The Jokes Thread - Page 28

Telcontar_Dunedain · 10-26-2004, 05:02 PM

Me to.

**Nurvingiel** · 10-28-2004, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nariel Starfire

SO these three guys die and are waiting to get into heaven. Peter calls the first one and says "tell me about your death." The man says
"Well, I thought my wife was cheating on me so I decided to go home early. When I got to our apartment, there was my wife, naked. I searched and searched the apartment, but I didn't find anyone. Then I went out to the balcony and there was this guy hanging from it. I got a shovel and started beating his fingers until he fell. But he was still alive, so I got our refrigerator and threw it on him. THen I had a heart attack and died."

Peter calls the second one and asks him the same question. The man says
"Well, every morning I go out on my balcony to exercise. This morning I slipped off, but I caught myself a on the balcony of the people that live below me. As I was hanging there, this guy came and beat me with a shovel until I fell. Then he threw a refrigerator on me."

The third man comes after Peter calls and asks him. He says
"Imagine this: I'm hiding naked in a refrigerator..."

This joke deserves a bump. Totally hilarious!

Lenya · 10-30-2004, 02:53 PM

That's a good joke

Lief Erikson · 10-30-2004, 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeardofPants

Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. - Love, Fred

I heard that one here at home once, and it's good to hear it again. Highly amusing

.

Count Comfect · 10-30-2004, 11:33 PM

A slight variation on an old joke I heard again yesterday:

A high school dropout, a high school grad, and a college grad are stranded on a desert island by a plane crash. They are desperate. The dropout starts a big bonfire to try to attract attention from any planes that might fly by or boats that might come. The high school grad writes a big "HELP" in the sand and tries to build a radio. The college grad just sits there.

After a while of working on their respective methods, the dropout and the high school grad get very angry at the college grad. They start to yell at him for doing no work, and ask how he expects to get rescued.
"That's simple!" he says. "The alumni fund is asking for donations this time of year. They can find anybody!"

Lenya · 11-01-2004, 02:00 PM

That's quite good

**Nurvingiel** · 11-01-2004, 02:11 PM

LOL Count Comfect!

I get alumni letters, and I still go to the university. I'm asking them for money.

Ñólendil · 11-02-2004, 06:12 AM

I wonder if anyone's done the (horrible) muffin joke, yet?

Two muffins are sitting in the oven. The first muffin says to the second muffin,

"Man, it's really hot in here."

To which the second replied,

"Holy s***, a talking muffin!"

Last Child of Ungoliant · 11-02-2004, 07:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ñólendil

I wonder if anyone's done the (horrible) muffin joke, yet?

Two muffins are sitting in the oven. The first muffin says to the second muffin,

"Man, it's really hot in here."

To which the second replied,

"Holy s***, a talking muffin!"

very funny, i have heard many variations on that, talking cows being a very popular english joke, but i can't remember that.
I do however have another Cow joke:
Two cows are stood in a field, one says to the other 'Does that BSE, mad cow disease worry you at all?', the other replies 'Not really, no', so the first says 'How come?', to which the reply comes 'I'm a helicopter!'

Beren3000 · 11-02-2004, 11:19 AM

Corny joke coming your way:

When is a door not a door?

Answer:

When it's ajar

Grey_Wolf · 11-07-2004, 02:54 PM

Hey you guys!

Join this RPG!

http://entmoot.tolkientrail.com/showthread.php?t=11426

It's very funny.

Telcontar_Dunedain · 11-07-2004, 02:59 PM

I agree. It's a laugh a post!

Beren3000 · 11-08-2004, 01:55 PM

Read this (very short) article. It's (supposedly) true, but very funny nonetheless.

You can read answers to other questions here

Rosie Gamgee · 11-08-2004, 04:24 PM

That's kind of... yucky.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beren3000

Corny joke coming your way:

When is a door not a door?

Answer:

When it's ajar

That is my dad's most favorite joke. He's big on telling corny jokes (although he doesn't much appreciate them from other people... go figure)

Lenya · 11-09-2004, 04:25 PM

Anothr stupid one:

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and shakes?

A nervous wreck

***Earniel*** · 11-09-2004, 04:40 PM

Oh dear, I quite like the last one, it instantly provided me with such an interesting mental image....

Lenya · 11-09-2004, 04:46 PM

he he. I guess you can let your imagination loose on the image.

Beren3000 · 11-11-2004, 04:53 PM

A man called in sick one day; so when he came to the office next day, his boss asked about his health and all that and after that said:
"I'll give you some advice. Whenever I feel sick, I sleep with my wife. It always makes me feel better. You try that next time!" So the man said ok.
A month later, the man called in sick again; next day he comes smiling into the office and goes to his boss saying:
"Thanks for your advice, boss. By the way, your house is great!"

Telcontar_Dunedain · 11-11-2004, 05:38 PM

Lol. That was great!

Linaewen · 11-12-2004, 01:40 AM

There's this blonde driving down the road in her brand new,
candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She's cruisin' about 95, radio
blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker who is
carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes. To her
disliking, he is only going about 45. To get the point across that
she wants to get past, she decides to tailgate him. So, she gets to
within a foot of his rear bumper. The trucker looks back and sees her
on his *ss, and motions for her to get off of it, but to her it looks
like a wave and she waves back.
Since her first attempt was futile, she decided to get a little closer
and begin flashing her headlights, hopefully making herself more
visible in the process. Once again the trucker sees her on his *ss,
and this time motions for her to pull over to the side of the road.
The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a
circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs
her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees
to it and steps inside it. The trucker goes back to his truck and
pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the
Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he
is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000
pile of metal. Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks
over to the blonde. When he gets there, to his astonishment, she is
rolling around on the street laughing hysterically. He asks her, "Why
are you laughing? I just beat the crap out of your car!" She is
laughing too hard to respond, but between giggles he can make out,
"While you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle!"

10-26-2004, 05:02 PM	#541
Telcontar_Dunedain Warrior of the House of Hador Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 4,651	Me to. __________________ Then Huor spoke and said: "Yet if it stands but a little while, then out of your house shall come the hope of Elves and Men. This I say to you, lord, with the eyes of death: though we part here for ever, and I shall not look on your white walls again, from you and me a new star shall arise. Farewell!" The Silmarillion, Nirnaeth Arnoediad, Page 230

10-30-2004, 11:33 PM	#545
Count Comfect Word Santa Claus Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Chicago, IL Posts: 2,922	A slight variation on an old joke I heard again yesterday: A high school dropout, a high school grad, and a college grad are stranded on a desert island by a plane crash. They are desperate. The dropout starts a big bonfire to try to attract attention from any planes that might fly by or boats that might come. The high school grad writes a big "HELP" in the sand and tries to build a radio. The college grad just sits there. After a while of working on their respective methods, the dropout and the high school grad get very angry at the college grad. They start to yell at him for doing no work, and ask how he expects to get rescued. "That's simple!" he says. "The alumni fund is asking for donations this time of year. They can find anybody!" __________________ Sufficient to have stood, yet free to fall.

11-02-2004, 06:12 AM	#548
Ñólendil Elf Lord Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: California Posts: 60,865	I wonder if anyone's done the (horrible) muffin joke, yet? Two muffins are sitting in the oven. The first muffin says to the second muffin, "Man, it's really hot in here." To which the second replied, "Holy s***, a talking muffin!" __________________ Falmon -- Dylan

11-07-2004, 02:59 PM	#552
Telcontar_Dunedain Warrior of the House of Hador Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 4,651	I agree. It's a laugh a post! __________________ Then Huor spoke and said: "Yet if it stands but a little while, then out of your house shall come the hope of Elves and Men. This I say to you, lord, with the eyes of death: though we part here for ever, and I shall not look on your white walls again, from you and me a new star shall arise. Farewell!" The Silmarillion, Nirnaeth Arnoediad, Page 230

11-09-2004, 04:40 PM	#556
*Earniel* The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium) Posts: 14,363	Oh dear, I quite like the last one, it instantly provided me with such an interesting mental image.... __________________ We are not things.

10-30-2004, 02:53 PM	#543
Lenya Elentári Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: South Africa Posts: 727	That's a good joke

11-01-2004, 02:00 PM	#546
Lenya Elentári Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: South Africa Posts: 727	That's quite good

11-07-2004, 02:54 PM	#551
Grey_Wolf Elf Lord Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Mirkwood, well actually I live in North-west Scania, Sweden Posts: 9,481	Hey you guys! Join this RPG! http://entmoot.tolkientrail.com/showthread.php?t=11426 It's very funny.

11-08-2004, 01:55 PM	#553
Beren3000 Fëanorophobic Join Date: May 2004 Location: Between the pages of a book Posts: 1,417	Read this (very short) article. It's (supposedly) true, but very funny nonetheless. You can read answers to other questions here

11-09-2004, 04:25 PM	#555
Lenya Elentári Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: South Africa Posts: 727	Anothr stupid one: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and shakes? A nervous wreck

11-09-2004, 04:46 PM	#557
Lenya Elentári Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: South Africa Posts: 727	he he. I guess you can let your imagination loose on the image.

11-11-2004, 04:53 PM	#558
Beren3000 Fëanorophobic Join Date: May 2004 Location: Between the pages of a book Posts: 1,417	A man called in sick one day; so when he came to the office next day, his boss asked about his health and all that and after that said: "I'll give you some advice. Whenever I feel sick, I sleep with my wife. It always makes me feel better. You try that next time!" So the man said ok. A month later, the man called in sick again; next day he comes smiling into the office and goes to his boss saying: "Thanks for your advice, boss. By the way, your house is great!"

11-11-2004, 05:38 PM	#559
Telcontar_Dunedain Warrior of the House of Hador Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 4,651	Lol. That was great! __________________ Then Huor spoke and said: "Yet if it stands but a little while, then out of your house shall come the hope of Elves and Men. This I say to you, lord, with the eyes of death: though we part here for ever, and I shall not look on your white walls again, from you and me a new star shall arise. Farewell!" The Silmarillion, Nirnaeth Arnoediad, Page 230

11-12-2004, 01:40 AM	#560
Linaewen Fair Dinkum Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 2,319	In the circle There's this blonde driving down the road in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She's cruisin' about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker who is carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes. To her disliking, he is only going about 45. To get the point across that she wants to get past, she decides to tailgate him. So, she gets to within a foot of his rear bumper. The trucker looks back and sees her on his ss, and motions for her to get off of it, but to her it looks like a wave and she waves back. Since her first attempt was futile, she decided to get a little closer and begin flashing her headlights, hopefully making herself more visible in the process. Once again the trucker sees her on his ss, and this time motions for her to pull over to the side of the road. The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees to it and steps inside it. The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 pile of metal. Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks over to the blonde. When he gets there, to his astonishment, she is rolling around on the street laughing hysterically. He asks her, "Why are you laughing? I just beat the crap out of your car!" She is laughing too hard to respond, but between giggles he can make out, "While you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle!"

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