Bush addresses the world- Pending War

[Lief Erikson]

From BeardofPants's signature
This is based on an 'actual' radio conversation between a U.S. Navy aircraft carrier, U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln, and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. The radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10/10/95 authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.]

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH--I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH--OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

BeardofPants, that's hilarious! (Chuckles again)

[BeardofPants]

I know.

[Baby-K]

O please this one can really be funny after at least 1 bottle of wine (each)!

Sadam's son gets home with a box full of groceries
Sadam asks him why are the groceries in a box
The son answers, because there is no BAGDAD!

[BeardofPants]

*Groan* Somebody gag her?

[Baby-K]

Saddam Hussein has appeared on Iraqi TV this morning to quell rumours of his death in an explosion in Baghdad yesterday. To prove that the appearance was not pre-recorded, Saddam stated that he "watched the rugby on Saturday and the Cats were sh*t."

UK and US government officials have dismissed the report saying it could have happened any time over the last 2years.

(The Cats are an SA rugby team in case you didn't know)

*runs away from BoP & her gags*

Hey man it's just a little gag joke

[Coney]

Originally posted by Baby-K
Saddam Hussein has appeared on Iraqi TV this morning to quell rumours of his death in an explosion in Baghdad yesterday. To prove that the appearance was not pre-recorded, Saddam stated that he "watched the rugby on Saturday and the Cats were sh*t."

UK and US government officials have dismissed the report saying it could have happened any time over the last 2years.

(The Cats are an SA rugby team in case you didn't know)

*runs away from BoP & her gags*

Hey man it's just a little gag joke

I ain't got a gag..........I do have some furry handcuffs however

Nice ter see ya made it back to the perilous forest K' .....not that I've been here meself much lately.......

[Baby-K]

Originally posted by Coney
I ain't got a gag..........I do have some furry handcuffs however

Nice ter see ya made it back to the perilous forest K' .....not that I've been here meself much lately.......

Furry handcuffs - hmmmm, please mr occifer, can I be arrested by the fun police?

Erm so sorry sir - you want me to blow yer what?

Yeah - got bored & the medication's wearing off, what can I say?

[GrayMouser]

Ok, I don't know if this is too far over the top (in self-defense I heard it from an Aussie): [EDITED]

Apologies


Sorry buddy. Just a tad beyond what I would consider PG-13




Last edited by Sister Golden Hair

[Insidious Rex]

Well since we are doing Iraq themed jokes. Heres a skit from last weeks PHC that I thought was pretty funny:

Ketchup Advisory Board

BARB: These are the good years for Jim and me. Our son is in a program where they treat testosterone poisoning with herbal tea and he seems to be doing well. Our daughter has finally gotten her Bachelor of Fine Arts degree in spatter painting and beadwork, so---- we should have been happy. And then last week I found Jim with his head in the refrigerator. ---- What are you doing, honey?

JIM: Barb, there are ruthless forces at work in our refrigerator ---- chemical and biological entities --- and I'm adopting a new pre-emptive strategy toward micro-organisms. Bacteria. Bacilli. Call it what you will. I've been as patient as I could be and now is the time to take action.

BARB: Do you see any signs of bacteria? Is something moving in there?

JIM: Barb, the absence of proof is not proof of absence. To wait until we see evidence is to run a risk I am not willing to run.

BARB: Are you talking about the blue cheese, Jim?

JIM: I'm not free to disclose exactly what I'm talking about, I just want you to know that starting today, I am taking over the refrigerator. And at a time of my choosing, I'm going to spray it with two gallons of windshield washer fluid.

BARB: Jim, that's crazy. You're going to ruin the cheese.

JIM: There will be some collateral damage in the cheese and meat tray, yes. I don't deny that. And now I'm going to take just two more questions----

BARB: Jim, I think you've been watching too much CNN.

JIM: I am not going to stand by and watch this household destroyed by salmonella. Barb, there are the known unknowns, the things we know we don't know, and the known knowns, such as that the world will always welcome lovers as time goes by. And this is one of the unknown unknowns, things we don't know we don't know.

[Sister Golden Hair]

NOTE- Keep it clean folks.

[Coney]

(New) Iraqi TV guide Intended as a pre-invasion joke, still worth a laugh tho'

MONDAYS
8.00 - Husseinfeld
8.30 - Mad about Everything
9.00 - Suddenly Sanctions
9.30 - Everybody loves Saddam
10.00 - Allah McBeal

Tuesdays
8.00 - Wheel of terror and fortune
8.30 - Buffy the yankee Imperialist dog slayer
9.00 - Women are forbidden from saying the darndest things
9.30 - The price is right if Saddam says It's Right

Wednesday
8.00- Goodnight America (UK)
8.30 - Third rock from Iraq
9.00 - Two Guys, a girl and a pitta bread

Thursday
8.00 - Lifestyle of the dirty, poor and dusty
8.30 - West wing ER
9.00 - Veilwatch
9.30 - Who wants to be a Martyr
10.00 - Veronica's closet full of long black shapeless dresses and veils

Friday
8.00 - Judge Laden
8.30 - My two Bagdads
9.00 - Achmed's Creek
9.30 - No witness news
10.00 - Wild wild mid east
10.30 - I dream of Jihad

[Insidious Rex]

10.00 - Allah McBeal

*laugh*

[Gwaimir Windgem]

I especially liked Third Rock and Buffy, though they're all laugh-worthy, as I've just proven.

[Lief Erikson]

On the news, we just learned today that France and Russia are refusing to allow us to get the sanctions lifted on Iraq, to get their country back in order, unless the U.S. gives them a larger role in the reconstruction of Iraq.

Does anyone else have any further information on that?

[jerseydevil]

Originally posted by Lief Erikson
On the news, we just learned today that France and Russia are refusing to allow us to get the sanctions lifted on Iraq, to get their country back in order, unless the U.S. gives them a larger role in the reconstruction of Iraq.

Does anyone else have any further information on that?

I hadn't heard that. It is really stupid though. The sanction were SUPPOSED to be against Saddam Hussein and his regime - the santions should be IMMEDIATELY lifted. Instead, if this is true - France and Germany would rather see the people of Iraq to suffer in an attempt of gaining economic benefits. It makes you wonder who really is in it for the money - since the US is SPENDING at least 80 BILLION DOLLARS. America isn't going to recoup that cost for years, yet France and Germany want to gain without having had to sacrifice anything.

You might interested in this. As for all the people who said that the US public's boycott woudl not hurt the French - yoiu were wrong....

U.S. Boycott Being Felt, French Say
Wine Sales Off Sharply; Other Products Affected

PARIS, April 15 -- An American backlash against French products and businesses has started to bite, dashing hopes here that appeals in the United States to punish France economically for opposing the war in Iraq would go unheeded.

American importers of French wine are reporting sharp drops in sales in the past two months, and other French products also have been affected. The Federation of Wine Exporters has called a meeting Thursday to discuss how to respond.

The nation's principal business federation took the unusual step of publicly acknowledging the problem, conceding today that sales, recruitment and business contacts have been hurt. It appealed to consumers and businesses to keep political differences from affecting commerce.

"Certain French enterprises are suffering today from the differences that have arisen among states over the Iraqi question," the Movement of French Enterprises (Medef) said. "It is necessary to say to those who are unhappy with the positions of French diplomacy that they are free to criticize, but they must keep products and services of our enterprises outside their quarrel."

Medef President Ernest-Antoine Seilliere said at a news conference that the effects were "measured" but that contracts had been lost because of anti-French feeling in the United States. He declined to identify the companies affected.

The business federation provided no figures on the effect on French exports to the United States, which last year were valued at $28.4 billion.

The French government and business community had hoped that U.S. "francophobia" would dissipate quickly without hurting trade. Both fear that French companies will be excluded from contracts in rebuilding Iraq.

The widespread view in Paris had been that calls in the U.S. media and from some politicians for commercial retaliation against the French were having little or no effect.

The news that the boycott is significant will also increase pressure on President Jacques Chirac from business and some members of his party to mend relations with Washington. Chirac's government has toned down its antiwar talk, and French officials have emphasized the need for pragmatism and moderation regarding sensitive issues such as how postwar Iraq is to be governed.

Chirac telephoned President Bush yesterday. The leaders, speaking for the first time in two months, had what U.S. aides characterized as a "businesslike" conversation.

The French Foreign Ministry today declined to comment on the French business federation's statement, saying the government didn't respond to private declarations. French officials, speaking on the condition of anonymity, reiterated their previous position that they didn't expect any significant reduction of business with the United States. They noted that while American tourism in France is down by about 20 percent, it had dropped even more in Britain, whose troops also fought in Iraq.

The American backlash apparently is having little or no impact on business with Germany, the other major European country that actively opposed the war. A survey by the Association of German Chambers of Commerce and Industry of more than 300 German companies doing business in the United States found no effect.

"It could be that France's position is considered to be fundamental, and ours is considered to be more or less an accident, in connection with the elections we had last autumn," said Michael Rogowski, president of the Federation of German Industries in Berlin. He referred to Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder's exploitation of antiwar sentiment to win reelection in September.

continued...

[jerseydevil]

German business groups and the German Embassy in the United States have scheduled a meeting in Washington next month with U.S. businesses and politicians to try to make sure that no difficulties arise in U.S.-German trade.

U.S. importers of French products said the effect has been significant. Guillaume Touton, a Frenchman who is president of wine distributor Monsieur Touton Selection Ltd. in New York, said anti-French feeling cost him $500,000 in sales last month. French wines usually account for two-thirds of his business, but now his customers, mostly retail stores, want something else.

"Typically, the guy says, 'No, I don't want French wine. Give me Spanish wine, Italian wine,' " said Touton, who has an office in Capitol Heights, Md.

W.J. Deutsch & Sons Ltd. of White Plains, N.Y. -- the No. 1 U.S. importer of French wines, as measured by cases shipped -- said its sales dropped 10 percent in the past two months. Bill Deutsch, its president, wouldn't divulge specific figures but said his sales were down by hundreds of thousands of dollars.

"We have seen French wines decreasing," Deutsch said. "We've seen stores take French wines off the floor of their store. We've seen major chains stop the advertising of French wines in their weekly ads." He reported substantial increases in sales of Italian, Australian and Spanish wines.

Patricia Carreras, president of IC&A Inc., a home-decor business in New York that imports exclusively French products, said sales have been down 40 to 50 percent since February. Her small firm, with four employees, sells Limoges porcelain, hand-painted candles picturing Parisian scenes, and other French-oriented products to big mail-order houses and other large U.S. companies.

"It's a very, very deep reaction," said Carreras, who is French. "We would never have expected something so lasting. I think it has been accelerating even in the last four weeks."

The importers, angry and frustrated, said the government in Paris did not comprehend the effect of its war position on French businesses.

Touton has tried to fight the trend by pledging to give $1 for every case of wine he sells to the USO to help U.S. troops in Iraq. He has done it for two weeks but it hasn't helped much. He said he thinks that business will pick up only when Chirac stops making anti-U.S. statements.

"We want to send the message to the French side to please do something. Or, if you don't want to do anything, then please shut up," Touton said.

© 2003 The Washington Post Company

We'll just have to see how Chirac and Schroeder acts and how how the American public reacts to their stands in the UN. If they try to stonewall us again - I guess the boycotting will continue.

The UN WILL play a role - but I think the US is going to get blamed for ANY failures - whether the UN has a part or not. If we're going to be blamed for a failed democracy - I would rather it be our failure and accept it then having to be blamed for some other organisations failure. The UN has not brought peace to the world, it has not established any democracies.

France is currently trying to get back into the good graces of America. We'll just have to see what France's ultimate goal is.

Analysts are finally talking about something that I mentioned long ago - that France want to create a Franco, German, Russian alliance to go against the US and our allies. Blair even brought this up in a speech to parliament a couple of days ago.

A n ally is not a country whose people say that would rather see Iraq win the war. WEe won the war - now it is AMERICA'S responsibilty to win the peace. We want the worlds helpp - just like we wanted it to take out Hussein - but we should be the one's leading. We're the one's who sacrificed and we're the one's who will still get blamed regardless of who leads if anything goes wrong.

[BeardofPants]

All I've heard on the matter of sanctions is that the UN doesn't want to lift them until it's been conclusively proven that Iraq doesn't have WMD.

[jerseydevil]

Originally posted by BeardofPants
All I've heard on the matter of sanctions is that the UN doesn't want to lift them until it's been conclusively proven that Iraq doesn't have WMD.

But that's stupid. The people of Iraq had NOTHING to do with the WMD - it was Hussein and his government. The country is in NO position to create new WMD and there is currently no government in Iraq. If it is determined that after everything is settled and if the new government went to reproducing WMD - then sanctions should be reinstated. As it stands now - they should be lifted without question.

It's also amazaing that for the past 10 years france has wanted the sanctions lifted - now they're going to try keeping them in place? The sanctions serve absolutely no purpose now - the government they were issued against no longer exists.

[BeardofPants]

Just repeating what I heard, JD. Keep yer knickers on.

[jerseydevil]

Originally posted by BeardofPants
Just repeating what I heard, JD. Keep yer knickers on.

I know you're just repeating it. I'm just stating how stupid it is.