War For All Of Middle Earth™!

[Earniel]

Eärniel: *sees landing from Ninja and Seth* What? What do they want here? I though this was the War for All of Middle-earth not for All of Valinor! Now my entire dramatic departure is ruined. Fne. *snaps fingers* This won't be tolerated. I'm not ready yet to give up my own peaceful haven. *conspires with the dragons*

*Not that much later a boat is pushed in sea. In it lie the sleeping form of Seth and the bound and gagged form of Ninja. On the beach an elf and three little dragons see the boat drift away.*

Eärniel: That should do the trick.

Scaley: I've set the auto-pilot for Mithlond. They won't be able to shut it down before they reach Middle-earth again.

Eärniel: Excellent. *highfives Scaley*

Poiple: Problem solved. Though it was a close one.

Eärniel: They won't be back anytime soon I hope. If anyone needs me I'm on the Taniquetil. I believe I haven't inspected Manwë's personal fridge yet. *grins and walks off*

[The last sane person]

OOC: Hmmn...I almost forgot about you! I remembered that you were there as soon as I posted. Now i dont quite like being shoved off like that, but for now it shall be tolarated.

*The sleepimg form of Seth and the bound and gagged Ninja were in the boat right smack dab in the middle of the water and Seth wakes up*

Seth:*yawn and stretches and then notices his odd surroundings* Oh dear, it looks as if we've been shang hyed. I forget about that she elf that ran away there.*unties Ninja*

Ninja:GRRR! that woman gagged me! come on! lets go back and get the elf! and those peskery dragons too! DESTROY VALINOR! *goes into a wonky destroy-everything-in-sight fit and promptley gets bashed over the head by Seth*

Seth:*sternly shaking Ninja's sword in his nose* None of that! None of that! I shall not see Valinor destroyed on the cause of a spork-happy, white haired buffoon! Now i do believe that was Earniel's little spot so i will let her have it, for now, until I see what can be gotten.

Ninja:*rubbing his head and looking distinctly miffed* Neh...*whines* but what shall we do!? i mean, with all due respect master, if we dont do carnage and battle soon...YOU WILL TURN INTO A MAJOR PANSY!

Seth:*sputters and blinks* w-whats the meaning of that! w-why you insolent git! *bashes Ninja with pommel of blade* how dare you!

Ninja:*holds head and whines* B-b-but, its true! For heavens sake man! you were ogling at FLOWERS AND TREES! how much closer too a pansy can you get!

*Seth looks as if hes about to make shish kabob of Ninja when he suddenly cools down and sheaths the blade*

Seth:*in a low voice* Perhaps you are right, it is time for a bit of action. I was going a bit soft....

*Ninja leaps for joy and in the process nearly falls out the boat*

Seth:...Get the troops and head them over too capture the East! I shall kill their witch king and take their Kingdom for my own.

Ninja: Yay! War at last! War at last! what shall i do first m'lord!

Seth: You shall go and talk to Maggie and tell her it is not them i am attacking, so they wont soil their trousers. Then tell her that i would wish to ally myself t\with the currant rulers for the present.

Ninja:*gives a sporking salute* It shall be done! er, why do you want the East?

*Seth looks at Ninja for a bit and decides to answer*

Seth: Because, I would technically be an easterling in this world and I want to set up a real whoop ass Kingdom over there! No cowering to these poncey tossers, they have no respect and power and i aim to change that, and besides, the easterners are always the bad guys. i wanna change that too.

Ninja: yes sir! but how are we going to get off this blasted boat?

Seth: Use your imagination man! you're a Ninja, so teleport!

Ninja: whoa! cool! you mean i can actually do that? neat! *he immediatly does so and then sporks off to do Seth's bidding*

*Seth shakes his head and does the same thing landing right on the edge of the east, the empty boat hits the shore of Mithlond*

OOC: Nation building time! Weeheehee! hell, maybe I will become a good guy next! who knows?!

[Earniel]

OOC: Thank you. *bows low*

[The last sane person]

OOC:Er, your welcome. *Bows in turn*But for what?

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: For not killing her, I assume. Well now. Let's get back to the important story, me. My body may have a hole in it, but my ego is bigger than it ever was before! Muah ha ha!

*Meanwhile, Katt had found Elrond and is now trying to make the perfect pot of tea*

Katt: Of couse, you probably already know how, being an elf and all, but now that I'm dead, I have started to enjoy tea and all the things that come with it, including making it and did you notice how I put that all into one sentence?

Elrond: Yes I did actually. I also noticed how extreamly perky you have become recently. Are you all right?

Katt: YES! SPLENDED!

Elrond: Ah. *Shakes head to stop his ears ringing* Well, you know we have some tea already made?

Katt: OH YES I DO! I just love the process of making tea. There were times when I was alive that I would have created a cup of tea out of thin air, like that. *Snaps fingers, nothing happens, sighs and smiles* Losing my powers through death has really made me appreaciate things more.

Elrond: Your water's boiling.

*And so it was. Elrond got a break from Katt's seemingly endless deadness babble while Katt painstakingly made the perfect pot of tea. Katt sat down and began to drink tea and munch biscuts.*

Katt: I really ment it. I am sorry. I was so crule before. I can't imagine why you didn't kill me before I died.

Elrond: It's all in Eru's design.

Katt: Indeed. *Sips some tea. Spills some on the floor.* Oh my goodness! I'm sorry I'll get it!

*Katt grabbed her napkin and bent down to mop it up when all the tea she just drank came running out of the hole in her chest, along with some other, ah. tidbits that we will not mention.*

Elrond: *Covers brow with one hand* Just go...

Maggie: Oh Kitty dear! We have an invitation to a tea party hosted by Roya. Come on, let's go.

Katt: How delightful! *To elrond* Um, sorry about the mess.

*Maggie and Katt left to go find other people invited to the party*

OOC: We didn't here about the whole boat/Earniel/Easterners/Conquisdor thing. Yet. Ninja has to show up.

OOC2: I didn't mean all that stuff about my ego. Not really. My ego is a cloud of opium.

[The last sane person]

OOC: Ern, how on earth did you get the message when the messanger has yet to arrive? oh well.

*With a loud crash and curse Ninja falls to the ground right infront of Imaldris. He goes up to knock on the door and it opens before he can touch the knocker*

Maggie: Ninja! How good to see you! Are we off to the party then?

Ninja:*Confuzzled look* Er, How did you know?*Maggie merely smiles and Ninja continued* Um, slight change of plans love.

*Katt, Glordy and Elrond show up at Maggies elbow*

Elrond:*Glares* What do you want?

Katt: Oh be nice! *Turns to Ninja* Off to the party, are we?

Glordy:*Comes and kisses Maggies cheek* Wha? Who's party?

Maggie: Roya's dear.

Glordy: eeep. *Turns white as a sheet and falls backwards*

Ninja:*Looking at the collapsed Glordy* Oh dear. By the way, her name isn't Roya any more. She's not even a she either. Its Seth and shes a guy like me!

Elrond:*Picks up Glordy and forces open his jaws and pours some liquid that Ninja gave him down Glordy's throat* Oh come on you ninny! Wake up!

Ninja: Here, let me try. *Smacks Glordy on the cheek and it does the trick*

Glordy:*Sputters and tries to run away* Nnooo! I. Will. Not. Go. Near. That. Evil. Girl!

Elrond: Oh yes you will! If we're going then so are you! *lunges and grabs Glorfindel by the scruff of his neck and hauls him back*

*A scuffle ensues between the two and both are getting in some terrific blows*

Ninja:*Trying to be polite and keep his laughter in check but fails and bursts into hearty guffaws* Hahahaha! What a ninny! With a capital "N".

*Glordfindel is on the verge of winning and running away*

Ninja:*Yells and hoots like somebody at a sports game* Oh, come on Elrond you can do it! Brain 'im! *Elrond does exactly that* Yeah, well done mate!

Katt: Uh, Maggie... Mayhaps you want to go cool your husband down a bit before he gets his front teeth knocked out.

Magie: Now that would be unattractive....*Goes and breaks up the fight and tries to sooth her husband while Katt tends to the very cut up Elrond*

Elrond:*Hisses* Stupid git scratched me! He scratches like a girl!

*Glordy is now semi soothed and slumped into Maggies lap whimpering like a puppy while she holds him*

Ninja: Aw! What did ya have ta do that for? It was beginning to turn into an interesting fight!

Maggie:*Cuts Ninja off* So what were those change of plans you were talking about?

Elrond: Ouch! *Katt was wiping a rather nasty cut*

Ninja: Oh, right. Seth is currently building an empire in the East and wants to ally himself with you. He is probably killing the witch king as we speak and I am to wait to bring you to him until I recieve word from him that all is well.

*A lound bang comes from the East*

Katt: And I do believe that would be Roya...er, Seth.

Ninja:*Does a happy little spork* Right ho peoples! Into sporking formation and we will be off!

*Glordy tries yet again to get away and then has both Ninja and Maggie holding on to him*

Glordy:*Sobs* No!

Ninja:*Cheerfully oblivious to the squirming Glordy* Off we go!

*They all get transported to the East where they find a pleased looking Seth seated on a throne before them. He rises and comes to greet them*

OOC: One of you will have to write the party thing.

[Willow Oran]

OOC: Roya darling, please stop writing my husband as such a wimp, yes he's a bit nervous around you but that's no reason to make him act like a character in a bad Mary sue fic. You can write better, do so.

(Seeing as this is being written by me the elves automatically stop acting like ninnys, straighten up and resume acting like the noble, powerful beings tolkien meant them to be.)

Maggie: (raises an eyebrow at her friend's new body and home) Nice body dear, you might want to employ a different designer for your castle though. The sharp spiky bits all over the place went out of fashion several ages ago.

Seth/Roya: (grimaces) You're probably right, I didn't design the place though, it's left over from the witch-king's reign.

Maggie: Ah, of course, that explains it. Were you planning to keep us all waiting in the throne room while we exchange meaningless conversation or are we going to behave like civilized people and sit down to tea?

Seth: We're going to sit down, here the parlor is over this way.

(He starts out of the throne room. Maggie takes Glorfindel's arm and sweeps out behind Seth, the rest of the group following behind.)

[The last sane person]

OOC: Please dont call me dear,darling or any of that stuff. I've told you this before. And besides, you know how much I...Dislike... elves. I cant help it. For God's sake! I have bottled them and the Valar, that really doesnt speak on their behalf of being the powerful figures they are supposed to be.

*Seth is now leading them to the parlor which, unlike the rest of the place, has been done with taste*

Elrond:*surveying his surroundings* Nice. Who did this?

Seth:*motioning for them all to sit down* I did. I dont quite go for the "Evil witch king" look. Now, on to business. As you can see I have eliminatd the evil doers that have been troubling the westerners for quite some time and I would wish too ally myself and the East with you, for the time being.

Glordy:*shifts in his seat and then finds his voice* Er, quite. How are we to know that this isnt just another trick to give us a false sence of security then kill us? I do remember that you had some unfinished business before you left.

Seth: Quite simple. You cant know. And nor can I, this partnership goes two ways Glorfindel. What I can do to you, you can do just as easily to me. You bunch could attack at any given moment yourselves you know.

*Glorfindel thinks on this and was about to go on but was cut off by Maggie*

Maggie: But the point isnt to go around trying to kill each other! We are supposed to be helping each other out by watching each others back for goodness sake!

Katt:*shakes her head and looks at Seth* Wait, Glorfindels got a point, I know that we are here to bring an aliance together but it needs to be based on trust. And right now I dont think any of us trusts you. Why have you all of a sudden decided to be friendly to us when last we saw you, you were going to kill us?

*there is an uncomfortable period of silence*

Seth: I have thrown all of the old tiffs away. There's no point in having them anymore. They ended with the war. And besides Katt, I had already settled my score with you and Glorfindel. I killed you and to Glordy over here I...

Glordy:*abruptly cuts in* Yes, Indeed you did. We all Know what you did to me. It doesnt need to be brought up again. Thank you!

*Ninja chuckled from his place in the corner *

Elrond:*turned to look at Ninja as he had forgotten he was there* Yes, we get the message. Your grudge had been satisfied. Now, what shall the terms be. *He turned back to the group* And what is the deal with him? *points to Ninja.

Seth: Well, I think that in order to win your "trust" I must do something that would benifit you. Oh, and he is my Lieutenant, he is the General of my army and my messanger. You know, the proverbial "right hand man".

*They all sip their tea and Magie and her bunch all excuse themselves to go confer among themselves to see what the terms would be to make them resonable so that Seth would agree*

OOC: Name your terms dear.

[Willow Oran]

OOC: You have no idea how much your reaction to terms of endearment reminds of my sister. She used to hate it when I called her those, after a while she just gave up and ignored them. You know perfectly well I don't mean them as insults or annoyances.

Maggie: My terms... I'm perfectly willing to agree to alliance with a few conditions. We will support your peaceful rule in the areas east of ithilien as long as you do not hinder our equally peaceful rule here in the western parts of middle earth. Fairly straightforward, however, I have a personal request that you probably won't like all that much but is sort of nessecary. I'd appreciate it if you would release the valar. We are attempting to restore Middle Earth to its original glory and it would help if we had the Valar back where they belong acting as they are supposed to. You can keep them a while longer if you like, I have no problem with that. But we need them to be released eventually and you do need to release Mandos immediately. He is in charge of the spirits of the dead elves and it would be awfully inconvinient if Feanor and his gang were able to re-embody themselves due to his absence.

OOC:Well, what is your answer? and what would you prefer me to call you? since I'm can no longer call you dear or anything similar.

[The last sane person]

OOC: Very well, I am not your sister so dont get me confused please. I have my own personal reasons to dislike those names. So please, call me by my name. Any one you choose will be fine.


*Seth had finished his tea and was politely listening to the terms set out by Maggie and rose once she was done to give his reply*

Seth:*with a slight bow* As you wish. The first part of the terms I have no problem complying with, i've had enough of killing to last a while now. However as to the release of the Valar. Mandos is, as of now, released. But the others I am not to sure about because A) Earniel has just declared Valinor hers and I dont think the Valar would like that very much and I dont know what might happen to her or me as at first i wanted it and B) I dont quite know what they will do to me after their....uh, Imprisonment by me. so there fore I cannot let them go before I get an assurance that no harm will befall me or my Kingdom. And that is for them to comeand tell me, not you.

Maggie: As you wish, so long as you actually release them some time or another.

Elrond: And we can work out the finer aspects later when this actually come into play.

OOC: Well, what say you M'lady?

[Willow Oran]

OOC: I seem to remember you telling me those reasons in gory detail during science class, do you truly think I would refrain from calling you by those terms if I didn't? I'm not so insane that I won't respect a good reason for something.

Maggie: No problem, those are perfectly reasonable requests. So... how are you planning to redo this place? And would you like any help?

Seth: Since when are you interested in interior redecorating?

Maggie: (looks slightly guilty) It's a habit left over from a child hood spent with my insanely decorating concious female relatives. Did I ever tell you about my aunt who came and redid my family's house while we were on vacation? That sort of thing tends to affect a persons thinking after a while.

Seth: I hope you aren't planning to do anything of the sort.

Maggie: Don't be ridiculous, I've got far to much to do in the library at home. (to Elrond) You let it get awfully messy, I can't imagine how you ever found anything in it.

(The conversation went domestic from there.)

OOC: Roya, the day I mistake you for my sister is the day I go blind and lose what little sanity I have left. I said your reactions were similar, no need to get jumpy about it.

[The last sane person]

OOC: Did I really? Hmmn... I never tell anybody the reasons behind it. I guess my tounge slipped.

*Maggie was still talking domestic with her little entourage, with Seth quitetly listening from the side lines*

Seth:*looks at Ninja and both shrug their shoulders* Uh, I think it is safe to say that our meeting is over and that the treaty has been made. Er, and I still have my Kingdom to rebuild so...

Ninja: Could ya please scootensy outta here and into your own kingdom please! We've got major reconstruction to do here! Hes gotta lot o work ta do an laws ta make!

Elrond:*straightens up and sniffs* How rude.

Seth:*Glares knives at Ninja* Indeed! Since it is apperant that you cant contain yourself for one minute, please leave the politics to me!

*just then a random Easterling in armour comes running in with a message*

Random messanger:*hands Ninja scroll* Sir! we are getting our butts kicked in the highlands, Sir! We were ambushed, Sir!

Ninja:*To Seth* Sure thing! I gotta go and crush a rebellion south of here! Toodles! *sporks off with messanger shouting for various battalions to form out front*

*they all go out and watch them go*

Seth:*clears his throat* Ahem, as you just saw i am still technically at war, so I'll see you off to your kingdom. I shall see you later! Hopefully. Oh and thank you for your offer of help, I would like that.

*with that Maggie, Katt, Elrond and Glorfindel were staring at the front doors of Imaldris*

OOC: I was planning to do the place kind of like Gondor only with way more flowery gardens and trees.

[Human#3.141592653]

Ninja: *Sporking gayly down the road Singing to teh tune of The Yellow Submarine* We all live in yellow submarine! Hey! We all live in yellow submarine! Yeah! We all live in yellow submarine! Cheese! We all live in yellow submarine! Fun!
*Pauses*
What rebellion? Who are we fighting again? *As there is no to answer, he shugs and sporks on. But, as he sporks, a sudden and mysterious trembling over comes Ninja!*
Ninja: What the hell...?! Agh! *Shudder* Con...quis..tador!
*Tremble*
Yo nesecito conquistar el mundo ahorita!
*Pause. The trembling subsided. Ninja regained ownership of his faculties.*
Ninja: Hmm....that was strange. I wonder if in aquiring a new body, I inherited the innate submissiveness to the body's Former Master, now my Master. And now the innate ninja in me is aching to burst free of it's bonds!
*Pause* But surely this can wait until the Task my Master has given has been carried out!

*Sporks away but stops as he comes face to face with a tall, mischievious looking red-haired lady floating in the middle of the road and wearing a dress of rainbow flame.*

Lady: I couldn't help but hear your... musings just now and I was wondering if you would accept my help in this matter.

Ninja: Help... What sort of help?

Lady: Well, you want a body of your own that won't be submissive to anyone, correct?

Ninja: Of course... The one that have is good but this conquistador thing might casue problems in the future, it'd be nice to avoid that.

Lady: I can give you a body, brand new, hot off the press and tailored to fit your exact requiments. All real cheap, what do ya say?

Ninja: Tempting... I'll have to think about it, no strings attached right?

Lady: Not unless you want strings to be attached.

Ninja: Hmm... we'll see, contact me by penguin at midnight in three days time, I'll send the deaf one with my answer.

Lady: *smiles brightly* Very well. *she laughs and dissapears in a burst of flame*

Ninja: That was strange... *sporks away*

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: This isn't funny! We're gonna have to fix that!

Katt: Well! That was fun! Trillil il olly! Ha ha ha ha! Oops! I think I sang that wrong! Ho hum!

Elrond: Katt, don't make me decapitate you.

Glordie: Yes, he'll do that you know.

Maggie: It is a fitting punishment for someone who sings "the song".

Katt: Oh well. I'm gonna make a fishie! Ooh! He has lots of pretty colors! Come on fisshie!

*Katt walked away dragging her new brightly colored dead fish on a leash. After quite a while, Katt ran into a beastie that was trying desparatly to fly and failing because it had no wings.*

Katt: Hello little beastie!

Tano: Hello Katt.

Katt: Hello Tano. Have you met beastie?

Tano: Yes. He is my beastie in fact.

Katt: Oh goodie! I have a beastie too! Let's see, where is it? *Searches through pockets and dislodges more fish and a few frogs.* Oh beastie! Where are you!

*Katt eventually pulls out a small gold bweasty of her own.*

Katt: This is Goldie. I'm gonna make it have babies.

Tano: Good for you.

*Tano picked up her beastie and waited for Katt to pass. Katt started to sing "the song" but stopped, giggled, and started singing Dune Buggie.*

Tano: Charming gil.

[The last sane person]

OOC: Eliza, that body I gave you is not a one that I made. And the previous owner was not , in any way, submissive to me! My friend who played him was always trying to pop me off. He became my Lieutenant only when we had this long battle and I beat him with great pain on my part! You are a friend. I dont need little slaves running about doing my task for me!

OOC2: And do try to keep a hold on the "conquistador" thing for now. If you didnt know we signed a treaty that promotes our Peacful rule.

[Human#3.141592653]

<<this is my 242 post! Go me! 42!!

OOC: Peaceful rules suck! Less treaties, more action!

OOC2: Wait...whose in the "rebellion" anmyway. Can't stop the fighting if ya don't know whose who...

Ninja: *Sporking along* Sheesh, It sure is taking awhile to get where ever teh hell it is that I'm going, but oh well, might as well get some good sporking in!

*Sporks with great enthusiasm when suddenly he runs into two sharp, pointy objects.*

Ninja: YEWO!!

Katt: Ninja?

Ninja: Katt?

Katt: Ninja!

Ninja: Katt?!

Katt: Ninja.

Ninja: Ok, that's enough of that.

Katt: ...

Ninja: ....?

Katt: ....

Ninja: Katt?

Katt: Ninja!

Ninja: No no! What are you doing here?!

Katt: Well, Last time we met, I didn't really get a chance to apologize for being such a complete and utter trator to your insane megalominical plan to take over middle earth by joining the side that represents all that is still good and holy in this wolrd.

Ninja: Maggie in no way represents anything that is still good and holy in this world.

*Some where off, in the distance, Maggie grins an evil little grin for no apperent reason. It makes every one around her extremely nervous. But as soon as it comes, it is gone again, and Maggie smiles in a perky fashion, saying, "Tea, anyone?"*

*Katt and Ninja shudder*

Katt: ...any way, what I was about to say was that I joined the side of the lesser of two evils.

...

Buit that's not the point! The point is...um....I'm sorry?

Ninja: Oh Katt! Even though I was really really angery at teh time, no amount of back stabing could ever make me stop lieking you!

Katt: Friends?

Ninja: Friends!

*They run to embrace one another*

Ninja: ARGH!! *Stumbles back* Geez Katt! You could put an eye out with those things!

Katt: *Smiles perkily* What ever are you talking about?

Ninja: Has any one ever told that being dead stiffens and makes some things...um...perk up?

KAtt: Nope! *turns swiftly and ninja ducks* Well, I best be getting on! Bye!

Ninja: ...bye...?

[Eowyn, Lady of Rohan]

Hey! Can I join? or is it to late?

[Human#3.141592653]

Go to the disscsion thread! here: Disscusion Thread for the War
http://entmoot.tolkientrail.com/show...&threadid=5703

and go to last page and post who you are and stuff...

[Human#3.141592653]

*Ninja smacks to Katt for thinking bad thoughts*

[Human#3.141592653]

AS wriiten by Human but dictated by Katt:

Katt: Ow. Oh well. Oyster pot!

Ninja: Wha...?

Katt: Never mind. We should go and talk to Roya! I mena Seth. I man Roya..I mean...what ever the Hell.

Ninja: But..but..but..rebellion and all that...I have to stop the rebellion and...

Katt: What rebellion?

Ninja: Well..um...gee...I don't know...

Katt: Well, since you don't know either we should go and see Roy...Seth...Reth. We should go and see Reth just to clarify. Now if you could take me there...?

Ninja: Of couse! Care for a spork?

*And off they sporked singing "Peaches" by the Presidents, off into the sun rise so that they could get a cool lighting affect, but it only served to blind them, and they tripped and fell over and went Boom*