Lyrd Of The Ryngs - The Homies

[Grey_Wolf]

They came now to the foot of Orthanc. It was black, and the rock gleamed as if it were wet. The many faces of the stone had sharp edges as though they had been newly chiselled. A few scorings. and small flake-like splinters near the base, were all the marks that it bore of the fury of the Ents.

On the eastern side, in the angle of two piers, there was a great door, high above the ground; and over it was a shuttered window, opening upon a balcony hedged with iron bars. Up to the threshold of the door there mounted a flight of twenty-seven broad stairs, at which side there was a handicap ramp and a escalator, hewn by some unknown art of the same black stone. This was the only entrance to the tower; but many tall windows were cut with deep embrasures in the climbing walls: far up they peered like little eyes in the sheer faces of the horns.

At the foot of the stairs Gandalf and the king dismounted. "I will go up," said Gandalf. "I have been in Orthanc and I know my peril."
"And I too will go up," said the king. "I am old, and fear no peril any more. I wish to speak with the enemy who has done me so much wrong. Éomer shall come with me, and see that my aged feet do not falter."
"As you will," said Gandalf. "Aragorn shall come with me. Let the others await us at the foot of the stairs. They will hear and see enough, if there is anything to hear or see."
"Nay!" said Gimli. "Legolas and I wish for a closer view. We alone here represent our kindred. We also will come behind."
"Come then!" said Gandalf, and with that he climbed the steps, and Théoden went beside him.

The Bikers of Rohan sat uneasily upon their bikes, on either side of the stair, and looked up darkly at the great tower, fearing what might befall their General. Merry and Pippin sat on the bottom step, feeling both unimportant and unsafe.
"Half a sticky mile from here to the gate!" muttered Pippin. "I wish I could slip off back to the guardroom unnoticed! What did we come for? We are not wanted."

Gandalf stood before the door of Orthanc and beat on it with his staff. It rang with a hollow sound. "Saruman, Saruman!" he cried in a loud commanding voice. "Saruman come forth!"

[Grey_Wolf]

For some time there was no answer. At last the window above the door was unbarred, hut no figure could be seen at its dark opening.
"Who is it?" said a voice. "What do you wish?"

Théoden started. "I know that voice," he said,"and I curse the day when I first listened to it."
"Go and fetch Saruman, since you have become his footman, GrÃ*ma Wormtongue!" said Gandalf. "And do not waste our time!"

[Grey_Wolf]

The window closed. They waited. Suddenly another voice spoke, low and melodious, its very sound an enchantment. Those who listened unwarily to that voice could seldom report the words that they heard; and if they did, they wondered, for little power remained in them. Mostly they remembered only that it was a delight to hear the voice speaking, all that it said seemed wise and reasonable, and desire awoke in them by swift agreement to seem wise themselves. When others spoke they seemed harsh and uncouth by contrast; and if they gainsaid the voice, anger was kindled in the hearts of those under the spell. For some the spell lasted only while the voice spoke to them, and when it spake to another they smiled, as men do who see through a juggler's trick while others gape at it. For many the sound of the voice alone was enough to hold them enthralled; but for those whom it conquered the spell endured when they were far away. and ever they heard that soft voice whispering and urging them. But none were unmoved; none rejected its pleas and its commands without an effort of mind and will, so long as its master had control of it.
"Well?" it said now with gentle question. "Why must you disturb my rest? Will you give me no peace at all by night or day?" Its tone was that of a kindly heart aggrieved by injuries undeserved.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

They looked up, astonished, for they had heard no sound of his coming; and they saw a figure standing at the rail, looking down upon them: an old man, swathed in a great cloak, the colour of which was not easy to tell, for it changed if they moved their eyes or if he stirred. His face was long, with a high forehead, he had deep darkling eyes, hard to fathom, though the look that they now bore was grave and benevolent, and a little weary. His hair and beard were white, but strands of black still showed about his lips and ears.
"Like, and yet unlike," muttered Gimli.
"But come now," said the soft voice. "Two at least of you I know by name. Gandalf I know too well to have much hope that he seeks help or counsel here. But you, Théoden Lord of the Mark of Rohan are declared by your noble devices, and still more by the fair countenance of the House of Eorl. O worthy son of Thengel the Thrice-renowned! Why have you not come before, and as a friend? Much have I desired to see you, mightiest king of western lands, and especially in these latter years, to save you from the unwise and evil counsels that beset you! Is it yet too late? Despite the injuries that have been done to me, in which the men of Rohan, alas! have had some part, still I would save you, and deliver you from the ruin that draws nigh inevitably, if you ride upon this road which you have taken. Indeed I alone can aid you now."

Théoden opened his mouth as if to speak, but he said nothing. He looked up at the face of Saruman with its dark solemn eyes bent down upon him, and then to Gandalf at his side; and he seemed to hesitate. Gandalf made no sign; but stood silent as stone, as one waiting patiently for some call that has not yet come. The Riders stirred at first, murmuring with approval of the words of Saruman; and then they too were silent, as men spell-bound. It seemed to them that Gandalf had never spoken so fair and fittingly to their lord. Rough and proud now seemed all his dealings with Théoden. And over their hearts crept a shadow, the fear of a great danger: the end of the Mark in a darkness to which Gandalf was driving them, while Saruman stood beside a door of escape, holding it half open so that a ray of light came through. There was a heavy silence.

It was Gimli the dwarf who broke in suddenly. "The words of this wizard stand on their heads," he growled, gripping the handle of his axe. "In the language of Orthanc help means ruin, and saving means slaying, that is plain. But we do not come here to beg."
"Peace!" said Saruman, and for a fleeting moment his voice was less suave, and a light flickered in his eyes and was gone. "I do not speak to you yet, Gimli Glóin's son," he said. "Far away is your home and small concern of yours are the troubles of this land. But it was not by design of your own that you became embroiled in them, and so I will not blame such part as you have played-a valiant one, I doubt not. But I pray you, allow me first to speak with the King of Rohan, my neighbour, and once my friend.
"What have you to say, Théoden King? Will you have peace with me, and all the aid that my knowledge, founded in long years, can bring? Shall we make our counsels together against evil days, and repair our injuries with such good will that our estates shall both come to fairer flower than ever before?"

[Grey_Wolf]

"Nothing you can offer, or could offer, in the shape of help, would have been help." Theoden said, gruffly."And your peace is only peace for you and means for us living under your eternal dictatorship, you Dark Lord-wannabe."

"I see that you too, do not see the wisdom of this wise course of joining me against the decadent Elves and their stooge Gandalf." retorted Saruman.

[Grey_Wolf]

Book 3.11: The Palantir

"Saruman, Saruman, did you really think that Theoden would join you after your army tried its best at killing him and his people." said Gandalf."You really are a sorry case."

"I expected nothing else from you, Gandalf." Saruman replied, derisively."Now leave me alone. I wish no longer to exgage in useless banter with you people." He turned to walk back into the tower.

"Saruman, come back." commanded Gandalf, and to everyone's amazement Saruman actually did turned back, a painful expression on his face."Your staff, if you please."

"Well, what will you do when you have all the wizard's staffs. Become lord yourself?" Saruman asked angrily.

"Don't accuse decent people of actions you yourself would do in your greed for power." said Gandalf."Now, come down. Your time as Head of the Council is over."

And, yet again, to everyone's amazement Saruman actually seemed to comply with the order. Went inside and appeared at the top the stairs outside the portal and descended. As he stopped in front Gandalf, he handed over the staff and Gandalf broke it in two pieces.

"You now have two choices, either leave Orthanc or remain."

Saruman scowled at him and turned his back on the company and began ponderiously to accend the stairs. When he had disappeared inside an object was thrown from the window which landed close to a waterfilled hole nearby. Pippin rushed forward to save the object, which was a small mobile phone with a touch screen´.

"This thing is not for you. It is too perilous for those easily persuaded." he said. He gently removed the mobile phone from the young hobbit's hands.

Then an anguished scream could be heard from within the window.

"And it was too precious for Saruman to just throw away, be it in anger or not." said Theoden.

"Yes, I don't think he would have chosen to throw that at us." replied Gandalf."I think it was a last parting shot from Wormtongue."

[Grey_Wolf]

After that they returned to the ruined Gates where they met Treebeard and the other Jolly Diversel-Coloured Giants.

"Here are three of my companions, Treebeard," said Gandalf. "I have spoken of them, but you have not yet seen them." He named them one by one.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Only joking. He really named them Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli.

[Grey_Wolf]

"Well, this is Legolas, of the Southern Mirkwood Sawmill Inc., a worthy Elf, showed good mettle at the battle of Helm's Deep. Then there's Aragorn, a coragous FBI agent and finally, the third but the not the least, Gimli." Gandalf hesitated somewhat.

"Well, of what is he?" asked Treebeard.

"Ah, he's a Dwarf, hails from the doughty dwarves of Lonely Skyscraper." Gandalf replied.

"Gimli, son of Gloin, at your service." he said and bowed so deeply that his axe fell from the loosened belt at his side.

"Hmm, hmh, an axe-bearer. Not so good." said Treebeard.

"Treebeard, my friend, you need not worry for your trees. His axe are for orc-necks only. He hewed quite a lot of them at the battle." said Gandalf.

"That is much better." replied Treebeard.

[Butterbeer]

Gimli leant down to pick up his axe and with a great clatter and ker-dinking of metal hitting stone a power-saw, a two-handed tree-felling saw and a book entitled "Gimli son of Gloin's Tree felling guide" fell out and hit the floor.

Ahem muttered Gimli quickly looking around shiftily...


Luckily Treebeard was lighting his large 6 foot clay pipe with his zippo at this moment

Merry and pippin giggled while legless and aragorn jumped quickly in front of Gimli, hands behind their backs whistling ...

and Gandalf with a smirk suddenly capered about to treebeard's left, throwing out his arms and singing "Oh what a beautiful morning ...oh what a beautiful day! ...."


"Thanks guys" said Gimli folding up the specially branded "Gimli's take-anywhere folding tree destructor TM" kit

[Grey_Wolf]

"You're welcome." ther others said quietly.

Theoden stepped forward and looked in wonder at the two Hobbits.

"So these are the two missing parties from the Homies. The ones some of you call The Hooliganbutlan." he said.

"Hobbits, if you please, General." said Pippin."It is what we call ourselves and prefer to be called by others."

"Well, one thing I didn't know was that they spewed smoke from their nostrils." Theoden said.

"That's not to wonder at." Merry said."It's an art we've been practising for just a while."

"Theoden, you don't know your danger." Gandalf said, warning him."These Hobbits will sit and discuss the unimportant doings of their grandfathers and greatfathers and cousins to ninth degree if you let them."

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

'no we won't!' said merry, quickly folding his family tree which he had just been getting out

[Grey_Wolf]

After that brief interlude Gandalf had a chat with Treebeard.

"You think you can guard Isengard without the help of your little helpers from now on. I have to take them away from you." Gandalf said.

"They will be sorely missed." said Treebeard."But you will come back, won't you?" he said turning to the hobbits.

"Of course we will." the hobbits replied.

After that the Rohirrim Motorcade, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf and Theoden lined up and roared off towards Helm's Deep. Two Bikers roared off ahead to inform them of the arrival of the General's compamy. The remainder of the Motorcade and the others took their time.

Merry sat in front of Gandalf on his splendid white Harley Davidson Chopper.

Ents in a solemn row stood like statues at the gate, with their long arms uplifted, but they made no sound. Merry and Pippin looked back, when they had passed some way down the winding road. Sunlight was still shining in the sky, but long shadows reached over Isengard: grey ruins falling into darkness. Treebeard stood alone there now, like the distant stump of an old tree: the hobbits thought of their first meeting, upon the sunny ledge far away on the borders of Fangorn.

They came to the pillar of the White Hand. The pillar was still standing, but the graven hand had been thrown down and broken into small pieces. Right in the middle of the road the long forefinger lay, white in the dusk, its red nail darkening to black.
"The Ents pay attention to every detail!" said Gandalf.

[Grey_Wolf]

They drove on and the evening deepened in the valley.
"Are we driving far tonight, Gandalf?" asked Merry."I am a bit tired and would like to know when we're gonna have some rest and something to eat."

[Butterbeer]

"we're just looking for somewhere with a plentiful supply of oddly shaped rocks" muttered Gandalf revving the harley impressively.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

eventually, they came to an area of extremely starngely shaped rocks, nestled amongst a grove of peculiarly shaped vegetables
"Well," said gandalf, "we shall rest 'ere tonight!"

the riders took it in turns to guard over the rest of the troupe, but did not notice the hobbit, questionably shaped rock under arm, stealing toward the sleeping gandalf

when he had swapped the rock for the cell phone under gandalf's head, pippin slipped quietly out of the way, to take a look into the video phone...

[Butterbeer]

oddly shaped clouds blew overhead

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

and oddly shaped nocturnal animals ambled past, nibbling on weirdly shaped grass and questionably shaped vegetables

[Grey_Wolf]

As Pippin activated the cell phone and punched in the code (which, smart as he was, he figured was Orthanc). Fortunately the phone was set on silent so there was no annoying tune as the phone booted up.

He looked through the Contacts where he found one that intrigued him called Mt Doom Inc. 'What could that be, he thought', and made the call.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

..."Mt Doom Inc!" he heard a receptionist call down the line, "Putting you through to Mr. Sau Ron now!"
"You have taken your time..." came the second voice, but when pippin didn't answer, a black smoke on the video screen cleared and pippin saw Him, a very smartly dressed man, in black Barristers Garb, obviously a very rich lawyer "Who are you?" enquired the lawyer. pippin did not answer, but somehow He knew the answer "Tell saruman this dainty is not for him," it said "I will send for it at once, you must tell him exactly that!" pippin was transfixed, he heard hinself call out "Yes m'lud!" but no sound came from his mouth, the screen flashed orange then red, before going dead, and pippin dropped the 'phone, and let out a cry, which woke gandalf up straightaway