06-11-2007, 09:54 AM | #41 | ||||||||||
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06-13-2007, 02:27 AM | #42 |
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Aaaaaargh! I can't stop thinking about this story!
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? I hate, hate, HATE short stories (that are good) because they're ALWAYS OPEN ENDED. >.< Argh! What will happen? Aren't there more dragon hunters out there? Is the girl going to be able to handle the dragons when they come to her? What about the ones that are already hatching from previously sold t-shirts? ... I want mooooooore. I was thinking about this thing all day yesterday while I was driving home from school, and all this morning while I was at the gym. |
06-14-2007, 05:06 PM | #43 |
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Discussion for "Fabric Dragons"
As per Eärniel's request, here's a thread for comments
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. I should be doing the laundry, but this is MUCH more fun! Ñá ë?* óú éä ïöü Öñ É Þ ð ß ® ç å ™ æ ♪ ?* "How lovely are Thy dwelling places, O Lord of hosts! ... For a day in Thy courts is better than a thousand outside." (from Psalm 84) * * * God rocks! Entmoot : Veni, vidi, velcro - I came, I saw, I got hooked! Ego numquam pronunciare mendacium, sed ego sum homo indomitus! Run the earth and watch the sky ... Auta i lómë! Aurë entuluva! |
06-14-2007, 05:17 PM | #44 |
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English comments
"Would you like some tea? The water’s just cooked.” (English comment - prob. "boiled" is better - "cooked" isn't used that way for water) “Do you think it’s a bit egocentrically, if you’re proud to come on telly..." (egocentric, not egocentrically) “Oh look, it’s starting.” He added while pointing to the TV-screen. (punctuation - should be "Oh look, it's starting," he added while pointing to the TV- screen. The way you have it, with a capital-H "He", you have a sentence fragment. "The majority of shops has now disappeared or stands empty" (verb tense error - since "shops" is plural, you need to use "they", so it's "(they)have now disappeared" and "(they)stand empty") "we both live close-by ..." (should be close by - no hyphen, because it's not modifying anything) "So people only learn of us through mouth-to-mouth advertising. " (heehee! This was cute - made me think of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation! Although your expression isn't incorrect, the usual expression is "word of mouth" ) "...and no future of any importance safe to live out the last few years of his life in solitude and silence. " (I think you mean "SAVE to live out? as in "except"? unless I misunderstand your meaning) ok - I read up to the first "~~~" - very well-written so far! Interesting and lively Good job!
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. I should be doing the laundry, but this is MUCH more fun! Ñá ë?* óú éä ïöü Öñ É Þ ð ß ® ç å ™ æ ♪ ?* "How lovely are Thy dwelling places, O Lord of hosts! ... For a day in Thy courts is better than a thousand outside." (from Psalm 84) * * * God rocks! Entmoot : Veni, vidi, velcro - I came, I saw, I got hooked! Ego numquam pronunciare mendacium, sed ego sum homo indomitus! Run the earth and watch the sky ... Auta i lómë! Aurë entuluva! |
06-15-2007, 03:18 AM | #45 |
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oops *embarassed*
I just noticed that comments were at the end of the story! (I was copying the "discussion for..." thread for the other story)
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. I should be doing the laundry, but this is MUCH more fun! Ñá ë?* óú éä ïöü Öñ É Þ ð ß ® ç å ™ æ ♪ ?* "How lovely are Thy dwelling places, O Lord of hosts! ... For a day in Thy courts is better than a thousand outside." (from Psalm 84) * * * God rocks! Entmoot : Veni, vidi, velcro - I came, I saw, I got hooked! Ego numquam pronunciare mendacium, sed ego sum homo indomitus! Run the earth and watch the sky ... Auta i lómë! Aurë entuluva! |
06-15-2007, 03:39 AM | #46 | |
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Much thanks for the corrections, R*an. Don't worry about the thread, I know most people use one for the story and one for the comments; but since the story is finished, I don't mind having the comments in the same thread. So I merged them together.
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06-16-2007, 11:45 AM | #47 | |||||
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And there's nothing wrong with the story ending the way it is. It's an excellent conclusion. To carry with it the way it is, I think there could be some adjusting of the way it's structured, just to keep readers from becoming distracted by the alternate endings and more focused on the questions you actually mean to build tension about, the real issues of the story. I think you could keep the readers more on track by revealing in the very beginning of the story that there is a real, good dragon. You wouldn't have to show, actually, whether this good dragon is Max or Emma. Just showing that there's a real, good dragon in existence would help erase those other possibilities. Or . . . maybe you could actually also leave it unknown whether the dragon is a good or a bad one. If you made Morgan or someone else ask the unanswered question to Randolph very early in their first scene, even though he'd stomp on it immediately, that would put the question in readers' minds in a way that indicates to them that this is the direction the story is going, even if they don't know for sure how you'll answer the question. Quote:
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That's part of the reason I was suggesting revealing that there was a dragon right from the start, perhaps also opening more consideration of the possibilities she's good from Morgan (ideas Randolph flattens as absurd) so that readers might think the same way and thus be more satisfied when you end the way you do. That along with the possibility of better focusing the readers' attention on the questions you mean them to think about. Quote:
Forgive my running away with this idea in this way . These are of course just some thoughts for you to do what you like with. Just some suggestions. Don't feel like I'm pushing you to take them . And I do really, really like the story the way it is . I don't want these thoughts to seem to undermine that main comment. It's really, really good writing and a neat story and conclusion. I very much like it.
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06-16-2007, 01:01 PM | #48 | |
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This. Story. Be. AWESUM!!!!!!! :d |
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06-17-2007, 05:25 AM | #49 | ||||
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06-18-2007, 12:04 AM | #50 | |||
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I really, really like certain villains. Richard III is one of my top favorites. Him and Emperor Palpatine. I also really like the main character in the "House of Cards" television drama, who is a complete villain. Good vs. good can also be done very, very well though. And good vs. bad, obviously. Quote:
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If the world has indeed, as I have said, been built of sorrow, it has been built by the hands of love, because in no other way could the soul of man, for whom the world was made, reach the full stature of its perfection. ~Oscar Wilde, written from prison Oscar Wilde's last words: "Either the wallpaper goes, or I do." |
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06-21-2007, 03:49 AM | #51 |
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A grrreat story. I really liked it. Perhaps I am not cynical or critical enough, but I liked the whole story. Well... if you want some criticism, then perhaps you should have told a bit more about the Dragonslayers. Maybe giving a clue of how they hunted the dragons in the Middle-Ages and after that, you know, to see how that has changed over centuries. I think it would add a nice and interesting piece of detail. Can´t really criticise you about the grammar, since English isn´t my mother tongue, but the mistakes were minor. Please continue the story!
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06-22-2007, 02:09 PM | #52 |
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Second part:
English: "...The cat’s got your tongue?” He asked testily as ..." (should be small-h "he" ) "what is it exactly what you sell"? (should be "that" you sell) so choosing dragons was a bit obvious as starting point.” Emma said. (comma instead of period after "point". I know, weird!) "different cultures to know that dragon can awe and strike a chord" (should be dragonS) "dragons were cruel bastards that loved nothing more than torch towns" (than TO torch towns, etc) "despite the no-smoking-sign on the wall " (should be no-smoking sign) "Morgan’s eyes swivelled briefly from the Randolph to the sign (take out "the" in front of "Randolph") "“Most people don’t know for real, kid.” Randolph said while a thin, blue cloud cringled from " (comma, not period, after "kid" - also, don't know what "cringled" is ...) "has always striven to keep their dragon slaying activities " (dragon-slaying) Other - nice characterizations of the two dragon-slayers
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. I should be doing the laundry, but this is MUCH more fun! Ñá ë?* óú éä ïöü Öñ É Þ ð ß ® ç å ™ æ ♪ ?* "How lovely are Thy dwelling places, O Lord of hosts! ... For a day in Thy courts is better than a thousand outside." (from Psalm 84) * * * God rocks! Entmoot : Veni, vidi, velcro - I came, I saw, I got hooked! Ego numquam pronunciare mendacium, sed ego sum homo indomitus! Run the earth and watch the sky ... Auta i lómë! Aurë entuluva! |
06-22-2007, 03:23 PM | #53 | |
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Thanks, R*an. (man, I missed a lot of errors...)
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06-22-2007, 05:12 PM | #54 | |
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Oh - one non-grammar-type thing - the white blood was interesting, but it made me think of plants. Maybe yellowish blood? Amber-colored? Something more like fire? Just some thoughts - take 'em or leave 'em
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. I should be doing the laundry, but this is MUCH more fun! Ñá ë?* óú éä ïöü Öñ É Þ ð ß ® ç å ™ æ ♪ ?* "How lovely are Thy dwelling places, O Lord of hosts! ... For a day in Thy courts is better than a thousand outside." (from Psalm 84) * * * God rocks! Entmoot : Veni, vidi, velcro - I came, I saw, I got hooked! Ego numquam pronunciare mendacium, sed ego sum homo indomitus! Run the earth and watch the sky ... Auta i lómë! Aurë entuluva! |
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05-02-2008, 03:17 PM | #55 |
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I'm happy to announce that the story has received a Mod's Choice when I posted the story on Elfwood. Thanks a lot you guys, for helping me iron out the errors.
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05-02-2008, 08:01 PM | #56 |
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I could have sworn that I made a comment on this story, but apparently not. I really enjoyed reading it when you posted it. Congrats on the kudos!
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05-06-2008, 07:18 PM | #57 |
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OMG YAY!!! Well deserved!!! This is an awesome story. I still pop back over and read it from time to time, cuz it's just good.
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01-02-2009, 06:38 PM | #58 |
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My short story got accepted for the January issue of the EMG-zine!
With much thanks to Willow for one thorough and speedy proof-reading. (Any mistakes still in the story are solely due to my re-writing bits afterwards.) |
01-02-2009, 07:29 PM | #59 | |
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Congratulations! I am off to read it at this moment .
EDIT: A nice story.
PS: You know, putting stuff in spoiler tags makes for a hard read.
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01-02-2009, 07:50 PM | #60 | |
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Congrats Eärniel! I gathered that EMG-zine is currently showing an interest in bulls and oxes, due to the Chinese zodiac sign (though the Chinese Year of the Ox won't actually begin until the end of January ). Bull Dance is an enjoyable short story. Visiting ancient Crete is nice, whether it's by reading Greek myths or one of Eärniel's writings Did you get your inspiration from a personal visit to Crete? I was first kind of surprised that you didn't let the bull dance take place in Corsica. I mean, seeing as you have like a special relationship with that island. But then, in prehistoric times the Cretans amused themselves with leaping over bulls, didn't they? Much more so than the Corsicans I suppose. (But I bet present-day Corsicans wish their cars could leap those darn cows that insist on blocking the roads! ) The Year of the Ox happens to be my zodiac sign. Being an amateur sinologist, I thought I'd give the Ox some special attention this year. Maybe by wearing a red ribbon at times like the Chinese do, or eat less beef meat, or whatever Yeah, that's just me rambling.
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