The Jokes Thread - Page 20

Janny · 03-03-2004, 04:21 PM

A patient came to my GP practice today.
He said 'Doctor, I think I'm goin deaf'
'What are the symptoms?' I asked.
He replied:

'A yellow family from TV'

***Rían*** · 03-03-2004, 04:43 PM

And for my answer - yes, the answer is "nothing". I think that's a pretty cool riddle! The last part, esp - if you eat "nothing", you'll die! And rich men need nothing, and poor men have nothing, etc.

Ruinel - wow, great joke! Octal 31 IS decimal 25! That's really wild that it worked out like that!

I still have my really cool HP calculator that has dec, hex, oct and bin keys and functions. I used it a lot for awhile.

Janny · 03-04-2004, 05:08 PM

I'm very upset that I understood the fact that we can now prove Christmas is equal to Halloween...

**Nurvingiel** · 03-04-2004, 05:43 PM

Lol Janny!

Valandil, did you write that "21st Century Who's on First"? It's hilarous!

Ruinel · 03-04-2004, 06:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Janny
I'm very upset that I understood the fact that we can now prove Christmas is equal to Halloween...

Why would that upset you?

Bombadillo · 03-05-2004, 12:55 PM

How about proof that women are evil?

This is impossible to write in code. Nothing is underlined, and there are no capital Vs. It's the "square route" sign. And ^2 indicates superscript 2 or squared.

Theorem: "Women require time and money."
women = time * money
Theorem: "time is money."
time = money
women = money * money = (money)^2
Theorem: "money is the route of all evil."
money = Vevil__
women = (Vevil)^2
women = evil

Falagar · 03-05-2004, 04:14 PM

Just found this one (v. funny!

):
"How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again."

***Valandil*** · 03-05-2004, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Nurvingiel
Valandil, did you write that "21st Century Who's on First"? It's hilarous!

No - I think I got that in an email... writing it would have been QUITE the under-taking!

Insidious Rex · 03-05-2004, 04:45 PM

Falagar thats classic. And all too representative.

Quote:

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

Falagar · 03-05-2004, 04:59 PM

And this one is so familiar it's scary

:

Quote:

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again."

cassiopeia · 03-05-2004, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Bombadillo
How about proof that women are evil?

This is impossible to write in code. Nothing is underlined, and there are no capital Vs. It's the "square route" sign. And ^2 indicates superscript 2 or squared.

Theorem: "Women require time and money."
women = time * money
Theorem: "time is money."
time = money
women = money * money = (money)^2
Theorem: "money is the route of all evil."
money = Vevil__
women = (Vevil)^2
women = evil

I like that! I suppose that's because I'm a maths geek.

But I *do* think men could be substituted for women easily enough.

**Nurvingiel** · 03-05-2004, 08:02 PM

Bah. I think that would be funnier if it actually worked.

It just doesn't happen to appeal to my sense of humour.

Gwaimir Windgem · 03-05-2004, 09:24 PM

A Pagain Bumper Sticker:

Ankh if you love Isis!

Janny · 03-06-2004, 04:22 PM

Love the Women = evil one... I knew it but forgot how it worked!

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

2: 1 to hold the Giraffe while the other pours the bubble bath...

Janny · 03-06-2004, 04:28 PM

Yes I also question the premise that

women = time * money.

Surely time cannot stand alone without some coefficient relating to proximity to clothes and/or shoe shops.

**Nurvingiel** · 03-06-2004, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Janny
Love the Women = evil one... I knew it but forgot how it worked!

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

2: 1 to hold the Giraffe while the other pours the bubble bath...

Lol Janny!

Hey, have I ever told this lawyer joke before?

A priest is hitch-hiking because his car broke down, and he's picked up by a truck driver. They're driving along when the truck driver sees a lawyer thumbing a ride. He moves the truck onto the shoulder to run the lawyer over, but thinks, "I can't do this, there's a priest in the car!" At the last moment, he swerves away, avoiding the lawyer. The truck driver feels terribly ashamed. "I'm sorry Father, that was just wrong. I shouldn't have done that."
"That's alright," replies the priest, "I got him with my door."

And how about this lawyer joke:

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer who was hit by a car, and anyone else who was hit by a car?

A: Skid marks in front of anyone else.

Janny · 03-07-2004, 02:18 PM

V. GOOD!!!

Linaewen · 03-07-2004, 09:44 PM

That light bulb joke is hilarious, Fal! My favourite one was was I Rex quoted- about the controversy. Frighteningly true.

Anyone know why the koala fell out of the tree?

Mango · 03-07-2004, 11:12 PM

Aragorn's Answering Machine Message:
Hi, this is Aragorn, High King of Gondor, Chieftain of the Dúnedain, Elessar, Elfstone, Evinyatar, The Renewer, the Healer, Estel, Hope, Strider, Wingfoot, Thorongil, King of the West, Dúnedan, the Deliverer-- beeep.

Lizra · 03-07-2004, 11:28 PM

Heh!

03-03-2004, 04:43 PM	#382
*Rían* Half-Elven Princess of Rabbit Trails and Harp-Wielding Administrator (beware the Rubber Chicken of Doom!) Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Not where I want to be ... Posts: 15,254	And for my answer - yes, the answer is "nothing". I think that's a pretty cool riddle! The last part, esp - if you eat "nothing", you'll die! And rich men need nothing, and poor men have nothing, etc. Ruinel - wow, great joke! Octal 31 IS decimal 25! That's really wild that it worked out like that! I still have my really cool HP calculator that has dec, hex, oct and bin keys and functions. I used it a lot for awhile. __________________ . I should be doing the laundry, but this is MUCH more fun! Ñá ë?* óú éä ïöü Öñ É Þ ð ß ® ç å ™ æ ♪ ?* "How lovely are Thy dwelling places, O Lord of hosts! ... For a day in Thy courts is better than a thousand outside." (from Psalm 84) * * * God rocks! Entmoot : Veni, vidi, velcro - I came, I saw, I got hooked! Ego numquam pronunciare mendacium, sed ego sum homo indomitus! Run the earth and watch the sky ... Auta i lómë! Aurë entuluva!

03-04-2004, 05:08 PM	#383
Janny The Blobbit Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Kent, England (Not Oxford! ... yet...) Posts: 1,596	I'm very upset that I understood the fact that we can now prove Christmas is equal to Halloween... __________________ Janny's Songs Janny's lyrics and random photographs Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes, our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead. Tradition refuses to submit to the small and arrogant oligarchy of those who happen to be walking about. ~ Mercutio... erm, GK Chesterton.

03-05-2004, 12:55 PM	#386
Bombadillo "The Bomb" Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: all over the place Posts: 1,601	How about proof that women are evil? This is impossible to write in code. Nothing is underlined, and there are no capital Vs. It's the "square route" sign. And ^2 indicates superscript 2 or squared. Theorem: "Women require time and money." *women = time money** Theorem: "time is money." time = money *women = money money = (money)^2** Theorem: "money is the route of all evil." money = Vevil__ women = (Vevil)^2 women = evil __________________ Could it be that one path to enlightenment leads through insanity? Last edited by Bombadillo : 03-05-2004 at 12:58 PM.

03-05-2004, 04:14 PM	#387
Falagar Death of Mooters and [Entmoot] Internal Affairs Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Oslo, Norway Posts: 2,870	Just found this one (v. funny! ): "How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb? 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs 1 to move it to the Lighting section 2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section 7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs 5 to flame the spell checkers 3 to correct spelling/grammar flames 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp" 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct 19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum 11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum 36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty 7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs 4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group 13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too" 5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy 4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?" 13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs" 1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again." __________________ Fëanor - Innocence incarnated Still, Aikanáro 'till the Last battle.

03-05-2004, 09:24 PM	#393
Gwaimir Windgem Dread Mothy Lord and Halfwitted Apprentice Loremaster Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Thomas Aquinas College, Santa Paula, CA Posts: 10,820	A Pagain Bumper Sticker: Ankh if you love Isis! __________________ Crux fidelis, inter omnes arbor una nobilis. Nulla talem silva profert, fronde, flore, germine. Dulce lignum, dulce clavo, dulce pondus sustinens. 'With a melon?' - Eric Idle

03-06-2004, 04:22 PM	#394
Janny The Blobbit Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Kent, England (Not Oxford! ... yet...) Posts: 1,596	Love the Women = evil one... I knew it but forgot how it worked! How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? 2: 1 to hold the Giraffe while the other pours the bubble bath... __________________ Janny's Songs Janny's lyrics and random photographs Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes, our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead. Tradition refuses to submit to the small and arrogant oligarchy of those who happen to be walking about. ~ Mercutio... erm, GK Chesterton.

03-06-2004, 04:28 PM	#395
Janny The Blobbit Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Kent, England (Not Oxford! ... yet...) Posts: 1,596	Yes I also question the premise that women = time * money. Surely time cannot stand alone without some coefficient relating to proximity to clothes and/or shoe shops. __________________ Janny's Songs Janny's lyrics and random photographs Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes, our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead. Tradition refuses to submit to the small and arrogant oligarchy of those who happen to be walking about. ~ Mercutio... erm, GK Chesterton.

03-07-2004, 02:18 PM	#397
Janny The Blobbit Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Kent, England (Not Oxford! ... yet...) Posts: 1,596	V. GOOD!!! __________________ Janny's Songs Janny's lyrics and random photographs Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes, our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead. Tradition refuses to submit to the small and arrogant oligarchy of those who happen to be walking about. ~ Mercutio... erm, GK Chesterton.

03-07-2004, 09:44 PM	#398
Linaewen Fair Dinkum Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 2,319	That light bulb joke is hilarious, Fal! My favourite one was was I Rex quoted- about the controversy. Frighteningly true. Anyone know why the koala fell out of the tree? Last edited by Linaewen : 03-07-2004 at 09:48 PM.

03-07-2004, 11:12 PM	#399
Mango Sapling Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: I live in a Giant Bucket. Posts: 13	Aragorn's Answering Machine Message: Hi, this is Aragorn, High King of Gondor, Chieftain of the Dúnedain, Elessar, Elfstone, Evinyatar, The Renewer, the Healer, Estel, Hope, Strider, Wingfoot, Thorongil, King of the West, Dúnedan, the Deliverer-- beeep. __________________ (I am large. I contain multitudes.)

03-07-2004, 11:28 PM	#400
Lizra Domesticated Swing Babe Join Date: May 2002 Location: Reality Posts: 5,340	Heh! __________________ Happy Atheist Go Democrats!

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