"Temporary" Venting Thread V - Page 45

***Tessar*** · 10-02-2012, 06:37 PM

Just by way of an update, I decided to hash things out with my boyfriend and in the end it all worked out and we ended up staying together.

I do have some concerns still, but I think the negatives are now far outweighed by the positives. I think he realized he needed to stop complaining so much when I flat out told him that I was getting the impression I wasn't making him happy any more and "offered" to break up with him. He was really surprised, and I have to say since that day things have been pretty good.

My one concern is still that he just isn't that hard of a worker. He has dreams and ambitions, but won't find a way to make them happen and isn't good at goal setting. But on the other hand he's 100% supportive of ME and my goal setting, so that certainly puts him a step ahead of most of my family.

One thing I recently broght up with him, and we'll see how it all unfolds, is that I am determined to adopt at least one child... maybe more, depending. We discussed it briefly, and his concerns were pretty minor, but I'm hoping that won't change as he continues to see that I'm quite serious.

On the venting side, despite my having said in the past to my parents how much I want to adopt some day (I remember saying it when I was 17 or 18, specifically) my mother flipped a lid when I brought it up again. She was almost left wordless because of how much she wanted to oppose the idea, but couldn't come up with a good reason.... I mean clearly she's afraid I'll raise tainted gay-babies

but after literally fumbling for words for a little while the best she came up with was, "It's hard to be a parent and that guy at the UN wants to bomb Israel."

Sooooo, anyways.... That's pretty frustrating, knowing she doesn't want to be a grandma to MY adopted baby (I promise you if either of my sisters marry she'll be hoping for grand kids) but whatever. This is hardly the first time I've wanted to do something despite my parents being completely unsupportive. And I hope she would/will come around when it actually happens.

Nerdanel · 10-05-2012, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tessar

I mean clearly she's afraid I'll raise tainted gay-babies

but after literally fumbling for words for a little while the best she came up with was, "It's hard to be a parent and that guy at the UN wants to bomb Israel."

XD That's one of the funniest non-excuses I've ever heard. I'm sure it's not that much fun for you, though; sorry about that..

I think it's interesting when people say that gay couples/people will raise gay children; maybe they're trying to say that parents with gay children secretly are gay? Or maybe bi, if they have both gay and straight children?

In the meantime, Stephen Fry is being awesome at Out4Marriage:
http://youtu.be/kILwL0iwG6U

**Mari** · 10-05-2012, 12:38 PM

I wouldn't worry too much about your mum having trouble with it now, yet. She probably thought you'd change your mind when you said it at 17. Now that you're older and things are different and she is starting to realise her idea(l)s may not be realistic she's upset. If she's like my mum she'll get over it. (If she's like my grandmother, than probably only when you've actually adopted a baby/child and she gets to see him/her.

)

***Tessar*** · 10-05-2012, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nerdanel

XD That's one of the funniest non-excuses I've ever heard. I'm sure it's not that much fun for you, though; sorry about that..

Believe me, I see the humor in it.

I almost laughed right then, even though I was a bit irritated. Mixed emotions.

I almost wanted to go, "Wait. Stop. Stop. Stopstopstopstop. Hold everything. Lets think about what you just said...."

Mari: I agree. I am very much hoping that she'll feel differently when she actually sees a baby. But I am a little concerned that she would not be invested in her role as a grandmother. But on the plus side, my two sisters are totally supportive so I'm sure they would be great aunts.

GrayMouser · 10-06-2012, 11:47 PM

Yay, Tess- glad to see things are coming together for you, especially after all the problems of your teen years.

As for your mom, babies do funny things to grandmas- my own mother was of the "I'm not a racist, but..." variety, and was not altogether happy with me marrying someone much darker- but little half-aboriginal grandbabies brought her around.

Lotesse · 10-08-2012, 09:56 PM

It seems like things might pick up more around here, generally speaking, if "New Posts" updates didn't get so stringently culled every few hours. But I guess if this site doesn't care about ad revenue, then it doesn't really matter how much activity occurs.

Which is a rather passive-aggressive way to say "BEN! Please do something about "New Posts" updates!!" It kills the place when one has to literally hunt around for the latest replies/posts on every section because "there are no new posts."

***Earniel*** · 10-11-2012, 05:33 AM

I have split off the following posts to a new thread in the Feedback and Tech Problems forum where it can be discussed at more length and can be found more readily if people search for a related topic.

***Varnafindë*** · 10-11-2012, 10:43 AM

Thank you, Eärniel - good idea!

***Tessar*** · 10-11-2012, 05:18 PM

And amazingly, within days of saying how things have been going really well...

He ruined my birthday. I wanted to go to lunch with a friend and he didn't want to come along, but I pointed out that when we move in together he'll be seeing this friend because she's my best friend. Plus he already knows her, she knows we're dating, and we were even at her house one time at the same time. So he agreed to go so long as it was just her.

My friend made a mistake and thought I was saying he would come if other people were coming too... I think she was thinking he didn't want it to be awkward with just three people or something. So she invited some other friends who I've known for years.

So I found out that morning and texted him apologizing and explaining what had happened and told him it was up to him if he still wanted to come or not. Which I think is pretty reasonable of me....

So he sent me a bunch of texts lecturing me about how I should know he can't possibly come and how disappointed he was. Then he proceeded to be distant for three days.

Whelp. I had assumed after two years he would be willing to meet my friends, but if he isn't then we won't be moving in together, and when I see him on Sunday if he doesn't agree to start meeting my friends then we're done. I am too exhausted from school to put up with this, and you know what? Yes I would absolutely "throw away" two years of a relationship if this turns into an expectation that I'm going to keep him a secret forever. I've felt like crap since this happened, and I'm not taking it any more.

Lotesse · 10-11-2012, 06:40 PM

If he's driving you up the wall & exhausting you emotionally, two years is like, the "nick of time," Tessar. I'd leave, too, before even more time goes by & things get even more complicated & draining.

***Varnafindë*** · 10-12-2012, 05:38 AM

He thinks you should know that he can't possibly meet your friends?
And he might end up demanding to be kept a secret forever?

Doesn't sound healthy.

**Mari** · 10-13-2012, 03:06 PM

At some point you should stop waiting for something to happen. If nothing happens or if you can't make anything happen, stop waiting for it. It's up to you to decide whether this is that point for you.
I'm sorry your birthday wasn't the happy day you imagined it would be. *hugs*

***Tessar*** · 10-18-2012, 12:11 AM

Okay, suckiest freaking week and a half ever.

1.) Horrible grade on a test I needed to do well on and I'm worried about my final grade now
2.) Boyfriend problems that I thought we took care of on Sunday and then come Monday he dove right back into a fight with me so I'm, again, thinking about breaking up with him
3.) My best friend's grandparents were in a horrible auto accident this last week and the grandfather passed away on Friday, and the grandmother passed away tonight and my friend is super torn up about it and I feel totally helpless to comfort her
4.) Other good friend who lives in Colorado randomly came down with something horrible, very suddenly, at 7 on Monday night after I had had a skype voice lesson with her. She wound up in the ER... she's better now but that was freaky
5.) I think just from stress, this evening I was feeling horrible and I thought I was going to throw up a couple of times during choir rehearsal. Same way I was feeling all day Sunday and part of Monday.

I really can't take any more right now. I know everything will go back to normal soon, this is just incredibly overwhelming in the middle of trying to juggle two massive school projects and trying to get a huge research paper together and study for another round of tests that start on Friday.

***Rían*** · 10-18-2012, 03:27 AM

No words possible, just *Moothug*

***Varnafindë*** · 10-18-2012, 07:35 AM

And another *Moothug*

***Earniel*** · 10-18-2012, 12:06 PM

Triple the moothug, triple the good vibes, at least, I hope so.

***Earniel*** · 10-30-2012, 07:35 AM

So I currently have blisters on my foot and am limping (the wart on my foot required a second dose of freezing off), it's that time of the month and I'm developing a cold and slight fever meaning I can't seem to get warm, I have to go to work today instead of tomorrow (thank you head office, love you too) so I have to limp into work and I just learned Sandy sank the Bounty and some of her crew didn't make it to land. So I'm kind of alternating between wanting to go HulkSmash! and wanting to crawl into a cushion fortress, moping.

Not a happy day.

***Rían*** · 10-30-2012, 11:36 AM

*Moothug* and hot tea and honey and warm blankets!!

***Earniel*** · 10-30-2012, 03:22 PM

Sounds like a plan.

***Tessar*** · 10-30-2012, 04:31 PM

Sorry Earniel.

Hang in there! *moot hugs!!!!*

10-05-2012, 12:38 PM	#883
Mari Elf Lady Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: In the lands where mountains are but a fairytale Posts: 8,588	I wouldn't worry too much about your mum having trouble with it now, yet. She probably thought you'd change your mind when you said it at 17. Now that you're older and things are different and she is starting to realise her idea(l)s may not be realistic she's upset. If she's like my mum she'll get over it. (If she's like my grandmother, than probably only when you've actually adopted a baby/child and she gets to see him/her. ) __________________ Love always, deeply and true ★ Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer. ★ Friendship is sharing openly, laughing often, trusting always, caring deeply. ...The Earth laughs in flowers ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Hamatreya"...

10-06-2012, 11:47 PM	#885
GrayMouser Elf Lord Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Ilha Formosa Posts: 2,068	Yay, Tess- glad to see things are coming together for you, especially after all the problems of your teen years. As for your mom, babies do funny things to grandmas- my own mother was of the "I'm not a racist, but..." variety, and was not altogether happy with me marrying someone much darker- but little half-aboriginal grandbabies brought her around. __________________ Glendower: I can call spirits from the vasty deep. Hotspur: Why, so can I, or so can any man; But will they come when you do call for them? "I like pigs. Dogs look up to us, cats look down on us, but pigs treat us as equals."- Winston Churchill

10-08-2012, 09:56 PM	#886
Lotesse of the House of Fëanor Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 6,150	It seems like things might pick up more around here, generally speaking, if "New Posts" updates didn't get so stringently culled every few hours. But I guess if this site doesn't care about ad revenue, then it doesn't really matter how much activity occurs. Which is a rather passive-aggressive way to say "BEN! Please do something about "New Posts" updates!!" It kills the place when one has to literally hunt around for the latest replies/posts on every section because "there are no new posts." __________________ Few people have the imagination for reality. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

10-11-2012, 10:43 AM	#888
*Varnafindë* Princess of the Noldor (and Administrative Empress of the Lone Islands) Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Imladris (and sometimes Norway) Posts: 3,304	Thank you, Eärniel - good idea! __________________ Signature picture art - Bard the Bowman - by vigshane Avatar art - Footsteps of Spring (a young Luthien) - by Henning Janssen

10-11-2012, 06:40 PM	#890
Lotesse of the House of Fëanor Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 6,150	If he's driving you up the wall & exhausting you emotionally, two years is like, the "nick of time," Tessar. I'd leave, too, before even more time goes by & things get even more complicated & draining. __________________ Few people have the imagination for reality. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

10-02-2012, 06:37 PM	#881
*Tessar* Master and Wielder of the Cardboard Harp of Gondor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: IM IN UR POSTZ, EDITIN' UR WURDZ Posts: 6,433	Just by way of an update, I decided to hash things out with my boyfriend and in the end it all worked out and we ended up staying together. I do have some concerns still, but I think the negatives are now far outweighed by the positives. I think he realized he needed to stop complaining so much when I flat out told him that I was getting the impression I wasn't making him happy any more and "offered" to break up with him. He was really surprised, and I have to say since that day things have been pretty good. My one concern is still that he just isn't that hard of a worker. He has dreams and ambitions, but won't find a way to make them happen and isn't good at goal setting. But on the other hand he's 100% supportive of ME and my goal setting, so that certainly puts him a step ahead of most of my family. One thing I recently broght up with him, and we'll see how it all unfolds, is that I am determined to adopt at least one child... maybe more, depending. We discussed it briefly, and his concerns were pretty minor, but I'm hoping that won't change as he continues to see that I'm quite serious. On the venting side, despite my having said in the past to my parents how much I want to adopt some day (I remember saying it when I was 17 or 18, specifically) my mother flipped a lid when I brought it up again. She was almost left wordless because of how much she wanted to oppose the idea, but couldn't come up with a good reason.... I mean clearly she's afraid I'll raise tainted gay-babies but after literally fumbling for words for a little while the best she came up with was, "It's hard to be a parent and that guy at the UN wants to bomb Israel." Sooooo, anyways.... That's pretty frustrating, knowing she doesn't want to be a grandma to MY adopted baby (I promise you if either of my sisters marry she'll be hoping for grand kids) but whatever. This is hardly the first time I've wanted to do something despite my parents being completely unsupportive. And I hope she would/will come around when it actually happens.

10-11-2012, 05:33 AM	#887
*Earniel* The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium) Posts: 14,363	I have split off the following posts to a new thread in the Feedback and Tech Problems forum where it can be discussed at more length and can be found more readily if people search for a related topic.

10-11-2012, 05:18 PM	#889
*Tessar* Master and Wielder of the Cardboard Harp of Gondor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: IM IN UR POSTZ, EDITIN' UR WURDZ Posts: 6,433	And amazingly, within days of saying how things have been going really well... He ruined my birthday. I wanted to go to lunch with a friend and he didn't want to come along, but I pointed out that when we move in together he'll be seeing this friend because she's my best friend. Plus he already knows her, she knows we're dating, and we were even at her house one time at the same time. So he agreed to go so long as it was just her. My friend made a mistake and thought I was saying he would come if other people were coming too... I think she was thinking he didn't want it to be awkward with just three people or something. So she invited some other friends who I've known for years. So I found out that morning and texted him apologizing and explaining what had happened and told him it was up to him if he still wanted to come or not. Which I think is pretty reasonable of me.... So he sent me a bunch of texts lecturing me about how I should know he can't possibly come and how disappointed he was. Then he proceeded to be distant for three days. Whelp. I had assumed after two years he would be willing to meet my friends, but if he isn't then we won't be moving in together, and when I see him on Sunday if he doesn't agree to start meeting my friends then we're done. I am too exhausted from school to put up with this, and you know what? Yes I would absolutely "throw away" two years of a relationship if this turns into an expectation that I'm going to keep him a secret forever. I've felt like crap since this happened, and I'm not taking it any more.

10-12-2012, 05:38 AM	#891
*Varnafindë* Princess of the Noldor (and Administrative Empress of the Lone Islands) Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Imladris (and sometimes Norway) Posts: 3,304	He thinks you should know that he can't possibly meet your friends? And he might end up demanding to be kept a secret forever? Doesn't sound healthy. __________________ Signature picture art - Bard the Bowman - by vigshane Avatar art - Footsteps of Spring (a young Luthien) - by Henning Janssen

10-13-2012, 03:06 PM	#892
Mari Elf Lady Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: In the lands where mountains are but a fairytale Posts: 8,588	At some point you should stop waiting for something to happen. If nothing happens or if you can't make anything happen, stop waiting for it. It's up to you to decide whether this is that point for you. I'm sorry your birthday wasn't the happy day you imagined it would be. hugs __________________ Love always, deeply and true ★ Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer. ★ Friendship is sharing openly, laughing often, trusting always, caring deeply. ...The Earth laughs in flowers ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Hamatreya"...

10-18-2012, 12:11 AM	#893
*Tessar* Master and Wielder of the Cardboard Harp of Gondor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: IM IN UR POSTZ, EDITIN' UR WURDZ Posts: 6,433	Okay, suckiest freaking week and a half ever. 1.) Horrible grade on a test I needed to do well on and I'm worried about my final grade now 2.) Boyfriend problems that I thought we took care of on Sunday and then come Monday he dove right back into a fight with me so I'm, again, thinking about breaking up with him 3.) My best friend's grandparents were in a horrible auto accident this last week and the grandfather passed away on Friday, and the grandmother passed away tonight and my friend is super torn up about it and I feel totally helpless to comfort her 4.) Other good friend who lives in Colorado randomly came down with something horrible, very suddenly, at 7 on Monday night after I had had a skype voice lesson with her. She wound up in the ER... she's better now but that was freaky 5.) I think just from stress, this evening I was feeling horrible and I thought I was going to throw up a couple of times during choir rehearsal. Same way I was feeling all day Sunday and part of Monday. I really can't take any more right now. I know everything will go back to normal soon, this is just incredibly overwhelming in the middle of trying to juggle two massive school projects and trying to get a huge research paper together and study for another round of tests that start on Friday.

10-18-2012, 03:27 AM	#894
*Rían* Half-Elven Princess of Rabbit Trails and Harp-Wielding Administrator (beware the Rubber Chicken of Doom!) Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Not where I want to be ... Posts: 15,254	No words possible, just Moothug __________________ . I should be doing the laundry, but this is MUCH more fun! Ñá ë?* óú éä ïöü Öñ É Þ ð ß ® ç å ™ æ ♪ ?* "How lovely are Thy dwelling places, O Lord of hosts! ... For a day in Thy courts is better than a thousand outside." (from Psalm 84) * * * God rocks! Entmoot : Veni, vidi, velcro - I came, I saw, I got hooked! Ego numquam pronunciare mendacium, sed ego sum homo indomitus! Run the earth and watch the sky ... Auta i lómë! Aurë entuluva!

10-18-2012, 07:35 AM	#895
*Varnafindë* Princess of the Noldor (and Administrative Empress of the Lone Islands) Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Imladris (and sometimes Norway) Posts: 3,304	And another Moothug __________________ Signature picture art - Bard the Bowman - by vigshane Avatar art - Footsteps of Spring (a young Luthien) - by Henning Janssen

10-18-2012, 12:06 PM	#896
*Earniel* The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium) Posts: 14,363	Triple the moothug, triple the good vibes, at least, I hope so.

10-30-2012, 07:35 AM	#897
*Earniel* The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium) Posts: 14,363	So I currently have blisters on my foot and am limping (the wart on my foot required a second dose of freezing off), it's that time of the month and I'm developing a cold and slight fever meaning I can't seem to get warm, I have to go to work today instead of tomorrow (thank you head office, love you too) so I have to limp into work and I just learned Sandy sank the Bounty and some of her crew didn't make it to land. So I'm kind of alternating between wanting to go HulkSmash! and wanting to crawl into a cushion fortress, moping. Not a happy day.

10-30-2012, 11:36 AM	#898
*Rían* Half-Elven Princess of Rabbit Trails and Harp-Wielding Administrator (beware the Rubber Chicken of Doom!) Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Not where I want to be ... Posts: 15,254	Moothug and hot tea and honey and warm blankets!! __________________ . I should be doing the laundry, but this is MUCH more fun! Ñá ë?* óú éä ïöü Öñ É Þ ð ß ® ç å ™ æ ♪ ?* "How lovely are Thy dwelling places, O Lord of hosts! ... For a day in Thy courts is better than a thousand outside." (from Psalm 84) * * * God rocks! Entmoot : Veni, vidi, velcro - I came, I saw, I got hooked! Ego numquam pronunciare mendacium, sed ego sum homo indomitus! Run the earth and watch the sky ... Auta i lómë! Aurë entuluva!

10-30-2012, 03:22 PM	#899
*Earniel* The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium) Posts: 14,363	Sounds like a plan.

10-30-2012, 04:31 PM	#900
*Tessar* Master and Wielder of the Cardboard Harp of Gondor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: IM IN UR POSTZ, EDITIN' UR WURDZ Posts: 6,433	Sorry Earniel. Hang in there! moot hugs!!!!

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