Spanking kids yeah or nay

[Sween]

Guess i just forgot im dislexic u must forgive me if my thoughs dont make much sence.

[Arathorn]

Before I got spanked, my dad always made it clear what I did wrong. I think with the short attention spans of very young kids, spanking makes you remember what you did wrong. He used his belt but he was very skillful at it that I felt the pain of the whakc but it did not leave any marks.

When I was 7, my dad said I was too old to be spanked. I almost missed it but I never forgot that moment since I felt more mature and a bit sad that I was no longer a treated as a kid.

I felt this even more when I entered college. When my grades were low on a subject or two, he didn't get angry but told me it'll be alright; that I'm grown up and he was sure I'd make the right decisions. I was near tears though I wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or be so happy to feel loved.

[Sween]

So we all all pretty much in favor of spanking? I know i wont ever abuse my kids like some people have and i am sad to say allways will.

Spanking didnt do me any harm and i hope i do as good a job as my perents did when my kids step out of line. I will spank my children. But theres a diffrence bettween been spanked and spanking will people here that dont mind been spanked spank themseleves (hmmmm that didnt come out right but u know what i mean)

[Khamûl]

My two cents: Yea. You need discipline, just don't cross the line into abuse.

And I have experienced "the switch". A Southern discipline indeed.

[afro-elf]

The evil switch. In the North, Blacks use it too. Or, at least used to. (Probably brought it up from the South.)

I had a conversation with a friend about that. He said that was the real torture because parents made you go choose the switch. This was after you were told why you were being punished. So, you had time to reflect on the "crime".

JD in "some ways" it seems we had the same household.

[StrawberryIcecream]

Originally posted by jerseydevil

Believe me - I'd be scared if I really did something wrong and my mother would say -"just wait until your father gets home".


Mostly it was just the fear of getting hit that ended up being powerful.

!!!

But thats just making a child scared and frightened. Theyre teaching by fear. You have to specify where to draw the line all you yay smacking. We have something called the NSPCC here which takes in children who are abused aka hit.

how can you choose when to protect a child? In the parents mind when they hit a child they are doing something wrong even if its being born as some sick minded abusers think.

[Artanis]

Originally posted by jerseydevil
But there is a difference between hitting and abuse.

And the difference is? I'm not being sarcastic, I just want to be sure I understand what you mean. In my place, wilfully causing pain on a child is child abuse.

Some parents can be just as emotionally and mentally abususive to their children and may never physically hurt them. In some ways that can be more lasting and hurtful than physical abuse.

Agree to that. There is physical, emotional and sexual abuse. But I think neither of them is okay.

I see you're all focused on discipline and punishment. These words are not often used here. Even yelling at children is not considered desirable.

I'm a parent myself. When my children does something wrong, I explain to them what they did bad and why it was wrong, and I suggest an alternative to their bad actions. This is the way most Norwegian parents are handling their kids. The approach clearly works out well, since grown-ups in my country are generally normal and well-behaved. So spanking seem pointless, just producing unnessecary pain.

[jerseydevil]

Originally posted by StrawberryIcecream

In the parents mind when they hit a child they are doing something wrong even if its being born as some sick minded abusers think.

Sorry Strawberry - I have no idea what you said here.

[jerseydevil]

Originally posted by Artanis

And the difference is? I'm not being sarcastic, I just want to be sure I understand what you mean. In my place, wilfully causing pain on a child is child abuse.

I feel there is a difference. For one thing talking to some children has no affect. Time outs have no affect. Not all forms of punishment work on everyone. Under your definition - smacking a child's hand when they're reaching for a hot stove or a boiling pot or something - would be child abuse. I wouldn't even consider that as being punishment - just a matter of getting their attention that they're going to get hurt if they do that.

I see you're all focused on discipline and punishment. These words are not often used here. Even yelling at children is not considered desirable.

I'm a parent myself. When my children does something wrong, I explain to them what they did bad and why it was wrong, and I suggest an alternative to their bad actions. This is the way most Norwegian parents are handling their kids. The approach clearly works out well, since grown-ups in my country are generally normal and well-behaved. So spanking seem pointless, just producing unnessecary pain.

Let me get this straight - you've never punished your children? I'm assuming this because you said that "the word punishment is not often used."

It seems as if all the people here that were hit as children - today have no ill affects from it. So to say that one is better than the other is just going by feeling and personal opinion. All the people that I have seen that use just talking and times outs on their children - don't have children that listen to them at any other times. They are CONSTANTLY being timed out. Sometimes several times a day.

I don't know if there is a study out there - I'm sure there must be some where. But my feeling stands that punishment and disciplining need to be geared toward the child. Also - it's not the government's business or others to determine the way a parent disciplines their child. Outsiders don't live in the house. I do draw the line if a child is coming into school or something with black and blue marks or welts. But hitting a child for serious things - ESPECIALLY if it's something they do over and over again regardless of being talked to - is okay.

I just don't see where hitting had any ill affects on me actually. Did I want to be hit? No, of course not. Did I deserve it sometimes? I think I did. But I don't really remember what any of them were for except for the fire incident. Would I have listened if my parents just talked to me? No, because I was an independant person. For one thing I never thought adults were above me. If they told me not to do something - and I disagreed - I'd do it anyway. My parents always knew how I felt about things and I always let them know my opinion on stuff.

If my parents just sat me down to talk every time I did something on why I shouldn't do it. I wouldn't be paying attention to why I shouldn't be doing it - I'd be thinking - the next time I have to be more careful so I don't get caught. And thinking about how not to get caught. Now if I was hit - that carried serious consequences. That would really make me think twice.

[Sween]

Spanking in my mind is good but i do know of an example of when it loses all effect. My old next door neighbour used to put his kids across his knee all the time. Admitally they had been naughty but this would happen weekly it lost all effect. Its like telling your gf you love her tell her every day and it dont mean as much just tell her occasionally when she need to hear its far more effective

[jerseydevil]

Originally posted by Sween
Spanking in my mind is good but i do know of an example of when it loses all effect. My old next door neighbour used to put his kids across his knee all the time. Admitally they had been naughty but this would happen weekly it lost all effect. Its like telling your gf you love her tell her every day and it dont mean as much just tell her occasionally when she need to hear its far more effective

I agree Sween. I mean I was hit most maybe once a year. If anything is done too much it just becomes habit and has no meaning. We were talked to, sent to our rooms, yelled at and yes hit. The punsihment matched the crimes in my eyes. I know that if my mother ever caught my brother and I jumping the length of my bed from my book case headboard that we would have been hit and had to stay in our rooms all day. If my mother had just talked to us - we would have just have tried to be a little bit quieter the next time. The other thing we did was one of us would sit in a chair and the other would lean it back and let go. Then the chair - with my brother or me in it - would fall backwards. My mother never found out about that either.

My mother probably would have hit my brother if she hadn't asked him what he needed a garbage bag for and instead found him jumping from the chimney and using the garbage bag as a parachute as he planned. He was 5 or 6 years old.

I like your analogy by the way Sween.

[Artanis]

Originally posted by jerseydevil
Under your definition - smacking a child's hand when they're reaching for a hot stove or a boiling pot or something - would be child abuse.

Right. First, if the boiling pot or the hot stove or anything similar is within reach of my kids, it would be my fault. Second, what I would do in the situation is to keep the child away by physical force, but without smacking, and explain the danger. A smack would imo be to punish the child for its natural behaviour, being curious and wanting to explore things.

Let me get this straight - you've never punished your children? I'm assuming this because you said that "the word punishment is not often used."

I have never punished my children by hitting them or giving them time-outs, or taking away privileges. I yell at them sometimes, but that's likely because I'm tired after a long days work or I'm in a bad mood just then, not always because they actually did something wrong. When it happens, I always take care to apologize afterwards. Yelling to each other is not accepted in our family, and that goes for us parents as well.

[Artanis]

I also want to add that when I'm saying that punishment and discipline towards children are not often used, it goes for the entire society and not only in our family.

[jerseydevil]

Originally posted by Artanis
I also want to add that when I'm saying that punishment and discipline towards children are not often used, it goes for the entire society and not only in our family.

I figured that's what you were saying. Since I've never been to Norway - I have no idea what the country is like - other than it's a Scandanavian country. I just don't think that type of punishment you describe works for everyone.

[Sween]

The most effective thing my mum did was cry i hate to see my mum cry it really pains me i could never stand it she used to do that as well if i see ive upset someone i feel awful (esspecially my mum)

[Lizra]

Hi Artanis, I'm curious now! How old are your children, boys or girls?

[Artanis]

Girl age 7, two boys 3 and 1. And your son Lizra, how old is he?

[Lizra]

6, he starts first grade tomorrow!! I have a 17 year old daughter also, but she is a sweetie. My son is very interested in doing it his way, we love each other dearly, but he seems to consider me an obstacle sometimes. We're working on it!

[eowyn144]

i think i like the way Artanis uses punishment, it seems a much gentler approach to wards things and clearly it works- in that society. why though do you suppose t doesn't work as well/at all in other societies?

[Starr Polish]

I've had my hand smacked away from hot things and things I shouldn't touch, and then I was explained why I shouldn't touch them. It didn't quench the fire of my curiousity (sp?) and I'm still known to put myself into potentially dangerous situations because I'm naturally curious about it.

I would rather my children be smacked lightly on the hand than burn their hands, or worse, manage to pull boiling water or oil onto themselves.

There is a difference between spanking and abuse. Abuse leaves marks, and when done right, spanking doesn't. Some people on this thread have mentioned that it didn't even really hurt, but they realized they had done something wrong.