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08-29-2007, 08:21 PM | #1 |
Kraken King
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Under the sea
Posts: 2,714
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Discussion for Hoofbeat Hill
I am only posting this story so that I can get some feedback on it. Please be as candid as you like. i really would like to know what you think.
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One of my top ten favorite movies. "You ever try to flick a fly? "No." "It's a waste of time." "Can you see it?" "No." "It's right there!" "Where? "There!" "What is it?" "A crab." "A crab? I dont see any crab." "How?! It's right there!!" "Where?" "There!!!!" "Oh." -Excerpts from A Tale of Two Morons |
08-30-2007, 11:35 AM | #2 |
Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: In trouble. As usual.
Posts: 4,674
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Oh wow. You hooked me on the opening line about small towns. I can tell right now this is going to be a good thriller. You've already got me asking questions. Like why did Alex and Tyler leave? Where is everybody? What is going on?
Btw don't answer that here Keep it up
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"Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera |
08-30-2007, 11:45 AM | #3 |
Kraken King
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Under the sea
Posts: 2,714
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Thanks a bunch. And yeah, all that is too be explained later. I dont know when I will be able to post there again for a couple of days, but I will continue.
__________________
One of my top ten favorite movies. "You ever try to flick a fly? "No." "It's a waste of time." "Can you see it?" "No." "It's right there!" "Where? "There!" "What is it?" "A crab." "A crab? I dont see any crab." "How?! It's right there!!" "Where?" "There!!!!" "Oh." -Excerpts from A Tale of Two Morons |
08-30-2007, 11:05 PM | #4 |
Elven Warrior
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Wandering in circles until they become triangles
Posts: 292
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Whoa, man. This is getting pretty good. I gotta wonder wether Tasha's really seeing these things, or if she's just completely mental.
. . . You're not planning to pull a psychological thriller on us, are you? Don't you mess with me!!! I also love the way you described the noise she heard in your most recent post. It's the small details like that that make stories worth reading instead of watching the movie. It is possible, however, to go overboard with them. Trust me on that. |
08-30-2007, 11:20 PM | #5 |
Kraken King
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Under the sea
Posts: 2,714
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Thanks, T. I will use that advice, but I have already had a few stories shot down (then burned, flayed, and hung) because of too much of the little stuff. You'll know soon enough about her though, and Tyler and Alex, too.
It's coming. Get an umbrella.
__________________
One of my top ten favorite movies. "You ever try to flick a fly? "No." "It's a waste of time." "Can you see it?" "No." "It's right there!" "Where? "There!" "What is it?" "A crab." "A crab? I dont see any crab." "How?! It's right there!!" "Where?" "There!!!!" "Oh." -Excerpts from A Tale of Two Morons |
09-01-2007, 12:40 PM | #6 |
Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: In trouble. As usual.
Posts: 4,674
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*holds an umbrella at the ready*
This is just getting better and better
__________________
"Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera |
12-08-2007, 04:46 AM | #7 |
Fenway Ranger, Lord of Red Sox Nation
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: College!
Posts: 1,976
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I'm impressed by the way you're weaving this story. It does remind me of what I've heard of The Mist (which I should read) in a few ways. It is creepy.
The only thing I don't like 100% is the writing style. It could definitely use improvement, first of all spelling-wise. There's a good deal of errors here and there, ones which distract from the atmosphere.
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Adventure...betrayal...heroism... Atharon: where heroes are born. My wife once said to me—when I'd been writing for ten or fifteen years—that I could always go back to being a nuclear engineer. And I said to her, 'Harriet, would you let someone who quit his job to go write fantasy anywhere near your nuclear reactor? I wouldn't!' (Robert Jordan) |
12-08-2007, 11:31 AM | #8 | ||
Kraken King
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Under the sea
Posts: 2,714
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Quote:
Quote:
__________________
One of my top ten favorite movies. "You ever try to flick a fly? "No." "It's a waste of time." "Can you see it?" "No." "It's right there!" "Where? "There!" "What is it?" "A crab." "A crab? I dont see any crab." "How?! It's right there!!" "Where?" "There!!!!" "Oh." -Excerpts from A Tale of Two Morons |
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