Worst case scenario...

How's about Steven Segal as Strider, Jean-Claude Van Damme as Boromir and Jackie Chan as Legolas?

I think Coleman Francis was probably a worse director than even Ed Wood. He could do a "Thinking Man's Lord of the Rings" like The Beast of Yucca Flats without sync sound, cleverly disgused by moving the speaker OUT of the frame and switching camera angles at the exact right time. VERY clever and it utterly fools the audience too! It could ponder life's deeper questions.

I have a copy of Bored of the Rings somewhere. I thought it was so-so like others have said. Some dumb parts some decent ones. The cover was a take off of the early paperback copies of LotR with the kinda 2-D trippy cut-out looking creatures. You can easily find a copy through bookfinder.com and it's not hard to find at used book stores either, usually in the Tolkien section. It's a little maybe 80-120 pp paperback.

What if they used digital technology to bring an actor back from the dead...

Namely, André the Giant...

As a hobbit?

Hmm...I can see it
Yeah, I agree about Bored of the Rings, but I have to admit that it didn't really pull any punches. It almost bordered on offensive, but there were parts where you just had to laugh, it was so stupid.
It didn't really fit the thread to ask here, yet in a way it suits the topic. Much the same sort of thing

Soundtrack: Well, since it is so difficult to put music to Tolkien's songs they will of course be rap. As for the other music what else but techno?

I like that Tater
Also, IP, I got to thinking about your comment about using deceased actors through digital technology and it made me think that for this particular scenario, if we do use the late actors as well, then I can think of no better Aragorn than John Wayne. Just for the value of the mental picture it will give you(it made me laugh like an idiot, I can tell you:lol: ), visualize any of Aragorn's significant lines with a John Wayne intonation to it. I particularly liked picturing it anywhere in T2T, The Riders of Rohan.

By the way, since Tater brought it up and now I am intrigued, are there any rappers out there? And if so, where could we best put a thread for rap lyrics suitable for LotR?
I'm sorry, but that idea really tickles me. I'll have to put some thought into that myself, but I am not much into rap music so I don't know quite where to start. Hmm....
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Etherealunicorn, that is so vile that I am thinking of banning you for even suggesting it!

All right...let me give this a shot...

Frodo -- Andrew "Dice" Clay ("I got your *&%# ring right hea!")

Gandalf -- Gilberd Gottfried ("The fireworks, the fireworks, they always wanna see the fireworks. Hello?! I'm a wizard. I can blow up forests, and you wanna see fireworks..."

Legolas -- John Goodman ("Killing orcs is knife-work...that way, when you're done, all you need's a fork, and them's good eatin'!")

Galadriel -- Rosie Perez ("Is jou gonna look into de mirra, o' wot?")

Elrond -- Keanu Reeves ("Whoa. This Fellowship party's gettin' out of control. Bogus...we're out of cram pizza.")

Saruman -- Billy Bob Thornton ("I like the way you incant")

And finally, as Aragorn...Jason Alexander ("Arwen's gonna think my sword is always that small. I was walking the paths of the dead -- it was shrinkage, Merry!"

Hope I didn't step on too many hairy toes!

I'm speechless...
:rollin: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :rollin:

Genial!

That's the best casting so far!!!

Oh man... John Goodman as Legolas... he's perfect!

For a second there I thought it sayed John Candy instead of Goodman. :

How about Joe Pesci as Eomer, Leo DiCaprio as Gimli, and Emo Phillips as the voice of Treebeard?

My cast for "Nightmare of the Rings"

Woody Allen as Aragorn-- " I can't lift this sword, its giving me a hernia."
Rosane Barr as Arwen-- "Quit your bitchin' Aragorn, and get out there and slew stuff." (as she grabbs her crotch)
Howard Stern as Gandalf-- "What a rack that Galadriel has."
Peewee Herman as Frodo

Well, that would keep anyone from trying to grab the ring...

these are all very funny!!

How about Shaq as one of the hobbits, and Adam Sandler as Gandalf.


Marsufo
(Yes, I'm new here)

we need to incorporate Jim Carrey in here somewhere...

and welcome, Marsufo!

HA HA, MODERATOR-TYPES! I BEAT Y'ALL TO THE WELCOMING!

aryne *

Without anduin here I just lack the motivation to beat everybody to the welcomings... for some reason...

And back to the topic... what if Peter Jackson said:

"We're over-budget, so instead of Ents, we got George Lucas' permission to use Ewoks... they both come from the forest - close enough!"

...and to pay Lucas, we'll call the LotR movies: Episode Minus 3, Episode Minus 2, Episode Minus 1


(no Episode 0... like there was no Year 0... oh no! not that "When does the new Millenium begin?" stuff again!!!)

or better yet -

get some hollywood hack to write a SW/LotR crossover!

this could be interesting - make Gollum a Gungan! and of course, after the RotK battles & mess have been cleared up, have Han reveal that his real name is Aragorn...

just typing this is sacriledge.

aryne *