The ''Dear Hector'' Advice Thread

[trolls' bane]

Dear Hector,
Why is it that quarks and other quantum particles have to rotate more than three hundred and sixty degrees to go back to their original starting position? That's was Sax Russell said (thought).
--Quantum Leaper...NOT!

[Serenoli]

Dear Hector,

Funny, how you hardly get love problems. Here's one, though:

I'm sick of love! or, rather sick of all the people around me who are in love. For some reason, love-sick people are attracted to me like moths to a flame, like nails to a magnet, like cat hair to balck sweaters, etc. etc. I am sick of all the moans, and especially of listening to the beautifully horrid poems perfectly sane people will start reciting at the mention of their loved ones. And Valentine's Day is coming up!!!

With lots of love,
-Cupid.

[trolls' bane]

Originally Posted by Serenoli

Dear Hector,

Funny, how you hardly get love problems. Here's one, though:

I'm sick of love! or, rather sick of all the people around me who are in love. For some reason, love-sick people are attracted to me like moths to a flame, like nails to a magnet, like cat hair to balck sweaters, etc. etc. I am sick of all the moans, and especially of listening to the beautifully horrid poems perfectly sane people will start reciting at the mention of their loved ones. And Valentine's Day is coming up!!!

With lots of love,
-Cupid.

What exactly does that mean? You lost me somewhere. Oh, right, I'm not Hector...But I got a question for him.

Dear Hector,
Why is it that microtubules in the cognitive centers of memory in the human brain tend to deteriorate in electromagnetic signals? I keep losing specific electromagnetic patters that were just picked up through my visual, auditory, or nervous senses. It is becoming a serious malignant entity of the supernatural. It becomes really annoying when a specific electromagnetic pattern crossing between bipolar microtubles is lost to an old one, resulting in the loss of that one bit of data. It is an enigmatic paradox of sentient beings. And odd, thinking of how infinite one's intellectual, cognitive, and emotional carrying capacities are. And this is really beginning to grow exponentially for a certain local domesticated quadruped. Please lend some assistance.
--Endothermic Biped With Malfunctioning Cognitive Array
P.S. I can't keep the desired electromagnetic signal pattern long enough to successfully react by running. That is not an appropriate soloution.

[Serenoli]

Originally Posted by trolls' bane

What exactly does that mean? You lost me somewhere. Oh, right, I'm not Hector...But I got a question for him.

Dear Hector,
Why is it that microtubules in the cognitive centers of memory in the human brain tend to deteriorate in electromagnetic signals? I keep losing specific electromagnetic patters that were just picked up through my visual, auditory, or nervous senses. It is becoming a serious malignant entity of the supernatural. It becomes really annoying when a specific electromagnetic pattern crossing between bipolar microtubles is lost to an old one, resulting in the loss of that one bit of data. It is an enigmatic paradox of sentient beings. And odd, thinking of how infinite one's intellectual, cognitive, and emotional carrying capacities are. And this is really beginning to grow exponentially for a certain local domesticated quadruped. Please lend some assistance.
--Endothermic Biped With Malfunctioning Cognitive Array
P.S. I can't keep the desired electromagnetic signal pattern long enough to successfully react by running. That is not an appropriate soloution.

Ummm... what does this mean? I'm afraid you lost me, too. Maybe you and I are from different planets...

[Grey_Wolf]

Dear Hector!

Does TB's post show that Men are from Mars and Women from Venus?

Want to know

[trolls' bane]

Originally Posted by Serenoli

Ummm... what does this mean? I'm afraid you lost me, too. Maybe you and I are from different planets...

Maybe, my friend. Maybe...

Originally Posted by Grey Wolf

Dear Hector!

Does TB's post show that Men are from Mars and Women from Venus?

Want to know

To tell everyone the truth, I was not trying to be Martian at all. I just want to know what HB has to say.
And yes, we want to know.

[hectorberlioz]

Originally Posted by Serenoli

Dear Hector,

Funny, how you hardly get love problems. Here's one, though:

I'm sick of love! or, rather sick of all the people around me who are in love. For some reason, love-sick people are attracted to me like moths to a flame, like nails to a magnet, like cat hair to balck sweaters, etc. etc. I am sick of all the moans, and especially of listening to the beautifully horrid poems perfectly sane people will start reciting at the mention of their loved ones. And Valentine's Day is coming up!!!

With lots of love,
-Cupid.

Dear Cupid,
This is a first Cupid! Especially form you!
(don't tell me, Psyche is dating Zeus!)
I agree with you of course: Valentine's Day is a sick sick day. What's truly annoying about it is the coy smiles people plaster on their faces. Don't you just feel like you want to slap those silly grins off their faces?!
Thats precisely what I did on one ocassion: this girl I knew came up one day and introduced me to her The Joker-faced boyfriend. (His name was John Smith).
At first I tried to ignore his smile, but he kept guffawing-and it was vastly annoying. So slapped him.
Here's a remedy for Valentine's Day: keep away from people who are happy, go to a Old People's Home where nobody goes.
And DON'T EAT! You have to remember: you're way too depressed to be trusted with food. Once you start, you won't be able to stop! I wish I was able to show you a picture of my dog, Richie Waggy...he's had a lot of dog girlfriends, but last year he just didnt make it. Then One night when I was asleep, he snuck into the fridge and gorged himself.


btw TB, I will reply

[rohirrim TR]

dear Hector

Is it just me, or did you sig realllly shrink in the wash?

TB due to the shortness of the electronegative pattern I would suggest that be biped in question be inverted while chewing on a very small piece of red licorice

all the best to all

your friendly neighborhood sith lord

P.S. if that doesn't work TB try some old fashioned lightning on it, your force fire is cool but lightnign can shock em back to normality if it doesn't kill them.

[trolls' bane]

Originally Posted by rohirrim TR

dear Hector

Is it just me, or did you sig realllly shrink in the wash?

TB due to the shortness of the electronegative pattern I would suggest that be biped in question be inverted while chewing on a very small piece of red licorice

all the best to all

your friendly neighborhood sith lord

P.S. if that doesn't work TB try some old fashioned lightning on it, your force fire is cool but lightnign can shock em back to normality if it doesn't kill them.

Dear Hector,
In certain local advice columns, people send letters to tell other people stuff. Well, I say to Your Friendly Neighborhood Sith Lord that I think he misunderstands what I meant. And I'd also like to compliment him on his most ...ah...fear-striking name. And by the way, he's right about your sig, and I'm finally glad you have to follow the signature rules like the rest of us.

Most Sincerely, Appreciatively, Etc. Etc.,
QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ Q

[Serenoli]

Originally Posted by Hectorberlioz

Thats precisely what I did on one ocassion: this girl I knew came up one day and introduced me to her The Joker-faced boyfriend. (His name was John Smith).
At first I tried to ignore his smile, but he kept guffawing-and it was vastly annoying. So slapped him.

Dear Hector,
I would pay big money to see that!!

Thanx for the advice, particularly about the food. Thats just the kind of thing I have a feeling I would do!! It would never do, if my tiny white wings could no longer carry my weight...

Best,
Cupid.

[rohirrim TR]

dear TB

in another life were you Desmond Llewellyn? ( Q from Bond)

sincerely
big bad scary emperor of death *stupid music*

P.S.
certain pschycologists refer to immediate loss of visual or auditory media as ADD, though as to what those letters stand for I can't remember....

[hectorberlioz]

Originally Posted by trolls' bane

Dear Hector,
In certain local advice columns, people send letters to tell other people stuff. Well, I say to Your Friendly Neighborhood Sith Lord that I think he misunderstands what I meant. And I'd also like to compliment him on his most ...ah...fear-striking name. And by the way, he's right about your sig, and I'm finally glad you have to follow the signature rules like the rest of us.

Most Sincerely, Appreciatively, Etc. Etc.,
QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ Q

You know, it kindof stinks that I changed my sig. Mine WAS bigger than the requirement...and now I can't have that

But look at your own signature you hypocrites (both you and Rohirrm)! If those arent big siggies, I don't know what are!

[trolls' bane]

Originally Posted by hectorberlioz

You know, it kindof stinks that I changed my sig. Mine WAS bigger than the requirement...and now I can't have that

But look at your own signature you hypocrites (both you and Rohirrm)! If those arent big siggies, I don't know what are!

Dear Hector,
A certain advice columnist fails to realize that our signatures may be big, but are still withing the 500 character limit. And pushing that limit.
Your third best reader,
!!!!!!!!!!!

[hectorberlioz]

Originally Posted by trolls' bane

What exactly does that mean? You lost me somewhere. Oh, right, I'm not Hector...But I got a question for him.

Dear Hector,
Why is it that microtubules in the cognitive centers of memory in the human brain tend to deteriorate in electromagnetic signals? I keep losing specific electromagnetic patters that were just picked up through my visual, auditory, or nervous senses. It is becoming a serious malignant entity of the supernatural. It becomes really annoying when a specific electromagnetic pattern crossing between bipolar microtubles is lost to an old one, resulting in the loss of that one bit of data. It is an enigmatic paradox of sentient beings. And odd, thinking of how infinite one's intellectual, cognitive, and emotional carrying capacities are. And this is really beginning to grow exponentially for a certain local domesticated quadruped. Please lend some assistance.
--Endothermic Biped With Malfunctioning Cognitive Array
P.S. I can't keep the desired electromagnetic signal pattern long enough to successfully react by running. That is not an appropriate soloution.

Dear Endothermic,
Basically what you're saying is the cognitive manufactured structure of the third auditory hearing gill on the right side of your rex tremendae is so malfunctioning that you can't even breathe.
Now, take a simple ear quip and clean out your ear.

[trolls' bane]

Originally Posted by hectorberlioz

Dear Endothermic,
Basically what you're saying is the cognitive manufactured structure of the third auditory hearing gill on the right side of your rex tremendae is so malfunctioning that you can't even breathe.
Now, take a simple ear quip and clean out your ear.

Dear Hector,
Close but no cigar.
--Enraged Endothermic Biped with Short Term Memory Loss

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

Dear Hector,
To what extent is it possible for archaeologists to understand mankind's relationship in the past?
an archaeology student writing an essay.

[hectorberlioz]

Originally Posted by trolls' bane

Dear Hector,
Close but no cigar.
--Enraged Endothermic Biped with Short Term Memory Loss

Dear Ender,
Maybe you're right, maybe youre not.
What you ignore is the fact that a cigar's smoke is so cummulative that a squared triangle can be thermally eaten through someone's cognitive skills.


Now,

Dear Hector,
To what extent is it possible for archaeologists to understand mankind's relationship in the past?
an archaeology student writing an essay.

Well Stundent, It depends.
If mankind's relationship was mired with abuse and thence divorce, his relationship was pretty darn lousy. Mostly likely in that case, it was a forced marriage, or just a blind date that brought about the relationship...
Here's another kind of reltionship: this Ship is where couples are put on board to work out their problems with a psychiatrist. If they end up getting along, they can leave. If they dont, they're marooned until further notice. This was a practice with such wise rulers as Solomon, Ghengis Khan, and Napoleon B.

Solomon was a hypocrite in that case, because he wasnt even capable of keeping any of his wives.
Ghengis did it for the heck of it, because as far as iknow, he rarely if ever visited the sea himself.
Napoleon ended up bieng exiled to an Island fo other reasons...perhaps one of them was his inability to compromise everything that Josie (Josephine) wanted.

[Lady Ravyn]

Dear Hector,
My cat hasa fetish for plastic bags. At first she stuck with white A&P bags, but has moved on in the past couple months to yellow Shoprite bags anad , most recently, stretchy Target bags. ( ) I'm afraid she's developing a problem... her dependency on plastic bags is starting to scare me. She had an episode a couple days ago that was...disturbing, and a bit gross, to say the least (but I won't go into detail) but it woke me up to the fact that this addiction is becoming hazardous to her health. I've tried everything- hiding the bags, the patch, the gum- nothing works! Do you know of any support groups that might be helpful?
- Concerned Kitty Mommy

[hectorberlioz]

Originally Posted by Lady Ravyn

Dear Hector,
My cat hasa fetish for plastic bags. At first she stuck with white A&P bags, but has moved on in the past couple months to yellow Shoprite bags anad , most recently, stretchy Target bags. ( ) I'm afraid she's developing a problem... her dependency on plastic bags is starting to scare me. She had an episode a couple days ago that was...disturbing, and a bit gross, to say the least (but I won't go into detail) but it woke me up to the fact that this addiction is becoming hazardous to her health. I've tried everything- hiding the bags, the patch, the gum- nothing works! Do you know of any support groups that might be helpful?
- Concerned Kitty Mommy

Dearest Dame Rayvn,
Have you tried the old cheyenne pepper trick? Cats abhor pepper, and what I suggest you do is make a little water/pepper paste and slip it onto/into the bags or where the bags are...and chances are that there's a better chance that your cat wont mess with tham anymore.

[hectorberlioz]

Dear Hector,

My girlfriend of three years wants to split with me, because, after all this time, she says that though she loves me, she just can't live with opera any longer. What should I do?
-Distraught


Dear Distraught,
Good riddance to her!