Kids say the darnedest things - Page 2

emplynx · 01-15-2002, 08:05 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Butterburr
At a restraunt recently my four-year old daughter announced loudly, "Mommy and Daddy, my vagina itches!"

*opens his mouth to speak, cries, shuts his mouth, and walks off*

Reverie · 01-15-2002, 03:10 PM

One of my favorite stories concerning my niece is more cute than funny. She was then 2 and we (her parents, my husband and myself) had just arrived back at their place. We all got out of the van and were teasing my niece by saying good-bye, pretending that we were going to leave her strapped in the car seat. She got pretty frustrated and yelled "Hey! I'm NOT laughing!!" We sure did!
Oh! I just remembered another one. My husband and I had her for the weekend. It was warm and the windows were down in the car. At a stoplight she looks at the driver in the next lane, starts shaking her little fist screaming "Idiot! Idiot!" The guy shot us a terrible look and drove off. When we asked her why she did that she said proudly "Daddy's not here, I can do it all by myself!"

Laurelyn · 01-23-2002, 10:34 PM

Lol *raises eybrows*

Nimrodel · 01-24-2002, 09:32 AM

Tee Hee

. Just don't give her the book "The day my bum went psycho".

Starr Polish · 04-01-2002, 10:46 PM

bump

My choir teacher had an interesting story to tell.

Over Easter, he went to his fiancee's for dinner, and she has a really BIG family. Well, his soon to be four year old niece came up to him and hugged him around the knees. Then she stepped back and said "Your hair is weird" quite loudly.

Not many overweight 26 year olds have bleached hair though.

elf_princess · 04-01-2002, 11:34 PM

lol... these stories are hilarious... i don't have any to match them! i can't believe that a 3-year-old can read though! my sister used to make me memorize whole books and then recite them for my mother to make her think i could read. my sis did teach me how to read though...

***Khamûl*** · 04-01-2002, 11:48 PM

If only Art Linkletter still had his show. With these stories, it'd have to come on HBO or Cinemax or something.

That first story about the butt wiping had me rolling around laughing, though. I'm looking forward to future stories in this thread.

**crickhollow** · 04-01-2002, 11:49 PM

gotta love kids. My sis taught me how to read when I was four. She came home from kindergarten, and taught me everything she had learned.

I babysat for one family for a long time. One summer, while at a parade, I ran into the mother and two sons. The eldest boy (at the time he was seven or eight) plopped down on the curb next to me, and proceded to spill out his train of thought, as he watched the firetrucks, horses, and floats pass by. When a clown came by passing out balloons, he informed me that he was the best balloon blower-upper ever. "Do you know why?" he asked me. I solemly informed that I didn't know. "Because", he explained, "my mom says I'm full of hot air."

***Khamûl*** · 04-01-2002, 11:59 PM

When I finished kindergarten, my mom tells me that I thought I was finished with school and knew all I needed to know. When I had to go to 1st grade, she tells me that I said "What? There's more?" Imagine my surprise. 11 years later and I'm still not done.

Earenya · 04-02-2002, 06:48 PM

Haha, these are great!

At the orthodontist's a nineteen-month old girl was with her mom, waiting on her brother (who was seeing the doc). As a woman in the reception area began to dote on her, the mom said, "Laugh for her, hon, will you laugh for her?" The little girl scrunched up her eyes, spread her mouth like a chimp and went, "heheheheheheheh" like a hienna, repetitively. (Hard to explain over internet, but QUITE hilarious.)

Aparently when I was old enough to know I would not be given the delicious but bad-for-you chicken skins off of my parent's plate of fried chicken, I grabbed the skins from my grandpa and shoved all of them in my mouth at the same time.

TinuvielChild · 04-04-2002, 12:16 AM

ok, now everyone will think i'm weird, but...i could read by 2 1/2, at age 2 i would not stop talking unless i didn't trust the people around me. i didn't trust my doctor, and he wondered if i could talk. now, the wallpaper in that doctor's office had jungle animals on it, and my mom pointed to a hippo and asked me what it was (to prove i could talk). i said one word: hippopotamus.

i first read the Hobbit when i was 4. i never watched Sesame Street. i skipped first grade. now i'm a rabid Tolkien addict. the lesson here is, if you want your child to be a child prodigy, be prepared to house a rabid Tolkien addict later on in life.

TinuvielChild · 04-04-2002, 12:18 AM

when i was in kindergarten, my favorite books were Roald Dahl (supposedly 6th grade reading level. whoopdedoo.). my absolute favorite though was the BFG, or the Big Friendly Giant. does anyone remember that book? frobscottle and whizzpoppers! ahhh..i'm taking a long stroll down good ol' Memory Lane (which isn't often this pleasant...*dark thoughts* don't ask.)

BeardofPants · 04-04-2002, 02:23 AM

Well I'm not one to brag but... since TinuvielChild is blowing her trumpet....

I learnt to read in Kindy too.

Anyway, when I was a wee lass, a long, long time ago, my uncle and aunt used to take me out places, because I was a "lovely quiet child". Anyhoo, one of these occasions was the zoo. Apparently, I forevermore tarnished my "lovely quiet" bit, when I pointed to some chimpanzees making whoppee, and shouted: "WHAT ARE THEY DOING?!"

***Tessar*** · 04-04-2002, 10:20 AM

Well I was at ym first gymnastics class and I was going to do my first try at the vault!

so I ran and hopped off the spring board.....missed the vault..... and draged the coach almost all the way over with me...

now I just stick to kicking them on acident

"Oh my gosh im so sorry are you ok?!" "Yea, I'm fine. you can't hurt me" hehe he never said that again after I REALLY wiped him out. now he is more careful.

Elf Girl · 04-04-2002, 11:23 AM

Roald Dahl? 6th grade reading level?! That's impossible! Those books are easy!

I'm not a child prodigy, I started to read late, but now I read more than my entire grade put together. Just goes to show that some people like to make up for lost time.

Khadrane · 04-05-2002, 09:51 PM

A girl I know mispronounced something while reading the Bible. I'm not going to say it here, but it was funny.

emplynx · 04-05-2002, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Khadrane
A girl I know mispronounced something while reading the Bible. I'm not going to say it here, but it was funny.

She pronounced the book of Job like job (as in something you get paid for)? I do it all the time, so embarrassing. JUST KIDDING.

***Tessar*** · 04-06-2002, 12:33 AM

well, I used to call the book of psalms the book of palms.

Khadrane · 04-06-2002, 10:21 AM

Quote:

She pronounced the book of Job like job

Quote:

well, I used to call the book of psalms the book of palms.

Worse. Much worse.

Daughter of Elros · 04-06-2002, 02:27 PM

I had no clue that books existed until I was about 4. then, i read under the covers with a flashlight at night, and I was addicted to books. by the time I was in first Grade, I could Read novels, write stories, and was wroking on mastering the skill of Division. I didn't start really talking until I reached school age though, because my first language was American Sign Language, not English, and When I was little, I prefered to cmmunicate in sign

01-15-2002, 03:10 PM	#22
Reverie Enting Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Back Home!! Posts: 57	One of my favorite stories concerning my niece is more cute than funny. She was then 2 and we (her parents, my husband and myself) had just arrived back at their place. We all got out of the van and were teasing my niece by saying good-bye, pretending that we were going to leave her strapped in the car seat. She got pretty frustrated and yelled "Hey! I'm NOT laughing!!" We sure did! Oh! I just remembered another one. My husband and I had her for the weekend. It was warm and the windows were down in the car. At a stoplight she looks at the driver in the next lane, starts shaking her little fist screaming "Idiot! Idiot!" The guy shot us a terrible look and drove off. When we asked her why she did that she said proudly "Daddy's not here, I can do it all by myself!" __________________ Tasty Bird Parts...?

01-23-2002, 10:34 PM	#23
Laurelyn Elf Lord Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Valinor, right next to Telperion . . . what did you expect, Michigan? Posts: 1,315	Lol raises eybrows __________________ The Third Age of Entmoot has begun. Angel of music, guide and guardian! Grant to me your glory! The country I eat and spend the day in is by no means the country I sleep and dream in. Define patriotism. Hold the boat, you spastic monkey! ~ Elenka

04-01-2002, 10:46 PM	#25
Starr Polish Elf Lord Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Slow down and I sail on the river, slow down and I walk to the hill Posts: 2,389	bump My choir teacher had an interesting story to tell. Over Easter, he went to his fiancee's for dinner, and she has a really BIG family. Well, his soon to be four year old niece came up to him and hugged him around the knees. Then she stepped back and said "Your hair is weird" quite loudly. Not many overweight 26 year olds have bleached hair though. __________________ “The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.” –Bertrand Russell

04-01-2002, 11:48 PM	#27
*Khamûl* Slacker Warrior Admin Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Alabama Posts: 2,759	If only Art Linkletter still had his show. With these stories, it'd have to come on HBO or Cinemax or something. That first story about the butt wiping had me rolling around laughing, though. I'm looking forward to future stories in this thread. __________________ "If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you." Gandalf to Pippin Psalm 107:31

04-01-2002, 11:49 PM	#28
crickhollow The Buckleberry Fairy/Captain Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Washington State again (I miss Texas). Posts: 1,345	gotta love kids. My sis taught me how to read when I was four. She came home from kindergarten, and taught me everything she had learned. I babysat for one family for a long time. One summer, while at a parade, I ran into the mother and two sons. The eldest boy (at the time he was seven or eight) plopped down on the curb next to me, and proceded to spill out his train of thought, as he watched the firetrucks, horses, and floats pass by. When a clown came by passing out balloons, he informed me that he was the best balloon blower-upper ever. "Do you know why?" he asked me. I solemly informed that I didn't know. "Because", he explained, "my mom says I'm full of hot air." __________________ A day will come at last when I Shall take the hidden paths that run West of the Moon, East of the Sun.

01-24-2002, 09:32 AM	#24
Nimrodel Hobbit Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Australia Posts: 18	Tee Hee . Just don't give her the book "The day my bum went psycho".

04-01-2002, 11:34 PM	#26
elf_princess Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: la dee da Posts: 275	lol... these stories are hilarious... i don't have any to match them! i can't believe that a 3-year-old can read though! my sister used to make me memorize whole books and then recite them for my mother to make her think i could read. my sis did teach me how to read though...

04-01-2002, 11:59 PM	#29
*Khamûl* Slacker Warrior Admin Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Alabama Posts: 2,759	When I finished kindergarten, my mom tells me that I thought I was finished with school and knew all I needed to know. When I had to go to 1st grade, she tells me that I said "What? There's more?" Imagine my surprise. 11 years later and I'm still not done. __________________ "If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you." Gandalf to Pippin Psalm 107:31

04-02-2002, 06:48 PM	#30
Earenya Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Pinnath Gelin, formerly in Angaron... Posts: 228	Haha, these are great! At the orthodontist's a nineteen-month old girl was with her mom, waiting on her brother (who was seeing the doc). As a woman in the reception area began to dote on her, the mom said, "Laugh for her, hon, will you laugh for her?" The little girl scrunched up her eyes, spread her mouth like a chimp and went, "heheheheheheheh" like a hienna, repetitively. (Hard to explain over internet, but QUITE hilarious.) Aparently when I was old enough to know I would not be given the delicious but bad-for-you chicken skins off of my parent's plate of fried chicken, I grabbed the skins from my grandpa and shoved all of them in my mouth at the same time. __________________ O mor henion i dhu Ely siriar, el sila Ai! Aniron.... Tiro! El eria e mor I 'lir en el luitha 'uren Ai! Aniron... FRODO LIVES!

04-04-2002, 12:16 AM	#31
TinuvielChild Padawan Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: The Barony of Carolingia Posts: 2,176	ok, now everyone will think i'm weird, but...i could read by 2 1/2, at age 2 i would not stop talking unless i didn't trust the people around me. i didn't trust my doctor, and he wondered if i could talk. now, the wallpaper in that doctor's office had jungle animals on it, and my mom pointed to a hippo and asked me what it was (to prove i could talk). i said one word: hippopotamus. i first read the Hobbit when i was 4. i never watched Sesame Street. i skipped first grade. now i'm a rabid Tolkien addict. the lesson here is, if you want your child to be a child prodigy, be prepared to house a rabid Tolkien addict later on in life. __________________ There are only four questions of value in life: What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for? What is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: ONLY LOVE. Dance as though nobody's watching. Sing as though nobody's listening. Dream as though you'll live forever. Live as though you'll die tomorrow. EIDRIORCQWSDAKLMEDDCWWTIWOATTOPWFIO and proud! FRODO LIVES!!!!!

04-04-2002, 12:18 AM	#32
TinuvielChild Padawan Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: The Barony of Carolingia Posts: 2,176	when i was in kindergarten, my favorite books were Roald Dahl (supposedly 6th grade reading level. whoopdedoo.). my absolute favorite though was the BFG, or the Big Friendly Giant. does anyone remember that book? frobscottle and whizzpoppers! ahhh..i'm taking a long stroll down good ol' Memory Lane (which isn't often this pleasant...dark thoughts don't ask.) __________________ There are only four questions of value in life: What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for? What is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: ONLY LOVE. Dance as though nobody's watching. Sing as though nobody's listening. Dream as though you'll live forever. Live as though you'll die tomorrow. EIDRIORCQWSDAKLMEDDCWWTIWOATTOPWFIO and proud! FRODO LIVES!!!!!

04-04-2002, 02:23 AM	#33
BeardofPants the Shrike Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: San Francisco, CA <3 Posts: 10,647	Well I'm not one to brag but... since TinuvielChild is blowing her trumpet.... I learnt to read in Kindy too. Anyway, when I was a wee lass, a long, long time ago, my uncle and aunt used to take me out places, because I was a "lovely quiet child". Anyhoo, one of these occasions was the zoo. Apparently, I forevermore tarnished my "lovely quiet" bit, when I pointed to some chimpanzees making whoppee, and shouted: "WHAT ARE THEY DOING?!" __________________ "Binary solo! 0000001! 00000011! 0000001! 00000011!" ~ The Humans are Dead, Flight of the Conchords

04-04-2002, 10:20 AM	#34
*Tessar* Master and Wielder of the Cardboard Harp of Gondor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: IM IN UR POSTZ, EDITIN' UR WURDZ Posts: 6,433	Well I was at ym first gymnastics class and I was going to do my first try at the vault! so I ran and hopped off the spring board.....missed the vault..... and draged the coach almost all the way over with me... now I just stick to kicking them on acident "Oh my gosh im so sorry are you ok?!" "Yea, I'm fine. you can't hurt me" hehe he never said that again after I REALLY wiped him out. now he is more careful.

04-04-2002, 11:23 AM	#35
Elf Girl Lurker Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Lothlórien Posts: 3,419	Roald Dahl? 6th grade reading level?! That's impossible! Those books are easy! I'm not a child prodigy, I started to read late, but now I read more than my entire grade put together. Just goes to show that some people like to make up for lost time. __________________ There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium...

04-05-2002, 09:51 PM	#36
Khadrane Elf Lord Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Middle Earth (I wish) Posts: 670	A girl I know mispronounced something while reading the Bible. I'm not going to say it here, but it was funny. __________________ Few know whither their road will take them till they come to its end. -Legolas FRODO LIVES! ABORTION IS HOMICIDE

04-06-2002, 12:33 AM	#38
*Tessar* Master and Wielder of the Cardboard Harp of Gondor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: IM IN UR POSTZ, EDITIN' UR WURDZ Posts: 6,433	well, I used to call the book of psalms the book of palms.

04-06-2002, 02:27 PM	#40
Daughter of Elros Registered User Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 69	I had no clue that books existed until I was about 4. then, i read under the covers with a flashlight at night, and I was addicted to books. by the time I was in first Grade, I could Read novels, write stories, and was wroking on mastering the skill of Division. I didn't start really talking until I reached school age though, because my first language was American Sign Language, not English, and When I was little, I prefered to cmmunicate in sign

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