The Jokes Thread - Page 22

Last Child of Ungoliant · 03-12-2004, 09:14 AM

the koalas, piano and footstool landed on top of him

Linaewen · 03-12-2004, 09:18 AM

Right, LCoU and Radagast the Brown (who guessed this but didn't post it).

Why do ducks have webbed feet?

Last Child of Ungoliant · 03-12-2004, 09:20 AM

because they'd look pretty stupid with webbed hands

Lizra · 03-12-2004, 05:26 PM

Where's BoP's funny picture? I thought it was in this thread?

Who's trying to make me think I'm getting senile!

or am I?

***Earniel*** · 03-12-2004, 06:36 PM

I think you're wanting the Hobbit joke thread, Lizra.

Lizra · 03-12-2004, 07:41 PM

Oh! There's two?!

So...I guess I'm a little senile!

Makes sense.

Thank you Earniel!

Ruinel · 04-02-2004, 02:46 PM

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 70-year-old Texas rancher (whose hand had caught in a gate while working cattle), a doctor and
the old man were talking about George W. Bush being in the White House. The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'post turtle'."

Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked him what a post
turtle was. The old man said, "When you're driving down a country road and
you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post
turtle."

The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to
explain, "You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong
there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to
help the poor stupid bastard get down."

Insidious Rex · 04-02-2004, 02:57 PM

Ha ha! How true.

Last Child of Ungoliant · 04-02-2004, 05:35 PM

that could also be describing our dear
Mr Anthony Blair, of course

VOTE FOR CHARLES KENNEDY

Ruinel · 04-02-2004, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Insidious Rex
Ha ha! How true.

You know it.

This will hopefully be remedied at the next election.

Janny · 04-03-2004, 04:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Last Child of Ungoliant

VOTE FOR CHARLES KENNEDY

That's the best one yet!

sun-star · 04-03-2004, 05:52 AM

Janny, how cruel

Last Child of Ungoliant · 04-03-2004, 09:47 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Janny
That's the best one yet!

and what, pray tell, is
wrong with Charles Kennedy?

under Lib Dems, we'd have free
university, or at least as free
as it can be

Janny · 04-03-2004, 03:07 PM

Well my primary concern is that he is a big sissy. Secondly is the issue of his hair and thirdly the issue of the over use of cardigan-like garments.
But yes, don't let's praise any other party currently. This is probably the best thread for discussions on British politics.

Mercutio · 04-03-2004, 04:46 PM

Don't know how many people have seen this yet...
But go to google.com and type in, in quotes, "weapons of mass destruction" and then click "I'm feelin lucky".

Or you could just click here
http://www.coxar.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/

Its hilarious!

Janny · 04-04-2004, 10:03 AM

And 'French Military Victories' comes up in google as 'Did you mean French ilitary Defeats?'

!!

Insidious Rex · 04-18-2004, 10:31 PM

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat" "Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades ?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another. After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"

Mercutio · 04-18-2004, 10:35 PM

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.....ha

Two blondes were going to Disney World. They came to a split in the road. The sign read: Disney left; Orlando right.

They went home.

***Tessar*** · 05-04-2004, 12:28 PM

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.

The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples"

Janny · 05-04-2004, 01:36 PM

V. Good!

Anecdote?

A blind walks into a bar and says to the bartender 'How would you like to hear a blonde joke?'
The bartender replies 'Well I'm blonde. The man behind you is 6"2, weighs 16 stone and he's blonde. The other man behind you is 6"4 and weighs even more, and he's blonde. Are you sure you still want to tell it?'
'Hmm,' the blind man replied 'not if I have to explain it three times.'

03-12-2004, 05:26 PM	#424
Lizra Domesticated Swing Babe Join Date: May 2002 Location: Reality Posts: 5,340	Where's BoP's funny picture? I thought it was in this thread? Who's trying to make me think I'm getting senile! or am I? __________________ Happy Atheist Go Democrats!

03-12-2004, 06:36 PM	#425
*Earniel* The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium) Posts: 14,363	I think you're wanting the Hobbit joke thread, Lizra. __________________ We are not things.

03-12-2004, 07:41 PM	#426
Lizra Domesticated Swing Babe Join Date: May 2002 Location: Reality Posts: 5,340	Oh! There's two?! So...I guess I'm a little senile! Makes sense. Thank you Earniel! __________________ Happy Atheist Go Democrats!

04-02-2004, 02:57 PM	#428
Insidious Rex Quasi Evil Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Maryland, US Posts: 4,634	Ha ha! How true. __________________ "People's political beliefs don't stem from the factual information they've acquired. Far more the facts people choose to believe are the product of their political beliefs." "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

04-03-2004, 05:52 AM	#432
sun-star Lady of Letters Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Either Oxford or Kent, England Posts: 2,476	Janny, how cruel __________________ And all the time the waves, the waves, the waves Chase, intersect and flatten on the sand As they have done for centuries, as they will For centuries to come, when not a soul Is left to picnic on the blazing rocks, When England is not England, when mankind Has blown himself to pieces. Still the sea, Consolingly disastrous, will return While the strange starfish, hugely magnified, Waits in the jewelled basin of a pool.

03-12-2004, 09:14 AM	#421
Last Child of Ungoliant The Intermittent One Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: here and there Posts: 4,671	the koalas, piano and footstool landed on top of him

03-12-2004, 09:18 AM	#422
Linaewen Fair Dinkum Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 2,319	Right, LCoU and Radagast the Brown (who guessed this but didn't post it). Why do ducks have webbed feet?

03-12-2004, 09:20 AM	#423
Last Child of Ungoliant The Intermittent One Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: here and there Posts: 4,671	because they'd look pretty stupid with webbed hands

04-02-2004, 02:46 PM	#427
Ruinel Banned Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: I have no idea. Posts: 5,441	While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 70-year-old Texas rancher (whose hand had caught in a gate while working cattle), a doctor and the old man were talking about George W. Bush being in the White House. The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'post turtle'." Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was. The old man said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle." The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain, "You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor stupid bastard get down."

04-02-2004, 05:35 PM	#429
Last Child of Ungoliant The Intermittent One Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: here and there Posts: 4,671	that could also be describing our dear Mr Anthony Blair, of course VOTE FOR CHARLES KENNEDY

04-03-2004, 03:07 PM	#434
Janny The Blobbit Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Kent, England (Not Oxford! ... yet...) Posts: 1,596	Well my primary concern is that he is a big sissy. Secondly is the issue of his hair and thirdly the issue of the over use of cardigan-like garments. But yes, don't let's praise any other party currently. This is probably the best thread for discussions on British politics. __________________ Janny's Songs Janny's lyrics and random photographs Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes, our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead. Tradition refuses to submit to the small and arrogant oligarchy of those who happen to be walking about. ~ Mercutio... erm, GK Chesterton.

04-03-2004, 04:46 PM	#435
Mercutio Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Narnia Posts: 1,656	Don't know how many people have seen this yet... But go to google.com and type in, in quotes, "weapons of mass destruction" and then click "I'm feelin lucky". Or you could just click here http://www.coxar.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/ Its hilarious! __________________ Mike nodded. A sombre nod. The nod Napoleon might have given if somebody had met him in 1812 and said, "So, you're back from Moscow, eh?". Interested in C.S. Lewis? Visit the forum dedicated to one of Tolkien's greatest contemporaries.

04-04-2004, 10:03 AM	#436
Janny The Blobbit Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Kent, England (Not Oxford! ... yet...) Posts: 1,596	And 'French Military Victories' comes up in google as 'Did you mean French ilitary Defeats?' !! __________________ Janny's Songs Janny's lyrics and random photographs Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes, our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead. Tradition refuses to submit to the small and arrogant oligarchy of those who happen to be walking about. ~ Mercutio... erm, GK Chesterton.

04-18-2004, 10:31 PM	#437
Insidious Rex Quasi Evil Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Maryland, US Posts: 4,634	A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat" "Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades ?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another. After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?" __________________ "People's political beliefs don't stem from the factual information they've acquired. Far more the facts people choose to believe are the product of their political beliefs." "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

04-18-2004, 10:35 PM	#438
Mercutio Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Narnia Posts: 1,656	Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.....ha Two blondes were going to Disney World. They came to a split in the road. The sign read: Disney left; Orlando right. They went home. __________________ Mike nodded. A sombre nod. The nod Napoleon might have given if somebody had met him in 1812 and said, "So, you're back from Moscow, eh?". Interested in C.S. Lewis? Visit the forum dedicated to one of Tolkien's greatest contemporaries.

05-04-2004, 12:28 PM	#439
*Tessar* Master and Wielder of the Cardboard Harp of Gondor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: IM IN UR POSTZ, EDITIN' UR WURDZ Posts: 6,433	The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples"

05-04-2004, 01:36 PM	#440
Janny The Blobbit Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Kent, England (Not Oxford! ... yet...) Posts: 1,596	V. Good! Anecdote? A blind walks into a bar and says to the bartender 'How would you like to hear a blonde joke?' The bartender replies 'Well I'm blonde. The man behind you is 6"2, weighs 16 stone and he's blonde. The other man behind you is 6"4 and weighs even more, and he's blonde. Are you sure you still want to tell it?' 'Hmm,' the blind man replied 'not if I have to explain it three times.' __________________ Janny's Songs Janny's lyrics and random photographs Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes, our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead. Tradition refuses to submit to the small and arrogant oligarchy of those who happen to be walking about. ~ Mercutio... erm, GK Chesterton.

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