Spanking kids yeah or nay

[jerseydevil]

Originally posted by eowyn144


how can you put a smiley face after that? it sounds horrible!

Because it didn't scar me for life. And thinking about it now - it just seems stupid to be yelling "you hate us, you don't love us anymore. etc" Believe me - I'd be scared if I really did something wrong and my mother would say -"just wait until your father gets home". We didn't get hit very often and I've never been violent or have gotten into fights. Mostly it was just the fear of getting hit that ended up being powerful.

[BeardofPants]

Hmm. . . Where have I seen this thread before?

Copy & Paste...

I believe it should be the last resort, and it shouldn't be to hurt the child, but to relay to the child just how naughty they've been. I've found with some children that if you smack them everytime they do something wrong, they begin to develop an immunity to it. However, those that are smacked very seldom usually know that they've done something very wrong, and generally learn from it. But this I guess could be applied to any mode of punishment. And since I don't plan on having children, I guess I don't have to worry about it. However, if I did have children, it would very much centre on communication, rather than violence, since I came from a violent home myself, and saw firsthand how much smacking didn't solve things.

btw - time out never worked for me either, because I was an avid reader from the age of 6 onwards, and would just read a book. The real punishment was when my parents took away my light bulb!

[eowyn144]

jd- is that really how the relationship between a father and child should be? that the child is scared that their father is coming home rather than happy?

[jerseydevil]

Originally posted by Faramir
I think just taking away privelages is a lot more painful.

Sometimes it does. But when I was in high school and did something - I used to ask my parents how they'd punish me. I used to come home from school and sit in my room and read anyway. My mother did threaten to take away all my Tolkien books the one time. That was mostly because she thought I was getting too involved with them and that they were taking up too much of my life.

We did in some ways get time out also - just not the stupid - face the corner. We were sent to our rooms. Sometimes had to stay there until dinner - which could be all day.

[Starr Polish]

I used to scream stuff like that at my parents too, and now that I look back on it, it's funny, because we both know that I didn't mean it.

We have a timeout chair too, but we call it the 'naughty chair', and never really used it. Now I use it as a night stand.

Parents should NEVER hit their child simply because they are angry at the child. Lashing out is not appropriate. My mom has 'lashed' out at me, but only once was it physical, and that still didn't leave a mark. I've never been bruised intentionally by anyone in my family.

Time outs can be ineffective on certain children, and it can also just make them more rebellious. After awhile I grew out of the entire time out thing, and it wasn't effective at all.

I'm one lucky kid, I've never been grounded. Now, if I start talking back to my mom or something like that, I just get yelled at and I storm downstairs. It's like being sent to my room, except I choose to go there. I can be a bit of an isolationist.

Being sent to my room has never been a big deal to me though, since I've been able to read (and love doing it) for a very long time, and now my computer is in my room as well. My parents have threatened to take our computers away from us, but we know it's completely hollow, because they don't have one of their own.

I'm actually a fairly good kid, I think, compared to some of the people in our neighborhood.

[eowyn144]

Originally posted by jerseydevil


My mother did threaten to take away all my Tolkien books the one time.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
see! a punishment which is just as extreme but doesn't cause any physical pain.perfect.

[jerseydevil]

Originally posted by eowyn144
jd- is that really how the relationship between a father and child should be? that the child is scared that their father is coming home rather than happy?

You seem to think it was like ALL the time. I'm talking about maybe like 5 times. Well maybe more than 5 times - it didn't happen too often and I don't remember being hit after 5th grade.

I was never afraid of my father coming home if we were good. As a matter of fact we ate EVERY dinner as a family unless my father was on a business trip. Even if my father was coming home at 9:00 - my mother would ask us if we wanted to eat "now" or wait until dad came home. We always waited and ate when he came home. We did everything as a family. We used to sit from 7:00 to midnight - sometimes until 1:00am during Sunday dinner just talking as a family.

So if you're picturing me coming from an abusive family - you're entirely wrong. I did get hit if I did something SERIOUSLY wrong. And sometimes it was just the fear of being hit that got us to behave.

[eowyn144]

ok then, sorry jd. i wasn't implying that it was like that all the time in your family in particular. although in some families i suppose it is like that-where there's an abusive father.
but thats a different topic i suppose. unless you look at it from the point of view that what starts as gentle spanking could lead to full on abuse.

[galadriel88]

I'm one lucky kid, I've never been grounded. Now, if I start talking back to my mom or something like that, I just get yelled at and I storm downstairs. It's like being sent to my room, except I choose to go there. I can be a bit of an isolationist.

Yeah, I do that too. I just want to get away form the situation and cool off, and then forget about it. But my mom is just the opposite - she'll come knock on my door after 5 minutes and try to talk about it, which just gets us both riled up again. And if it's not that soon, then when I come out for food, she'll make me talk, right when I've just forgotten about it. and aobut not being grounded - I do get grounded but we don't call it that, and there's no preset definition of what happens - it's according to the situation. Like if i was supposed to clean my room and put up my laundry, and I haven't done it, then there'll be no TV/computer till its done. And stuff like that.

[jerseydevil]

Originally posted by eowyn144
ok then, sorry jd. i wasn't implying that it was like that all the time in your family in particular. although in some families i suppose it is like that-where there's an abusive father.
but thats a different topic i suppose. unless you look at it from the point of view that what starts as gentle spanking could lead to full on abuse.

No problem. I agree with the abuse thing. Some people lose control. But there is a difference between hitting and abuse. Some parents can be just as emotionally and mentally abususive to their children and may never physically hurt them. In some ways that can be more lasting and hurtful than physical abuse.

[BeardofPants]

In some ways that can be more lasting and hurtful than physical abuse.

Oh yes. Public humiliation always worked more than the actual smack.

[Claenoic]

I think deprivements and threats worked better for me. And they still do . Like, once when I wandered off during... something or other (sorry, I forgot) my dad caught up with me and said that I was computer deprived for a week. Nooooo.... At the end of that week, I was dying to use the computer. I never wandered off again .

Hmm... I was whacked quite a few times when I was younger. I didn't and I still don't know why. All I remember is a lot of screaming. I think I was being selfish/wasn't sharing/being mean or summat like that. When I got older, there was... the stick. Ah yes. Or any handy object lying about. And these are Korean spanks, the kind where you get hit 3 to 8 times on the back of the legs. If you don't know, that hurts a lot more than paddle to bottom spanks. Now I have this weird scaly skin on the back of my legs that is probably going to stay there for life. I wised up and got a new dad since my last spank, when I was 8.

Yea or nay? Lets just say I am an extremely fast runner, and I can beat my mom in a fair fight.

[jerseydevil]

In Indiana I found out that parents use the "switch". They make their children go to a Willow Tree and get a branch. That they use to hit them with. I have a friend out in Indiana that that was used on. That causes welts. That I don't like. I don't think that that is necessary at all. I had never heard of that until I moved to Indiana.

[Rána Eressëa]

Originally posted by jerseydevil
I was hit as a child for serious things - like playing with fire and stuff. I don't think there is anything wrong with hitting a child as long as it's not overdone.

One of my brothers and I played with fire once when I was eight. We took some gasoline, made a thin trail across the dirt road, and dropped a match to it. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that as I walked off to the other side, I stepped in the gasoline just as the fire zoomed by. My foot caught a fire. I screamed in terror and stomped it out, but I wasn't burnt at all. At the time my parents were split up and I lived with my mom and one brother, while the other brother lived with my dad in Florida. My dad was the only one who could effectively beat us. My mom sucked at it. So my punishment was getting yelled at and being smacked on the arm, and I just ended up doing it again the next weekend. Only the second time we wrote our names on the dirt with the gasoline and lit it up.

I only reply to punishment for the first few days after I've received it. Then it's time to wreck havoc again. It's a good thing I'm not nowhere near as bad as I used to be, though.

Originally posted by jerseydevil
In Indiana I found out that parents use the "switch". They make their children go to a Willow Tree and get a branch. That they use to hit them with. I have a friend out in Indiana that that was used on. That causes welts. That I don't like. I don't think that that is necessary at all. I had never heard of that until I moved to Indiana.

I've known about "the switch" since I was a baby. It's a Southern thing, alright. I've never had it myself, however.

[Sween]

With everything involving punishment the punishment is only as effective as the person delivering it. I have been spanked 4 time sin my life and i rember what each time it was for.

Spanking in my eyes is the ultimate dont do that again. and ill tell you what in my case it worked. Cos yeah we all get told off when we are kids but honestally how often do we listen. The perents among us will be able to throw more light on this but i think when you tell your kid not to do something thats minor again they will probably do it and you expect that but the idea of spanking is to say 'NEVER EVER EVER DO THAT AGAIN'.

In my case it worked as i say i only got spanked 4 times so i was a pretty well behaved boy in my day but i dont feel scared at all i think its an effective way of sending a messege cos sometimes the verbal just isnt listened to.

To those that have had physical abuse my dad would often hit me occasionally and i have allways responded (even when i was very young) but thats his issue and herespects me for sticking up myself and regreats it (plus ild kick his ass these days) but spanking was when i did something wrong and i could tell the difference.

[Rána Eressëa]

Originally posted by Sween
With everything involving punishment the punishment is only as effective as the person delivering it.

Not true, well, at least in my case. My dad knew how to tear your tail up if you made him mad. And I mean that. But I only remained good for less a week before I repeated myself. Most of the time it was your regular belt wipping and it hurt bad enough to make even the boys cry, but (and I know far more than just myself) it only worked for the moment it was given. I responded character-wise ('changed my ways') to my dad's voice more than his belt, and if he'd just talk to me - I never did that crap again.

[Sween]

Originally posted by Rána Eressëa


Not true, well, at least in my case. My dad knew how to tear your tail up if you made him mad. And I mean that. But I only remained good for less a week before I repeated myself. Most of the time it was your regular belt wipping and it hurt bad enough to make even the boys cry, but (and I know far more than just myself) it only worked for the moment it was given. I responded character-wise ('changed my ways') to my dad's voice more than his belt, and if he'd just talk to me - I never did that crap again.

you seem to be missing the point just because someone can inflict a lot of pain doesnt make the effective at delivering punishment. The key is making them undersatnd why this is happening. By your logic mike tyson would be good at adminstrating punishment cos he can hit real hard. the key is making the child relise what they have done is wrong and not to do it again the pain. When i was spanked i dont think i ever cryed from the pain because it didnt hurt that much i cried cos i was made to relise what i had done was wrong and i shouldnt of done it.

[Starr Polish]

In my house my mother is the discipline giver. I used to be afraid of my dad. Not because he hit me, because I don't think he ever did, but he was (and is) an intimidating man, and if he yelled it gave me shivers. Often times a verbal reprimand may work, but sometimes a parent, especially a mother, won't have that kind of intimidating power. My mom certainly doesn't. I know for a fact I could knock her down (not that I would, of course).

I think one of the worst punishments is reverse psychology! My mom's used that on me, and the first few times it's just incredibly confusing. The bewilderment wears off after awhile though, and it's not effective anymore.

There are a lot of reasons why people debate over spanking, and I think the main one is people have different ideas of what abuse is.

I believe abuse is inflicting a mark, like a welt or bruise that lasts longer than a few minutes, but others seem to think any kind of pain, no matter how minor and infrequent, is abuse.

[Rána Eressëa]

Originally posted by Sween


you seem to be missing the point just because someone can inflict a lot of pain doesnt make the effective at delivering punishment. The key is making them undersatnd why this is happening. By your logic mike tyson would be good at adminstrating punishment cos he can hit real hard. the key is making the child relise what they have done is wrong and not to do it again the pain. When i was spanked i dont think i ever cryed from the pain because it didnt hurt that much i cried cos i was made to relise what i had done was wrong and i shouldnt of done it.

Why didn't you say so then? Most parents aren't good at that, I believe, which is why I didn't suspect it as being what you meant.

[Starr Polish]

When i was spanked i dont think i ever cryed from the pain because it didnt hurt that much i cried cos i was made to relise what i had done was wrong and i shouldnt of done it.

I agree.