"Temporary" Venting Thread IV

[Tessar]

Ingwe seems to have his own difficulties with bouts of depression. Two people like that together can TRULY 'feed' off of each other's emotions even if one is not in an entirely depressive swing at the moment.

I would seriously consider taking Ingwe's advice. LOTS of women have gone through PPD, and they do get off of the drugs. Yes, it might mean taking those nine pills a day for a while, but for your sake as well as for your child you should consider it seriously.

And come on. EVERYTHING causes cancer these days . I have little doubt that I'll have cancer some day because it runs in both sides of my family, but that's not going to stop me from living my life. Death comes for us all eventually whether by cancer or car crash or old age, we can only choose what we do with the time we're given. If I am given a chance at happiness during that period of time then I would like to take it, and I hope you can give yourself, and your child, the same benefit.

It seriously improved my quality of life when my dad took some anti-depression medication. But he dropped off of the medication prematurely, and didn't follow through on the real issues behind his depression... and within two weeks he was back to how he had been before. So if not for your own sake, consider taking the meds and finding ways to cope for the sake of your child. There are a few things in my life that would have been positively different if my dad hadn't been constantly depressed during my childhood . I think he knows it and looks back on it with regret every once in a while. Don't do the same thing to yourself.

[Voronwen]

Summer is over, and i'm sad. I suppose this is natural. The days are shorter, and my beloved sunsets don't last as long. Things are changing in nature. I don't know why it's making me so sad. Probably because last winter was so long and miserable, and lonely, and i don't want to go there again.

[Amael]

The world has a lot of loneliness in it these days, despite there being so many people in it. It's the idea that since there are more of us, somehow it makes us all not as special.

I take 4 pills on any given day right now. That isn't too much considering. And it's working lately.

[Rían]

Good! Now keep taking those pills, even when you feel better, until your doctor says otherwise! The biggest problem is people stopping taking their pills when they're better!

*shakes a mom finger at Amael*

[Voronwen]

Wow . . . In *no way* did i want to make anyone feel worse with my post. Winter is just a dark, lonely time, and i was merely complaining about that. I'm very thankful for the people in my life. Nobody is "less special", no matter how many people there are in the world.

[Mari]

Our winter might be a soft one though, we had a 'real' winter last year already. In my personal opinion, winter isn't winter without at least enough snow to make a miniature snowman which will stay for at least a day...
Last winter was horrible, but I'm confident this year will be better! For one thing, I'm not supposed to be ill for months this time

[Voronwen]

Mmmm, yes, lovely snow does make winter brighter!

[Amael]

The winters we get around here for the most part are simply dreary and dark. I would personally like more snow! Those times with a meter deep of snow were the best. I haven't seen a winter like that in ages!

[Ingwe]

Wow, you were the last one to post here! What are the odds I'd be replying to you of all people?

I generally hate winter - and summer...and spring! I like fall. Spring is too damp and there's bugs n stuff. Summer lately is like Spring except slightly warmer with tons of allergies. Winter just sucks though. It sucks a** from a straw. Wanna know why? Because that's when I used to get most of my intestinal problems, just because of the cold. Thankfully I'm cured of that as of this summer.

But now...I have a toothache. Yay. And it hurts ever so nicely. The whole right side of my face feels like it wants to sell its soul to the devil!

[Aikanáro]

Well, just to be contrary, I like winter. Snow is pretty, and it's lovely to come in from the cold and have a nice hot cup of tea, and I can make soup again and sit by the fire and read, and best of all, I won't have people suggesting I should go out and sit in the sun for a while because it's a 'nice sunny day' and I'll enjoy it.

I won't. It's just uncomfortable. And I burn easily.

So...I guess I'm happy that summer's over, and I'm really in the wrong thread.

[Voronwen]

Originally Posted by Aikanáro

And I burn easily.

So do i! For all that i've complained about the end of summer, it's not because i like heat and sun. I'm one of those pale persons with a pink undertone who can burn looking out a window! So yes, even in the summer (and perhaps especially in the summer), i tend to avoid the sun.

It's the long hours of darkness that get to me. Getting dark early, staying dark later, and the sun's angle is different, making everything seem a bit darker. That's really the only part i don't like. Everything else about winter is fine. Just wait, chances are i'll be in here on the first day of snow, rejoicing in the Happy thread!

[Mari]

Well, I really hate getting up in the dark, but the rest of it is fine. If we decide to be a 4-seasoned country, I would prefer our winters not to be half-assed but real Dutch winters though. They'd make me a happy puppy ^_^ Or was I a kitty...? *is confused about her inner animal*

[Tessar]

Today I managed to not only miss an opportunity to show what a diligent worker I am, I actually managed to go in the complete opposite direction and look incompetent.

I forgot about The Heavens Are Telling because I've been so busy memorizing my other voice stuff. Well we did it tonight in rehearsal... and I was so bad that my voice teacher AND the soprano both lectured me for it... and I surely deserved it for being such a dumb*** as to forget to learn the music that I'm actually getting paid to sing.

I'm surprised the choir master let me keep the solo. I wasted everyone's time, I got so rattled that I couldn't sight sing even a perfect fourth after trying five times in a row and having it played for me on the organ each time, and my voice is so exhausted from all of the singing I've had to do yesterday and today that I sounded like crap. I couldn't support, and he wanted a darker sound so I instinctively shoved down on my larynx. So I was flat as all get out.

Frankly everyone was perfectly civil and polite to me about it, and of course the director was completely sweet and understanding.

But you don't forget that kind of stuff. I just made myself look completely unreliable. Even if they forgive me I certainly can't forgive myself... because that... is just beyond idiotic. I can't even think of a word for how enormously stupid I am.

Woohoo.

[Voronwen]

I love Haydn I was just going through old music notebooks today and found "With Verdure Clad" from The Creation, and decided i'm going to dust it off.

Originally Posted by Tessar

I freaking forgot how to sing a perfect fourth. The stupidest, easiest interval of all...

No, that would be a perfect fifth

You need to forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. The one good thing about this is that you will learn from it. Just the way you're reacting to it here shows that you have the work ethic you aspire to. But you also need to stop kicking yourself, eventually (says your fellow perfectionist!). Yes, it's easier said than done. ***hugs***

Should this all be on the Singers' Thread? Oh nooooo, look out world.... we're encroaching!

ETA: Re. the director wanting a "darker sound" - I hate it when directors hire one voice type and expect it to sound like another. I can't tell you how often i've been asked for a "bigger" sound by a choir director. Bear in mind that most choir directors don't know the finer points of the differences in voice types very well. They think a soprano is a soprano (for instance) and that's it (when nothing could be farther from the truth - there are more soprano sub-types out there than in any other voice type!). But if you *must* do something with your sound to please a less-than-knowledgeable director, then at least do it healthfully. A slightly "darker" sound can be achieved (at least, as much as the natural voice is capable) by raising the palette even higher. Think of the opposite of one of our recent technique conversations and you've got it!

[Tessar]

Yeah but you don't get to have my voice and get away with mistakes like this. If I had a really incredible voice like some of my friends it would be alright to slip up like that because people want you to sing regardless. Someone like me has to be in top form because there are people who can do better just waiting for the opportunity.

Especially considering that this was given to me so that I could get experience?...

I am truly concerned about my stupidity because I did a couple of things that I am praying wont set me back professionally:

1. It looked like I couldn't sight sing, and being a good sight singer is actually a part of the 'contract' for being a section leader.

2. I was incapable of singing the interval even after it was played for me. Pitch matching 101...

3. I sang flat. You don't pay people to sing flat.

4. I ended up not even having the kind of coloring he wants, AND now I think he realizes more than ever how much of a 'lyric baritone' coloring I have. Considering that I'm being paid to sing second bass?... That's not such a good thing. I mean I have the low notes, but they're just an extension, it's not my 'real' voice.

5. I look unreliable. You don't recommend people for other jobs or to sing at weddings if they can't even learn a tiny solo snippet from a friggin' Hayden piece.


I do NOT want to end up working at freaking Wal-Mart again, but if I ever make another stupid mistake like that I just might be. God I'm a dumb***.

[Voronwen]

I totally understand what you're saying, and at the risk of sounding heartless (i'm not, i promise! ), what's done is done. You've learned from this already and the only realistic thing to do is to move on from it with what you've learned and keep going forward. Just give it 1000% from here on in!

And, please stop comparing yourself with your friends. While it's a good thing to have a realistic concept of where you are in the grand scheme of things, that's not to kick yourself with - it's so you can keep improving. Which i know you will do, because you have nothing but time.

[Rían]

I feel miserable right now ...

[Mari]

*hugs Rian* Want to talk about it? *puts the kettle on to make Rian a nice cup of tea regardless*

Tessar, I'm sorry to hear you made a mistake and I hope it won't have permanent consequences, but if it's just your first slip up, no matter how large, it shouldn't. I'm pretty sure you won't ever let it happen again and that you'll work harder to make up for it (knowing you a little bit ). Just keep going for it! *hug*

[Rían]

thanks, Mari ... *enjoys the hug and the tea*

Just a bunch of problems hitting me all at once ...

[Voronwen]

Originally Posted by RÃ*an

Just a bunch of problems hitting me all at once ...

I know how that goes Praying for you.....