Lyrd Of The Ryngs - The Homies

[Butterbeer]

"Luke ... Luke ... " mumbled Frodo in his sleep


meanwhile back westward somewhere speeding south on a bike, and no doubt causing unessecasry continuity problems Pippin picked his nose ...

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

"I..am...your...grocer..." muttered gollum, who had finally managed to get off to sleep

Sam, satisfied that gollum had gone to sleep, decided to get some shut eye himself, 'Must get up before master frodo, can't klet him be worried that no one was keeping guard,' he thought to himself, 'after all, "fear leads to doubt," yadayadayada, or so that sneaky green chappie would have me believe', he rolled his eyes, before giving a sneaky look to gollum, and turning over to get soem sleep

[Grey_Wolf]

They woke up with a start both at once, from a sleep longer than they had intended, finding Gollum gone.
"Now where has he snuck off to, me wonders?" Sam said.

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Book 4.2: The Passage of the Marshes

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

"I'm sorry, mr frodo, sir, i must'a slept a little longer than i should have," said sam
"tha's ok, sammy-lad, we both needed, it, we have a long journey through the marshes together. Now, where's that smeagol got to? can't have him disappearing like that!"

at that moment, smeagol's head popped round the corner of the rock face "ah!" he said, "sleep has been long and good for the masters, we deem, all rested now, are they?" he enquired, to which both frodo and sam smiled and nodded "very good is this, long journeys through the marshes have we! found these paths long ago did we, the servants of the dark side do not use them, go long ways round they do!"

"well, that should be good,!" said frodo "i don't think i should like to encounter any of those unionists again" he went on, with a shudder at the thought

[EarthBound]

The Marsh:

The trio entered the smelly bog trying unsuccessful to keep their feet dry. Before long Frodo and Sam noticed bright colors emanating from dark waters of the marsh.

"Lights . . . there's lights in water!" Exclaimed Sam.

"Yes. Long ago a battle there was. Still their Day-Glow bracelets shine in the dark waters. Tempting travelers and fan-girls to reach for them," said Gollum. Frodo quickly drew his hands back from the water and whined, "I'm NOT a fan-girl!"

Sam and Gollum look at Frodo.

"Well . . . I'm not." Frodo pleaded.

"The package is taking your master, me thinks, yes." Gollum said sounding excited.

"Uh, where's it taking him?" Sam asked.

"If only your mind was as large as your girth of waist, ask stupid questions you would not."

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

"Happening to your master, do you fear that?" asked gollum
"Well, yes," said sam
"fear is not good, fear leads to doubt, doubt leads to hate, hate leads to anger, this is the way of the dark side!" said gollum
"Oh, shut the hell up!! will you?" shouted sam "We heard you the first time"

[Grey_Wolf]

At last they came to the end of the black mere, and they crossed it, perilously, crawling or hopping from one treacherous island tussock to another. Often they floundered, stepping or falling hands-first into waters as noisome as a cesspool, till they were slimed and fouled almost up to their necks and stank in one another's nostrils.

It was late in the night when at length they reached firmer ground again. Gollum hissed and whispered to himself, but it appeared that he was pleased: in some mysterious way, by some blended sense of feel, and smell, and uncanny memory for shapes in the dark, he seemed to know just where he was again, and to be sure of his road ahead.

[Grey_Wolf]

"Now go on we do, nice hobbitssess." said Gollum."Away from nasssty lightsss mussst take Masster."

"Yes, the sooner we're out of this dump the better. It stinks to high heaven." remarked Sam."And so do I, for that matter."

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

"well, say something, i was not going to," said gollum, "but buy new deoderant do you need to!"

"well i say," said sam "never in all my life...!"
"well, actually," said frodo, "you have always been a bit of a stinky, haven't you?!"
...frodo began to sing The Police's hit song Don't Stand So Close To Me, which made sam even more sulky

[EarthBound]

The adventures continued on towards the Lands of darkness and death, occasionally hitting Frodo whenever he hummed a Spice Girl tune.

Gollum looks back and spy’s Sam smelling his armpits . . ."Oh, I be preserved with Hostess and ancient jerky meats, but ‘Sam I Am’ is quite pickled, too."

"Oh . . . yeah!" Sam wittily snapped back at him.

[Grey_Wolf]

They continued on their way, but a change of weather was coming, they all felt it. Suddenly the little trio stopped in their tracks when a horrid siren broke the air.

Far off from the direction of Mordor a black shadow was flying towards them. They cast themselves on the ground as the shadow materialized into a Black Cessna which swung around high above them and then accelerated westwards.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"Wraithssss on wingsesssssss. Hide we mussst. In great peril we are," hissed Smeagol, pulling Frodo and Sam under cover, until the Black Cessna had passed.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"You fear them as if you have met them before," said Frodo.
"Yessss, no I mean," replied Gollum.
"Well do you mean yes or no," said Sam harshly.
"Yesss, yess we have, but our choiccce, it was not. Captured we were, but esscaped we did," Gollum hissed.
"Escaped? That's not what Aragorn thought, he thought you were rather set free, or let escape," replied Frodo.
"He doesssn't no nothing," answered Gollum.
"Ha, double negative, that means he knows something," laughed Sam.

[Grey_Wolf]

Earlier in Mordor City, The Dark Tower Office Complex. S Ron was sitting behind his rich oak desk. He punched the intercom-button for his secretary.

"Dear, would you mind placing a call to Witchie. There is something bothering me that I'd like him to check out."

"Yes, sir, immediately, sir." the secretary replied, making the call.

[Butterbeer]

" Wikke here Mr S! what can i do for you?"

replied the Angmarian 500 times winner of the biggest leek and oddest carrot competition ( those were the days ....eh?)

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Meanwhile in the Dead Marshes:

"Arrrr," yawned Frodo waking up. "Good day Smeagol."
"Ssssmeagol?" questioned Gollum.
"That was your name once wasn't it. Long ago, before the Dark Times, before you found the Package," replied Frodo.
"Yess, yess it wass. At your service does Smeagol pledge himself, swears on the Package he does," said Smeagol, the hissing decreasing by the second.
"On the package? You would dar to swear on the package? Nay, rather swear by it," commanded Frodo.
"Yes. Swears by the package we do, to do what ever the nice and fat hobitses ask us," whimpred Smeagol.

[Grey_Wolf]

From that moment Sam thought that Gollum was trying too hard at sucking up and be pleasing but at whiles he saw a weird ligth in Gollum's eyes as he looked at Frodo which disappeared just as quickly when he turned back to watch the land ahead.

Frodo seemed weary to the point of exhaustion, a weariness that had increased with every step they got closer to the Gates of Mordor. It seemed like he was carrying a great weight, which also was increasing as they neared the dark land and this caused Frodo to walk slower and Sam had to ask Gollum several times to slow down and wait.

In fact with every step they got closer to Mordor Frodo felt that the Package was getting heavier and more burdensome and there appeared to be an evil will covering the land with its oppressing power.

[Grey_Wolf]

The land, they now passed through, was dotted with rusting oil-barrels and old cars. Here and there mounds of industrial waste was reeking with noxious fumes. They found a hole in the ground in which to rest.

When day came at last the hobbits were surprised to see how much closer the ominous mountains had already drawn. The air was now clearer and colder, and though still far off, the walls of Mordor were no longer a cloudy menace on the edge of sight, but as grim black towers they frowned across a dismal waste. The land ahead rose in long shallow slopes, barren and pitiless, towards the desert that lay at Sauron's gate.

[Grey_Wolf]

While the grey light lasted they hid under a black stone like frightened rodents, pressing themselves to the ground as to make themselves as small as possible and invisible to any recon flights. The remainder of that journey was a shadow of growing fear in which memory could find nothing to rest upon. For two more nights they struggled on through the weary pathless land. The air, as it seemed to them, grew harsh, and filled with a bitter reek that caught their breath and parched their mouths.

[Grey_Wolf]

On the fifth morning since they met Gollum, they halted once more. Before them dark in the dawn the great mountains reached up to roofs of smoke and cloud. Out from their feet were flung huge buttresses and broken hills that were now at the nearest scarce a dozen miles away.

The sight of the land was dreadful to Frodo. Even in the lands which they had passed before a smittering of spring had shown itself.

But here the small pools was filled with refuse and industrial waste. For any growing things to stand a chance they had to suck any sustenance from the poisoned earth and become mutated in the process.

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Book 4.3: The Black Gate Is Closed