War For All Of Middle Earth™!

[Human#3.141592653]

*After Tano explains*

HUman: Well...I don't know...I don't really want to...

Tano: I'll give you something! A cookie!

Human: No! Quiero conquistar el mundo ahorita!

Tano: *waves cookie back and forth* cookie...

Human: Quiero conquistar!

Tano: Cookie...

Human: Conquistar!

Tano: Cookie...

Human: NO!

Tano: Cookie...

Human: noooo

Tano: Cookie...

Human: *Sighs and takes the friggin cookie*

Tano: Yea! *Takes Katt to Maggie*

Human: *munch munch munch* I know that I will regret this in the morning...

[The last sane person]

OOC: fek!fek!fek! i cant finish my bout with you. damn. sorry mate, but you'll ave to find a new baddie to take my place.

*now the warrior-fiend of Black sun is swiftly striding toward her nemisis(s). But in the middle of her stride Daimiens voice starts up in her head*

DS:Um, i know you shant want ta hear this but, right now there are about ten civil wars and three revolutionary wars going on in your absence. it would appear you have been away a little too long.

*she stops in mid stride and answers him aloud without knowing*

Roya:*wails* WHAT???!! Nooo!gods be damned, i knew i should never have come to this damn place. I have been farting around here way too bloody long!i should never ave left!

DS: soory love. i guess i have not been able too keep the lid on tightly enough. Failed again. it looks as though we ave quite a job cut out for us dont we? oh bugger it all.

Roya: yeah... its not your fault dear, we have always ruled together. and by the time we will be done we might gain a few pounds and thin out the population a bit too. shiet! I guess i will have to withdraw for now and the try to come back and settle this little quarrle.damn.

DS:good. then i shall meet you here? thank you. oh and speaking of food, that girl you gave me...Rachet was her name? she was great!

Roya:*with an evil smile* yes she was, wasnt she. Rache was her name. right, i shall see you in a bite love. kay? start without me.

DS: bye love.

*his voice fades and she stars her fast hunters lope and headsoff towards maggie to tell her of the slight change in plans. While she loped the prospect of going back sent a rush of excitment through her and she let out a huge loenine roar to tell maggie who was coming. she held her steady lope and was in the compoundin a bit. her eyes are ignoreing the frantic behaviour of the elves as they see only maggie standing before her*

OOC: sorry, only had three minutes, had to rush a bit. not quite done with it yet.

[Willow Oran]

There is supposed to be a large battle scene here and if you wish you may pretend that there is, however due to some unfortunate circumstances there will not be the expected battle scene.

(Maggie watches calmly as Roya charges towards her only to stop at the last moment and stand just as calmly in front of her.)

Maggie: So... I hear that you will be unable to stay in Middle Earth any longer. Is this true.

Roya: Aye, much as I would like to stay and kill you I can't, I have my own world to attend to and it's quickly going down the drain right now. I have to leave immediatly.

Maggie: (nods,) I understand completely, if you like I can fix the plot right now and work that in. (She pulls out the notebook and pen and does some quick scribbling and re-writing.) Just allow me to read this passage here we'll get you back to your world.

(She begins to read.)

When at the battle site the two rivals found that circumstances had conspired to deprive them of their grand battle scene, and had forced them into these actions: Maggie would stay behind and fight with Human who seems to have a dastardly plot up her sleeve and Roya would go back to her world in an honorable withdrawl.

(she stops reading and looks up.)

Maggie: Is that to your liking?

Roya: It'll do. (she gives a short bow) It's been interesting, Farewell.

(with that she dissapears, gone back to her own world where she was needed.)

[Tanoliel]

ooc: Bye bye, Roya...

Tano: Maggie! Yo, Maggie! *drags Katt into the room* I got her. I gave Human a cookie in exchange.


ooc: Hey, Eliza--SCORE! A cookie!

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

Katt: What?!? I have the same worth as a COOKIE?!?!?!?!?

*Katt passes out again.*

OOC: Bye Roya! I really will miss your demented torture sceenes.

OOC2: Maddie wants to know if it was a damn good cookie.

[Tanoliel]

Tano: *looks down at re-passed-out Katt* Well..at the moment, yeah. I guess you do. *pulls out baggie of cookies, eats one* They're not bad.

ooc: Tell Maddie, yes, I MADE them, of course they're damn good! Also tell her to email me Re: the fifteenth. Pls? Thankee...

[goldiegollum]

OCC: wow. that took a long time to read...(was on a class trip where we went camping and our toes went momentarily out of existance)

OCC2: Was that spanish Kenna? I do french, but i couldn't understand that... was my name in there something about 'babysitter de Goldie'? I'm so offended. Not really. But i like to think so.

GG (arriving on scene because it seems to be the place where things are happening): Hey! Can I have a cookie?

Tano: *crunch* what do i get for it?

GG: *thinks hard* when i get my squeaky back you can...*reluctantly*use it for 30 seconds.

Tano: *munch*

GG: ...for one minute?

Tano: got a clicky pen? *crunch, munch*

GG: ach! nOOO!!! *whines* but i really wanna cookieeee

Maggie: Goldie, could you please stop interupting. We were trying to get something acomplished here.

GG: Oh. sorry.

Kat: *regains consiousness* Wha?? well. If i'm really not worth more than a cookie...can i at least have one?

*tano tosses her a cookie*

GG: Hey!

Kat: *crunch, munch* MMM, these are damn good! *crunch*

Tano: *crunch, munch*

*crunch, chunch, munch, crunch, chruch CRUNCH MUNCH CRUNCH!!!*

GG: *twitch* AHHHHHHHHH! *sanity snaps* Not fair, NOT FAIR! *mutters insanley* it isn't fair, is it precious, to give it a cookie when we asks firsst, is it? NOOOOO!

Maggie: Could you please just give her a cookie?

Tano: Ok, foine. It's so fun to watch her though. *tosses a cookie to goldie*

GG: not fair, it isn't FAIR! Ach, N-*cookie hits her in head. sanity snaps back* Oh. Thanks. *crunch, munch*

Maggie: Ok, now, human should be arriving soon to-

Human: *enters menacingly* OK! Borrowing time's up...fork 'er over!!!

*...*

*crunch, munch, crunch*

Human: ...or give me another cooke!

OCC: will i be getting my squeaky back any time soon!?!?? I miss it!!! *squeaka-squeaka-squeaka*

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

Katt: For the sake of all of our sanities, will you just hand out more cookies?

Tano: All our sanity's are all gone. We have no incentive. No weses doesn't.

Katt: Fine. *Tosses Goldie the One Squeeky* Here, this aughta tide you over. I have the three Elven Squeekies in my hair cuz they're pretty, and I tend to eat the rest because I was a dragon once ya know.

Goldie: Yay! Squeekie!

*Goldie became quite content and ran off to climb a nearby tree. Human, however, was not satisfied.*

Human: Come on now, we are leaving.

Katt: Oh that's just fine. However, I am feeling a bit gamic at the moment. I think I had better pass out before I say or do anything that will make you go "Ew. That's wrong!" and hit me.

*With that Katt promptly passed out.*

[Tanoliel]

Tano: Is it just me, or does she do that a lot?
Human: It's just you. She does it a lot.
Tano: Oh, thanks. Wait. *pauses. Thinks. Decides it isn't worth it to argue* Nevermind. *Grabs half-eaten cookie out of Katt's hand and tosses it to a random beastie in the corner*
Maggie: What is that beastie doing here?
Tano: I told you. My sanity, if not everyone's, has snapped. The beastie is a random occurance based on my imaginatory-creativity generator.
Human: What's it powered on?
Tano: Cookies. Have one. *Tosses a cookie to Human*
*CRUNCH, crunch, etc*

ooc: I really think I have gone insane. YAY! Er. I mean, oh. Dear. Too Bad.

[Human#3.141592653]

Ninja: *Eyes beastie courching in the corner* Courching beastie...hidden NINJA!
Tano: What?!
Ninja: With the Roya out of the way, I'm free to once agian become the most evil person of middel earth!
TanO: *Shocked* Porque?!
Ninja: Por que estoy muy malo y me gusta comer los bebes. Lo siento, pero...
Tano: Es beuno. Yo comprendo...un poco.
Ninja: Gracias.
Tano: De nada.
They smile at one another. Suddenlly, ninja leaps with ninja liek deftness over to the beastie!
Ninja: Voy a conquistar el mundo ahorita!
She grabs it, stuffs it inot a bag and vanishes in a puf of nonsense.
Ninja: *returna as soon as she left* Ooops...for got me kitty! *Takes Katt and leaves once more*

[Tanoliel]

Tano: Whoa. Wait, now. I said you could conquer the world--I DIDN'T say you could have my beastie! *disappears after Ninja*
Ninja: Wait! Why are you following me? Go away! The world is mine!
Tano: Ah-HA! The world may be yours, but that beastie is mine! *grabs beastie and appears back in her orginal spot* That's better.
Beastie: Coo...erk?

[goldiegollum]

Goldie returned from tree climbing to find Ninja gone and a beastie sitting where she used to be

GG: *shocked* Oh, no! *gasp* how terrible, the horror, Ohhhhh!

Tano: *feeding beastie a cookie* Eh?

GG: *dramatically points finger at tano* You turned Ninja into a beastie and...*realizing Kat is also gone* The Beastie ate Kat!

Maggie: No, no, no. You've got it all wrong, you see-

GG: *dodging behiend her and speeding over her shoulder* Thou liest! (or is it eth? oh well, i stink at spelling.)

Tano: Wait, now you stole my line, people just won't give me a break today. *goes over to goldie and grabs her line back, fixes any spelling errors, and stuffs it safley in a random pocket* There. Now that i have my beastie and my line back-

GG: *popping behiend tano* Thou liest!

Tano: *grabbing her line back again* Knock it off, it's really not funny you know. You have to do it like this. *pops behiend goldie* Thou liest!

GG: *snatching line out of thin air* lemme try. Thou liest!
Tano: Thou liest
GG: Thou liest!
Tano THOU LIEST
GG: THOOUUU LLLIII-
Maggie: this isn't a shakespere form you know.
GG and Tano: Eh? oh.

*Tano stoops to ground, trying to gather back all her lines, fix the spelling errors and stuff them safley into random pockets.* *Goldie tries sneak one into her pocket.*
*Tano sees and wrestles her for it*

Maggie: There's really no need to fight, you two. Those lines are nothing but a figment of your imagination. They only exist while you are saying them.

*lines dissapear in puffs of logic*

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: wow. We haven't posted in a while.

*Katt was in dreamland while Human took her back to The Lair.*

Human: Aw, look at the cute little kitty!

*Katt was indeed looking pretty cute. Too cute in fact.*

Human: You are looking too innocent. I'm gonna wake you up now.

*Human smacked Katt just hard enough to wake her up. Katt sat up and yawned then opened her eyes. When she turned twards Human, she looked so innocent that Human smacked her again.*

Katt: Ow. What was that for? *puppy dog eyes*

Human: *Covered her eyes* Stop it Katt. You are messing with my head.

Katt: No I'm not. I have been reformed. From now on I will only be...

Human: *Uncoveres her eyes just a bit*

Katt: *sly look* Nicesssssssss.

Human: *arn look* Arn?

Katt: *still looking creepy innocent* Yes. Nicessssssss.

Human: *Blinks* Uh-huh. Well. Um, I brought you here to, um,

Katt: Join and help you?

Human: Um, yes. I guess.

Katt: Oh splended! What would you like me to do?

Human: Right! I want you to slaughter your way through a thousand armies to Maggies gate and capture her and--

Katt: Oh no, I'm not able to do that.

Human: What?

Katt: *strained* Part of my reform is my nefound aboration of violence. I realize my pass obssion was wrong and harmfull. *Eager* But I really want to help!

Human: *Looks at Katt funny but decides not to argue.* Uh, ok.

OOC: I'm gonna be like Ltn. Suter in Voyager. Only with a better death. His was too dishonorable.

[goldiegollum]

After ten minutes of convincing Goldie that the Beastie is not Human and did not eat Kat, they finally quieted her with a cookie. The Beastie, Tano, Maggie and Goldie now sit on the ground, thoughtfully munching cookies (and goldie is squeaking the squeaky in her ear)

*Squeaka-squeaka-squeaka*

Maggie: well at least she's entertained.

*squeaka-sque-*

Tano (snatching squeaky): Ok, it's my turn. *squeaka-squeaka-squeaka*

Maggie: I thought you liked clicky pens

Tano: Yeah, but i'm bored out of my wits and this is the next best thing.

GG (eying beastie): ummmmm... are you sure the beastie didn't just eat both Human and Kat?

Tano and Maggie: YES!

GG: ok.

Maggie: I've had enough of this, something's going to happen now! *gets up, preparing for something to happen*

Tano (rubs hands together): Oh goodie! *chucks squeaky*

GG (catches squeaky and puts it in hair): Happy, happy, YaY!!!

Beastie: ...

*all wait expectantly for the plot to move on*

[Willow Oran]

OOC: Oy! I haven't posted for a while... time to move things along a bit.

Maggie: Alright people I've just had some bad news.

Tano: What?

Maggie: Katt and Human have joined against us and Roya might be returning. Very soon we will likely be engaged in a cruel and deadly battle for survival from which many of us may not return. How ever, since at the moment we seem to be having a time of relative peace I suggest we enjoy it.

(She conjures a table loaded down with every type of chocolate and fizzy, sugary, slightly achoholic to extremely alchoholic drink imaginable.)

Maggie: Eat, drink and don't forget to clean up after you're done being merry.

(She takes Glorfindel's arm and they leave, going into the next room and locking the door.)

Goldie: Guess she wasn't hungry.

Tano: (winces at the mental image conjured by that innocent comment, and decides not to answer it.) Just eat up Goldie, we may be caviar tomorrow.

[The last sane person]

OOC: yes Maggie I WILL be coming back as my original RGP has been shut down. But this time I have an agenda!! *evil laugh* but seriously, i might come to "your side" so see ya in a bit.

OOC2: oh yeah, Daimien is coming with me. Turn him into caviar one more time and fists will fly! enjoy Glordy as much as ya can before hell breaks loose! *cheeky grin*.

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: No more vampires, no more star trek charactors, no more Ninja's, no more hidden plot twists. Lets all lay our cards on the table and work together so not to totally Destroy Middle Earth.

OOC2: This message has been brought to you by the "Save the Humans Campagin for the Non-Destruction of Earth".

Katt: Look Human, don't you ever get tiered of war? Tiered of fighting? Tiered of death? I do. I want to end this and end it now. I want my old job back!

*Katt snapped her fingers and Human and Katt were standing with Maggie, Glorfindel, Tano, Goldie, and a Random Bestie.*

Katt: Everyone, I for one am tiered and weak. This war has destroied Middle Earth, destroied the space/time continum, and destroied our friendships. Come out side with me.

*Outside was a desolate world. Penguins were raining like cats and dogs. Orcs had gone insane and were fighting each other in the bright sun, which now glowed blue. One orc stopped running near them and abruptly ended his life by jumping into a mud puddle made of jelly. Spiders roamed the land making hats which they put on penguins. The hats sufficated the penguins so the spiders could eat them, but instead they chewed on their own legs. Rabid monkeys could be seen running with bathtubs, one of which had a reembodied Zavron in it. A little boy with blood streaming down his face ran screaming. He was chased by a little girl, laughing and running with scissors. Reality hiccuped again and several mountains were turned upside down. To the East a great rip in the sky was stretching.*

Katt: That *refering to the rip* is the Gap of the Existentialist. *To group* I must inform you that one of us is the Existentialist.

Group: *Nervous Mutters*

Katt: Maggie, it's you. You were the one who first said "There is no point"

*The skys rumbled with that last line*

Katt: However, you cannot leave. You belong here. I will leave for you. *smiles* This will be the fourth time you owe me. Twice for saving Glorfindel, and twice for saving you. *bows* I am you devoted servant always. I hope I might see you all in the real world, but I go now.

Tano: But Katt, wait.

Katt: No. I cannot choose how long I can stay. Wait, here it comes.

*Suddenly a large spear was protruding from Katt's chest. Katt fell to her knees to reveal Roya behind her.*

Katt: The war is over. It is done. *dies*

Roya: Hi all. Did I miss anything?

*Reality swirled itself around and went inside a little popper. POP. Everything was as it should be. There was grass on the ground, the sun was yellow, orcs were hiding in caves, and children were playing tea instad of lobotomy.*

Human: That was a bit anti climatic.

Tano: Reality went pop?

Roya: Hey, where's all my weapondry?

Maggie: Katt...

*Yes Katt was still dead. The war was over though and everyone could get on with what they called their lives. You know (sniff) I think I'm gonna miss that girl.*

OOC3: Yes, the war has ended. Do what you like now, but I am not comming back.

[Willow Oran]

OOC: One last bow everyone?

Maggie: Anti-Climatic is right. We've gotta have some big finale.

Tano: How about a musical finale?

Maggie: Works for me!

(She scribbles something in her purple notebook of doom and suddenly the entire cast of War for all Middle earth are in the Room on a stage singing "Ever After" from 'Into the Woods' when the song ends there is a loud burst of light. When the light faded the stage was empty and all were back where they belonged, to live happily ever after, or to at least achieve an approxamitely content condition for the majority of the remainder of their lives, maybe, if they're lucky, but that's another story.)

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: YOu are obsesed with "Into the Woods" When are you gonna give me it back?

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: Hey, I edited the whole thing. 99 pages. Times New Roman. 6 pt font. If anyone want's it I'll e-mail it to you.

Oh no! We don't need OOC's anymore! Earniel? Can you keep this thread open for a while so I can see who wants the book?