Spanking kids yeah or nay

[azalea]

The bottom line is that if you were spanked occasionally as a child, you will occasionally spank your children. If you were never spanked, you will most likely be against spanking. If you were spanked a lot, you will spank a lot, and this is where it borders on abuse. (Or you will never spank and be against it because of the abuse). This is why people who were spanked a lot probably shouldn't use spanking, because they may overuse it since it seems normal as a result of their childhood.

That said, I was one who was occasionally spanked. I never spanked my son until he turned 3, at which time he began having some defiant behaviors (along with tantrums). Well, he'd had tantrums before, but at this point he knew better, whereas before he was too young to control himself. Anyway, he's almost 4 and I've spanked him about 3 times. I never have to do it anymore, because the threat of one works just as well . My personal advice on spanking:
1. It is effective only between the ages of 3 and 6. After that, other means of punishment are much more effective. Before that it's ineffective because the child is too young to understand.
2. Only with open hand on the bottom or hand (I've never done the hand). *Note about the switch: When my brother was 3, he began to have a problem with biting other kids. My mother was advised to take him to a psychologist, and she tearfully called my grandfather (a Southerner). He said, "Next time he does it, make him go out and choose his own switch off of a tree and swat the back of his legs with it." My mother did this, then went to the bathroom and cried. He never bit anyone again, and he doesn't remember the incident at all.
3. NEVER, NEVER slap a child in the face. No one should ever be slapped in the face (unless you have men trying to give you unwanted kisses a lot ). My husband and I were both slapped as teenagers, and it was not effective discipline at all.
4. Don't spank when you feel out of control, because then it is not a punishment or a way of getting the child's attention, but you're then using it as a way to release the anger you feel. Calm down, try to figure out if there's a more effective punishment. If not, go ahead and give a spanking. It should be limited to 3 strikes with the open hand. (Although, one is generally enough to do the trick. I have only ever given one strike.)
5. Use it as a last resort. Counting is a big motivator in our house. We have used time out and it's really very effective when used consistently. I don't expect him to think about anything, but it is a way for him to (a) know I am very displeased with what he has done/ how he is behaving, (b) forces him to calm down -- he is removed from the situation (not to mention I get to calm down), and (c) whether or not he really cares about just sitting there, it is always PERCEIVED as a very bad thing -- he cannot play, talk or read -- he is cut of from interaction with me and everyone else. So it really is a punishment for him when he has time out, even though at other times he chooses to just sit quietly. If it is imposed, it becomes a punishment. Again, time out really only works for kids up to about 8, then you can use taking away priveleges, etc.
I have never spanked my child if he almost gets into danger (as in burns or going into the street). Supervision is the first line of defense there. Also, they will have natural consequences, like when my son learned about "hot" -- he touched the outside of our hot oven, and it hurt him (there was no burn), and I said HOT! and he knew hot from then on. I also used hot to scare him away from electrical sockets. We've taught my other son hot and it works well. Plus when they get to be two you can just use scare tactics (yell "don't go in the street, you'll get hit by a car!" -- which is true) The fear you show in your voice teaches them to be scared of the right things (presumably; anyway, it works for us).

[BeardofPants]

Well, that is one of the reasons I NEVER want kids.... I'm far too scared that I will turn into my mother, and I know that I'm not strong enough to break the cycle, as I am a bad tempered b**** at the best of times.

[Liviaine]

I have been spanked plenty. Now, that I'm older, I get yelled at with an occasional slap. I think getting yelled at is worse. I'll probably turn into Mom, too, but I usually yell more at my sibling than spank. I have never been hit more than that.

You shouldn't spank kids. It hurts and only makes them more upset. Words can hurt more than actions, though.

While spanking is bad, kids do need the discipline. I don't go to my room often, but a lot of my friends do. Going to your room isn't discipline. There's fun stuff to do in my room that's quiet that my parents would never notice. Now, for punishment, I get yelled at (not necessarily good, either) and/or have to do a big load of algebra. I think in the long run, doing math/writing/reading/whatever is good even though I hate algebra now because school is so easy (now) and my mom has all these workbooks that we do over the summer to keep us on track so we don't forget everything in a summer. I also think doing chores such as cleaning and stuff are good because it teaches housekeeping and stuff that you should be able to do as an adult.

Spanking doesn't teach you anything. It isn't the kind of punishment that will help you learn from your mistakes. It only teaches the child to be physical as a parent. I'm not a parent, nor an adult, even, but because of my occasional actions with my brother, I don't know if I'd be a good mother.

Still, even though we've been hit, we've been complimented on our behavior. We went to see some family and a distant relative told my mom that everybody was on their best behavior and how do you get your kids to be so good? The relatives were actively involved in a discussion/argument/debate thing and my brother and I were acting normal, just as we would at home.

I think an occasional (extremely rare) spank is okay, not necessarily good. Kids can't think that in the rest of their life there will be no physical hurt. When I trip and fall, it doesn't hurt as much as if I had rarely been hurt, which could be good (then again, I'm a purple belt in Tae Kwon Do).

Well, I can't remember being spanked before age 4. The years before bring a few memories, but 3 and 4 are the years I went to preschool and the memories are much more vivid from then. You shouldn't spank kids under 2 at all, no matter how much you want to. They may not know any better.

[Sween]

'Spanking doesn't teach you anything. It isn't the kind of punishment that will help you learn from your mistakes. It only teaches the child to be physical as a parent. I'm not a parent, nor an adult, even, but because of my occasional actions with my brother, I don't know if I'd be a good mother'

Spanking taught me not to do what ive done again. Let face it words can hurt and they can be effective but as kids do we allways listen? Hell no. Does a spanking make you sit up and pay attention........yes.

I know the feeling of seeing your perents in yourself i see a lot of my dad in me. My dad has the longest temper in the world some of the stuff he puts up with is good but there does come a point (very rarely i may add) where he does just lose it and lash out unfortnally i see that in me but i am aware of it (im not sure he is) and i just walk off and beat up a tree or summet.

[Khamûl]

Originally posted by afro-elf

I had a conversation with a friend about that. He said that was the real torture because parents made you go choose the switch. This was after you were told why you were being punished. So, you had time to reflect on the "crime".

Ah, the old "go get your switch". Time for reflection, like you said, AE. And if you try to get some weak little switch, your parents will go get a better switch and it'll be worse. I've only had to have the switch taken to me once or twice, and those were enough that I didn't want to do whatever it was again.

[Sween]

The switch i am sad to say sounds barbaric no wonder the south in america provided so many guest for jerry springer

[jerseydevil]

Originally posted by Sween
The switch i am sad to say sounds barbaric no wonder the south in america provided so many guest for jerry springer

I think it is barbaric too. There are a lot of reasons why the south provides so many guests to Jerry Springer. We won't get into those though. Khamûl - I'm sure you're not a Jerry Springer guest wanna-be though.

[Khamûl]

It's not as bad as it sounds. And it's the folks on the Jerry Springer Show that give us Southerners a bad name. Believe it or not, we don't marry our sisters, haven't seen Elvis, and we don't all live in trailer parks.

[jerseydevil]

Originally posted by Khamûl
It's not as bad as it sounds. And it's the folks on the Jerry Springer Show that give us Southerners a bad name. Believe it or not, we don't marry our sisters, haven't seen Elvis, and we don't all live in trailer parks.

I know - I've been to the south a lot. Almost moved to Birmingham Alabama. Not everyone in the south is a Jerry Springer guest in waiting. They do give you a bad name though - along with the accents and slow speech. When we moved to Indiana - people told us they couldn't understand us because we talked too fast. But they said warshing (washing), wrasling (wresling) and Luoollville (Louisville) - which made it hard to understand what they were saying.

Never seen anyone get hit with a switch. From what I heard though - it's like getting hit with a whip - but it depends on how hard they hit you. It stings like crazy and can produce welts though.

[Rána Eressëa]

Do whatever you want to do with your kids, but if and when I have mine - they're going to learn what I deem "right" and "wrong" through my ways. Whatever those may be.

[BeardofPants]

Originally posted by Sween
The switch i am sad to say sounds barbaric no wonder the south in america provided so many guest for jerry springer

My mom made me hunt for switches as well. Not just an american thing, I'm afraid.

[mirrille]

I don't know about barbaric, but switching seems a little excessive to me. My parents rarely used "implements" on me. The worst it would be is a house slipper, although feather dusters (the long ones with the bamboo cane for a handle) are a more traditional choice. In my experience, it's more the disapproval than the actual physical pain that is important to communicate.

[Starr Polish]

3. NEVER, NEVER slap a child in the face. No one should ever be slapped in the face (unless you have men trying to give you unwanted kisses a lot ). My husband and I were both slapped as teenagers, and it was not effective discipline at all.

I agree! Slapping is far more ineffective than spanking, and more painful as well. I was slapped for punishment once, when I was around eight, and it was done out of anger more than anything. I've also been slapped by a classmate, because I was chosen as a scapegoat. By this time I'd gotten my evil stare and biting words down pat, so I didn't hit her back. I told her I would if she ever did it again though.

4. Don't spank when you feel out of control, because then it is not a punishment or a way of getting the child's attention, but you're then using it as a way to release the anger you feel. Calm down, try to figure out if there's a more effective punishment. If not, go ahead and give a spanking. It should be limited to 3 strikes with the open hand. (Although, one is generally enough to do the trick. I have only ever given one strike.)

Once again, I agree completely.

[BeardofPants]

Just slap the little buggers I say. You'll feel much better in the morning.

[Sween]

i think my dad once took the old slipper to me

[afro-elf]

What would you do if a child you were trying to disicpline ( in what form you like) hit you?

[Starr Polish]

When my sister first bit my mom, my mom bit her back. Not enough to break the skin or anything like that, but my sister never did it again.

[afro-elf]

Go Mama Polish!

[azalea]

I've heard of that but it could really backfire, so other punishments might be more effective.

When my son was 2, he did try to hit us, but we could stop him in mid swing and say "NO!" then put him in time out. He eventually learned not to hit.

[Sween]

Originally posted by afro-elf
What would you do if a child you were trying to disicpline ( in what form you like) hit you?

Ive hit my dad from an early age if he was been an idiot (ie me not doing anything wrong) so ild just hit him and try to get out sometimes i manged it (i was fast in my youth) we lived by a forest as well so ild just dispear in there for a few hours to my den or summet.