symmetrical without photo manipulation. And what about my cool metal suit of armor? Does Legolas have a suit of intimidating armor? No, he doesn't. All he has is some frippy Elf clothing, and stupid braids. And he walks like a girl. And what about my piece d' resistance? The One Ring? Does Aragorn have the One Ring at any point of the movie? No, he's so scared of it, he sends off the little hobbit like a coward. And he spends more time touching Legolas and Boromir in that movie than Arwen. (Wonder what *that's* all about, eh?) Obviously, I have some interesting qualities I feel are overlooked.All you fangirls (and fanboys) need to stop drooling after Frodo, Legolas, and Aragorn. Stop it with the obsession!! You're losing focus for the movie!! Do you think Tolkien created those characters so you could chase after them in your sexual fantasies? I think not. The old bastard w as way too interested in cross-dressing women to create male fantasies for you. *I* am the star of the show. And I want to be loved for what I am, and what I do!! I mean, look at yourselves. Just *look* at what you've turned into.Instead of appreciating the film, the books, or even the important message behind the story (don't steal other people's jewelry),you chase after the male characters in the story. I've even seen shrines to Boromir. Boromir!! He bloody well died, you know!! The loser practically tried to rip Frodo limb-from-limb to get the ring, and yet, you appreciate *him*, just because he tried to save those idiots, Merry and Pippin. The fools got everyone in trouble more times than *I* did in the film, and you still like *them*. I barely had to do *any* evil in the first movie. Pippin was doing a rather nice job of it all by himself.
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Power attracts the corruptible. Absolute power attracts the absolutely corruptible. -Missionaria Protectiva, Frank Herbert Accio, Ash Nazg! Elennuru s?*la lúmenn' omentielvo (The Death Star shines on the hour of our meeting) - Darth Arathorn Put aside the ranger... Start looking for Mumakil action figures... |
01-16-2003, 12:05 PM | #103 |
Bard of Mangled Songs
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: West of Middle Earth...oh alright...Manila
Posts: 2,679
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Sauron Speaks! (PART II)
Take the scribe of my message, J. Marie, for inst ance. The fool girl has
a shrine to naked Viggo Mortenson pictures on her hard drive. Now that's sad. She has filled up folders of precious memory with pictures of Orlando Bloom. She's wasted countless hours agonizing over writing fanfiction (about Aragorn and Legolas, no less). She's seen the movie *six* times, with no end in sight as of this writing, simply so she can drool over Aragorn and Legolas. It's pathetic, I tell you. Where are my shrines? Why does she go to the bathroom during the parts of the movie before Aragorn shows up? Why does she concern herself with the pizza grease on her hands during *my* scenes, yet didn't even notice her brother spilling Pepsi all over her pants when Aragorn was fighting the Nazgul? It's unfair. She'll quote you *Gollum* before she can mention anything that I have done to make this film great. She just shrugs and tells all her friends she hopes Aragorn gets a nude scene in the next movie!! How degrading!! And where were *my* Oscar nominations?? Nobody would care about Gandalf if it weren't for *me*!! He'd be nothing without *me* to define him!! It's an injustice!!! And don't even get me started on the fanfiction. Where's my sex scenes? (I'm a lover, not a fighter, you know.) My thoughts and angst?? Where's my slash moments (I personally think that Gandalf and I need to get the hook-up), or the times when I kidnap Arwen from Aragorn? Where's the Mary Sues that try to get *me* to marry them? I'll have you know I have some very nice love poetry stored up for just that occasion. It's always about Aragorn, Legolas, or Frodo!! I'm asking for some focus here. For people to recognize that the Lord of the Rings is about ME. The Lord of the Rings. Not the ranger who needs to shave. Not the Elf who looks like a girl at a distance. And c ertainly not some computer-midget-ized hobbit with eyes too big for his face. I'll get him. And his little dog, too. I *demand* equal rights. I want web shrines, folders full of images of me on your hard drive, people paying eight bucks a pop just to see *me* on screen repeatedly, fanfiction, love scenes, Mary Sue fics, grand kidnapping the damsel scenes, horrific storylines, and angst-filled stories!! I *am* the Lord of the Rings!! It's all about ME!! ME!!! MEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Well, he hates the books as well, go figure...
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Power attracts the corruptible. Absolute power attracts the absolutely corruptible. -Missionaria Protectiva, Frank Herbert Accio, Ash Nazg! Elennuru s?*la lúmenn' omentielvo (The Death Star shines on the hour of our meeting) - Darth Arathorn Put aside the ranger... Start looking for Mumakil action figures... Last edited by Arathorn : 01-16-2003 at 12:26 PM. |
01-16-2003, 01:12 PM | #104 |
The Elvish Temptress
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Vienna, Austria
Posts: 3,055
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It's definitely SAM. (Although I think it should be Faramir, because he is just so nice and cute.)
And Eowyn is also pretty much a hero. I mean, for the fact that women don't got to wars, she is a pretty good fighter and braver than many men.
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01-16-2003, 10:31 PM | #105 |
Elven Warrior
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: The Second Drawer Down
Posts: 407
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Hey, Arathorn - Sauron does have fangirls. Your 'Friend of a friend of a friend' does have a point - he doesn't have nearly as many shrines as Legolas or Aragorn, but he has had at least two fics written where he has fangirls. Here are the links: (they're long, and one's a work-in-progress, but they're so funny!)
http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=644826 (that's the first one - you'll need to read it to get the next) and http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=950294. Enjoy! Lanelf.
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Hey, I'm back! *resounding silence* You didn't even notice I was gone, did you? Well, I'm back now anyway. Artemis Fowl must find Mulch Diggums! You'll never shut down the real Napster |
01-16-2003, 10:58 PM | #106 |
Bard of Mangled Songs
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: West of Middle Earth...oh alright...Manila
Posts: 2,679
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I knew I shouldna accepted that job by the dark lord and posted that letter. Now I'll have to wade through those fanfics starting tomorrow and my weekend is RUINED! RUINED! RUINED!
Go away...Leave now and never come back...
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Power attracts the corruptible. Absolute power attracts the absolutely corruptible. -Missionaria Protectiva, Frank Herbert Accio, Ash Nazg! Elennuru s?*la lúmenn' omentielvo (The Death Star shines on the hour of our meeting) - Darth Arathorn Put aside the ranger... Start looking for Mumakil action figures... |
01-18-2003, 04:05 PM | #107 |
Sapling
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Viggo's bedroom...opps!
Posts: 6
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IT'S GOLLUM...DUHHH! WITH OUT HIM PLUNGING INTO MT. DOOM WHILE DOING A VICTORY DANCE THE QUEST WOULD HAVE FAILED
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01-18-2003, 04:43 PM | #108 |
Diamond Of The Night Sky
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Old London Town (Well somewhere near there)
Posts: 366
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The hero of the bookis definitly the Ring for me. Without it Rivendell and Lothlorien would wither, the Elves would pass into the West sooner and worst of all there would be no LOTR!!!!!
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I see a little silhouetto of a man. Scaramouche scaramouche will you do the fandango? Thunderbolts and Lightning, very very frightening me! |
01-18-2003, 04:50 PM | #109 |
Elven Warrior
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: A house!
Posts: 376
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Id say Sam! He helps Frodo alot! So either him or Aragorn, yeah Frodo bears the ring but w/out Sams help, hed be lost. Samwise the brave.
~Celebréiel
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Peace Yeah, Your an individual...just like everyone else. http://cartalien.deviantart.com/ - Arty goodness |
01-19-2003, 03:07 AM | #110 | |
Hobbit
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 22
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Quote:
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Georgia Productions |
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01-19-2003, 03:25 AM | #111 |
Sapling
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 3
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I think: Sam, Gandalf, Aragorn, Pip and Merry, Frodo 34 places from last, and... the fox who is relatively aware of the 3 hobbits is the least heroic
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01-19-2003, 03:52 AM | #112 |
Sapling
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 3
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Dont ask why though
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04-26-2003, 07:20 PM | #113 |
Hobbit
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: england
Posts: 22
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i can't nominate any one character so i'll just nominate a race (i know greedy). the hobbits obviously. frodo, sam, merry, pippin all overcame their respective shortcomings(!!!) to become heros of Gondor and ME. during the sacking of the shire ordinary hobbits cast off the oppressive yolk of sharky to show that they are not to be messed with. if you dont agree then captains Meriadoc and Peregrin will shortly(sorry couldn't help myself) be knocking at your door
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take this ring....for your labours will be heavy; but it will support you....and with it you may rekindle hearts in a world that grows chill |
04-26-2003, 07:34 PM | #114 | |
Rohirrim Warrior
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: PA
Posts: 590
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Frodo for taking the mission and bearing the ring to the cracks of doom
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04-26-2003, 08:56 PM | #115 |
Lurker
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Lothlórien
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Yes. Even though Frodo nearly failed in the end, he bore the Ring all the way to Mordor. He is the true hero of Lord of the Rings.
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04-26-2003, 09:00 PM | #116 | |
Elven Warrior
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Seattle, WA
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Quote:
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04-26-2003, 11:41 PM | #117 | |
Elven Warrior
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: My heart is forever in Mirkwood
Posts: 429
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Quote:
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I'm a Jesus Freak and proud of it... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given to us." -Gandalf, FOTR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Nobody tosses a Dwarf." - Gimli, FOTR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Save Ferris!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My true Elven name is Idril Anarion, but I misspelled in the username, and now I can't fix it... Oh, well...now you know... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Don't be afraid of death....Be afraid of the unlived life- Tuck Everlasting |
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04-27-2003, 02:57 PM | #118 |
The Elvish Temptress
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Vienna, Austria
Posts: 3,055
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Okay, trying not to be influenced by my favourite characters. .... Still Eowyn. She is a real hero.
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What I am and what I would are as secret as maidenhead. |
04-27-2003, 03:02 PM | #119 |
Entmoot Attorney-General,
Equilibrating the Scales of Justice, Administrator ♎ Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Stockholm, Sweden
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LotR has many heroes, but if the 'real hero' means the main character, I'd say it's Frodo. Everything in the books had to do with the Ringbearer and that makes him the 'real hero'.
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04-28-2003, 09:00 AM | #120 |
Sapling
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Ithilien, Middle Earth, I'm legolas's bride, tolkien just forgot to mention me
Posts: 13
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I think its all about how you define "hero". I mean the obvious kick-butt heroes are Legolas and Aragorn. The courageous hero would be Frodo. And the loyal stick-with-ya-til-the-end hero is Sam.All the characters had a role in destroying the ring.
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