The Jokes Thread - Page 3

Nurancaiel · 03-14-2002, 06:45 PM

Ha Ha that's funny Eowyn!!
Here's mine( no offence to blond people, but those are the best kind)

Ok, there's a blond driving around in her brand new red Jaguar, and she cuts off an 18-wheeler, so he's mad and tells her to pull over and she does. Then she gets out of her car and he takes a piece of chalk and draws a circle on the side of the road and he says "Don't step out of that circle or you'll wish you were never born." So he take's out a knife and slashes her seats. He turn's around and she's laughing. He asks " What is so funny?" and she just keeps laughing. So he turn's around and rips her door off and turn's around and she is still laughing. So he turns and slashes her tires. Agian she is laughing her head off and he's mad so he turns and rips the hood off her car. Now when he turns around and she is on the ground laughing so hard so he says "What is so funny?!?!?!" And she says "I stepped out of the circle 4 times whne you weren't looking"

That is one of my favorites!!

Here's another, but it's kinda grose

What is the smartest thing to come out of a blond women's mouth?

Einstien's ****

Gross!!!!!!!!!

Bar joke!!!

3 men walk into a bar. you think one of them would have seen it!!! LOLOLOLOLOL

Kyote Fields · 03-15-2002, 12:38 PM

Ever have deja vu?

Arathorn · 03-15-2002, 01:57 PM

Kyote, your posts really look good with your avatar.

Kyote Fields · 03-15-2002, 02:42 PM

Why thank you for your obscure compliment.
No but seriously, thank you
And seriously, that was obscure.
but thank you. Have I emphasized that enough?

P.S. i think this is my 100th post. I wonder if I become something else.....like a beautiful butterfly *flutterflutterflutter*

Arathorn · 03-16-2002, 02:10 AM

I would want to make it perfectly clear that you are welcome.
Is that clear?
I hope you do feel welcome since clearly that was my intention.
Hmm. That's a welcome thought.

FrodoFriend · 03-17-2002, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Kyote Fields
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

You mean they're not?

Eruviel Greenleaf · 03-17-2002, 08:54 PM

I used to know many jokes. . .now I know none. Ah, sadness.

Kyote Fields · 03-18-2002, 12:22 PM

No, Frodo Friend, it's everyone else they're not laughing with. But you, you they're laughing with cause you look so silly with that lampshade and telling those stup...err... witty jokes. And then when you grab the sides of the porcelain throne to vomit so profusely...hahahahahaha....you stopped laughing.

Kyote Fields · 03-18-2002, 03:32 PM

Four men were talking about their pet cats.

The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third
man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Worker.

To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, " T-square, do your stuff. "

T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly
drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty
smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said,
"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."

Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He
divided them into four equal piles of three cookies each. Everyone agreed
that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said,
"Measure, do your stuff."

Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a
ten ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly eight ounces without
spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good.

Then the three men turned to the government Worker and said, What can YOUR
cat do? The Government Worker called to his cat and said, " Coffee Break, do
your stuff"

Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, peed on
the paper, sexually assaulted the other three cats, claimed he injured his
back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions,
put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day.

Nurancaiel · 03-19-2002, 11:05 AM

That was funny Ha Ha!!!I want a cat like that stupid little smart butt!! My dad is saying that my dog is the cutest and at the same time the stupidest. Oh well bye 4 now!!

Nurancâiel

Kyote Fields · 03-20-2002, 01:36 PM

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body
hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.
She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so
it goes on. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"

She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

Radagast · 03-21-2002, 02:02 PM

Heehee!
Another blonde joke!
(To all blondes out there I must say that these jokes are in no way derogatory but merely humorous things to whhile away ones meaningless existance, kay?)
A blonde walks into a hairdressers she is wearing headphones and can't hear what the hairdresser is saying. W

Radagast · 03-21-2002, 02:05 PM

Damn! Sorry my hand slipped, I must have a keyboard shortcut to post or something (???) Sorry
...when she sits down to have her hair cut the hairdresser says, 'I'm going to have to take off your headphones okay?#
The blonde doesn't answer, so the hairdresser shrugs and removes them anyway. Ten seconds later the blonde is dead.
When the police come the hairdresser says that he doesn't know how she could have died.
The police say, simple, and pick up the headphones and hand them to him
There is a repeating tape playing saying:
Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out

eowyn144 · 03-22-2002, 04:17 PM

another blonde one.sorry:

there's a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.one day they discover this magical mirror. the mirror says to them:

"tell me one thing that you think is true and if it is, i will give you many pots of gold. if its false, you will be sucked into the mirror..never to return."

the redhead goes up to the mirror and says, "i think that i'm the biggest b**ch out of the three of us"
the mirror gives her many pots of gold.

next the brunette goes up to the mirror and says,"i think that i'm the smartest person out of the three of us"
the mirror gives her many pots of gold.

lastly the blonde goes up to the mirror and says," i think..." and gets sucked into the mirror.

tee hee.

Glorious Glorfindel · 03-22-2002, 04:21 PM

okay, im a blonde myself and i make fun of my own kind, soif u take offence, DON'T.
okay:

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
~ she called me to get my phone number.
~she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said
"concentrate."
~ she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
~she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
~she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
~ she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
~ she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
~ she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

Glorious Glorfindel · 03-22-2002, 04:22 PM

i once knew a blonde that was so stupid that....

~ she tried to drown a fish.
~ she thought a quarterback was a refund.
~ she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
~ if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.

~ they had to burn the school down to get her out of
third grade.
~ under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
~ she tripped over a cordless phone.<<< DON'T LAUGH IT'S HAPPENED!!!

~>>>
~she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

~ at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"...she put 'Sagittarius.'

~she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
~ it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
~if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be
speachless.
~she studied for a blood test.
~she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
~she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
~she thought she needed a token to get on Soul
train.
~she sold the car for gas money.
~when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got
16
friends.
~ when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
~she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
~ when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
~when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left"
she
turned around and went home.

Glorious Glorfindel · 03-22-2002, 04:33 PM

okay, there is an airoplane with 33 americans and 1 englishman on it.
the plane is flying. all of a sudden the pilot makes an announcement:
the bottom half of this plane is about 2 fall off. please grab onto the luggage racks
so everyone grabbed onto the luggage racks, and as the pilot had said, the bottom half of the plane fell away. they were all left dangling when the plane began to fall. it was realised that in order to save evryone from death, one person would have to jump off. the englishman bravely volunteered 2 do this job.
all the americans clapped!!!!
badoomboomsshhhh
sorry if you americans r offended!

Laurelyn · 03-22-2002, 05:46 PM

Glorfindel, I don't get it!

Wayfarer · 03-22-2002, 06:50 PM

The americans clapped, and fell to thier deaths...

ok, the richest man in the world and the smartest man in the world charter an airplain. The pilot of the airplane brings his son along for the ride.

After some time, the pilot comes back and says "The plane is going to crash, and we only have three parachutes."
The riches man in the world says "i'm important! i get to go first!' he takes a parachute and jumps out.
The smartest person in the world says "Important people depend on me!" he grabs another pack and jumps out.
The pilot says to his son "Son, take the last parachute, and tell your mother I lover her."
The son says "that's ok dad. The smartest man in the world just jumped out of the plane with my homework."

Nariel Starfire · 03-22-2002, 07:38 PM

SO these three guys die and are waiting to get into heaven. Peter calls the first one and says "tell me about your death." The man says
"Well, I thought my wife was cheating on me so I decided to go home early. When I got to our apartment, there was my wife, naked. I searched and searched the apartment, but I didn't find anyone. Then I went out to the balcony and there was this guy hanging from it. I got a shovel and started beating his fingers until he fell. But he was still alive, so I got our refrigerator and threw it on him. THen I had a heart attack and died."

Peter calls the second one and asks him the same question. The man says
"Well, every morning I go out on my balcony to exercise. This morning I slipped off, but I caught myself a on the balcony of the people that live below me. As I was hanging there, this guy came and beat me with a shovel until I fell. Then he threw a refrigerator on me."

The third man comes after Peter calls and asks him. He says
"Imagine this: I'm hiding naked in a refrigerator..."

NEXT JOKE:

This guy dies and Peter calls him. Peter says "Tell me about a good thing you did." The guy says
"Well, I was driving down the road and I saw these bikers beating on this woman. SO I stopped and I told them to knock it off. THey told me to bug off. SO I went to my car and I got a gigantic monkey wrench and I went to the biggest guy there and i hit him over the head with it. THen I stood on him and said "If you don't leave her alone, I'll do the same thing to all of you."
Peter says "Wow, when did this happen?" THe guy looks at his watch and says "About 5 minutes ago."

03-14-2002, 06:45 PM	#41
Nurancaiel Sapling Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Murrieta Califorina Posts: 8	Ha Ha that's funny Eowyn!! Here's mine( no offence to blond people, but those are the best kind) Ok, there's a blond driving around in her brand new red Jaguar, and she cuts off an 18-wheeler, so he's mad and tells her to pull over and she does. Then she gets out of her car and he takes a piece of chalk and draws a circle on the side of the road and he says "Don't step out of that circle or you'll wish you were never born." So he take's out a knife and slashes her seats. He turn's around and she's laughing. He asks " What is so funny?" and she just keeps laughing. So he turn's around and rips her door off and turn's around and she is still laughing. So he turns and slashes her tires. Agian she is laughing her head off and he's mad so he turns and rips the hood off her car. Now when he turns around and she is on the ground laughing so hard so he says "What is so funny?!?!?!" And she says "I stepped out of the circle 4 times whne you weren't looking" That is one of my favorites!! Here's another, but it's kinda grose What is the smartest thing to come out of a blond women's mouth? Einstien's **** Gross!!!!!!!!! Bar joke!!! 3 men walk into a bar. you think one of them would have seen it!!! LOLOLOLOLOL __________________ Nurancaiel Nai Tiruvantel ar varyuvantel I valar tielyanna nuvilya

03-15-2002, 12:38 PM	#42
Kyote Fields Elven Warrior Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: California Posts: 218	Ever have deja vu? __________________ No longer posting. If you'd like to write to me I can be reached at kyote_fields@hotmail.com. It was nice knowing all of you.

03-15-2002, 01:57 PM	#43
Arathorn Bard of Mangled Songs Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: West of Middle Earth...oh alright...Manila Posts: 2,679	Kyote, your posts really look good with your avatar. __________________ Power attracts the corruptible. Absolute power attracts the absolutely corruptible. -Missionaria Protectiva, Frank Herbert *Accio, Ash Nazg!* Elennuru s?la lúmenn' omentielvo* (The Death Star shines on the hour of our meeting) - Darth Arathorn Put aside the ranger... Start looking for Mumakil action figures...

03-15-2002, 02:42 PM	#44
Kyote Fields Elven Warrior Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: California Posts: 218	Why thank you for your obscure compliment. No but seriously, thank you And seriously, that was obscure. but thank you. Have I emphasized that enough? P.S. i think this is my 100th post. I wonder if I become something else.....like a beautiful butterfly flutterflutterflutter __________________ No longer posting. If you'd like to write to me I can be reached at kyote_fields@hotmail.com. It was nice knowing all of you.

03-16-2002, 02:10 AM	#45
Arathorn Bard of Mangled Songs Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: West of Middle Earth...oh alright...Manila Posts: 2,679	I would want to make it perfectly clear that you are welcome. Is that clear? I hope you do feel welcome since clearly that was my intention. Hmm. That's a welcome thought. __________________ Power attracts the corruptible. Absolute power attracts the absolutely corruptible. -Missionaria Protectiva, Frank Herbert *Accio, Ash Nazg!* Elennuru s?la lúmenn' omentielvo* (The Death Star shines on the hour of our meeting) - Darth Arathorn Put aside the ranger... Start looking for Mumakil action figures...

03-17-2002, 08:54 PM	#47
Eruviel Greenleaf Alcoholic Villain-Fancying Elf Pirate Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Lyonesse Posts: 4,547	I used to know many jokes. . .now I know none. Ah, sadness. __________________ Eruviel Greenleaf in a past life. "Whoever has come to understand the world has found only a corpse, and whoever has found a corpse is superior to the world." -The Gospel of Thomas SQUAWK!

03-18-2002, 12:22 PM	#48
Kyote Fields Elven Warrior Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: California Posts: 218	No, Frodo Friend, it's everyone else they're not laughing with. But you, you they're laughing with cause you look so silly with that lampshade and telling those stup...err... witty jokes. And then when you grab the sides of the porcelain throne to vomit so profusely...hahahahahaha....you stopped laughing. __________________ No longer posting. If you'd like to write to me I can be reached at kyote_fields@hotmail.com. It was nice knowing all of you.

03-18-2002, 03:32 PM	#49
Kyote Fields Elven Warrior Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: California Posts: 218	Four men were talking about their pet cats. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Worker. To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, " T-square, do your stuff. " T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four equal piles of three cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a ten ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly eight ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good. Then the three men turned to the government Worker and said, What can YOUR cat do? The Government Worker called to his cat and said, " Coffee Break, do your stuff" Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, peed on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day. __________________ No longer posting. If you'd like to write to me I can be reached at kyote_fields@hotmail.com. It was nice knowing all of you.

03-19-2002, 11:05 AM	#50
Nurancaiel Sapling Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Murrieta Califorina Posts: 8	That was funny Ha Ha!!!I want a cat like that stupid little smart butt!! My dad is saying that my dog is the cutest and at the same time the stupidest. Oh well bye 4 now!! Nurancâiel __________________ Nurancaiel Nai Tiruvantel ar varyuvantel I valar tielyanna nuvilya

03-20-2002, 01:36 PM	#51
Kyote Fields Elven Warrior Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: California Posts: 218	Even more blonde jokes!!! A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on. Everywhere she touches makes her scream. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?" She says, "No, I'm really a blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken." __________________ No longer posting. If you'd like to write to me I can be reached at kyote_fields@hotmail.com. It was nice knowing all of you.

03-21-2002, 02:02 PM	#52
Radagast Elven Warrior Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Merry old England Posts: 413	Heehee! Another blonde joke! (To all blondes out there I must say that these jokes are in no way derogatory but merely humorous things to whhile away ones meaningless existance, kay?) A blonde walks into a hairdressers she is wearing headphones and can't hear what the hairdresser is saying. W __________________ Take up the White Man's burden-- The savage wars of peace-- Fill full the mouth of Famine, And bid the sickness cease; And when your goal is nearest (The end for others sought) Watch sloth and heathen folly Bring all your hope to nought.

03-21-2002, 02:05 PM	#53
Radagast Elven Warrior Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Merry old England Posts: 413	Damn! Sorry my hand slipped, I must have a keyboard shortcut to post or something (???) Sorry ...when she sits down to have her hair cut the hairdresser says, 'I'm going to have to take off your headphones okay?# The blonde doesn't answer, so the hairdresser shrugs and removes them anyway. Ten seconds later the blonde is dead. When the police come the hairdresser says that he doesn't know how she could have died. The police say, simple, and pick up the headphones and hand them to him There is a repeating tape playing saying: Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out __________________ Take up the White Man's burden-- The savage wars of peace-- Fill full the mouth of Famine, And bid the sickness cease; And when your goal is nearest (The end for others sought) Watch sloth and heathen folly Bring all your hope to nought.

03-22-2002, 04:17 PM	#54
eowyn144 Elven Warrior Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 435	another blonde one.sorry: there's a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.one day they discover this magical mirror. the mirror says to them: "tell me one thing that you think is true and if it is, i will give you many pots of gold. if its false, you will be sucked into the mirror..never to return." the redhead goes up to the mirror and says, "i think that i'm the biggest b**ch out of the three of us" the mirror gives her many pots of gold. next the brunette goes up to the mirror and says,"i think that i'm the smartest person out of the three of us" the mirror gives her many pots of gold. lastly the blonde goes up to the mirror and says," i think..." and gets sucked into the mirror. tee hee. __________________ If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe

03-22-2002, 04:21 PM	#55
Glorious Glorfindel Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: im too doped up to remember Posts: 371	okay, im a blonde myself and i make fun of my own kind, soif u take offence, DON'T. okay: I knew a blonde that was so stupid that....... ~ she called me to get my phone number. ~she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate." ~ she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. ~she got stabbed in a shoot-out. ~she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK." ~ she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. ~ she sat on the TV and watched the couch. ~ she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. __________________ A Elbereth Gilthonial Silivren penna miriel o menal aglar elenath Na-chaered palan-diriel o galadhremmin ennorath Fanuilos, le linnathon nef aear, si nef aearon! add a drop of lavander to milk. leave town with an orange and pretend you're laughing at it.

03-22-2002, 04:22 PM	#56
Glorious Glorfindel Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: im too doped up to remember Posts: 371	i once knew a blonde that was so stupid that.... ~ she tried to drown a fish. ~ she thought a quarterback was a refund. ~ she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. ~ if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back. ~ they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade. ~ under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics." ~ she tripped over a cordless phone.<<< DON'T LAUGH IT'S HAPPENED!!! ~>>> ~she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. ~ at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"...she put 'Sagittarius.' ~she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. ~ it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes. ~if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speachless. ~she studied for a blood test. ~she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center. ~she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats. ~she thought she needed a token to get on Soul train. ~she sold the car for gas money. ~when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends. ~ when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. ~she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill. ~ when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead. ~when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home. __________________ A Elbereth Gilthonial Silivren penna miriel o menal aglar elenath Na-chaered palan-diriel o galadhremmin ennorath Fanuilos, le linnathon nef aear, si nef aearon! add a drop of lavander to milk. leave town with an orange and pretend you're laughing at it.

03-22-2002, 04:33 PM	#57
Glorious Glorfindel Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: im too doped up to remember Posts: 371	okay, there is an airoplane with 33 americans and 1 englishman on it. the plane is flying. all of a sudden the pilot makes an announcement: the bottom half of this plane is about 2 fall off. please grab onto the luggage racks so everyone grabbed onto the luggage racks, and as the pilot had said, the bottom half of the plane fell away. they were all left dangling when the plane began to fall. it was realised that in order to save evryone from death, one person would have to jump off. the englishman bravely volunteered 2 do this job. all the americans clapped!!!! badoomboomsshhhh sorry if you americans r offended! __________________ A Elbereth Gilthonial Silivren penna miriel o menal aglar elenath Na-chaered palan-diriel o galadhremmin ennorath Fanuilos, le linnathon nef aear, si nef aearon! add a drop of lavander to milk. leave town with an orange and pretend you're laughing at it.

03-22-2002, 05:46 PM	#58
Laurelyn Elf Lord Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Valinor, right next to Telperion . . . what did you expect, Michigan? Posts: 1,315	Glorfindel, I don't get it! __________________ The Third Age of Entmoot has begun. Angel of music, guide and guardian! Grant to me your glory! The country I eat and spend the day in is by no means the country I sleep and dream in. Define patriotism. Hold the boat, you spastic monkey! ~ Elenka

03-22-2002, 06:50 PM	#59
Wayfarer The Insufferable Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 3,333	The americans clapped, and fell to thier deaths... ok, the richest man in the world and the smartest man in the world charter an airplain. The pilot of the airplane brings his son along for the ride. After some time, the pilot comes back and says "The plane is going to crash, and we only have three parachutes." The riches man in the world says "i'm important! i get to go first!' he takes a parachute and jumps out. The smartest person in the world says "Important people depend on me!" he grabs another pack and jumps out. The pilot says to his son "Son, take the last parachute, and tell your mother I lover her." The son says "that's ok dad. The smartest man in the world just jumped out of the plane with my homework." __________________ Disgraced he may be, yet is not dethroned, and keeps the rags of lordship once he owned

03-22-2002, 07:38 PM	#60
Nariel Starfire Elven Warrior Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: La La Land Posts: 309	SO these three guys die and are waiting to get into heaven. Peter calls the first one and says "tell me about your death." The man says "Well, I thought my wife was cheating on me so I decided to go home early. When I got to our apartment, there was my wife, naked. I searched and searched the apartment, but I didn't find anyone. Then I went out to the balcony and there was this guy hanging from it. I got a shovel and started beating his fingers until he fell. But he was still alive, so I got our refrigerator and threw it on him. THen I had a heart attack and died." Peter calls the second one and asks him the same question. The man says "Well, every morning I go out on my balcony to exercise. This morning I slipped off, but I caught myself a on the balcony of the people that live below me. As I was hanging there, this guy came and beat me with a shovel until I fell. Then he threw a refrigerator on me." The third man comes after Peter calls and asks him. He says "Imagine this: I'm hiding naked in a refrigerator..." NEXT JOKE: This guy dies and Peter calls him. Peter says "Tell me about a good thing you did." The guy says "Well, I was driving down the road and I saw these bikers beating on this woman. SO I stopped and I told them to knock it off. THey told me to bug off. SO I went to my car and I got a gigantic monkey wrench and I went to the biggest guy there and i hit him over the head with it. THen I stood on him and said "If you don't leave her alone, I'll do the same thing to all of you." Peter says "Wow, when did this happen?" THe guy looks at his watch and says "About 5 minutes ago." __________________ It is the failed skydiver who leaves an impression upon the earth. "But what about the R.O.U.Ses?" Yours Truly, The Tisroc -You forgot to say "May he live forever" -That's because I don't want him to live forever! - The Horse and his Boy--C.S. Lewis

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