Corporal Punishment

[Starr Polish]

I think even as a child ages, if they aren't one who is particularly rebellious, disappointing parents is still a pretty big factor.

I'm currently eighteen and am trying ready to leave home, and it's been hard on both my mother and me. I want to leave, but she doesn't really want to let go yet, I think. However, even as I was growing up through high school and becoming more independent, there are a lot of things I didn't do because I didn't want to disappoint her or my father. Heh...in fact, the only reason I actually bucked up and studied for my harder subjects in high school was because my parents always got on me about my grades and said "We KNOW you're smarter than this, you just need to turn in your homework..."...and it worked.

I'm still afraid of disappointing them, to a point. This doesn't mean I'm not going to go out and live my life the way I want to, but it means I'm going to be trying my damn hardest to make it through college and possibly grad school (no one in my "original family unit" has finished a four year school).

[azalea]

Oh, you sound like such a good daughter! Will you come give my kids lessons on "how to be a good teenager" when their time comes?

[Starr Polish]

Oh, don't you go thinking I'm perfect. I talk back to my mom sometimes, I'm pretty messy (cluttered room and such) and am still extremely forgetful about stuff. I've done a few typical teenage rebellion things. I think my mom makes too big a deal out of some of my "so-called" behaviour, but according to both my sister and my father, she's hard to live with, haha. She's told me she wonders why I'm so awful to her, and I honestly don't see why I'm coming off as such a horrible person to her at times. But, c'est la vie.

How much you gonna pay for them lessons? But, beware...I'm not about to NOT go out and dye my hair crazy colors and perhaps get a tattoo just because my mother doesn't want me to (but don't worry, nothing huge tattoo wise, and no boyfriend's names).

[azalea]

Payment! I was hoping such a sweet young woman would donate her time out of the goodness of her heart for such a worthy cause!
Oh, well -- it's a long time from now anyway. [Scarlet O'Hara]I'll just worry about it tomorrow[/Scarlet O'Hara]

[Radagast]

My late father really was of the "flog 'em and hang 'em" brigade so I was disciplined quite harshly. The man was hard, no doubt about that, but he was eminently fair. At the time, of course, I didn't realise this and thought him very cruel but it was only much later that I realised how much he regretted the neccessity of doing it.

The tragic downside of the whole business is that when I was sent to Eton (boarding school) at 11 I only ever saw him at the summer and christmas holidays and so forth so not only was I never really close to him but I can't help remembering him as how I thought of him when I was about 8- cruel.

But on the other hand, I turned out fine!

[Beor]

Originally posted by Valandil
Oh... THAT Corporal Punishment! I thought this was another thread about Beor!

Val, try to stay on topic, cool? (Mr. Moderator!)

Oh, and just to stay on topic, yay corporal punishment!!

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

Originally posted by Radagast
.... I was sent to Eton (boarding school) at 11 ....

you went to Eton
somebody's rich

[Valandil]

Originally posted by Beor
Val, try to stay on topic, cool? (Mr. Moderator!)

But aren't you a corporal? And I figger you could deal out some severely good punishment!

[Beor]

I thought I was the one being punished .

[QueenAnnesLace]

I believe in it. When I was young I got a belt or a switch (that I had to pick out) if I disobeyed or disrespected an adult. And I turned out just fine with a greater understanding of authority. Kids seem to think they have some kind of right to do what they want and you will get in trouble if they get punished. If they do what they are supposed to, then they should get rewarded from time to time. Privilege comes with responsibility. Even as adults we have to follow that.

When my son was younger I never wanted to spank him because I felt bad. But as he got older I saw that something had to be done because every time I would talk to jhim about what he had done and send him on his way (after a time out), he would do it again. But the first time I spanked him things were different. It caught his attention and he thought a bit harder about what he had done.I don't do it often but when talking or time outs don't work-that will.

Kids now a days want to be praised for everything they do right or good, that's great but at the same time they need to be put in their place when they step out of line. Our children aren't our friends or equals. It is a parents job to discipline and teach thier kids right from wrong, and while doing so let them know you love them and explain what they have done and why they are being punished. I always ask my son if he knows what he did wrong and if he doesn't then I let him know. But as long as it doesn't fall into "abuse" I say show them who is boss however you can.

[Artanis]

I am totally against every form of corporal punishment. I disagree completely with those who say that some kids need to be spanked, hit, slapped, beaten, or whatever you call it. Children are different, and some need more attention than others, and you have to invest more time and effort with them in order to teach them how to behave. But never with use of physical pain.

In my place children are protected from corporal punishment by law, and to spank a child is not accepted socially. This was also the situation when I grew up, and I'm 38 now. However, when my parents were kids, spanking was much more used in the schools and at home. Did that turn them into better human beings than people from my generation? Of course not. Which tells me that the spankings my parents suffered as children did not help them much.

I've got 3 children myself, and I've never raised a hand against any of them, nor has my husband (if he did I would divorce him on the spot). That does not mean that they are allowed to do whatever they want to. There are rules in our house as well. But here we do not use words like authority, discipline, punishment and reward. There are other ways to raise a child.

[QueenAnnesLace]

I don't use corporal punishment to hurt my children, but to get thier attention from time to time. All kids are different, and everyone has thier own ways of dealing with thier children. I don't think there is a right way or a wrong way as for what everyone should or shouldn't do. It's kind of process of elimination on what will or won't work. Abuse is a totally different subject. If you abuse your children you should have them taken away and sent to your own time out. Corporal punishment is not the same as abuse. In fact it's completely different. "corporal punishment" is legal, and "abuse" is illegal.

[Artanis]

QAL, I don't think anyone who uses corporal punishment does it to hurt their children. I hope you see that that's not what I'm saying? We all love our children, at least all normal people do, and we want the best for them. But I do think that using corporal punishment in raising a child is wrong. And that's what I'm arguing for. From my own experience spanking is not necessary. I know that spanking is widely used in the USA and other European countries as well, but it is not acceptable here in Norway, and I refuse to believe that the children here are any different than other children around the world. We do not grow up to be misbehaved adults. in fact, we're doing fine without ever being spanked.

[QueenAnnesLace]

Children from different countries are quite different. One main factor is different cultures and societies. It would be hard to say if ones upbringing in terms of spankings helped or not. But I do know I have myself gained a better knowledge of things because of them. Sometimes in MY opinion it is necessary in order to catch a childs attention. For instance: my son was visiting his father a couple of moths ago and snuck out of the house with three older children at 11 o'clock at night. Trust me I caught his attention very quickly AND he was grounded. I don't see that happening anytime soon again.

[brownjenkins]

i have a somewhat interesting personal angle on this too... my eldest (10) is my step son... his father is remarried and has a few kids of his own... just as 'normal' as i am

that said, he does spank from time to time (though not excessively at all), while i refuse to use that sort of punishment... about two years back i remember an issue i had with talking back and being the typical 'push the limits' child... after a particularly bad series of incidents, i took away my son's gameboy, one of his most prized possessions at the time... and told him he couldn't have it for a week

he cried for a bit then went to sleep... the next morning he was apologetic and asked if he could have has gameboy again... to which i told him, i said a week and that's what i meant (he could still watch tv, read, etc.)... that nite when i got home from work, he asked again and said to me 'my dad usually spanks me when i misbehave'... i told him that was not my way, but it was still a week... he stopped bothering me eventually, and as kids will do, got interested in enough other things to keep him happy till the end of the week... and whether it was a bit of growing up, or coincidence... the problems didn't happen again... though, of course, there are always plenty of new ones

[Sister Golden Hair]

I see nothing wrong with corporal punishment to a degree. One thing I've learned though, is that it is only effective at certian ages, usually being in the younger age group, say between 4-10. Spankings were something that was rare for my son during those years. He was a pretty good kid, but when he set the house on fire, you bet I thought that was a valid moment for such punishment.

[Valandil]

Originally posted by Sister Golden Hair
...but when he set the house on fire...

Uh... was that figurative? Or literal?

[Valandil]

Maybe American kids are just more badder than Norwegian ones!

[Sister Golden Hair]

Originally posted by Valandil
Uh... was that figurative? Or literal?

That was literal. Even the captain from the fire department told him that if a spanking is all that happened to him, he should consider himself lucky. He could have been killed.

[QueenAnnesLace]

Depending on the situation is what determins what I do. I usually don't spank my son. Maybe 2-3 times a year really. It's usually a pretty severe situation. Like when he stuck out from his dads they were all picked up by the police-JOY. That was one of what I call just plain and simply WAY OUT OF LINE! But I ground him from certain toys etc. for the most part. But I have to say I've seen lots of kids that even that doesn't work. Some prefer spankings over the absence of their favorite things. I guess it depends on the kid.