why do people cut themselves?

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

well, it was only yesterday that i revealed to someone outside of my close circle of friends that i have cut, although it was nver any secret that i have had years of clinical depression, and a couple of failed suicide attempts, but i just thought i would revive this thread even if only to help me

[The last sane person]

well. you've taken a big step in revealing it. now, you still cut or is it on and off? I've got a few (3) failed attempts as well, but i've not been that for years. see, i havent really told anyone about it in my friend circle or outside of it. So you are further along than i am!


(note: one arme typing is hard...i am regretting i ever met with a horse....>.<)

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

I don't anymore, but it was through talking to someone that i came to terms with it, if you know what i mean, and I am most grateful to that person

(horses! ha! I have 4 stables to clean out in a minute )

[The last sane person]

I do. Sort of. Its an ongoing struggle still, but it seems i am gaining ground at the moment. I am dealing with it through "therapy" with horses. I found one that was as beat up as me, the abusing owner gave it to me, and we are buddies.

I have a home now, and that reallly helps. The lady who owns the ranch i work for has kinda taken me in and i am now using my diminutive form to my benefit. I be a jockey! And Kenai is a great horse. If still a little skitish, i am sure i'll get it all smoothed out.

But yeah, you seem to be doing fine... 4 stables? I take it they are yours...? Nice avvy by the by

[Starr Polish]

Good for both of you! I'm glad you're both coming to terms with it.

I think more people need to be willing to talk about cutting/self injury so we can understand it better. I've been doing some research (sparked by my current psych classes and just general curiosity) and apparently cutting is still widely misunderstood in the world of psychologists and counselors.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

it has taken 2 years for me to talk about it to anyone, but i got there, in the end

[Starr Polish]

Well, I do'nt just mean those that do cut, but those that are curious as to why it happens (for the very reason this thread was started). I think pressuring someone who cuts to talk before they're ready to do so is doing the exact opposite of what you want, and basically making the problem worse.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

i believe that I am now ready to answer the question of the thread now:
I began to cut myself a while ago, and stopped about 2 year ago. I began because of what can only be described as a form of self-hate, it was not easy growing up in quite a small city if you were not straight, add to that a father who, whilst not being totally homophobic is still not entirely accepting, and it makes for a hard childhood, I had severe clinical depression for about 4 years, from when i was 13, and it always went unnoticed. no one knew about the cutting, which started at about 15, except a very close friend, and he had sworn that he would tell no one, when i first attempted to kill myself people sort of noticed that i wasn't perfectly fine, i tried twice more to kill myself, always overdoses, i was continually cutting, and no one noticed that really, but i went on to anti-depressants for quite a while, 16 until 3 or 4 weeks ago, and now have gone back onto them, through a slight relapse. well, that's it, please don't read any of this if you dnt want to, it seems to be helping me come to terms with myself just by putting it there

[jerseydevil]

Originally Posted by Last Child of Ungoliant

well, that's it, please don't read any of this if you dnt want to, it seems to be helping me come to terms with myself just by putting it there

A lot of times just talking to people and knowing that there are people out there who understand what you have gone through can be a huge benefit. If you don't open up to people, then it really reinforces the feeling that you are all alone and there is no one to turn to.

[cassiopeia]

Originally Posted by Last Child of Ungoliant

well, that's it, please don't read any of this if you dnt want to, it seems to be helping me come to terms with myself just by putting it there

I am reading this thread with interest, and certainly keep putting your words down if you feel it helps. I'm trying to come to terms with my own cutting. It's something I've done for a long time. But things are looking better for me now, so I hope it's not an issue for me anymore.

[Nerdanel]

I agree with cassiopeia (except that i've never cut myself). You are all brave who feel you can talk about this very sensitive and difficult thing.. I hope it somehow helps you.

[Small No-name]

Why would anybodey want to cut themselves in the first place? well unless they had to or eals they would be killed.

[The last sane person]

Originally Posted by Small No-name

Why would anybodey want to cut themselves in the first place? well unless they had to or eals they would be killed.

Can you not read? LCoU, me and others have posted our reasons....For me it was an escape from pain and the world, i used to cut myself so i would bleed enough to pass out. Self-hate was the reason for LCoU....Read the posts if you want to know why.

[Lotesse]

Cutting... It's been 10 years since I last cut myself, and I find it hard even now to admit it to anyone, even tho this is an online discussion. I've gotta give Chrys props for being able to talk about it. When I did it, I couldn't even give myself a reason for what I was doing, never mind figure out how to explain to someone else why. I have big scars that will never go away, and every now and then someone notices them, reminding me of a time in my life that I've almost forgotten. Such crazy pain in my head and heart back then, impossible to describe. I wish I hadn't hurt myself so much, looking back I almost wish I could have found a way to get my stepfather to be hurt, instead, for hurting ME--o.k., how many times can the word "hurt" be used in one sentence...but I didn't have an outlet for my rage and sadness; unfortunately, and because of this as well as because I couldn't admit to anyone what I was doing to myself, I ended up squandering some of the most important years of my life on getting tremendously high and f-ing around gangbanging. I wish I knew then what I know now. You guys out there, DON'T HURT YOURSELVES!!! Each one of us is far too precious and important and valuable to be hurt by anyone, including and especially our own hands.

[The last sane person]

Yeah, but you came out with it though. And I have to give you props for self restraint. 10 years since you last did it. Its an on going problem with me, and I sorta do regret my cutting, because now I have scars that wont go away and, indeed, do serve as a rather pointed reminder of times I am trying to forget. In my head, what you say about lives being precious makes sense and I want to be able to live by it...but looking at my right hand right now, I dont think I am ready for it and there is still something missing.

[Lotesse]

Shah--If anyone had tried to tell me "don't cut yourself, and here's why" back then I would have either socked them up or told them to f. off, or just plain ignored them. The reason why I stopped cutting myself is pretty much because I replaced that way of hurting myself with using every drug in the book and then some, f-ing off university, and devoting myself to the criminal arts instead, and basically doing everything else possible that I could to make myself feel something stronger & more controllable than the morass of screaming pain inside me. I'm over that lifestyle now; mainly because my best friend's in prison now & I finally woke up and realized I didn't want to join her there (although I miss her SO MUCH), and that I'd absolutely forgotten what "real life" felt like, so it might be a novel idea to change things for myself. But, all this self-realization took a lot of time, I don't advise ANYONE to figure out life the way I did. It just seems so f-ed up that so many of us have to feel what we feel alone, and hurt ourselves without even knowing why & liking it... i don't know.

[Lotesse]

not to keep going on and on here, but I forgot--actually, it's been 3 1/2 years since I last cut myself, really bad on my chest, so bad I ended up in hospital but I lied to them & said I got cut in a fight. So, I guess the urge is latently still there somewhere, but like I said in time things change, and it's not an issue with me anymore, at least I HOPE NOT, because now I realise that intentional, destructive self-mutilation is weak and pointless, and just leads to more and more selof-destruction. Why not find some way to pinpont what or who it is that initiated such agonizing wounds on your heart, and then avenge yourself somehow? Success is the best revenge, self-destruction is giving in to the original tormentors and handing them the victory. GOD, I wish I realised this sh-- ages ago.....

[The last sane person]

Yeah, you're right, its f-ed up. Thats just about all there is to say. And for revenge...One of my worst tormentors is dead the other in fedral prison. HURRAH!

[cassiopeia]

As others have said, for me it's the self-hatred and need to be "punished" that makes me cut myself. I feel like I deserve it somehow, and I suppose physical punishment is a very tangible way of doing it. I have a lot of scars that I hate -- they're a constant reminder of the bad times I've been through. I have found that a good way to prevent cutting is to remove whatever you use to cut yourself from the house. I have thrown out things from my bedroom that I've used to injure myself. Big hugs to everybody out there.

[The last sane person]

You know, Cassiopeia, I just looked at your avater of the first time....Legolas is having a tug of war with Aragorn HOLDING ONTO NARSIL'S BLADE.... Elvish family problems perhaps?