The Jokes Thread

[inked]

Christmas in Ottawa and Washington, DC

The Canadian Supreme Court has ruled that there will not be a nativity scene in front of the parliament buildings in

Ottawa this Christmas. The same for the Capitol in Washington, DC.

This decision isn't for any religious or constitutional reason. They simply have not been able to find three wise men

and a virgin in the Nation's capital.

Note: There was no problem however finding enough asses to fill the stable.......

[jerseydevil]

Originally Posted by inked

Note: There was no problem however finding enough asses to fill the stable.......

Aren't there a few less asses in Washington since the democrats lost some Congressional seats?

[inked]

zehr gut! JD
zehr-y zehr-y gut!

[Lenya]

Two Scotts were adrift in a small boat somewhere in the Pacific. They saw a bottle float by and fished it out. When the one guy opened it, a genie popped out! The genie told them that he was trapped in the bottle for so long that his magic wasn't quite so good any more, so he could only grant them one wish. Immediately, without thinking, the one guy wished that the entire ocean would turn into the best scottish whisky - and poof! it did. So the other guy hit him over the head saying: You stupid! Now whe have to pee in the boat!

[Billy Bones]

Hi welcome to the jokes room where you can tell jokes, get new jokes and just have lots of laughs.So just type those jokes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Hanza]

pretty sure theres already a jokes thread in the GM forum. remember to do a search before u create a new thread

[Mercutio]

Yep. The Joke Thread I'm sure you'll find it full of entertaining jokes.

Now we just need a mod...

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

hey! val! please close/move/merge!

[Ragnarok]

What do you call thirty white guys chasing one black guy?




















Professional Golf.

[Mercutio]

Originally Posted by inked

zehr gut! JD
zehr-y zehr-y gut!

sehr gut?

[Artanis]

Inspired by BoP's comment about hell freezing over in another thread:

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "Profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, Which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate At which they are leaving.

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more
than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman Year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

[Rían]

funny, Arty!

[Earniel]

Originally Posted by Billy Bones

Hi welcome to the jokes room where you can tell jokes, get new jokes and just have lots of laughs.So just type those jokes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the future it might be handy to do a quick search to see if there are already threads about a topic in use. That way you can prevent posting double threads. I have merged your thread now with the existing joke thread.

Originally Posted by Last Child of Ungoliant

hey! val! please close/move/merge!

I'm not good enough for ya?

[Beren3000]

Great joke, Arty

Here's a quick one:
A blonde goes to a restaurant, she sits at the table. The waiter comes in to prepare her table, he puts a plate, a set of cutlery and a glass. However he puts the glass upside down (this is the restaurant's policy). So the blonde stops him: "Excuse me, I think this glass is blocked by something."
Waiter: "No, ma'am. This glass is okay, see." *flips the glass over*
Blonde: "Oh, great! And it has a hole in the bottom, too."

This joke sounds funnier when told in Arabic, so I'm not sure that I translated it well! Excuse the language

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

Originally Posted by Eärniel

I'm not good enough for ya?

sorry! just thought you'd be busy RPG'ing

that is very funny beren, tho i doubtmy mum'd agree!!

[Nurvingiel]

What lies in a pram and wobbles?










A jelly baby!



That was from my Christmas cracker.

[Rían]

Originally Posted by Beren3000

Great joke, Arty

Here's a quick one:
A blonde goes to a restaurant, she sits at the table. The waiter comes in to prepare her table, he puts a plate, a set of cutlery and a glass. However he puts the glass upside down (this is the restaurant's policy). So the blonde stops him: "Excuse me, I think this glass is blocked by something."
Waiter: "No, ma'am. This glass is okay, see." *flips the glass over*
Blonde: "Oh, great! And it has a hole in the bottom, too."

This joke sounds funnier when told in Arabic, so I'm not sure that I translated it well! Excuse the language

Don't worry, Beren, it translates quite well into English! (not that I have heard it in Arabic!) Great blonde joke

[Beren3000]

Originally Posted by RÃ*an

Don't worry, Beren, it translates quite well into English! (not that I have heard it in Arabic!) Great blonde joke

Glad to hear it

Here's another one:

A religious studies teacher came home very upset one day.
His wife: "What's the matter, honey? You look so upset!"
Him: "Can you imagine how stupid these kids can get? Today I asked one of them who created the world and all the creatures that live in it and his answer was 'it wasn't me, sir'!"
His wife: "Well, why are you so upset? Maybe it really wasn't him!"

And yet another (I'm not sure if I've told this one before or not):

A married couple decided to spend some time away from the city and so booked a room for the week-end in a fancy hotel. In the afternoon, they went golfing. The woman couldn't play golf so she just watched. After a few tees and putts she decided she wants to try. So her husband told her: "But it's too risky, you might end up breaking one of the rooms' window. You know we can't afford the repairs, we could barely afford coming here!" However she was self-confident and coaxed her husband into letting her try. Of course, from the first shot, she broke a room's window. Her husband was furious: "NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" Ethically, they went up to that room in order to try and work out a deal with the resident. They knocked on the door and whaddya know...a genie opens the door. The genie says: "I am very grateful to whoever shot that golf ball; it broke the bottle I was in and freed me! You don't have to worry about repairs or anything AND I'll grant you all your wishes!" So the couple were thrilled, the wished for a bungalow in the Carribean, a Ferrarri and what have you... So he said: "Consider your wishes granted; however, there's one stipulation: I must sleep with your wife." The couple talked it over and agreed that it was OK. So the genie had his way with the woman. After that, they were lying in bed and he asked her: "How old are you and how old is your husband?"
The woman: "I'm 39, my husband in 42."
The genie: "And you still believe in genies at that age?"

[Rían]

whoops!

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

aw man that's great