Tolkien Lover Anonymous 3, The Sil(ly)marillion

[Count Comfect]

*The TLA-plus-one-random-guy find themselves rewound to Gondolina*

Young Man: What in the seven blazing hells of Dropnor just HAPPENED!

Tano: I thought I explained. Willow wasn't very happy with...

Young Man: NO, rather got that bit. The bloody whizzing and whirring and the sudden discombobulation and...

Eärniel: Oh, that! We just went back in time to the start of the fall of Gondolina. I thought you could read plain narration. Most of us can by now. Ooh, purty boat. We appear to have moved in space too. 'Nother purty boat! Now all I need is chocolate...

Young Man: Well, I have a bar of

*Arcala slaps a hand over the young man's mouth*

Arcala: Later. First, tell us Who You Are.

Young Man: Mhmam emmhmmm mmemhhmm...

Tano: Umm... the hand over the mouth?

Arcala: Right.

Eärniel: Actually, might be better you kept it there for a little and we asked him questions. Let's start with, what was that bar of?

OOC: I don't know what you're going to want out of (INFORMATION-WISE) my character. So, ask away. Make up the Q and A. Or ignore him and go on with your business.

[Earniel]

*Meanwhile back in Angband, Mr. Nelson returns to his workshop to find the door open and a lot of muddy footprints inside.*

Mr. Nelson: Intruders? Here? In my workshop?!

*Taking out his gun, Mr. Nelson quickly searches the premisses but he finds no one. He does, however, discover that some of his batteries are missing. Intriged by this odd occurance -because what use could a backward first-aera inhabitant of Middle-earth have for these little metal objects- he takes a key from his keychain and opens a little side door in his workshop. Inside are monitors, unknownst to the TLA, Mr. Nelson has installed security cameras throughout Angband! And yes, as a narrator I'm allowed to go for overdone dramatic narration. And caught on tape, Mr. Nelson can see the TLA work their way past the depressed door-orc and invade his private workshop.*

Mr. Nelson: It's those blasted teenagers again! Bad marketing? Batteries? No native talks like that! VCR-remotes?! I didn't bring any VCR-remote with me, then where did they get it? *realisation dawns* That can't be! They must be from my time! But I won't stand for it. Middle-earth ain't big enough for the both of us, sneaky little TLA... And it ain't me who's gonna leave! *maniacal laughter*

*Mr. Nelson rewinds the tape and ups the volume until he hears Willow say: " To Gondolin." He leans back satisfied.*

Mr. Nelson: Only I may bring modern things into Middle-earth, and only I will. The TLA is going down... Gondolina, so that's where my competitors went and incidentally that's the city that Morgoth desperatly wants to find and destroy. Ah, I can see the makings of a new project....

*And Mr. Nelson starts to draw plans for armoured vehicles and tanks that can operate in mountainlike terrains and and little spy-planes that can scan the mountains for the hidden city.*

[Count Comfect]

*Yet Mr. Nelson could still not find Gondolina. Not even with the power of McMorgoth's, his new subisidiary of Morgoth Evil, Inc. So he looked for the TLA, as he could now identify them from the tape. Still he found them not, however hard he strived, for he had not thought to look at different times...*

Mr. Nelson: Different times, eh? Thank you, narrator.

*Blast. Sorry about that, guys*

TLA: Sorry about what?

*Nothing. Anyway, the TLA went about their business unaware...*

Willow: Unaware of WHAT?

*Nothing. Just unaware.*

Tano: I don't like the sound of this.

*Shut up. Anyway, after a brief stay at Gondolina, they found themselves at the home where Tuor was to be born*

Eärniel: That's better.

Young Man: Ooowwww... that hurt my head too. Where are we now?

Tano: Some place where someone important is going to be born. Anyone seen Tuor?

[Earniel]

Eärniel: No, but I'm guessing we're going to soon.

*And inside the house Tuor is born the usual way. RÃ*an looks at her youngborn but doesn't look like a happy mother. *

Ren: I wonder why?

Tano: I suppose with the war and her husband dying... I think she took that kinda hard.

*And indeed, RÃ*an soon leaves her newborn with some conveniently present standerby-Elves and goes to the hill where Huor lies among the slain, and there she too dies.*

Arcala: Ah, poor her.

Eärniel: Yes, tragic. Cootchicootchicoo...

Tano: Eärniel, you're not keeping that baby.

Eärniel: She gave him to me!

Christiana: She was already far gone then, give that baby to the Elf, Annael, who's supposed to raise Tuor.

Eärniel: But...

Willow: Now, Eärniel.

Eärniel: Fne... okay... *gives baby Tuor to Elf* Where are we going now? We probably shouldn't stay here too long.

Willow: *whips out VCR-remote* Destination: Nan Elmoth, to see another of the main characters being born.

[Count Comfect]

*And the TLA is transported to where Maeglin will be born*

Tano: O-Eol-Yo-Ho! O-Eol-Yo-Ho!

Arcala: Will you stop with the Munchkin chant from the Wizard of Oz already? I know the father's name is Eol, you don't need to shove it down my throat.

Tano: But, but, but... I LIKE the Wizard of Oz *sulks*

*Meanwhile, the random young man has picked up the chant. Willow slaps him. There is silence*

Willow: That's better. Now, where ARE they...

[Arcala]

Arcala: Well, some chocolate never hurt anyone...

*All the TLA's eyes turn to her*

Arcala: Er. That is - I meant -

Aredhel: *pops up* Is that chocolate?

Arcala: Eeeek! You're, um, the mom of that person that betr-

Random Young Man: SHHHHH!

Tano: Hey, if she likes chocolate, we can use the stuff to lead her to Eol!

Earniel: But I wanted some! *sulks*

Tano: Well, not all of it...

[Count Comfect]

Tano: Are ALL bloody elves chocoholics?

Eärniel: Yes. And so are some hobbits, so be quiet.

*And so the TLA leads Aredhel by holding the chocolate just out of reach*

Arcala: *pants* Where... is ... Eol?

*Sounds of muttering are heard across the land*

Tano: Sounds like a bad temper. Gotta be him.

*And they turned towards the muttering*

[The last sane person]

OOC: This is Willow posting, I'm at Sane's house and is commanding me to post so...Bwahahahahhahahahah

IC:

*They see Aredhel 'safely' coupled with Eol.*

Willow: I'm fast forwarding, Maeglin annoys me.

*They fast forward back to Gondolin.*

Tano: Willow...

Willow: Yes?

Tano: This sudden fast forwarding to Gondolin doesn't anything to do with a certain elf fixation does it?

Willow: Ahh... *looks guilty* Well, he'll be dead soon, and it'll be who knows how many years before he comes back and... Come on, he needs something happy befores he dies!

Tano: Oh brother...

Willow: I promise I left the honey at home!

(OOC: Sane: *sigh* Argh...)

[Earniel]

Eärniel: *exits Eöl's house in Nan Elmoth* Hey guy, do you know Eöl has a cacao plantation right next to his smithy? I guess he really... um, guys? *looks around*

*crickets*

Eärniel: Guys, this isn't funny!

*crickets*

Eärniel: Oh bugrit....

[Count Comfect]

*Meanwhile, with a large buzzing sound, two bodies dropped from the sky somewhere unknown*

Random Young Man: Ouch, my head!

Miriam: Oooof. Where are the others... I mean, my patients? Where are WE?

RYM: Hey, look, there's some guy wandering over there! It looks like that guy we saw born! If you make him a bit older and freaking huge.

Miriam: Logically, that mechanism Willow claimed to be using must have overheated and burned out, dropping the two of us (Oh, why did it have to be me and Him, instead of one of my real patients) in the middle of nowhere.

RYM: Let's follow the guy! *starts running after him*

Miriam: *sigh* Well, he obviously fits in with the rest of them. No self-control. *follows*

[Earniel]

Eärniel: Bugrit!

Arcala: Yes, you've said that already.

Eärniel: *jumps* Aaaah! Don't sneak up on me!

Arcala: Sorry. By the way, where are the others? I have found out that Eöl keeps a well-stocked fridge and I was thinking we could...

Eärniel: I think Willow's patience ran out and she fast-forwarded to Gondolina.

Arcala: Tsssk, how typical. But what does that have to do with us?

Eärniel: They left without us.

Arcala: Bugrit.

Eärniel: My thoughts exactly.

Arcala: So what do we do now?

Eärniel: We-eell.... I believe you mentioned a well-stocked fridge?

*And so the TLA gets split up in different places and different times, which incidentally makes Mr. Nelson's search for them far more difficult.*

Mr. Nelson: Bugrit.

[Count Comfect]

*Meanwhile, the Random Young Man and Miriam the Counsellor have caught up with the person they were following*

RYM: Who are you?

Tuor: I am Tuor!

RYM: Ah, yes, a little more information please. Like, where you're going and such.

Tuor: Well, I was raised by elves, then the Easterlings enslaved me, then I escaped, then more elves...

RYM: Geez, I said "who are you" not "give me your life story"!

Miriam: Temper, temper. We must be calm. Anyway, this sounds interesting.

Tuor: And NOW, I feel some strange compulsion to head to this place on the sea.

RYM: Cool! Can we come with?

Miriam: Why do I always get the impulsive ones?

[Earniel]

*In Gondolina*

Ren: Wait a minute... didn't we, you know, used to be with more people?

Christiana: Well, people drop off from time to time...

Ren: No, that's not it... I distinctly remember seeing Arcala and Eärniel shortly before leaving Nan Elmoth.

Tano: Yeah, and were is Miriam?

Willow: They'll get here in time, they know where we went, don't they? That is, I hope they do because all that fast-forwarding and rewinding kind of... depleted the batteries again.

Tano: We're also missing that young man Willow seems to dislike so much.

Willow: Well,we won't miss him then obviously, let's find Glorfie.

Ren:Glor...fie?

OOC:

*Back in Nan Elmoth*

Eärniel: They're not coming back for us,are they? *chews on some cold chicken*

Arcala: Afraid not, they would have been here by then. *takes a bite from an apple* But what's with the screaming inside?

Eärniel: Some kid being born I guess, we'll have a look at it when it's washed and such. Pass me the orange juice, will you?

*And so Maeglin gets born while Eärniel and Arcala quietly raid Eöl's fridge. No wonder the Elf is always in a bad mood.*

[Count Comfect]

*And Tuor, the Random Young Man and Miriam came to the seacoast*

Tuor: Now, if my fate is right, there should be a weapon-cache around here somewhere...

RYM: OOoooooh, pointy!

Miriam: I think this is one of the few times I'd actually WISH for some of my normal patients. Except maybe that Tanoliel one. She'd do the same thing, come to think of it.

RYM: OOooooh, shiny! Aaaaaaaaaarmour!

Miriam: Actually, they're all this bad. *sigh* Existential angst.

Voice of Ulmo: TUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuor!

Tuor: Yes?

VofUlmo: I have a missssssssssssion for yooooooooooooooooooou!

Tuor: Stop it with the sound effects. I can understand you better that way.

VofUlmo: No. TUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuor you must goooooo on a misssssssssssion, for Gonnnnnnnnndolina will neeeeeeeeeed you.

Tuor: Actually, I'd rather not, if it's all the same to you. Can't I just hang with you 'til all this stuff blows over?

VofUlmo: Can yoooooooou find a substituuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute for yooooooooooou?

Tuor: What about this freak here? He seems interested enough in my stuff.

VofUlmo: Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. I'll send Voroooooooooooonwë for hiiiiiiiiiiim.

Tuor: Cool.

*And Tuor walked into the sea to hang with Ulmo*

Miriam: I really hope that was an actual divine manifestation, not some mass hallucination.

VofUlmo: Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemi-diviiiiiiiiiine, actually. I'm one of the Vaaaaaaaaaalar.

Miriam: OK. Good.

RYM: Shiny AND pointy! Oooooooooooh!

OOC: That good? No violence to Tuor.

[Arcala]

OOC: And I have forgotten to post, as usual. And I celebrate this by...not moving the plot on! Wheeee!

*In Nan Elmoth...*

Arcala: Oooo, I'm fuuuuull...

Earniel: Hey wait, but we haven't eaten the chocolate yet!

Arcala: *jumps up* What chocolate? There's chocolate?

Earniel: *is hiding the chocolate* Um...it's inside there where all the screaming is coming from! *points to Eol's house*

Arcala: Fine, fine, I'll go get it...*grumbles to herself: See if I give you any, Earniel...*

*She walks into the house to see where the chocolate is. Much to her dismay, she finds Aredhel holding a little baby and cooing to it. And also muttering to herself.*

Aredhel: Now what should I name it...what should I name it....blahblah...zzzz....

Arcala: *walks out of the house* Earniel! There's nothing but some crazy elf in there that...I can't remember the name of! ...Earniel? Oi, Earniel! ...hey, where did you go?

[Earniel]

*But Eärniel has gone off to have a further look around the place since they would remain here some time anyway, until Maeglin would be old enough to consider trekking to Gondolina. She runs into Eöl who stands staring in a puzzled fashion at his empty frigde.*

Eöl: *sees Eärniel and reacts in his usual friendly fashion* Who are you? Get off my land!

Eärniel: *looks at non-inviting dark forest around Eöl's home* Um... if it's okay with you I rather stay here.

Eöl: Who are you? Give me one good reason not to chase you away!

Eärniel: Um... I... I... I'm a babysitter! Yes, babysitter. I look after just born babies when their fathers are too busy smithy-ing and their mothers are too busy dreaming of their old home. That sort of thing. Yes. Sort of.

Eöl: *frowns* How do you know I just had a son?

Eärniel: The Doriath gazette? No? Psychic abilities then?

*Arcala chooses to enter at that moment, looking for her collegue.*

Arcala: Ah, there you are. I found some - mhhpff!

Eärniel: *holding her hand over Arcala's mouth to prevent her from saying anything that might blow their cover* And this here is my collegue-babysitter, right Arcala? We look after babies because we don't like being chased away into dark forests, don't we Arcala? *wink, wink*

Arcala: *removes Eärniels hand from her mouth* Dark forest? *looks from furiously winking Eärniel to still frowning Eöl and back and understands* Ooh, yes, babysitters! Yes, yes. Babysitters. Very good and very cheap. That's us.

*And so Eärniel and Arcala get hired as babysisters for little Maeglin.*

[Count Comfect]

OOC: Babysitters? AGAIN? Remember what happened with Turin?

*Meanwhile, the Random Young Man, now known as Random Young Tuor (RYT, pronounced Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight) had taken the place of Tuor*

RYT: Ooooh, shiny!

Miriam: So, how did you get involved with this world, anyway?

RYT: Shiny shiny shiny SHARP!

Miriam: *Sigh* I've been doing this for three hours. He won't answer.

*And now you're talking to yourself*

Miriam: Shut up.

Voice of Real Tuor: Oi! You! Get your rear in gear!

RYT: AWwwwwwwwwww...

[Arcala]

*So as the years went by in Nan Elmoth, things were normal. Or as normal as they ever were, around two members of the TLA. Crazy old Eol had left his only son to be raised by the TLA, as his wife was a raving chocoholic. But then the TLA were not too different, so -*

Earniel: Ahem.

*What?*

Arcala: Would you shut up?

*Why?*

Earniel: If you don't, we could always set crazy ol' Eol's son on you...

Arcala: Yeah, he's vicious.

*...*

Maeglin: I wanna go to Gondolina!

Arcala: But...um...Gondolina is...very far away! And it's ...um...dangerous to travel there!

Earniel: But it's in the script anyway, so why not.

Arcala: Oh yeah! Okay then.

*And so, with very little convincing, Arcala, Earniel, Maeglin, (and Aredhel) set off on their merry little sojourn to the Promised Land...er, Gondolina! Yes, that's it...*

[Willow Oran]

*Meanwhile at the Gates of Gondolina...*

Random Elf: Halt! Who dares enter the Hidden City?

Tano: *aside to others* Just to check, does Turgon have any grudge against us?

Ren: Er... I don't think so. He's been hidden most of the time.

Christiana: I haven't done anything to annoy him.

Tano: Nor have I. Willow?

Willow: Ah... nothing to Turgon. That he'd remember. Leastwise, not in this body.

Tano: Right. Better hope Glorfy isn't in charge of the gates today.

Willow: Don't worry, he'll let me in.

Tano: *turns back to guard* We're travelers, weary travelers-

*everyone droops behind her*

Tano: Innocent, weary travelers-

*and tries to look innocent*

Tano: in need of hospitality. I swear to you by all that is holy and chocolate that we are not dangerous in any way. Really.

Random Elf: *looks unconvinced* Riiight... um... if you ladies would just come through here, and wait right here I'll be back in just a moment, I really don't have the authority to let you through.

*He leaves*

Ren: So who's he going to get?

Christiana: Like you can't guess.

Ren: Wonder which House Lord is charge of this gate.

Tano: just so long as it isn't-

Random Elf: * comes back in with another, taller, handsomer, elflier elf behind him* Lord Glorfindel these, girls, showed up requesting ntrance to the city. I think they might be spies.

Willow: *indignantly* Spies! Really, we aren't spies.

Tano: We'd have a more convincing back story if we were.

Glor: * An expression of... something, crosses his face as he sees who it is* You... I suppose you lot aren't going away any time soon?

Willow: Nope.

Glor: Figures. *turns to RE* They seem harmless enough. *This said in rather strained tones* However, since they are strangers I will see to it that they are split up and placed on probation. *He fixes the four girls with a stern glance* If you behave this may be lifted. Come.

* They file past him into the city, grinning in relief. He watches for a moment and then follows, trepedation showing in every step.*

Glor: What have I gotten myself into...?

[Count Comfect]

*Back somewhere near the purty seaside*

Random Young Tuor: We go... THAT WAY!

Miriam: Um, if you say so. It's probably safer with you than with those two now-disembodied voices.

Voronwe: Who goes there!

RYT: It is I.

Voronwe: WHO?

Miriam: He's called Tuor right now I think.

Voronwe: WHO? Anyway, who sent you?

RYT: The voices, the random disembodied voices, gave me this shiny and this sharp thing!

Voronwe: Hmm, sounds like Ulmo to me.

Miriam: Yes, that was the name.

Voronwe: I'm not sure that you're telling the truth. You could just have said that whatever name I said.

Miriam: It was an echoooooooooing disembooooooodied voooooice.

Voronwe: Yeah, that's Ulmo. I'll take you to Gondolina now.

*And Voronwe leads them to his gondola, and pushes off with them singing 'O Sole Mio'*

Miriam: I thought that was Italian, not Elvish.

*You want to be the one to translate into Quenya?*

Miriam: I'm still not sold that this isn't a mass hallucination anyway, so let's leave it, shall we?

*Sure thing.*