"Apology" to Americans...heheheheh...All Candians read.

[Baby-K]

Aw! Innit nice to see the colonies getting along so well

Says King George, reclining on his plush throne............remember to flush sweetheart

I honestly do not feel that Pedophiles should have many rights

They should have naught IMO - sick bastards should be publicly castrated (by the mothers of their victims)

Everybody is so busy bashing America that we all seem to have forgotten how much Canada sucks. Here are a few reasons why we should bash Canada instead:

Please don't start the bashing 'til I've had me morning tot! (This is gonna be fun - once yer finished with each other, could you start with all the other countries in the Northern Hemisphere & leave the world in peace for us Southern Hemisphere people?)

[Coney]

Says King George, reclining on his plush throne............remember to flush sweetheart

hehe! You may genuflect at your leisure


Here we come to a conundrum, just how do you fill in the time while you are waiting for the 90 second rule to fill it's purpose? Do you ...
a)Pop out of the room and put the kettle on?
b)Have a quick glance at the news headlines?
c)Type meaningless crap in a small font 'cos you are too lazy to do either a or b?

[Baby-K]

hehe! You may genuflect at your leisure

Why thankee sire, can I feed ye some grapes while I'm at it? And mebbe rub yer feet & twiddle yer thumbs ('cos we wouldn't want for ye to do anything on yer own )

Here we come to a conundrum, just how do you fill in the time while you are waiting for the 90 second rule to fill it's purpose? Do you ...
a)Pop out of the room and put the kettle on?
b)Have a quick glance at the news headlines?
c)Type meaningless crap in a small font 'cos you are too lazy to do either a or b?

D) - stand on yer head & try drink as many shots of beer, while upside down........every time it happens try improving on yer previous record!

[Coney]

Why thankee sire, can I feed ye some grapes while I'm at it? And mebbe rub yer feet & twiddle yer thumbs ('cos we wouldn't want for ye to do anything on yer own )

Nah, yer ok.............last time I tried that the serf got distracted and I ended up with a grape lodged up me left nostril

D) - stand on yer head & try drink as many shots of beer, while upside down........every time it happens try improving on yer previous record!

That's a very liberal minded office yer working in hun

Damn! 90 second rule again ......... Wheres me beer glass gone?

[Baby-K]

Nah, yer ok.............last time I tried that the serf got distracted and I ended up with a grape lodged up me left nostril

It's not yer nostril ye have to worry about Actually it's good ye said so - I never have been good at being the subservient and meek type

That's a very liberal minded office yer working in hun

Yeah - the rest of the guys aren't here much (and when they are they irritate me) - so I need to find ways to amuse myself (I almost typed 'abuse' ) Besides, if I don't drink it the stock in the bar will just go off

Damn! 90 second rule again ......... Wheres me beer glass gone?

Ye mean the one over there in the corner, shaking in fear?

[Coney]

It's not yer nostril ye have to worry about Actually it's good ye said so - I never have been good at being the subservient and meek type

I'd never have guessed! (just as well really, I can't stand people faffing about over me.....I wouldn't have been any good as a member of old-fashioned nobility, I'd have spent every night sneaking off into the city with the real people )

Yeah - the rest of the guys aren't here much (and when they are they irritate me) - so I need to find ways to amuse myself (I almost typed 'abuse' ) Besides, if I don't drink it the stock in the bar will just go off

Well yes, it's nice to see that yer keeping yerself occupied My time is mainly taken up by counting the hairs on my forearm or fireing paper clips at people who walk past the open doorway (no booze or internet in my current work room :/ )

Ye mean the one over there in the corner, shaking in fear?

It's not fear that causes the shake.......it's exhaustion, did a lot of work this weekend did that lil' glass

[Baby-K]

I'd never have guessed! (just as well really, I can't stand people faffing about over me.....I wouldn't have been any good as a member of old-fashioned nobility, I'd have spent every night sneaking off into the city with the real people )

Hehe - ye'd have snuck of to go roll in the mud - screw the 'normal' people...............well I didn't mean it as that, but ye prolly would anyway I can't stand damned faffers! goddamn, lemme at 'em (I could never quite understand how people can take forever to get ready & then step out still looking like crap)

Well yes, it's nice to see that yer keeping yerself occupied My time is mainly taken up by counting the hairs on my forearm or fireing paper clips at people who walk past the open doorway (no booze or internet in my current work room :/ )

Oh, I play my radio (The Cult is on now), have a drink (it's lunchtime after all) and muck about, will work again later (Hun, I've just realised that we could never work together 'cos we'd prolly end up having drunken pee-shooting wars [do ye know what a pee-shooter is?], building trenches with the office furniture )

It's not fear that causes the shake.......it's exhaustion, did a lot of work this weekend did that lil' glass

Mebbe it's AN-TI-CI-PA-TEEEEEEON

[Coney]

Hehe - ye'd have snuck of to go roll in the mud - screw the 'normal' people...............well I didn't mean it as that, but ye prolly would anyway I can't stand damned faffers! goddamn, lemme at 'em (I could never quite understand how people can take forever to get ready & then step out still looking like crap)

*pictures himself wearing a big floury wig, mens high heeled buckled shoes, long socks, knee length trousers and a crevat with enough sequins on it to outweigh the average suit of armour*

Yup, I'd have deffo snuck out to roll in the mud with the normal people
Faffers can faff off.........every time I've been in hospital I always get told I'm the worst patient in history (I know nurses are supposed to faff, but if I'm well enough to get out of bed then I'm well enough to walk into the nurses kitchen and make me own cup of coffee )

Oh, I play my radio (The Cult is on now), have a drink (it's lunchtime after all) and muck about, will work again later (Hun, I've just realised that we could never work together 'cos we'd prolly end up having drunken pee-shooting wars [do ye know what a pee-shooter is?], building trenches with the office furniture )

No music at my place (tho' we have been known to spontaneously burst into song ) ...... Ahh yes, I know peashooters (unless a peeshooter is summit different ) Remove the bits and bobs from a disposable pen, to make a hollow tube and find a suitable projectile (typically a bit of chewed up paper) and blow! (so to speak) Had some fun with those in various places over the years ('specially if ya get the boss in the ear ).......I think it's time the peashooter got another outing, wonder if I can get the trainees to form teams?

Mebbe it's AN-TI-CI-PA-TEEEEEEON

The Rocky Horror Picture Glass?

[Baby-K]

*pictures himself wearing a big floury wig, mens high heeled buckled shoes, long socks, knee length trousers and a crevat with enough sequins on it to outweigh the average suit of armour*

LOL Knowing you, it'd end up with a crevat, stocking & wig ONLY

Yup, I'd have deffo snuck out to roll in the mud with the normal people

About as close to 'normal' as I dare come

Faffers can faff off.........every time I've been in hospital I always get told I'm the worst patient in history (I know nurses are supposed to faff, but if I'm well enough to get out of bed then I'm well enough to walk into the nurses kitchen and make me own cup of coffee )

Yeah, I hate being faffed over - but I love being spoiled rotten - there is a difference ye know (I'm terrible in a hospital too - last time I was in I kept kicking the blankets off me - not my fault they insist on wrapping me up in about 9 layers of blankets & then tucking the damned things in - all the way up to me chin - I bloody well hate having blankets etc near my face )

Ahh yes, I know peashooters (unless a peeshooter is summit different :eek Remove the bits and bobs from a disposable pen, to make a hollow tube and find a suitable projectile (typically a bit of chewed up paper) and blow! (so to speak) Had some fun with those in various places over the years ('specially if ya get the boss in the ear ).......I think it's time the peashooter got another outing, wonder if I can get the trainees to form teams?

Yeah - bit of a misspelling on my part (would get quite messy if it were a pee shooter eh? ) - Get them into teams hun (are the brain donors outa yer life yet?) then tell them the losers pay for drinks at the pub

The Rocky Horror Picture Glass?

Yeah - the sweet, lil' transvestite glass of yers

[Coney]

LOL Knowing you, it'd end up with a crevat, stocking & wig ONLY

Where's me trousers?!

About as close to 'normal' as I dare come

Yeah, save the rolling in the mud for the sensible day (Sunday) .......the rest of the week it would be drunken debauchery (mebbe I would be better off staying in the palace for that? )

Yeah, I hate being faffed over - but I love being spoiled rotten - there is a difference ye know (I'm terrible in a hospital too - last time I was in I kept kicking the blankets off me - not my fault they insist on wrapping me up in about 9 layers of blankets & then tucking the damned things in - all the way up to me chin - I bloody well hate having blankets etc near my face )

There is a big difference hun Spoiling someone is doing stuff for them because you want to do something special.........faffing is doing stuff for someone 'cos you think they can't do it themselves, at least that is the way I see it (not averse to being spoiled either)
Hospital blankets amaze me.........What are they made of, starched Camels pubic hair or summit? In the middle of summer they put about dozen blankets on yer, that weigh a ton, then tuck the corners in and tell yer to stay in bed...........I'm sure the nurses hide around the corner giggling at us while we slowly dehydrate

Yeah - bit of a misspelling on my part (would get quite messy if it were a pee shooter eh?

[Coney would like to point out that he can't even attempt to describe the image currently held in his brain..........not at pg-13 anyway]

Get them into teams hun (are the brain donors outa yer life yet?) then tell them the losers pay for drinks at the pub

It's still the same brain doners..........but they are starting to lighten up a bit

Yeah - the sweet, lil' transvestite glass of yers

He's a seductive lil' wotsit.........no doubt about it

[Finrod Felagund]

Well, this blew up big in a day!

I posted this letter to be funny, don't get all uptight!

Where to start?

Let's start here.


Molson Canadian's 'I Am Canadian Rant'




Hey,

I'm not a lumber jack, or a fur trader.

I don't live in an igloo, or eat blubber, or own a dog sled.

And I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzie from Canada. Although I'm sure certain they're really, really nice.

I have a Prime Minister, not a President.

I speak English and French, not American.

And I pronounce it about, not aboot.

I can proudly sew my countries flag on my back pack.

I believe in peace keeping, not policing.

Diversity! Not assimilation.

And that the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal!

A toque is hat.

A chesterfield is a couch.

And it is pronounced Zed! Not Zee, Zed!

Canada is the second largest land mass,

the first nation of hockey,

and the best part of North America.

My name is Joe!

And I am Canadian!

[Finrod Felagund]

Americans, here you go (another joke)











I AM AMERICAN...
I'm not particularly intelligent, open-minded, or generally well-liked.

I don't live in a clean place, I don't eat nutritiously very often, and I don't drive well.

I don't know Shakespeare, Da Vinci or Gutenberg.

Although I'm certain they weren't American.

I drink beer.....not good beer. I don't use utensils when eating.

I believe in guns for settling disputes, not discussions.

And I pronounce it AIN'T, not AREN'T.

I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack

...until I go anywhere, and what's the point in doing that.

Burger King IS fine dining. Cracker Jack IS a vegetable and WWF wrestling is real.

The UNITED STATES is the ONLY country in the world,

The FIRST nation of ignorance, and the BEST part of South America!

My name is Johnny Bob Jimmy Joe Ray...

...AND I AM AMERICAN!

[Finrod Felagund]

Here's a few quotes about Cnada, after postig this, I'l post my own thoughts.



Canadians . . . have no south of which they can speak warmly.
Priit J. Vesilind, National Geographic

When they said Canada, I thought it was up in the mountains somewhere.
Marilyn Monroe, actress

I had no idea Canada could be so much fun
Bruce Willis, actor

I wouldn't let someone take my Canadian citizenship from me for anything
Jim Kale of the Guess Who

They must be doing something right up there in Canada.
Hugh Hefner, Playboy Founder

After all, we fought the Yanks in 1812 and kicked them the hell out of our country -- but not with blanks
Farley Mowat (1921-)

The US is our trading partner, our neighbour, our ally and our friend... and sometimes we'd like to give them such a smack!
Rick Mercer, "This Hour Has 22 Minutes"

I am a Canadian, free to speak without fear, free to worship in my own way, free to stand for what I think right, free to oppose what I believe wrong, or free to choose those who shall govern my country. This heritage of freedom I pledge to uphold for myself and all mankind.
John Diefenbaker (From the Canadian Bill of Rights, July 1, 1960.)

Our hopes are high. Our faith in the people is great. Our courage is strong. And our dreams for this beautiful country will never die.
Pierre Trudeau

Americans should never underestimate the constant pressure on Canada which the mere presence of the United States has produced. We're different people from you and we're different people because of you. Living next to you is in some ways like sleeping with an elephant. No matter how friendly and even-tempered is the beast, if I can call it that, one is effected by every twitch and grunt. It should not therefore be expected that this kind of nation, this Canada, should project itself as a mirror image of the United States.
Pierre Trudeau

We shall be Canadians first, foremost, and always, and our policies will be decided in Canada and not dictated by any other country.
John G. Diefenbaker

We have it all. We have great diversity of people, we have a wonderful land, and we have great possibilities. So all those things combined there's no where else I'd rather be.
Bob Rae

'Patriotism is not dying for one's country, it is living for one's contry. And for humanity. Perhaps that is not as romantic, but it's better.'
Agnes Macphail

There are no limits to the majestic future which lies before the mighty expanse of Canada with its virile, aspiring, cultured, and generous-hearted people.
Sir Winston Churchill

I don't even know what street Canada is on.
Al Capone, US ganster

[Falagar]

This thread reminded me on the Denmark vs Norway discussion that took place a few weeks ago...not that it has much to do with the topic

[Baby-K]

Where's me trousers?!

That pants - stealing sheep (Sheeana) must have 'em

Yeah, save the rolling in the mud for the sensible day (Sunday) .......the rest of the week it would be drunken debauchery (mebbe I would be better off staying in the palace for that? )

Wot, yer not a Rolling Stone? Take the debauchery with ye mate!

There is a big difference hun Spoiling someone is doing stuff for them because you want to do something special.........faffing is doing stuff for someone 'cos you think they can't do it themselves, at least that is the way I see it (not averse to being spoiled either)

Yup - yer right on the money! (But then a faffer could also be those stupid women who take about 4 hours to get ready to go out to the local shop for a liter of milk - they p me off something dreadful too ye know ) Well, we deserve being spoiled (the pair of us) so blech to anyone who disagrees

Hospital blankets amaze me.........What are they made of, starched Camels pubic hair or summit? In the middle of summer they put about dozen blankets on yer, that weigh a ton, then tuck the corners in and tell yer to stay in bed...........I'm sure the nurses hide around the corner giggling at us while we slowly dehydrate

I know - and those freaky lil soundless shoes they wear! Gods, it's enough to scare the crud outa anyone! Geezus, ye just stand there, innocently checking wot drugs the other patients are getting that might be beneficial to ye, then next thing ye know a bleedin nurse is at yer back yellin at ye for being outa bed! (seeing as she's bleedin' it might be polite to offer yer bed to her )

(I'm gonna refrain from commenting 'bout starch Camel's pubes 'cos it will just get me in a world of trouble if I ask about who the shavers are & how they relax that particular perm )

[Coney would like to point out that he can't even attempt to describe the image currently held in his brain..........not at pg-13 anyway]

Yeah yeah - golden showers didn't come up at all eh........

It's still the same brain doners..........but they are starting to lighten up a bit

I knew you'd get them right

He's a seductive lil' wotsit.........no doubt about it

I can see why - he's wet, tasty & beautifully shaped - who wouldn't want to wrap their lips around him?

[Coney]

FF seems to be on a roll up there hun ^^^^ I'll answer that post in pm

[Finrod Felagund]

A Canadian is someone who knows how to make love in a canoe.
Pierre Burton, historian

Canada is one of the planet's most comfortable, and caring, societies. The United Nations Human Development Index cited the country as the most desirable place in the world to live. This year a World Bank study named Canada the globe's second wealthiest society after Australia.
Time magazine

Give your head a shake. This is the greatest country in the world.
Curtis Sanderson

God Bless America, but God help Canada to put up with them!
Anonymous

Canadians are the people who learned to live without the bold accents of the natural ego-trippers of other lands.
Marshall McLuhan

Canadians have an abiding interest in surprising those Americans who have historically made little effort to learn about their neighbour to the North.
Peter Jennings

It is wonderful to feel the grandness of Canada in the raw, not because she is Canada but because she's something sublime that you were born into, some great rugged power that you are a part of.
Emily Carr

Canadian nationalism is a subtle, easily misunderstood but powerful reality, expressed in a way that is not to state directed - something like a beer commercial or the death of a significant Canadian figure.
Paul Kopas

Vive la Canada. This country is not for sale.
Don Sweet

We'll explain the appeal of curling to you if you explain the appeal of the National Rifle Association to us.
Andy Barrie

In only a century and a quarter since Confederation, Canadians have shaped out of the North American wilderness one of the most privileged societies on the face of the earth. Ranking among the seven most prosperous nations in the world, Canada is rich not only in the abundance of our resources and the magnificence of our land, but also in the diversity and the character of our people. We have long been known as one of the most tolerant, progressive, innovative, caring and peaceful societies in existence.
The Will of a Nation: Awakening the Canadian Spirit by George Radwanski & Julia Luttrell

When I'm in Canada, I feel this is what the world should be like.
Jane Fonda

Canada is a place of infinite promise. We like the people, and if one ever had to emigrate, this would be the destination, not the U.S.A. The hills, lakes and forests make it a place of peace and repose of the mind, such as one never finds in the U.S.A.
John Maynard Keynes

You Canadians have given us such hope to carry on. We admire your bravery. You are the neighbour of such a rich, powerful country, and yet you don't mind clashing with them. Well, that gives us more confidence.
Pedro Gutierrez

I am deeply moved by the warmth and courage of the Canadian people which I felt so strongly during my recent visit to your country. Your support of the struggle against apartheid restored me in my journey home and reassured me that many just people around the world are with us.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu

Canada is probably the most free country in the world where a man still has room to breathe, to spread out, to move forward, to move out, an open country with an open frontier Canada has created harmony and cooperation among ethnic groups, and it must take this experience to the world because there is yet to be such an example of harmony and cooperation among ethnic groups.
Valentyn Moroz

If you don't think that your country should come before yourself, you can better serve your country by livin' someplace else.
Stompin' Tom Connors

Canada has never been a melting-pot; more like a tossed salad.
Arnold Edinborough

[Finrod Felagund]

THIS IS MY OWN POST! MY OWN OPINIONS! NOT FROM A WEBSITE LIKE THE OTHER STUFF


Firstly, I have never heard of NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association), and think that it is disgusting.



Canadians are not the 51st state. We are larger that America, with a smaller population, therefore giving us more room for expansion, more room for the natives to live in their original way (The Americans have simply annexed their natives), and more resources yet untapped.

Canadians do not have accents. (well, ok, Ontarians don't, Frenchy's and Newfies do. )

The Canadians always get involved in peacekeeping missions. Sice I believe 1965, Canada has taken part in every single UN peacekeping operation. Not to mention our war deeds. I might add that, while in WWI we entered the war automatically with the Brits, we entered a week after them in WWII, because they're our allies.

We keep the royals a part of our culture, though they are completely symbolic, out of respect, just as we respect George Bush (even if he is a moron...j/k )

Most Canadians do not say aboot, we do say eh. But we also actually say "you're welcome" when someone thanks us.

Canadians are also the first nation of Lacrosse. We have never asked to be the best at Football, we know the Americans hold this. But we have every right to have our own league.

Ok, so baseball was the American pastime, but for a while, the Toronto Blue Jays had a god thing going. They won the world series back to bck in '92 and '93. Yes they suck now. The Montreal Expos...no comment.

We may not hold our hands on our hearts when we sing Oh, Canada, we we are patriotic, because when we sing it...it almost brigs tears to my eyes thinking about it.

Yes, Canadians have lots of American things, but the Americans have many British things as well.
"American Idol", and Simon, both originted from "Pop Idol" in Britain, as did "Whose Line is it Anyways", and "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire". (BTW I always knew Ruben would win)

Also, personally, I quite like Americans. although they look at yo funny if you apologize for bumping into someone in NYC or Chicago. (know from personal experience )

[Finrod Felagund]

Read this, It was created by Canadians, we do know how to laugh at ourselves, unlike many Americans!




You Might Be Canadian If...

You know all the words to "If I had a million dollars" by The Barenaked Ladies, including the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed.
You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly."
You hum David Foster's '88 Calgary Olympics theme in the shower.
You know that the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) don't always look like that.
You make up patriotic lyrics to go along with David Foster's '88 Calgary Olympics theme.
You cried when Gus "drowned" on Road To Avonlea.
You remember when Alanis Morrissette was "Too Hot To Hold".
You think there isn't enough of Peter Gzowski to go around.
You think it's normal to have a grain elevator in your backyard.
You watch MuchMusic constantly, in the hopes of occasional fleeting glimpses of The Tragically Hip.
You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "what's good enough protection for the Prime Minister, is good enough for me!"
You can sing "O' Canada" in French and actually know what the words mean.
You send angry letters to the CBC demanding the return of the Hinterland Who's Who spots so you can finally find out what happens to the arctic ptarmigan in winter.
You participate in Participaction!
You think Peter Mansbridge is sexy.
You think Lloyd Robertson is sexy.
You think Peter Kent is sexy.
You think Matt Damon is so-so.
You stood in line for hours for Another Roadside Attraction tickets.
You killed your best friend for Another Roadside Attraction tickets.
You think Great Big Sea isn't Maritime-centric enough.
Your backpack has more than one Canadian flag iron-on (and you always have room for more).
You know the names of all the guys in Sloan.
You have been on Speaker's Corner. Bonus points if they edited out your carefully prepared rant against the Harris government.
You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
You still haven't taken down your "NON" posters from the 95 Referendum.
You know more than 3 guys named Gordon.
You think Ashley MacIssac isn't Celtic enough.
You remember "Jodie" from Today's Special and wonder why you keep seeing her reading news on the CBC.
You can do the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-marinki-dinki-do".
You know why "killerwhaletank" is funny.
You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
You had a crush on Joey Jeremiah from Degrassi Junior High.
You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few months early.
You actually watch The Gemini Awards, The Genie Awards, and The Juno Awards. You wonder why Stompin' Tom doesn't get his own category in all three. You scream passionately at the television when your favourite Canadian performers are overlooked by their respective academies.
You think -10 C is mild weather.
You have twins named Donovan and Bailey.
You have twins named Wayne and Gretzky (alternately Gordie and Howe).
You know the ingredients for poutine.

[Finrod Felagund]

You know what happens in the Evergreen Forest when Bert Raccoon wakes up.
You dressed as Bruno Gerussi for Halloween. You spent hours sifting through garbage on the beach to prepare for the role.
You substitute beer for water when cooking.
You carry empty beer cans from your camping trips home with you in your backpack so you can recycle them when you reach civilization.
You know that the 'Extra Creamy' in Kraft Extra Creamy Dinner is 'add more milk.'
You prefer Elvis Stojko when he has 'hockey hair' - a.k.a. 'the mullet' or 'the shorty-longback'.
You brag about the sweet herb in BC.
You know the chorus of "The Log Driver's Waltz" and are particularly fond of the 'burling down and down' bit.
You steal stationery from your Government of Canada co-operative education placement because you figure you can find lots of uses for paper with 'Human Resources Development Canada/Développement des Ressources Humaines Canada' written at the top.
You have daydreams that film-maker Don McKellar, and Hugh Dillon from The Headstones, skinned and ate Regis Philbin.
You recognize: CPP, RSP, and CCM.
You know what "Canuba" is. You think it's pretty damn funny.
Your gravy boat is shaped like the Bluenose.
You refuse to consume chocolate that doesn't come in either Smarties, Coffee Crisp, or Laura Secord format.
You die a little inside if you can't get your Tim's double-double every morning.
You know the difference between real snow and "television" snow -- the white stuff that passes for snow on tv and in films. You scream, "For Christsake! That should be sticking to their pants!" and "Lookit, it's not melting! That's *so* not snow!" when watching 'Winter' scenes.
Someone accidently stepped on your foot. You apologize.
You stepped on someone's foot. You apologize, then apologize for making them apologize.
You know Casey and Finnegan are NOT a Celtic rock band or imported beer. (Yeah Mr. Dressup!)