Tolkien Lover Anonymous 3, The Sil(ly)marillion

[Earniel]

*Back in Nan Elmoth. Aredhel and son and his two nannies are all set to go to Gondolina.*

Eärniel: Okay. Horses?

Arcala: Check.

Eärniel: Chocolate supply?

Arcala: Check.

Eärniel: Other supplies?

Arcala: Do we actually need them? We have enough chocolate with us to last the trip.

Eärniel: Do you want to have a liver cirossis before we get to Gondolina?

Arcala: No.

Eärniel: Check then.

Arcala: Check.

Eärniel: Eöl out of the house for a long time?

Arcala: Check. Especially since I bribed his horse to take him reeeeaaally sloooow to the Dwarf-mines. he won't be coming back anytime soon.

Eärniel: Good girl. Nice impression of Ulmo too, by the way. Hey Aredhel, are you ready?

Aredhel: Well... I'm not sure whether we should be sneaking off like that without Eöl knowing... he is my husband after all.

Arcala: A husband who also forbids you to visit any friend or family but goes off to merrily visit the Dwarves every month or so.

Aredhel: Well... I wouldn't ascribe merrily to Eöl but you do have a point. Let's go, I want Lòmion to see where his uncle lives and besides, we'll be back before Eöl notices.

Eärniel & Arcala: *exchange looks* Right. Sure. On horse then.

*Closing the door behind them the four of them leave Nan Elmoth, contrary to Aredhel's belief: never to return here again.*

Eärniel: Sssssht!

*Sorry.*

[Count Comfect]

*On the waterway to Gondolina, Miriam and Random Young Tuor set to discovering just what it was Ulmo had given them*

Miriam: And this appears to be some sort of ... sword.

RYT: It's a very close match to a 16th century Italian rapier. Probably made by the Elves of Gondolina themselves, if not by someone in Valinor.

Miriam: Umm, right. And this is... a spear.

RYT: A boar spear.

Miriam: You know, we already have one weapons-obsessive in the TLA. I'm not sure we need another.

RYT: Sorry. Anyway, what's this?

Miriam: It appears to be a tape recorder.

RYT: Odd. Not a weapon then? *pouts*

Miriam: It seems to be the only thing that isn't, aside from the armour.

RYT: Oh, cool then.

[Earniel]

Arcala: Are those horses I hear?

Eärniel: Could be. Say, my memory is a little bit hazy, were we to run into somebody along the way?

Arcala: Now that you mention it. Who was it again?

*Eärniel and Arcala suddenly stare at another in shock and shout: Celegorn and Curufin!*

Eärniel: We tied their shoelaces together!

Arcala: And stole their giant Chihuahua!

Eärniel: We're doomed!

Arcala: We're so dead! What will we do?

Eärniel: Quick! Pull your cap over your face and pretend you don't understand Elvish!

*Enter Celegorm and Curufin.*

Celegorm: Why, Aredhel! Long time no see! What have you been doing?

Aredhel: Got married, had son, had a row with huband, ran off to visit brother.

Curufin:*eyeing silent Arcala and Eärniel* And who are these two?

Eärniel: Je ne comprends pas d'Elvish, monsieur.

Arcala: No comprendo, señor.

Aredhel: Two nannies I hired for my son.

Celegorm: Well, it was wonderful to see you, Aredhel, but I'm sure Curufin and I have to go on to see if we can't find any other kin we can slay. Adios!

*Celegorm and Curufin ride off.*

Eärniel & Arcala: Phiew....

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: Ok, we need some more Gondolina footage and I am writing it because Glor is too sane at present. The last time I saw him he was cowering on the floor.

IC: ...

OOC: Who put the 'a' on the end of Gondolin? I only now just realized it.

IC: ...

OOC: And by the way, I don't like Mr. Nelson making tanks and stuff, so, if you don't mind, I am going to put a fatal flaw in his metallurgy. *WILL YOU GET ON WITH IT?* Right, fine. Stupid git.

IC:

*As Glorfindel lead Tano, Willow, Christina, and Ren through the outer sanctions of Gondolina (OOC: *beats head on keyboard*), and as Earniel, Arcala, Aredhel, and Maeglin (remember him?) narrowly avoid getting a severe lecturing from Celegorm and Curufin, and as Miram and Random Young Tuor were discussing their weaponry,*

Katt: Ahem, now that you've completely rehashed the plot--

*Yes yes. Sauronkatt was at the bottom of a pit making dragons with her mini-balrog named Uzzasi-pooh.*

Katt: *While attaching scales* Hmn, I wouldn't mind being a dragon someday.

U-P: Wrackkkk.

Katt: Ok, here's a cracker. *Feeds Uzzasi-pooh a cracker* Whooo'ss the sweeeeetest widdle ball of fire?

U-P: Wreeeeakppp!

Katt: Dat's wright! *Sit's down* Gee, I wonder how long I've been down here. *Logs on to TLA calendar* TEN YEARS? That bastard Nelson! He's trying to take over my job! That’s it, I’m outta here.

*On the way out she picked up a script and was shocked to find Mr. Nelson building tanks and all sorts of artillery for the siege on Gondola.*

Katt: If he wants to have a siege he’ll have to do it the old fashioned way. I’ve left him plenty of dragons—

U-P: Gwrack!

Katt: And balrogs for a full scale war. That is all the help he’s gonna get.

*Sauronkatt didn’t bother to sneak, but instead walked confidently into the Factories of Mass Production. A few adjustments later, she walked back out and over to the Stockpile Warehouse.*

Katt: *taking Uzzasi-pooh off her shoulder* Ok, honey, you have to help me now. All you have to do is blow.

*Sauronkatt head the mini-balrog up to the wall of the oil soaked building. It took a tiny lungful of air then spit a line of flame strait through the saturated wood.*

Katt: *Fifty feet away from the building* Well, that went up fast. Where should we go now?

U-P: Wrrrrrkkkkkaaaaawerkkkaaak!

Katt: *sighs* Ok, here is your cracker. Anyway, we’re going to Gondolina until Morgoth appreciates me more.

*So, with all the plotlines converging, I bet you’re wondering who is going to get to Gondolina first. Insanely enough, it was Sauronkatt who was the first of the three journeying groups to bang on the gates of the city.*

*You may be wondering, very urgently, how any of the separated TLA member could have found Gondolina without some sort of assistance. This is a simple plot hole to bury. All TLA members have a collective subconscious which allow them to ‘catch up’ no matter where the group may be. The management thanks you for your time.*

Katt: *banging on gate* Hello!

Guard: Halt! What do you want?

Katt: *Yelling* Yes! Hi! I am with the ‘couldn’t possibly be dangerous’ ‘weary traveler’ group of girls! Could I come in?

Guard: How did you get separated from their group?

Katt: I had to go slay mass numbers of villainous enemies!

*The guards all conversed privately.*

Guard: I guess you can come in—Wait! What’s that on your shoulder?

Katt: *looks at Uzzasi-pooh* It’s a parrot!

Guard: Oh. All right. Come in.

Katt: Thank you.

*The door opened for Sauronkatt, and Gondolina unknowingly gave welcome to an enemy.*

Katt: Hey! I’m no enemy! I came to warn them bout Nelson!

*Yes, but, Nelson put a tracking device on you so he now knows where Gondolina is.*

Katt: He did?

*Yep*

Katt: Oh bugger.

U-P: Wroo vuuuggrrrrr.

[Count Comfect]

OOC: It's Gondolina because the city is like Venice, it was previously decided (somewhere upthread, before my time) and hence, gondolas=Gondolina.

IC:
*Meanwhile, Random Young Tuor and Miriam were still being conveyed by the Gondola of Voronwë towards Gondolina*

Miriam: Thank you, we just HAD a plot rehashing.

*Right. Steady on*

Miriam: Now, if you want to be a TLA member...

RYT: Well, I WAS trying to go to the meeting.

Miriam: Right. I'm going to have to make sure you'll fit in. I'm the Counsellor, by the way.

RYT: Pleased ta meet ya!

Voronwë: Wait, what's this TLA? I thought you were messengers from Ulmo!

Miriam: Well, er, that is, Ulmo sent us, who are members of a group called the TLA. It really isn't contradictory.

V: Wait, I've heard of you guys... Thingol really didn't like you, right? That group?

Miriam: Um...

*And while they get acquainted, the other groups move on towards their goals...*

Miriam: AHEM. No plot rehashing!

*Sorry *

[Earniel]

*Meanwhile back in Nan Elmoth, and this is necesary plot rehashing! Honest!*

Eöl: *muttering* Stupid horse, what's gotten into it to walk so goddamn slow? I'm even faster back at home on foot! Now where did I leave my sword? I know I had forgotten something... Aredhel! Bring me my sword, will you, woman?!

*But since Aredhel is by now half way on the road to Gondolina, she is therefore logically not in Nan Elmoth to bring her husband his sword. Not to mention that young Maeglin ran off with it because he liked the shiny object.*

Eöl: What do you say? They went to Gondolina?

*Oops.*

Eöl: *angry*I strictly forbade her to do that! And she has taken my son and sword with her! I bet those nannies put her up to it, they looked too foreign! Wait until I catch up with them! Grrr!

*And so Eöl sets off in hot pursuit of his wife, son, sword and the two nannies.*

[Willow Oran]

Meanwhile the group in Gondolina has been doing... stuff, and amusing themselves while waiting for the others to join them. Finally, a century or two after their arrival, the folks with Maeglin catch up.

*In the Great Hall of Turgon's palace*

Random Elf: Your Majesty, the Lady Aredhel has returned.

*There is much rejoicing*

Random Elf: With her son.

*There is much suprised rejoicing*

Random Elf: And the guards picked up this slimy dark elf who claims to be her husband.

*Not so much rejoicing.*

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: Shiet. Double posted.

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

*Sauonkatt, having evaded her escort, finally found the room where all the gathered dignataries were greeting the family unit with extra nannies.*

Katt: TherewasthisturnipandIsetitonfirebutthenthenarrato rsaidthatNelson-- Woah, people!

*The escorts came running in after Saruonkatt.*

Katt: It's all right, I'm with them. *Waves vaguely towards Willow* Wow, being in a cave all this time means I've really missed out on some astounding... evolution.

Willow: Didn't you have something important to tell us?

Katt: Maybe. I'll remember later. Who are we tonight then?

OOC: So, we can go around the circle and introduce ourselves, then have a nice pot of tea and talk about how we WON'T stand for any spousal abuse, chocohalics, or meglomaniacs and how nice it is to have finally overcome our problems.

Then Tuor can come in. WAH HA HA!!!

[Count Comfect]

*And, while they have a couple centuries of meet-and-greet (ooc: and trust me, post as much as you want. I have 2 guards to get past) Random Young Tuor, Miriam, and Voronwë reach the gates of Gondolina. By gondola.*

Elemmakil: HALT!

V: I can't. The current is flowing.

Elemmakil: Darn. *ties up the gondola* now, HALT!

V: Right. Check.

Elemmakil: State your names.

V: Voronwë. I've been here before.

RYT: Rand... *Miriam slaps him* Tuor.

Miriam: I'm not important.

E: So, that's Voronwë, Tuor, and Not Important. Funny, third person we've had called "not important" in the last week. Must be the new naming fad.

Miriam: Um, right. So, can we come in?

E: No can do, sorry miss. Voronwë can come, but not you two.

RYT: I cooooooooome wiiiiiiith a messsssaaaaaaage from Ulmooooooooooo.

E: Backup! I need backup! We got a 10-475 here! Human, claiming to be a messenger of Ulmo. Wait, that's not right. 10-476. There we go.

RYT: Out of interest, what's a 10-475?

E: Random strangers trying to make out with high elven lords. Actually, it's our most used call.

RYT: Right.

[Earniel]

OOC: too soon for entrance of Random Young Tuor, first have to kill of Aredhel and Eöl. Surely you wouldn't pass up on that?

IC:

*After centuries of waiting and changing Maeglin's diapers, Arcala and Eärniel are finally reunited with their fellow-TLA'ers. After giving Willow the full load for abandonning them in Nan Elmoth for some blonde Elf, they all settle down on the banquet.*

Arcala: You know, with all this rejoicing for Aredhel and Maeglin,they didn't say one bit about the two brave nannies who watched over them and brought those two safely to Gondolina. Don't you think that's mightily unfair?

Eärniel: *dreamily* Hm-hm.

Arcala: Eärniel? *waves hand up and down before Eärniel's eyes* The lights are not all on upstairs, I gather. What are you looking at?

Eärniel: *dreamily* Ecthelion...

Arcala: *mutters darkly* Sea-daughter and Fountain-son, I guess I should have seen that coming.

Tano: What is it about these Gondolina-Elves? First Willow has the hots for Glorfindel, now Eärniel goes gooey-eyed over Ecthelion.

Eärniel: *briefly snaps out of her reverie* Hey, at least I don't include honey in that equation, unlike Willow.

Willow: hey, I left the honey at home, like I promised. Who needs honey, when chocolate works just as well?

Ren: What are you mumbling about?

Willow: Nothing, I am innocence itself.

Christiana: Speaking of innocence, where did Katt go?

OOC: Katt, if you're still thinking of seducing anybody, this is as good an opening as any.

[Count Comfect]

*Outside*

Elemmakil: Alright, apparently everyone is at some sort of homecoming. We're going to have to put you in a holding pen for a couple centuries. Hope that's alright.

V: Puckey!

RYT: It's fiiiiiiiiiiine. Uuuuuuuulmo will sustaaaaaaaaaain us.

E: Here we go.

OOC: There ya go. Have a few centuries to kill/shag/otherwise amuse yourself with other characters.

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: Nevermind

*Sauronkatt had indeed left and was wandering the halls and... touching things.*

Katt: Oooh! Shiny. Look! It's so white!

U-P: Wrok!

Katt: No, Uzzai-pooh, we don't want to scorch the shinyness. Boy, I could sure teach them a thing or two...

*Sauronkatt wandered on, not interupting the plot and totally loosing track of the time.*

OOC: I fixed it

[Willow Oran]

En route to the House of the Golden Flower; the feast had finished and the various elves and visitors had gone off to their respective homes within the city. It should be mentioned now that when the members of the TLA had first arrived in the city they had been split up and assigned to different Houses for safety's sake. They had seen no reason to change this arrangment, as each had become rather attached to their hosts.

Glor: Enjoy the feast?

Willow: *sleepy* Hmm? Oh, yes. It's good to see them again.

Glor: I'm sure. I wish my friends from outside the city could find us as easily.

Willow: Really? Wouldn't that negate the safety of being hidden?

Glor:Sometimes I think it would be worth it.

Willow: Only sometimes?

Glor: Sometimes, and then people come in from the outside world and I'm reminded what we're hiding from.

Willow: *joking* Who? Us?

Glor: *smiles* Don't be silly.

Willow: Right. So... what do you think of Maeglin?

Glor: *gives her a look* Why do you ask?

Willow: Just curious.

Glor: Huh. The day you're 'just curious' when you use that tone, is the day the world ceases to exist.

Willow: Guess I'll never stop being more than curious then.

Glor: I should hope not.

Willow: Good. Now stop avoiding the question. What do you think of him?

Glor: *reaches the door to his house ahead of her and holds it open* If you don't mind, I'd rather not answer that. And I'm not going to demand to know why you ask. I probably don't want to know.

Willow: *bites the inside of her cheek* You're probably right.

Glor: *closes door behind them* It's that bad?

Willow: I shouldn't say. Just... be on your guard.

Glor: Oh?

Willow: Yeah.

Glor: Then you know something.

Willow: I told you, I can't tell.

Glor: This city can't stay hidden forever, can it?

Willow: You can answer that for yourself. *she sighs* Things are going to start getting sadder now...

Glor: You and your friends weren't ready for the sad parts were you?

Willow: No, I suppose we weren't. Not really, and there's no way to avoid them in this age.

Glor: I see. Maggie, do me a favor, don't tell me.

Willow: I'm not her right now. Not in this body. But I won't tell you. I won't try to change things.

Glor: Thank you.

Willow: You won't.

Glor: Let me decide that.

Willow: *starts to answer and is caught in a yawn*

Glor: *smiles* Go to bed, Maggie. You need to sleep.

Willow: *glares, but crawls into bed anyway* I told you I'm not her, and don't you tell me to sleep and stay up all night yourself!

Glor: Yes you are, and I won't.

Willow: Good. *settles down into the covers, she is almost asleep.*

Glor: *kisses her on the forehead* Goodnight, Maggie.

Maggie: Goodnight.

[Earniel]

Arcala: *yawns* What are they waiting for, isn't the banquet finished? I want to go to sleep.

Eärniel: Me too, but the King wanted everybody out of the way before dealing with his brother-in-law.

*Guards bring in Eöl; looking his friendly and open self. In fact, seeing his mood, Eärniel and Arcala decide to hide under the table just in case and carry on their whispered conversation there.*

Eärniel: *whispers to narrator* Do you mind? You'd do the same if you saw that look. *shivers* There goes a nice thunderstorm, if I ever saw one.

Arcala: *whispers* More likely a full blown ice age...

Turgon: *rises from seat and walks over to Eöl* Welcome, kinsman, for so I hold you. Welcome to Gondolina, watery hide-out of us Noldor. This is where you will remain for the rest of your life, for it is my law that none who finds the way hither shall depart.

Eöl: *withdrawing his hand* I acknowledge not your law. No right have you or any of your kin in this land to seize realms or to set bounds, either here or there.

Eärniel: *whispers* Beeeeep! Wrong answer.

Eöl: *carries on monologue* I claim only my own, my wife and my son. If Aredhel wishes, let her remain. She has already plundered my chocolate stores more than once. But my son you shall not withhold from me!

Arcala: *whispers* This is not going to end well...

Eärniel: *whispers* Of course not! We know it won't.

Turgon: Look here, brother in law, patience and mercy may be kingly virtues, but I have my limits. Here I am King, and whether you will it or not, my doom is law. Choose: remain or die. This choice only is given to you.

Arcala: *whispers* Oooh, dramatic speech.

Eärniel: *whispers* Here it comes... Oh, I can't watch. *covers eyes*

Eöl: *grabbing a javelin from under his cape and hurling it at Maeglin* The second choice I take and for my son also! You shall not hold what is mine!

*But Aredhel, listening to maternal love rather than good sense, heroicly jumps before her son and receives a stab wound in the shoulder. Eöl was grabbed himself and thrown in prison, while others tended to Aredhel.*

Eärniel: *peaking between her fingers* Is it over?

Arcala: *sighs sadly and stares at Maeglin* No, but soon it will be.

[Count Comfect]

OOC: Thread is dusty! Must wipe off cobwebs!

*In the holding prison*

Elemmakil: Here you go. Have some chocolate while you wait. We're not normally this impolite to guests, but you did arrive a couple centuries early.

RYT: Chocolate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *eats*

Miriam: Hm. A MALE chocaholic *notes in notebook* Thank you for the chocolate, by the way. Anyway, I'm new here. What is this city called?

Elemmakil: 'Tis said and 'tis sung: 'Yantost am I called and Yantothrimbar, City of the Bridge and City of the Dwellers on the Bridge; Gondolina the Boat of Song and Gwarestrin am I named, the Stream of Guard, Garthoren or the Moated Fort, for I am held back by a moat from the eyes of Morgoth; but they who love me most greatly Tirion is born again, call me Loth, for like a flower am I, even Loth-a-duin, the Lily that blooms on the river.' Yet in our daily speech we speak and we name it mostly Gondolina.

OOC2: Sorry, I just really wanted to adapt that speech

[Earniel]

OOC: Very lovely speech too, CC. Very poetic. BTW, I think you can make your entry about now, there's nothing else I remember that has to take place before Tuor coming to Gondolin. I think we've covered it all. Unless Katt makes haste with her romancing.

IC:

*After the spear incident, the feast was definitely over and done with. Arcala and Eärniel, having been nannies to the King's sister-son, were given rooms in the House of the King.*

Eärniel: Would it have helped if we had told them the spear was poisoned?

Arcala: I don't think it would have made a difference, really. Besides I don't think we can really change things here.

Eärniel: Meaning that we physically can't change things or that we shouldn't prevent things from happening?

Arcala: Both, I think. The Sillymarillion just has to happen. One way or the other. We can tweak things a bit but the events nevertheless take place, albeit a little twisted from their original path.

Eärniel: I suppose we can't tweak things a little bit so that, say, Gondolina doesn't get destroyed?

Arcala: That would be a big tweak, I'm afraid, and it would prevent a whole lot of other things from happening, you know that. And now I want to stop discussing it and go to sleep, it's been a long day and it'll be a gloomy one tomorrow. And no snoring! Really Eärniel, at times you're worse than a C-130 Hercules ready for take off.

Eärniel:*insulted* I do not snore! And I certainly don't sound like an airplane!

Arcala: *half asleep*Go to sleep or I'll take away your chocolate.

Eärniel: Iep! I'll be good!

*It turned out Arcala was not mistaken on either account. For Eärniel did snore that night, and loudly so. And also during the night, Aredhel died from the poisoned spear. And the next day, Turgon would no longer head Idril's pleas for mercy, and Eöl was thrown of the walls the fair city and perished. Maeglin became one of Turgon's most trusted advisors and was generally wel-respected by the Gondolinadrim. Only his cousin Idril, and oddly the 'innocent and harmless-looking' newcomers otherwise known as the TLA, weren't impressed.*

[Count Comfect]

OOC: Nothing more to happen? EXcellent.

Elemmakil: Uhoh, the boss is here!

*Enter Ecthelion, Lord of the Fountains*

Ecthelion: Hail, stranger. I have come to determine if ye shall be led to the gates of Gondolina. Yea, and past them, unto the palace of Turgon himself. What say you to this? For you have come to the Last Gate. Know then that no stranger who passes it shall ever go out again, save by the door of death.

Voronwe: I...

RYT:Speeeeeeeeeak not ill-booooooooding! If the meeeesseeeeeenger of the Looooooord of Waaaaaaaaaaaaters goooooo by thaaaaaaaat doooooooor, then aaaaaaall thooooooose who dweeeeeeell here will follooooooooow him. Looooooooord of the Fooooooooountains, hiiiiiiiiiinder noooooooooot the meeeeeeeeeessenger of the Looooooooooord of Waaaaaaaaaaaaaters!

Ecthelion: Ye speak as I knew ye must: in the tongue of Ulmoooooooo. I therefore give ye leave to enter the city.

*And the hearts of Miriam, Random Young Tuor, and Voronwe were lifted. They strode with Ecthelion through the gates of Gondolina on the only path of dry land ever to pass through those gates, and they marvelled at the architecture displayed thereon*

Miriam: I am not marvelling! It's very good, sort of Art Decoish with a touch of Baroque. But I am not marvelling!

*Alright, the other two marvelled and Miriam analyzed. And lo, Random Young Tuor saw the gilded images of two trees, erected in memory of the Trees of the Light in Valinor. And one was etched in gold and the other silver, that the people might marvel at their beauty*

RYT: *whispers to Miriam* What's so great about them? They kinda spoil the iron-and-glass architecture, if you ask me.

*And yea, Ecthelion did give them an evil stare until they silented themselves*

[Willow Oran]

Maggie: *wakes up slowly, she feels like an oliphant sat on her, despite having not drunk anything the night before* Erk...

She rolls out of bed, stumbles over to her wash bowl and sticks her face in the cold water. Holds her breath for as long as she can and comes up for air, catching her face in the mirror as she does.


Earniel: *standing outside the door to Glorfindel's house with the others* Hey Glor. Is Willow up yet? She's slept through all the killing-

She is interrupted by a shriek from one of the upstairs rooms, moments later an average sized human girl rockets out the door hitting them all with a 20mph group hug

Glor: *smirks* I'd say she's up. *goes back in and shuts the door*

Maggie: It worked! I'm me again!

Earniel: erk. Yes, we can see that.

Tano: Um... Mags. That tunic that it you when you were two feet tall and Willow, it's a little small now. You may want to go put some more cloths on...

Maggie: *squeaks* Oops... *turns red and rushes back inside, she comes back down a few minutes later fully clothed.* Right... so, what'd I miss?

Arcala: Not much. Eol's dead. Aredhel bit the dust. RYT got out of the holding cells. Miriam's here.

Ren: So how'd you manage to do it with Glor?

Maggie: Do what?

[Earniel]

Ren: The kissing-your-true-love-and-get-your-own-body-back-sort of what. Well, well, so you didn't need the honey afterall...

Eärniel: Let's do the talking underway. The random young man, er... Tuor and Miriam have been brought before the King to deliver the message of Ulmo.

Willow: Why do you want to see that so urgently?

Eärniel: *blushes* No reason.

Arcala: I suppose it has something to do with Ecthelion doing the bringing.

Eärniel: *innocently* Whatever gave you that idea? Let's go see.